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Messages - junglechicken

I'm in Ontario as well. Some of your information and issues sound familiar to me. My stepdaughter (sd) is 14 as well. I also have an 11yo sd.

First of all, I'm afraid I wouldn't even bother with CAS regarding not having a door on her room or not showering frequently. While I agree that it's not appropriate for a teenage girl (my sds don't have doors on their room at their mother's house), it's not abuse or even neglect. They have bigger fish to fry, unfortunately, and even some of those kids fall through the cracks.

Since it's been 3 years since you've been to court, you can petition for a custody change. Or even a 50/50 arrangement. Get a lawyer - you won't do well without one. If you live near dad and/or near the school, that works in your favour. The key here, given your daughter's age, is your daughter. She is not allowed to "choose", per se, where she wants to live, but she does have a voice. The trick is to use it wisely. If she says she wants to live with you because she doesn't like her chores, or her stepmom, or her room at your house is nicer, that's not going to fly. She needs to make a mature, informed statement regarding her relationship with you and her siblings at your house, her schoolwork and homework, that kind of thing.

Regarding the police, I don't know what they will do. It seems that sometimes they enforce court orders and sometimes they don't. I think, again, a lot of that depends on the child. If there are major issues and the child is screaming and crying and threatening to harm themselves if they have to "go back there", they likely won't enforce. I've never been through that (yet).

My sd, when she was 12 or 13, told her mother she wanted to move here fulltime. Her mother said no way. I know sd doesn't like it at her mother's, doesn't get along with her mother's longtime live-in boyfriend, but she's learned to accept things as they are and find the positive. DH didn't fight for custody, mainly because of our youngest girl, who has no desire to change the living arrangements. If I were you, I'd get a lawyer, a good one, and consult with him/her about your chances.

Good luck!
in generals.  Some people will say yes, others will say no.

Personally, I know of one custodial bm irl who isn't receiving cs and the courts seem to be going pretty easy on the father.

Probably, just like most other things, it depends on the parties, their attorneys and the judge.
Is dh planning on suing his mother for child support?  I take it he doesn't have that great of a relationship with her now?
On one hand, I can see how parents would think, hey, I give you half my paycheque (or whatever) every month.  The kids need clothes, YOU shell out of the CHILD support you get.

On the other hand, I firmly believe kids have two homes, especially in cases like yours where it's 50/50.  In that scenario, kids should have their stuff in both places and not have to take suitcases back and forth.

My dh and my sds' mom have joint custody.  They come home with their schoolbag, whatever they need for school, their coats and shoes.  That's it.  No packing, nothing like that.

How many kids do you have?  How old are they?
Thanks for your reply.

In answer to point #3, I have no children.  I refer to my sds as my girls.  Sorry about that.
Hi soc,
I've never posted to you before so I hope I follow the guidelines correctly.


I'm a stepmom of 2 girls, ages 9 and 6 currently.  Been married to dh 3 years.  We live in Canada.

BM's household consists of her, her bf, their 4yo son, his 8yo daughter, and my girls.

This past Tuesday they were evicted from their third rental home.  In summer 2002 was the first eviction, the second not even a year ago, November 2003.

My dh said several times since November that if they get evicted again, he will go for custody.

BM, her son, and my girls are staying with bm's parents.  BF and his daughter are staying with bf's parents.

We're a little frazzled and can't think straight enough to develop a decent strategy at the moment.  Here are some questions:

1.  Should dh attempt to have any discussions with bm about the current living situation?

2.  What would be the best way for him to approach her (a woman of low intellect, no money, separated from her bf, living with her parents after being evicted for the third time, with three kids) for such a discussion?

3.  Do we have time to do some research into legal counsel, or is this something we need to jump on immediately?

I think that's all for now.  Any advice is appreciated.  Thanks in advance.
Dear Socrateaser / RE: I have to wonder...
Jul 19, 2004, 11:50:33 AM
What would stop a parent from going to the passport office with their spouse, and obtaining a passport for the kids that way?  If it isn't immediately obvious that the spouse isn't the kid(s) bioparent, would the office really check?