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Soc, Went to court today in VA.....show cause against bm for cursing me in front of son, clarification of vistation, and CS.  BM filed a show cause against me claiming that I had denied her full visitation.

We both were pro se this time.  Judge found bm guilty of cursing me, but provided no punishment, just a warning.  Judge said that I was not guilty of any visitation violations.  The judge changed wording in order as he said that third weekends are NOT part of the summer visitaiton, just as I thought.

BM was ordered to pay more CS than I had thought...

Soc,

We go to court Friday for a show cause against bm and other filings by me.

BM has been given 43 days of visitation this summer.  We are in disagreement as to whether she gets two weeks per month only or a third weekend.  I picked up son Sunday against her wishes as I need to get him ready for school and he wanted to come home and spend time with friends and family before school started.

Monday she received a letter from me stating that if the judge rules in her favor, she will get the next three weekends to complete her time.  

She called that night and asked if she could take him home the next day, and I told her no.  She said, "So you are refusing me my visitation rights?"

She filed yesterday a show cause citing that I have denied her full visitation for the summer.  They delivered her summons today to be heard Friday when I go anyway.  This gives me no time to find counsel if I feel the need to.

Soc, the order says two weeks each during the months of June, July, and August.

According to what I understand, I am not in contempt as I have until August 31st to complete visitation.

All of this has been detailed to her in my last letter - outlining the weekends she can have this MONTH if more time is needed.

Soc, are there any majic words I can use to express that she has wrongly filed against me as the month of August is not over?



how about the fact that I sent her a letter detailing she could have more time if the judge says she gets third weekends, and yet she filed anyway?



Can I bring up the fact that last summer in a 10 week period, I only had 47 days of visitaiton - and she has had 43 days in a 7 week period?



How can I use this to show the 'get him' mentality or hostility she portrays (she stole my time but is running to file against me over maybe 2 days without allowing me the time to give it to her)?

Soc,

Court is in VA Friday - show cause against bm for cursing me in front of son, clarification/modifcation on visitation order, and CS.  I am self-representing.

I was ordered to pay bm for medical supplies she testified that she purchased last year and that I would not reimburse her for.  Judge did not care that she never used them and donated them.  I have paid her, but deducted $60 she owed me on counseling.  Now, she writes and tells me that this is not my right to deduct as the money belongs to her mother - her mother paid for the items.  

Soc, she never paid anything on these items.  The judge based his decision on my paying BM for items she had supposedly purchased.

Okay, a few questions on all of this, as I post according to guidelines, but this case is actually my dh's.  

I will be testifying at the hearing Friday, but would like to sit in with my husband as he is pro se on this one....

Could I testify first and then remain in court room with him?

Is there any recourse as bm lied about paying for supplies and we have in writing that she never paid anything?


If BM tries to bring up issues Friday, which no motion has been made for, is it legal for that to be addressed when my dh has had no time to prepare a defense or received a summons for?

Soc,

We are in VA.  Custody reversed in May after two failed attempts - reversal took place after bm was evicted from apt. and son kicked out of school second year in a row.  

Son had criminal charges relating to school incidents, and bm demanded her lawyer be his lawyer and kept insisting that I pay part of bill, which I refused because of concerns of conflict of interest.

Twice bm has admitted in court of cursing me in front of son, which is a violation of order and no action was taken by court.   Since reversal of custody, bm is demanding more time than I had with exact same wording.

I filed for a show cause on her cursing me within five minutes of reversal in front of son....and a clarification to address the conflicting visitation.

I have made offer to bm in writing that if she is willing to sit down and talk these matters over with me, I will drop court motions to save us all the stress and ongoing financial matters.  She has ignored this offer.

However, bm's behavior is worsening still and I am concerned about her hostility pouring over onto bad decisions regarding our son.  Most recent, son's hearing was Monday.....she waited until I got there Monday morning to tell me - "Lawyer will not be here today because my father refuses to pay your half of the bill!" (And no, I didnt ask, she knew I was not going to pay her lawyer.)

