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She finally picked up the certified letter yesterday confirming the visitation.  We're also doing the exchange in a public place & having the local police on the side to witness, just so she doesn't attempt the "kidnapping" angle & the fact that we expect her confrontational friend to be with her.  Same with the return.  At least we know that we'll be covered.  :)

It is a temp order that was set back in March.  The new court date is March 5, so it will all be done then.  The divorce will be final (finally) before then, so we should be married before the court date, then it all becomes a moot point.  Regardless, BM is allowing them to come here, 700 miles away to spend a week with us next week.  

She knew.  He used my home address, she & her friends had driven by the house countless times, the kids told her, I told her, she even called my ex-husband trying to start stuff since he was paying for my house.  So, there' s enough proof that she was completely aware of it.  

DF is considering a PI for the proof about her cohabiting.  Also, she did take her boyfriend home to OH with her in Sept where he slept in the same room as her, the boys & his son  All this admitted by her to DF's mom.  I can see how my best friend & even DF's mom would be considered biased, hence the possibility of the PI.

That's the thing, he wasn't even notified of the hearing when it the order was done so he didn't agree to any of it.  It's also stated that DF is "not fit" to care for the children, yet doesn't mention why.

Apparently, the offer that she made for visitation is what is the "norm" for that area (SE North Carolina), but that's why we did up a different parenting plan, one more condusive to someone in the military.  But I will Google regardless.

Support was done then also & he pays that to CSE at the rate of $1180 a month.  She's not threatening to go back for more even though the court followed the guidelines & the worksheet was done up by her attorney.  

His divorce isn't final yet.  In NC you have to be seperated for a year & they were as of August, but BM went into the court in March got granted a divorce from bed & board with the date of seperation being November, even though she moved out of the marital home in August to Ohio.  DF argued the date, judge wouldn't hear it.  She moved back to NC in January when DF filed for divorce in OH & then she had it thrown out with arguments of residency even though he was entitled to file as OH is his permenant residence (more complicated military rules).  BM has just been served again with her dates, but DF was told that BM is going to delay it 60 days because she can.  That's what her attorney told his.  So were looking at February at best to get married.

The thing is, she knows what is in the order, but despite that, she allowed them & is allowing for Christmas , them to stay at our house, so wouldn't she look bad in court for not following the order herself?

As I side note, my ex is also military & still in NC.  I would never do this to him even though I do have sole physical & legal custody of the girls.  This was something that we agreed on because he deploys so much & it's nearly impossible at times to get in touch with him.  Makes me really glad to have had an amicable divorce.


ETA:  DF just called.  New court date is March 5 & he can make that one.  So, if all goes well, divorce will be final & we will be married before the court date.  Of course I told him that she won't find that out until we are in court.  There's at least a sliver of light.

Long story, but I'll try to sum it up as short as possible.

BM had a CO done back in March granting her temporary custody.  She had her lawyer go in & say that BD (my fiance) was a kidnapping risk because he picked OS up from school without her knowledge.  It didn't happen that way.  He called her an hour before school let out & her friend that no normally picks up OS was there on the phone with BM & she told DF that she knew that he was picking up OS.  Not to mention DF is in the military (career), so kidnapping isn't something that he would do, imagine the reprocussions.  Also, in the CO it was stated that the kids can't stay overnight as long as he's cohabiting with a member of the opposite sex, even though BM was allowing it.  Anyway, the CO was March 23.  He was getting EOW with the boys.  March 24th comes, it's DF's weekend, BM still sends them, we all went camping for the weekend.  All the kids have a great time, BM gets mad, cuts of visitation.  They go to mediation, BM allows DF to have kids EOW from 9am-2pm on Sat & Sun, which they are allowed to come over to our home.  It's now July, the boys were allowed to go to the fireworks with DF, me & my 2 girls.  We had to drop them off to her after we tracked her down at a friend's house where everyone was drunk/stoned.  Nice, huh?  These are all parents in their 30's!  We had no choice because of the CO & the Sherriff would do nothing to help DF.  Well, then BM's car got repossessed, we saw when it happened as the private investigator contacted DF to find out if he knew where the car was.  So, DF is talking to her as the man is loading up the car & she suddenly says that the boys can start coming for overnights again as long as they don't sleep in our room.  Fine, not a problem.  They came EOW up until Sept when DF was relocated about 700 miles away.  Fast foward to 3 weeks ago.  DF calls BM tells her that he's going to pick up the boys for Christmas at 2:00 Christmas day as she has stated in the order.  BM says no, that she has plans for Christmas.  He says fine, I'll pick them up on the 26th & bring them back on the 2nd.  She says "ok".  Then she called a couple of days later complaining that OS has to go back to school on the 3rd & that he needs rest so he has to come home on the 1st.  DF said he can rest in the car, it was never a problem before when they would travel to see her family.  Well, their property hasn't been settled yet & low & behold he gets a call from his attorney yesterday saying that BM wants a quit-claim deed signed.  DF refuses.  BM also wants the visitation agreement drawn up allowing for 5 weeks in the summer, which she's requiring that he take leave (and he can't since he's in training) because she doesn't want them left with me until we're married.  DF says the boys have no problems with me & that there's no reason that I can't watch them because I'm home all day anyway.  She says that she knows that, but she has a problem with me therefore, I can't watch them.  She also said that she doesn't have to let them even come here as the order states that he can't cohabit with a member of the opposite sex.  But, before we moved she knew we lived together & still allowed them to stay overnight, when she agreed to Christmas, she knew we live together. She says the same rules apply to her & that she follows them.  We know that's not true because OS told us all about he BF staying over night & sleeping in mommy's bed with her not to mention that my best friend lives right around the corner from her & she sees the BF there all the time.  Anyway, DF isn't agreeing to the terms of her visitation either.  We had used to PP from here for the military & had just sent it to his attorney yesterday when this bomb shell got dropped.  BM is also PAing OS.  

DF is at the point where he wants to quit fighting.  The divorce has ruined him financially & it's going to get worse with the house & her lawyer fees.  He's done with her controlling his life.  He can't afford to keep fighting this, not to mention that he can't be in court because of military committments.  Yes, we know they have to let you go to court, but when you're in training, the rules are different & regardless, he falls under the Soldiers & Sailors Relief Act & that is supposed to automatically defer any court proceedings when in training or on a mission.  So, she's getting nasty, using the kids as pawns, all while denying it.  DF is emotionally spent & broke.  So when is it OK to just cry uncle?

~M
Dedicated Fiance to ~M, loving mother to 2 beautiful girls & future SM to 2 wonderful boys.