I'm sorry, but I wouldn't pull any punches with this kind of behaviour. I think you should explain to sd that people aren't there to demand things of, you all have plans that DON'T revolve around her, and if you do not see advance paperwork regarding schedule changes and costs, sd does not attend said activity.
All in a loving way, of course. I really don't think she should be held accountable. She should, however, be taught that her mother's behaviour is not the way of the world, without badmouthing her mother. Tightrope act, that is.
Will you be the bad guys? Yeah, probably. You have to decide what's more important...that sd gets what she wants, or that the whole family is happy.
And yes, throw contempt at bm. It really doesn't matter what she says. You haven't been consulted, even though you are supposed to be. DOn't just let her get away with it.
It's too bad sd is in the middle, but saying No to your children is part of being a parent. What if you and dh were her parents and she wanted to do something on a day or weekend you all had plans? Would you cancel your plans to accommodate her activities or would you gently remind her you have plans (or inform her of such) and say "Maybe next time, honey"?
All in a loving way, of course. I really don't think she should be held accountable. She should, however, be taught that her mother's behaviour is not the way of the world, without badmouthing her mother. Tightrope act, that is.
Will you be the bad guys? Yeah, probably. You have to decide what's more important...that sd gets what she wants, or that the whole family is happy.
And yes, throw contempt at bm. It really doesn't matter what she says. You haven't been consulted, even though you are supposed to be. DOn't just let her get away with it.
It's too bad sd is in the middle, but saying No to your children is part of being a parent. What if you and dh were her parents and she wanted to do something on a day or weekend you all had plans? Would you cancel your plans to accommodate her activities or would you gently remind her you have plans (or inform her of such) and say "Maybe next time, honey"?