This was done in front of son, blaming me for lack of representation.  I had no prior notice, and I feel she was willing to throw son to the wolves just to have her way - HER lawyer or no lawyer, and I take the blame.

lawyer did show up and after hugging lawyer, she told son, "mama came through for you again."

Soc, I spoke with lawyer privately and found that bm was lying about payments.  He is charging $1000 for son...she has only paid $100, while claiming twice that she had paid much more.  She retained him nine months ago.

These are the things that have me concerned:

Worsening financial situation, despite living with parents for five months:
*   Apartment she was evicted from five months ago is taking her to court in August for warrant in debt
*  though she authorized and took son to counseling for three months, I have received entire bill - with a letter stating no payments were ever made
*   Son needed shoes while in her care, she could not buy any - citing she had to wait until payday.......I took son new shoes and found that he had cuts in his ankles from wearing shoes with wires completely through the inside.
*   Retained lawyer for son, yet only paid $100 in nine months, and blames me for nonpayment (lied twice)

Building son's hopes:
*  Despite financial problems, took son to an $800 apartment  stating she may rent this one....it costs $200 more than the one evicted from
*  This is building his hopes, because he does not like her father, whom she lives with...

Hostility
*  Called me a F**** idiot five minutes after reversal in front of son and stepchild
*  Told son she would have me arrested when he asked to spend a weekend with me (his wish, I never refused to take him)
*  Blamed me for not paying bills in front of son at court

Hostility toward me appears to be clouding her care of son:
*   Questionable apparel was not taken from son/or brought to my attention.....leaving him vulnerable to more charges.......she took item when he returned to her house with the item a second time and gave to her lawyer

*  Was willing to let son go to court unrepresented rather than tell me so that I could hire another attorney.....son asked for two weeks about attorney and she repeated, "I dont know" each time.....making sure he could not tell me attorney was not expected at court....

Soc, this is only the matters that have occured in front of son....the day of the hearing was awful as she continuously fussed at and called me names - mostly out of son's hearing.

Does this seem enough to request a limited visitation for a trial period - of say, six months, to review her behavior at that time?

(deleted by soc per mandatory guidelines)

Am I right in believing that her admitting in the letter that she saw the buckle earlier and even when she 'found out' that it was illegal made no attempt to contact us concerning such  is against her?

Soc,

Custody reversed to me on June 15th.  Ex called me a F**king idiot in front of children within 5 minutes of reversal- this is expressly prohibited in court order.  And it is far from the first time, she has admitted to doing the same in court twice before with  no consequences from the judge.  

We have also been at war about visitation time as dates are not specified in order..and there is debate as to what order actually says.  She is demanding more time than I was given though the order is EXACTLY the same, with only role reversals.  BM has threatened to take me to court for contempt even though I have not violated anything...

i called my lawyer and he suggested that I file a show cause on the cursing before she gets ahead of me with her complaints.  I did this and also filed for a modification to the order on visitation guidelines, asking for more specific wording.

things have not settled down at all here.  Son wanted to stay here over the weekend as bm refused to let him spend July 4th here....we had suggested two week visitation beginning on July 7th.  

son is almost 15, and he wanted to stay, I was not refusing to take him.  So, I felt the responsible thing was for him to call BM.  BM said that I used son as messenger and refused to accept that it was his decision and that i was not refusing the visit.

AFter two days of arguing over everything but the delayed visitation, she agreed to visitation beginning today.  She stated for son to be at her home at 4:00.  She even called straight back to verify, saying she cant believe anything i say.

today, he got there at 4:00....she insisted that he was supposed to be there at 2:00.

Soc, I am really worried about coming up with money for a lawyer so soon after all the custody battles.  I am considering dropping hte show cause and modification for this reason - plus the fact that I really dont want son dragged into court anymore.  I am torn by these factors versus the constant fighting we have to go through.

