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Messages - oklahoma

#31
Child Support Issues / RE: part time job
Jan 21, 2004, 10:09:51 AM
My understanding, as others have written, is that ALL income is included.  My husband is a student and CSE also included his financial aid in calculating CS... and that is something that no one else (i.e. the IRS, etc.) considers "income."

#32
This is our experience in Oregon.  The courts don't care.  My husband (NCP) made the "choice" to go to school and become "underemployed."  There are supposedly exceptions; although we have tried to prove that our situation falls under more than one of them, CSE just doesn't listen.  Here is a little more of what we have been told.

If my husband had been making a lower-than-average wage prior to starting school, it would be an acceptable reason to go to college, to "improve" his and his family's circumstances.

CS may be lowered for school if there is a health or other reason--certified by a physician--that the NCP cannot work full-time or continue in his/her previous career.  My husband was injured on the job (construction), temporarily paralyzed, on full worker's comp for 8 months until he was declared "medically stationary."  CSE still didn't accept this as a reason to go back to school.

We also tried other arguments as well, not all related to school attendance.  CS in this state is just a joke--I could go on and on.  Not only did CSE impute my husband's potential income, they also added in his financial aid to calculate the amount.  We plan on doing something about this sometime--more than one attorney has told us CSE is off-base.  But until we can afford the attorney, we just pay what we can and let CS arrears accrue (and plan on our huge tax return going to CS to get us caught up.)

All that said, I would still encourage your husband to GO TO SCHOOL!  There are tons of resources!  Try fastweb.com.  It is a free service that sends you notices of scholarships, grants, etc. that you may be qualified for.  My husband found a scholarship that pays 90% of his costs.

It is not an easy road, but it is worth it!!  My husband went straight into construction after high school.  Started college just after his accident, and will finish his BS in just 2 1/2 years.  He is planning on attending law school this fall.  I am so proud of him.  And his children, especially my SDs, are proud that their dad is in school.  We have struggled financially--especially since our recent decision that I stay home with our children--but we have managed.  I am very proud of the fact that we have reduced our monthly bills by more than half what they were three years ago.

Child support is a PAIN!  I don't begrudge my SDs having financial support from their father, but they should not receive more than us.  If they lived with him, they would be living on less income and doing fine.  Anyway.... like I said, don't let CS stop you from pursuing an education, bettering your life and your children lives.
#33
Our state also sends a form to company and a copy of the letter to the NCP, which includes the amount to be withheld.  In the four years we have been married (and about 5 different employers, and one modification) my husband has never received a notice of garnishment from his employer, just CSE.

It is kind of a nasty shock to be expecting XX amount and getting considerably less.  But, in our case, the wage withholding is not all bad--we don't have to worry about sending a check in and it keeps CSE off our backs for the most part.  They are much nicer to work with when they know where to get your money from.....
#34
Child Support Issues / Just a comment
Jan 15, 2004, 01:09:13 PM
This is really no help, but I just want to comment on the caseworker's statement that you can't take a lower paying job so that your CS is reduced.  I keep hearing that argument and it just irks me.  Does no one think that if a person takes a lower paying job that he or she is also not getting as much money?  There may be cases where that may be a valid argument--when NCP has a spouse that provides primary income for the family.  But I'd be willing to bet they are few and far between.

In our case, I would LOVE it if my husband actually had the income that CSE "expects" him to have, and upon which they base his ordered CS.  My husband's income was reduced for several reasons--some personal choice, some not circumstances beyond our control--but never once did we say, "Let's live below poverty level so that we have to pay less child support!"
#35
The arrears will likely be reduced based upon the reduction of CS.  For example, if CS is $200/mo; modification is filed in January; no CS payment January, February, March; in March you are notified that CS was reduced to $100.  Arrears would be $300 instead of $600.  There is no way that I know of that CS arrears can be wiped out completely.

Another note on when reduction is in effect: make sure your papers say that it is effective as of the filing date.  If the order doesn't specify, or else says that it is effective as of the date of the new order, call someone to get it fixed.

Also, in our state if NCP is on welfare, they do not have to pay any CS at all--it is "presumed" that they are "incapable" of paying.
#36
Shrink Rap / RE: I want to go to mommy's house
May 26, 2004, 02:09:08 PM
I LOVE your idea!!!  We have been having a battle royale with the three-year old over bedtimes.  Unfortunately, he shares a room with little sis (almost 2 years) and the past two days she stands in her crib and screams as long as he does.  We are splitting them up today or tomorrow.  And then I think I will draw a little chart.....
#37
Shrink Rap / RE: A rock and a hard place
Jan 12, 2004, 10:39:49 AM
Thanks for the suggestions.  Our attorney ended her family law practice, for health reasons,  right after our October 2002 hearing.  We have been going back and forth about getting another attorney--we are on a student budget.  We really wanted to do what we could without having to go back to court.

