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Your story is so sad! It is not uncommon though at all really. I have done much reading on this topic because my boyfriend has a daughter and her mother chose to accuse my daughter of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse claims that come out during custody/divorce situations is fairly common and usually the most destructive way of gaining custody but yet successful.
Your story sounds like your ex fits the profile of a woman who would claim her child is sexually abused. What I have been reading is that woman who do this are usually adultrous and have several failed relationships due to their cheating. They also seem to have at first abandoned thier children then regret that and want them back. They seem to be currently in or have past history of relationships with men who are violent and comit things like dv or get into frequent physical fights with other men. Most also seem to have a personality disorder sometimes not even dx'd but usually show symptioms of boarderling/narsistic/histryonic persons. They also usually have low self esteem or self worth. They also like to play the role of vitim or appear to be a savior of some sort. They also have a problem handling money. This is just info I have collected from posts and papers on the topic I have read. I don't know how many apply to your case. I dont know your ex.
I suggest you look at //www.fightcps.com several men who have been accused of sex abuse on a child post there some have proved they are innocent. Some woman who love these men (second wifes) have posted there as well. They may be able to guide you.

I am a mom who has breast fed 5 kids. I did not spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week in my home. I took my child to visit friends and family for several hours at a time from early on. I also took them food shopping and to malls. So I just don't understand what this GAL's point is did she say it was to keep the child in a familliar env.? It can't be the breast feeding issue if the milk source has to leave the home during the visits.
This is really what you need to do-- first go out to Target or Walmart buy a Medella PIS pump cost somewhere about $140 well worth it if mom is intending to breast feed for any amount of time. Then learn all you can about breast feeding (kellymom.com great place to start) learn how to store defrost and heat the milk (very different from formula) this will show you are supportive of breastfeeding and intend to remain so. This bs with where you can see the kid needs to stop. Maybe set the GAL up with an appt to see you at where ever you will be visiting with the infant and show her you have a place for the child to sleep have bottles diapers etc. maybe she is just conserned with the fact that all the baby stuff is at one location and the baby will be at another? Who knows cause I never heard something that stupid before.
You and your ex really need to learn how to co parent an infant as well. What ever your problems are they are your problems not this childs. The better you tolerate eachother the better off this baby will be. Both now and in the long run.
I would suggest you look at father's rights websites some info can be found relating breast feeding and shared custody. You may even want to google "shared custody of breastfeeding infant" and see what hits you get. That would be where I start. Mostly in courts breastfeeding really isn't taken into consideration tooo much. They also usually tend to do a gradual visition increase as the child gets older. Still trying at least to work out visitation with your ex is better than dealing with GAL's and court.

these situations are discusting! I'll tell ya my first thought -- you didn't think she was a molester when you were married to her probably a nasty custody battle gone really bad. And that is probably what Child services are thinking as well. That doesn't mean that is the correct assumption to jump to with out evidence to support it. In my states CPS guide it specifically states when abuse/neglect alligations arise during divorce/custody disputes proceed with caution. Another words probably just one parent making up stuff telling the child to repeat it aka PAS. And yes I totally agree if the mom made this type of claim the child would be undersupervised visits if any visits were to take place at all! Becuase this is an alligation on mom being a sexual abuser it is for sure taken less seriously but truth is a deviant can be either male or female. What the police need to do is secure a warrent to search the woman house for porn if the child can describe what is on that tape/dvd you got her. It is really simple. Why are they not doing that? This is not just a child welfare case it is a legal case child molestation is against the law. Hell if this is true the child can probably even say where mom gets the porn from or where it is stored. This one should be an easy one why are they making it so difficult?

1) legally the father of record is the ex husband with his name on the birth cert. Even if the paternity test says he is biologically not the father if his name is still on the birth cert his is in the eyes of the law. Of course he probably wants to help you because if he was able to remove his name from the birth cert he won't have to pay support anymore.
2) you are going to need a lawyer for this one because another man has already claimed he is the father and was so for 7 years. That puts this one in some murky legal waters. The court is going to want to keep dad #1 on the record as the father and it is going to take a legal battle to change that. Especally if mom is going to be an obstical which she appears to be doing. One thing you can do is call the local child support enforcement agency and tell them the story see what they tell you but I'd still rely mostly on what a lawyer tells you. If no father had been put on the birth cert you would be responcible for 7 years back support but that shouldn't be a problem since she cliamed another man is the father.

I can give you a true account of what happened to a friend of mine that might help. In the house lives boyfriend who works, my friend who collects SSI and her son who gets an AFDC check. Father of the son is nowhere to be found. They went to an accountant for taxes with boyfriends W2 and they wanted for him to claim all three of them and the tax accountant said no. She said that he could not claim the son of his girlfriend unless him and the girlfriend have gotten married. He told my friend that she had no earned income so she could not claim the child for an earned income tax credit. Since social security and afdc are non taxable income there was no need for her to file taxes at all. End outcome boyfriend filed as a single man. My friend did not file for her and her son there was no reason to since she could not get an EARNED income tax credit since she did not EARN money that year.