Also, my spouse is working part-time during the summer and has a much more flexible job than I do at anytime.  I want to give her power of attorney to take son to dr/counseling/dental appointments and act on my behalf.

Soc,

If I dismiss present motions on modification and show cause, can I refile if this comes an even more pressing issue at some point?


how do I draw up papers allowing my spouse to take son to appointments with the same authority I would have?

Soc,

Custody reversal took place June 15th.  BM immediately began demanding more visitation rights than I had previously, though order is EXACTLY the same, just roles reversed.  BM states it doesnt matter if she didnt give me visitations in the past, because it is just that THE PAST.

Called attorney about if we could file contempts based on the fact that she is now admitting that she withheld visitations that she is now demanding for herself.  Attorney said we cannot file anything that happened before last court hearing....which was May 15th.

Soc, we HAD filed a show cause earlier, BUT court was delayed and there were so many filings to be heard that one day, the show cause was not even presented.  So, our original show cause was NEVER heard.

Also, in two hearings bm has admitted to cursing me....they played it off like I had cursed her years ago, so it was okay.  

Soc, is it true we cant file a show cause though our original show cause was never heard?


Are we able to use the admitted cursings as evidence of her continuous animosity toward me....in an attempt to have her court ordered into therapy or anger management?


What is your opinion as an attorney on getting in the double standard on visitation as yet another act of vindictiveness and manipulation?

Soc,

First let me say that I had honestly hoped for time to find out if son will improve in our home.  Court for two years has been exhausting and highly stressful.

I had written last week about the screaming and cursing my ex did when I picked up my son for custody reversal.  

I wrote ex a letter suggesting that she seek clarification from the court if she feels the order is different from before.  I also stated how I had never had that extra time.  Visitation would stand as I had proposed.

The day she received the letter, she called me during my lunch break on my oldest son's cell phone (we work together).  She screamed over the phone and threatened contempt and told me how she would get this time, etc.  She once again demanded to pick son up from camp tomorrow.  Well, I was willing to be flexible and allow her to have him overnight if she returned him Sunday by 11:00 for his stepsister's birthday party.

She told me absolutely not!  She was going to keep him until 7:00 p.m.  When asked hadnt I always allowed her to have him for family events, she said "Yes, but that is the past!"  

According to ex, this is a whole new ballgame and it's all on her terms - just as the other game was.  

So, the same day she calls me she sends a letter to me.  I got it yesterday - she is blaming ME for son's problems.  I am hard to get along with.

She tells me that the past is the PAST, and the new order says she gets all this time..  She goes on to switch every time I had proposed, and then states, "I will agree to the set schedule this year, but next year I will pick my own dates as YOU WILL NOT control me or tell me when I can or cannot see (son)."

Soc, she admits what she did in the past as far as denying visitaiton, etc...but, according to her, it doesnt matter.    

I called lawyer yesterday and he advised that I go ahead and file a show cause for her cursing me in front of son, which is specifically forbidden in court order.  He said while there we can ask for the clarification of the order.  

I want a step further - I want specific wording to be added to resolve this issue.  I am willing to follow the judges instructions, even if I do not agree with what he says.

I am also filing to have CS dismissed that I owe, and support be reviewed in order that she start supporting son in my care.

I am going to family/friends day at camp and son is coming home with me today.

What are your thoughts on filing show cause/clarification so soon after order entered?


Filing for a clarification first should negate any contempt charges she may file in the mean time, shouldnt it?

Soc,

No questions - just a bit of info for those who may deal with this.  I am in Virginia.  Custody reversal took place last week.  As child support case was being enforced through division of child support enforcement, I chose to ask them to review.

Caseworker called last week and said that they will not enforce once they have proof that custody has reversed.   She did say that I would still have to go to court to actually get a judge to stop and order support.

I got a statement today stating that requested review cannot be done as no support is ordered in the DCSE case anymore.

We are in Virginia.....

