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DH and I weren't married when I had DS.  He is my supposed to be here baby.  We tried once and slipped once.  Needless to say DS is 10.  Dh and I have been together 12 years.  We have slipped a few times since then with out anymore.  

As for the SD issues and pain, a child is half of the two of you.  If you can work together it will work out fine.  

You are your daughter's father along with the new baby.  Your daughter shouldn't suffer because of your divorce nor should she suffer because your girlfriend can't share you.  I have been a custodial stepmom since my SD was 2yo.  She is now 12.  Her mother walked away from her when she was 4.  

My husband once told me no one would come before his daughter.  He still puts the children first my sd, our son and my 2yo little cousin that we have custody of.  

As a person who is a second wife I knew going into this that my DH had a child.  I never asked him to give up what little time he had with her because of me.  Yes you have very little time with your daughter.  4 days a month is nothing with your child.  

I hope that your girlfriend can realize that even though she is not your wife or the child't mother she should enjoy the time you have with her.  Sadly all I can see in your future as it stands is 2 unhappy children and a lot of unhappiness in your life.  No one should be told to chose between them and the child.  Doesn't work that way.  This is just my opinion.  

And have been in SD's life since before she was born.  I had a boyfriend at the time and my DH was done with his marriage to the ex long before him and I got together.  We had been friends all along though.  Needless to say he left the ex when SD was 1 1/2.  It was a long battle because BM is not a good parent and was doing SD more harm than good at that time.  We went through all the games along the way.  When they first got divorced it was 50/50 but we had her 70-80% of the time.  

BM is a messed up woman who never had a childhood.  She had her oldest child at 14.  I feel for her but I have to protect my SD.

As it stands right now we are not going to have her rights terminated because that could come back to kick us later.  We are in the process of doing living wills and assigning a guardian just in case.  Sadly because of the way things will stand it will have to be someone who will fight for SD because if anything happens BM will see the $$ signs.  

Today SD is cleaning her room and being a 10yo who isn't ready to go back to school on Thursday.  Thanks for letting me know I wasn't alone in this.  I feel like a freak sometimes.

BM did call and used the no money excuse.  I relayed the message and SD said "that's nice".  We will see.

Kitty SD has been in and out of therapy since we had 50/50 custody when she was 3.  She is just started to verbalize her feelings relating to BM so we will see what is too come.  She was talking to the social worker at school last year so I will update her when school starts.

Stepmomnow.. BM has custody of the other 3 kids because she is as sad as it is to say this the better of the 2 parents.  She also knows how to play the CPS system and gets around all of the stuff.  I have been trying to figure out a way to keep the siblings involved but it is very hard in NY.  Right now she is living with her parents.  Who knows.  I just live here and pick up the pieces.

Thanks for the advice.

She was riding her bike across a county highway on her way to the store for BM when she was hit by a car.  My SD never really knew her sister because BM has played these games since she gave DH custody back in 98.  Last time SD saw her up until last summer was Janurary of 99.  

SD is 10yo.  Her 11yo half sister was killed July 2003.  SD has a half brother 7yo with DH & I and 2 half brothers (4 & 2yo), plus a half sister 7yo with BM.  BM is NOT involved and at this point is making no attepmt to follow through on her word to SD.  Last Friday she told SD that she would be by on Monday to visit but would call the house first.  No word at all.  SD is angry.  She misses her siblings and I as step-MOM get the brunt end of BM's screw ups.  BM is homeless and living with her parents because she is too lazy to get a job.  SD gave BM her last $.55 because BM was whining about not having money.  

I am tired of the way this immature woman plays on SD's emotions and doesn't care enough to even call.  I am tempted to tell the woman to piss up a rope when she tries to see SD again.  Thankfully school starts again on Thurs. so SD will be gone during the day and we are super busy most weekends.  I guess I just needed to vent.  SD keeps everything inside unless you pester her.  I think after 6 years I am just out of ideas.  Hope everyone has a good week.

Ok SD is 10yo.  She has lived with us full time since she was 4yo.  BM disappeared when SD was 5yo.  Last July Sd's older half sister on BM's side was killed.  We(Dh & I) took the stand to re-introduce SD to BM and her half siblings that she didn't know.  All was fine if DH was doing all of the work.  BM went poof again.  She showed up again last month and promised SD that she would stay around.  Saw her 2 weeks ago and she told SD she would see her in a few days.  We are still waiting.  We have told SD that BM has issues (being homeless, no money, no job) but also told SD that our job is to make sure she is healthy and happy.  Not sure what else to do.  Any ideas?  As it stands I have BM's food in my extra freezer and some of her stuff in my basement.  

mom or dad except the bio parents.  We have had custody of SD since she was 4yo.  BM disappeared when she was 5yo.  I have a now 7yo son with DH.  As he got older SD started calling me mom because he did.  SD is now 10yo and BM just popped back in again.  SD still calls me mommy and BM either her name or mommy.  After a 4 plus year absence what else can she expect.  If BM was involved with SD all along I would still be Droogle to SD and Mom to my son.  

1 would be to get an attny.  and take it into court so every thing is written in black and white.  That is one option.

2 you could go to the park with them one time for your child to see and learn that it is ok to spend time with someone else.  Once she is happy and safe kiss her and tell her you will see her soon.

3 as for his 3 DUI's does he still have license?  Is he the one driving her around.  If he says he has a valid license and you are concerned that he doesn't that you are going to call your local police department and see if they can stop by an run it.  Make sure the child is not in the car.  The threat of the cops my just make him run and even if he stays and let's them run it and it comes back non-valid you can't let your daughter go with him.  He may have a visit some other time but until he gets his license straight he can not have the child in the car with him.

Honestly I personally, would try to keep things civil for the child's sake but if you can't than you need some one who can.



BTW the next time you post break it up a little.  It is hard to read as a solid block.

1. How old is your daughter?

2. How long has he been gone this time?

3. How old is the half-sibling?

4. Is the child support order by the court?

Ok now for some ideas..... Document Document Document..... That is number one.  

I would have the child support done through the court.  Child support and visitation are 2 totally seperate things.  

I would also tell him that for now he can see her for xxx amount of time during the day but no overnigts until he stays consistent for how ever long you think it will take for her to feel safe again.

My SD hasn't seen her Bio-mother since Christmas of 03.  In July of 03 SD's older sister (not my husband's child) was killed.  SD is 10 and hadn't seen her sister since she was 5.  BM came back in and is gone again and we are left to pick up the pieces of what she has done.