If your ex is not married and did not make any income and has no W2 she can not claim the child so if you did and the child is only claimed once you get the refund. If her boyfriend tries to claim him and the number hits the system you may have some what of a head ache but in the end you should still get the refund. Which is exactly what some of the posters have said others just might not understand what the words "earned income" means.

I think until somebody has walked in your shoes they shouldn't judge you. I don't think I'd ever hand over one of my kids but I don't know I've never had to. In your position I probably would let my ex have the child while I got stuff together. You made a decision in the best intrest of your child and that is to be commended if more did that we'd have less of an issue with child custody.
I post here and I am the girlfriend of a NCP dad. I mostly do the research for him and try to learn from what others have done. My job for him is to advise and support him. That is all. The poster's here have given me loads of insite.

See if you can get a mediator or what ever it is called in your state to sit down with the both of you to make arangements that best fit the situation and are most productive for the child. Maybe she just needs some third party who is uninvolved to sit down with her and explain. I don't think what you set up was unreasonable. If your home and the child needs a sitter well that is kind of a no brainer to me. Why pay a stranger to care for a child when the other parent is willing to do so? I do know some parents who opted to send a young child to day care for the purpose of the child learning to socialize with other children, which I can see, but it doesn't seem to be what she is arguing.

What I'd like to see is an automatic assumption for 50/50 or close to it custody. Kids need both parents. Now if one parent is a danger to the child it must be proven then the obvious custody goes to the other parent.
Another thing agressive parenting tactics must be recoginized. Those male or female (because of heard of either sex doing it) must be treated for doing it and I'd like to see mental health programs for such parenting issues. In my state in a divorce parents must go to a class on how to raise children of divorce. It should be more than one class it should be a course.
I would also like to see the age of majority in all states (age 18) be the age of child support cut off. If a married couple is not responcible for supporting a child past 18 neither should a divorced couple. IF at 18 you can vote, join the military, marry, enter into a contract then you are and adult and should be treated as such.
I also think that child support in a 50/50 custody issue should not be awarded. To either party. In a situation where one parent is a danger to the child then and only then should it be awarded. And it should be based on what the state believes it costs to raise a child not a flat % of the parents income. Say the state thinks those on SSI or welfare can live off $500 a month than that is what it should be. Not every time parent a works hard does thier job and get a raise parent b gets one too.

Of course never going to be this simple cases are going to come up where this wont work but for a majority this should get rid of some of the current problems.

This assault on the 8 year old, was cps involved? Usually they are for things like that. the mother should have been provided with a plan of some type in which she was required to take the child to therapy. If she gets and overzelous worker she herself could be charged with failure to protect depending on the circumstances (depends on what happened who was watching the child at the time ....) I would find out if there is a case that is open and talk to the worker (well not you your husband I don't think they can legally tell you what is going on) This child needs all the love and support they can get right now ask the worker if there is one how you can help.

1) In the hospital when the baby was born did he sign anything indicating he was the father? If he did that establishes paternity she can contest it and a simple blood test will determine the truth. I he is saying he is the father she is saying no they have to do a test she will probably be the one to have to pay.
2) once paternity is established he needs to go to the child support enforcement agency. He needs to file to pay child support. Have him get the amount taken strait out of his paycheck. Then there is no questions and he doesn't have to discuss money with her and she can not deney she is getting support which is what she is trying to do most states have a law that if dad does not contribute (I know wv does) that after 6 mos she can get him for abandonment and petition to have parental rights removed but he would still get stuck with child support.
3) when 1&2 are done and you stated he already filed for 50/50 and he gets to court the judge will go over visitation he needs to have the visitation drop off and pick up supervised so she can't claim he is abusing verbally/physically in front of the child. My boyfriends ex tried this one now all of the sudden the kid is traumatized "after" the visit when nobody is looking. You know what nobody is buying it niether.

Sounds like she is going to play every dirty trick in the book so make sure he is 2 steps ahead at all times. Also supervised visits are not a bad idea this gives the court time to see him in action this way if later she claims he beats or neglects the child well they already had supervised visits and the notes from that will surface and they will see that is a load of bull. He can call your local child protective agency and say what you said here and request them to give you names/numbers of "approved" supervisors he can do this on his own for his protection with out a court order. *also this may help later if she claims other things he is already seen as cooperative with the dept and out for the best intrest of the child he must focus on how good of a parent he is not how bad she is he will end up looking good that way* (pm me and I can tell you how some of that helped us) You can also request a custody evaluator that goes into both homes and sees the child with each parent then makes a decision. Also if the womans brother lives with her a public records search or trip to the court house to view criminal records might be a good idea. If he has a record for dv or drugs that could play a big part but only if he is living there and you can prove it. Remember it's not what you know its what you can prove.