Soc,

I have voiced my concerns about the verbal abuse I have to endure by my ex before.  It has become an almost every conversation occurence and is much worse if son is present.  

BM knew for two weeks what time we were to pick son up today.  So, she calls and leaves message on oldest son's cell phone that they had a prior engagement and would be home later, that I could come but no one would be there.  

Fine, I shrugged it off. Then I get there and they come out of her married neighbor's home.  His wife is in jail and she is dating him.  The 'engagement turned out to be going to his son's ball game and then making son explain to this young boy why he would not be there for two weeks.  They had been home for 45 minutes.

Son went into his grandparents home (where bm lives) to get copy of IEP and she follows him.  Then she follows him to van and walks up and starts screaming, demanding when she will have son.  (I have not yet responded to her letter where she does same.)

When she says she will be picking son up from camp and keeping him the entire weekend, I calmly replied, "No your'e not."  This incited a lengthy tirade of, "Excuse me!  Excuse me!  he is my son........You are going to be in court for contempt...the court order says....."  I told her that she could not take me to court for something I have not done yet..and she started yelling again - by this time her parents are out on the steps....

My spouse, son, and stepdaughter never said a word......and I calmly told her, "I do not have to listen to this."  As I was backing away, she screamed, "You F*cking Idiot!"

Now, the children are 13 and 14 and had to witness this.  She makes sure she does all of her hardcore cursing in front of son.  She could have came to van without son while he was in house, but chose to follow him.  By the way, it is in our court order that neither is to talk negatively about the other parent while in the child's presence.

Soc, this is an almost every-time conversation occurence.  She curses and yells at me constantly.  Her curses are worse if son is present....For example, I may be a jerk on the phone, but in person with son present, I am a "MF, SOB!"

We have been through so many court appearances, and son still has one to go...and as you know, that is not going well either.  

Without filing for contempt is there any other means I have to difuse this treatment?


How would one go about trying to have anger management ordered in a situation like this?

Soc,

Son is 14 years old.  BM is primary until Thursday, then it reverts to me.

Son was charged with vandalism of a school laptop and carrying a knife to school last year - separate incidents.  Went to court in January - the judge asked if he needed an attorney, but bm hired her's.  Now, bm is broke so the court would have appointed an attorney for son.  

BM has asked three times about me helping pay for attorney, but he is HER custody attorney and has refused to discuss son's separate case with me.....He is also representing someone against my son in the burn lawsuit........
 
I have filed a complaint with the Virginia Bar Association in March, 2006 and recieved no reply other than an email saying it was received.  

Hearing was set for March - attorney didnt show.  Today, I spent $40 in gas, plus over $70 in missed work to go to hearing...and he did not show again.

BM had not told me the time of hearing until Friday when I brought it up at son's IEP. Then she told me it was at 2:00 today.  But, today she had a letter from lawyer saying he needed to postpone hearing.

Judge said he would give one more continuance and that the next time, the case would be heard - lawyer or not.  BM pestered me for money for attorney fees again.

Soc, I am not paying her attorney.  He has cost me enough in lost wages and gas.  Every hearing - custody and criminal we have attended, he has been hours late or a no-show.

My fear though is that bm may now tell attorney she doesnt want him to represent.  Son would be without an attorney -as hearing is set for July 24.

Also, police officer brought in THREE laptop computers though son was only charged with vandalism to one.  I will be custodial parent by the time this goes to court, I am afraid i will be made to pay for this damage.

Soc, I would not have paid fee for son to get the computer to begin with - he is just prone to damaging stuff like that.  So, I dotn feel I should have to pay for it.  But, if its her attorney, I doubt he will point out that son was  in her care when this happened.

Soc, any thoughts on all of this?


Is there anything I can do to further my complaint?



Can I be made to pay for damage done while son is in her care?



From your own experience, would bm be able to withdraw her support from attorney and leave son without an attorney?