Besides the fact that I trust him, I know my husband does not abuse his children, primarily because there is little time that he is with them alone.  When his SDs were coming for regular visitation, we spent most of the weekend doing family stuff.  Believe me, when BM came up with these outrageous accusations, we wracked our brains trying to think of instances that my SDs could even stretch to be abuse.  My husband grew up in an very abusive home, and because of that has made a very conscious effort to not physically discipline his children at all--not even spanking.  He has been through counseling and has even taught parenting classes in the past.  But, the judge saw a 6' 2", 290-pound man with a goatee and shaved head.....



#38
Shrink Rap / A rock and a hard place
Jan 04, 2004, 12:45:10 AM
Background: July 2002, BM picked up SDs (now ages 11 and 9) for her weekend visit during our 4-week summer visit, and did not return him.  BM did not allow SDs to speak with my husband at all; she refused visitation; and then she took my husband to court under accusations of child abuse.

Judge ordered in October 2002 that visitation stop until 1. Husband took anger management 2. Husband and SDs participated in joint counseling 3. Husband, SDs counselor, and BM agreed it was OK to proceed with supervised visits. (This was something our attorney told us only happened in very severe cases of abuse--what BM accused my husband of should not have warranted such a judgment even if it was true.)

We decided to just do what needs to be done to restore contact with SDs. (Side note: The order did not say anything about other contact with SDs--only no parenting time.  Despite that, and against the suggestions of the counselor she chose, BM has not allowed any contact whatsoever since March 2003.)  My husband finished Anger Management in June 2003.  We have been trying since then to get joint counseling set up.  

I am posting now because we have been very dissatisfied thus far with the counseling center chosen by BM, but again, we didn't feel it was worth it to battle BM over changing counseling centers.  Here are our main concerns: 1. Original counselor testified in court that SDs were not lying about abuse, but in records we received right after the hearing, she had recorded OSD admitted to lying.  2. There was no effort to gain the entire picture--the center seemed to take BM completely at her word, including some plain old, bald face, easy-to-disprove lies.  There was no consideration that abuse may be taking place at BMs house or that SDs are victims of PAS.

My husband spoke to a counselor in December 2003 and her that he did not abuse his daughters, and did not want to "play along" with that idea just to get through counseling.  According to my husband, she did not take it well.  Therein lies my primary concern--our dilemma.  My husband cannot lie in counseling--say what the counselor wants to hear--then his daughters will forever believe that he actually abused them, which he DID NOT!  But, if he continues to deny the abuse, who is going to believe him now?  (Another side note: Neither the police nor CSD found anything even worth investigating, and no charges were ever brought against my husband.) If the counselor did not recognize the possibility of PAS 18 months ago, how can my husband change that?  And how will he ever be able to have normal parenting time with his daughters again?

Sorry this is long, tried to cut it down, but I'm just long-winded.  I guess my primary question is how can my husband best go about joint counseling with SDs?  Given previous history, would it be worth it to find another counselor--of course going through a huge battle with BM, and delaying the counseling even more? (Plus we are two hours away from BM--difficult to find a good counselor long-distance.)

I personally am glad that my husband has this opportunity for counseling--he and his SDs will surely need it after what BM has done the past year and a half especially.  I am just concerned that the counseling will not focus on the true problems that have caused the so-called "rift in the relationship" because of what BM has told counselors.
#39
I am planning on moving 110 miles from my current home (and about 100 miles from my ex) in order to attend grad school.  Our parenting plan states that I must give 20 days notice if I intend to move more than 60 miles.  I have informed my ex of my intention to go to school, but don't have housing set up yet and so have not given him an address (with about 40 days until school starts--yeah, I'm stressing out--still don't have my financial aid.)  I have not kept him in the dark, I just don't have any info myself and may end up having to defer my enrollment another year.

But now he is pushing the issue and telling me that state law requires I give 90 days notice if I move more than 90 miles.  (He graduated from law school, at the same school I will hopefully be attending, last year, so he likes to throw stuff out there, but I know from experience that he also makes stuff up to sound good and get his way.)  He says state law trumps the parenting plan, but I always thought it was the opposite.  How can I be expected to follow the requirements of an unknown state law when my parenting plan very clearly lays out other standards?  Is he right or am I?

By the way, I have been considering this for almost the whole year and a half since our divorce--we will be moving back to the community where my kids spent the bulk of their lives (while their dad was in school), and since they only see their dad EOW, I don't anticipate too great of an impact on his time.  My ex moved 260 miles from his older daughters in order to go to school, and now he's making an issue of this--plus there's the fact that he moved away first and was just fine with the added travel time.  We just moved up here a few months later to be with my family and to heal.
#40
Dear Socrateaser / Just a little thing....
Mar 26, 2008, 03:50:46 PM
My divorce decree requires that my ex have a life insurance policy with the children listed as beneficiaries.  I know that he cancelled the one he had while we were married, and I have serious doubts that he is currently covered--he refuses to give me any kind of proof.  Is there some way to compel him to provide the info without actually having to go to court?  He insists that the policy is safe with Wife #4, who I have never met.