Messages

Kitty is right.  Right now this is a problem that's hidden in the shadows, to be ignored and spoken of in whispers with people shaking their heads about poor grandma and the kids - and no one doing anything.  The only way to fix that is to get the police and CPS working on it.

CPS is there to give advice, so give them a call and ask for information on what you can do and what resources can be used.  Call a local woman's shelter and talk to them about the grandma and the children, get their take on it all from their vantage point.  Check for a local mental health unit in your phonebook.  Call them and ask them about how to handle the situation, and whether BM can be involuntarily committed for at least observation.

The only way to help the children and grandma is to put a spotlight on what's going on and use the resources available to you.

I think it's an error to assume that people like that will respond to logic or reason.  They won't.  You'll just frustrate yourself.

I'm not so sure it would frustrate me.  I don't expect her to change her actions - she's a nutbar.  I just want to challenge her assumptions.

I've already decided it would be best not to email it until after Thursday, until after her last visit this week with SD.  But still haven't made up my mind if I'll actually send it.  Time will tell...

Don't waste your time...........it's obvious that the child is an 'inconvenience' to her, so no matter what you do, she won't change her ways unless SHE wants to............

Agreed, she won't change her ways unless she wants to.   

The reason for my interest in doing this, or emailing the information to her, is to disspell what appears to be her belief that she is correct in thinking that we are being bad parents by sending SD to her when SD has a stuffy nose.   

What I want BM to see is that basically the courts do not feel we're bad parents for doing this, that the courts feel that both sides should be taking care of a sick child and that a mildly sick child that can still go to school can be sent to the non-custodial parent.

I want BM to see that she would have no support from the courts and no support from CPS for her attitude.

I noted with interest this link below in a discussion where someone was being denied visitation due to the child being "sick" all the time.

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/sickvisit.php (http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/sickvisit.php)

The article is quite adamant about a child's right to see their non-custodial parent and also that both parents should share custody during illness to show support.  My question is: what if anything do you do about a non-custodial parent that is constantly cancelling visitation due to "illness"?

For example, what do you do when the child has no fever, no cough, no runny nose but is simply cranky because she's been allowed to stay up late and she has a stuffy nose - but the BM brings the child back at 10PM at night - basically because the BM a) doesn't know how to parent and b) because the BM doesn't want to put up with a cranky child?

Today, SD visited with BM and BM told SD that she (BM) was angry with my DH because he allowed SD to go to BM's when she had a stuffy nose!  I mean, come on!  A stuffy nose!!    

What do you think?  Do we need to put a modified version of the above link into our parenting plan so BM knows that it is considered proper for the child to go to a parent's home when they have a very minor childhood illness?

I wouldn't be surprised if this continues to happen, even after the divorce.  I'd suggest you get ahead of the game and start filing some papers that are very specific about what kind of visitation and telephone access you want.

Your ex is being pretty aggressive with her tactics, so you might want to keep as much control as you can with filing paperwork.

Take it to the state Appeals court, so you can get it out of their hands.

Another vote for sticking with the ordered custodial time for BM.  And BTW, child support has nothing to do with visitation.  Even without paying child support, BM would still have a right to visitation.

As for Disability, we just recently got a judgement for receiving support from BM's Disability over here so it is possible.  We're in Canada though, so the laws may be different where you are.

I had a friend who went through this.  He was in KY and his ex took the kids to Michigan, even though he was the custodial parent.  They were found when one of the kids found a way to call their father.

My friend had the warrant issued for the mother's arrest.  She was arrested and cooled her heels in jail for better than 30 days.  The children were returned to their father.  Eventually the mother was returned to KY.  I believe it took 3 to 4 months for her to be extradited.

Even if the mother isn't returned to face charges, if she's arrested the children will be returned to you, from what I've seen.  I would suggest having the warrant issued and sent directly to the sheriff handling the area where BM is living.

Good luck!

Depending on how computer savvy you and your daughter are, there should be a way to block her friend's emails and/or to refuse large files in email.  You could also include the friend's email address in a spam filter.  Or you could have that friend's emails put into a separate and possibly hidden folder.

Read the information on your specific email program to find out how to do all this.

Reshawn - how did you get CPS to return your phone calls? DH has called a couple times but they won't call him back.

You can call the CPS office and ask for the name and email address of your CPS agent's supervisor.  Send an email to the supervisor telling them who your agent is, what happened, what you were told would happen, what your concerns are, and what you would like to see happen. 

Let them know that you find your agent's lack of response disturbing. 

Give the supervisor a phone number where they can reach you and leave a private message.  They may not be able to email you back depending on how your jurisdiction feels about email privacy.