Soc,

I take primary custody on June 15th.  Visitation is flipped, but is exactly as it was for me...it reads now " Mother shall have liberal and reasonable visitation to include, but not be limited to the following schedule:
1.  three weekends per month.
6. A total of six weeks during the summer, with two weeks during each of the months of June, July, and August.

BM has grudgingly given me the six weeks in the past - no third weekends.  The six weeks have not been as ordered, she makes plans and gave me time when she saw fit..even stating that if time permitted I could have my sixth week, etc.. She has always dictated every minute that I had, never agreeing to any proposal of mine and never considering our plans.  She has taken time from me on numerous occassions.

She had July 4th last year - but in writing stated that she gave it to me because that has been our agreement since July 2001 because I have vacation that week.  Order was flipped, so she has July 4th again this year -and now that I assumed I could have him, she says I am taking her time.  That is no biggie as she can have the day, but it just shows the way she operates.  

I have always tried to get a schedule ahead of time and she has refused saying - that circumstances may alter MY schedule.

School begins Aug. 14th this year, and my son needs to meet his teachers, tour the school, and get supplies.  So, for the month of August I suggested July 29 - August 8th, plus a weekend of her choosing to make the two weeks.  It is not my intent to short her, but the order does not state uninterrupted time and he NEEDS to have time to get ready for school.  As this is my first year with custody, I want what she has had for years...to take him to school.

She also is demanding to pick up son from Burn camp in June, saying it is her third weekend. The judge ordered that the two weeks in school are her visitation for this month.  I will be instructing the camp to not allow her to take my son.

She insisted that I take ss this weekend, though I told her that was not the judge's instructions.  She is dating a man whose wife is in jail now.  

She sent me a letter basically saying that she WILL get two weeks in July and August and three weekends..and she WILL pick him up from burn camp and keep him overnight.

So, while she no longer will have primary custody, she is still telling me exactly when I will have my son and when she will.   I simply will not bow down to her games anymore.

Now, in February, she took a weekend of mine, made plans for ss to go to camp and drove and picked him up...Refused make-up time for me.

Soc, what is your interpretation of the court order as to summer weeks and three weekends?


IF she filed for contempt, could I stand on the fact that for two years she has interpreted the order as I get six weeks and no more?


Could I counterfile on contempts for actions that took place prior to my assuming custody of son?


Should I simply reply that visitation will stand as I suggested, with the exception that she will have July 4th or quote her own words back to her from her letters regarding summer visitaiton and July 4th?


Soc, her letter is half a page - telling me how its going to be....I come up with two pages reasoning how she is wrong....should I try to reason or simply say - it is as stands and I will have an order and a deputy if you refuse to turn over son at the end of visitation?

Soc,

The judge reversed custody to me on Monday, May 15th.  However, son has to remain with BM until school lets out - June 16th.  

Until then, I still have my visitation rights.  Court order allows for three weekends per month.  Mother's day is to be with BM, father's day with me.........Holidays are outlined by odd/even numbered years: BM is to have son "the holidays of Memorial Day, etc......

Okay, so BM kept son all weekend of mother's day.  IN talking with her tonight, she stated that she will not bring him next weekend, because she has him for that weekend also as it is Memorial Weekend.

When I asked if she was planning on taking another weekend from me, she hung up.

I called back, she answered and I told her that she needs to act her age and stop hanging up every time we talk.  I also told her that the court order gives her Memorial DAY, not all weekend and I still get three weekends.

She told me that I was NOT getting him all weekend.

Soc, when we had trouble last year over Labor Day, my lawyer said the court order only specified the day of the holiday, not the weekend surrounding it...

Am I correct in interpreting that she is only ordered the day - not the entire weekend?

I do not want to lose another weekend - can I file anything tomorrow to block her from withholding visitation again?


Could I (or would it be advisable) to send her a letter stating that if she goes through with her intent to violate the order, I will take this as agreement to trade off 4 days of her summer visitation with son as she has effectively denied me a total of 96 hours visitation?

Soc,

I will take custody of son in four weeks.  IN court Monday, no mention was made of child support.  

Do you know if:

DCSE will stop support (me paying) and enforce support (BM paying) with just a custody order to go by?

Soc,

BM works for relatives.  I have previously filed two garnishments at that employer and they were paid, though the amounts were very questionable.

Last week a garnishment was due and nothing has showed up.  When the clerk called the place on Friday, bm was working and did not answer the phone - message was not answered.

Today, clerk called and BM wasnt there...so, she got a person and the lady said the office manager wasnt there.  

Now, the owner of the place signed for the garnishment summons.  I am looking at filing a show cause tomorrow.  Now, this happened before for an out of state employer and I had to summons their representative.  This employer is in Virginia....

Do I simply file for not following the order or can I also request they bring proof of her wages dating back a year so that the questionable amounts can be checked out as well?

Soc,

Case in  VA.  Been divorced five years, remarried two.  When I remarried, my ex moved with my son two hours away.  Some issues that have concerned me are:  kicked out of school for discipline issues, criminal charges, severely burned, and recently - kicked out of apartment.

Went to court in January and GAL didnt really take a stand...he was okay with son living with me, but didnt make a recommendation for that.  Son wanted to live with me, but judge felt son was manipulative.

BM's attorney has put off signing court order - until two weeks ago when my attorney filed for a motion to reconsider.   Within days, the court order was signed and sent on.   This worked in our favor, as judge stated today that had they signed the order, this would have had to be appealed.

Today, the judge awarded me custody of my son!  The GAL spoke up and strongly urged the judge to reverse custody.   I never even spoke, my son and BM testified.   BM actually did herself in by bragging about how her parents do so much for son.  The judge informed her that it is not a case of me versus her parents...but me versus her.

She also spoke of searching for a new place to live..only to be questioned and discovered that she is looking at places that cost 200 - 300 more than what she could not afford before.

My son does have to finish out school there as it is so late in the year and he just switched schools, but once school is out, he comes to me.  And school time in June counts as part of her summer visitation.

I am sure I will have more questions for the imminent appeal, but for now I just wanted to give you a

BIG THANK YOU

Your guidance has been a tremendous aid in my success so far!

Soc,

We are in VA.  Court was in January - judge ordered son to remain with BM as CP.  Also ordered counseling for son, which bm has started, but will provide me with no appt times, name of counselor, etc.  This is actually supposed to be handled through GAL - he was to choose and let each parent know...

Attorney argued that BM was getting ready to be thrown out of her residence, she denied it.   Attorney argued that son's behaviors were out of control with BM...

In February, BM did get evicted and son has slept on grandparents sofa since.  HE called GAL and left message about this, GAL never responded.  Two weeks ago son was kicked out of school and told that he had to go to school in grandparents district.   MY lawyer requested for GAL to ask for emergency hearing.

GAL didnt act at all, so my lawyer filed a motion to reconsider as judge had never signed order from January.   BM's lawyer would never sign the order, so they all agreed to let judge be sole signor.  Lawyer filed motion to reconsider on grounds that judge expressed reservations in January..the order has not been signed; bm has been evicted and son sleeping on sofa (he is 14); and son kicked out of school AGAIN this year and was unenrolled anywhere due to residency issues at the time motion was filed.  

Son is now in school.  GAL visited son 94 miles away Saturday.  This was his first visit to their residence.

BM has racked up considerable violations since January.  We feel the judge would possibly view this as problems as well.  Some examples:  ss is the one who told us about school - she has never mentioned him being kicked out and enrolled in another;  refuses to give counseling information;  denied visitation in February; listening in on and timing phone calls; cursed me in front of son and his attorney for lawsuit.

She also made son lie about his burns in writing and then gave the lie to the opposing side - marked as defendants' exhibit one.

However, since the lawyer didnt cite this, we are concerned this will never be heard by the judge.

Also, the hearing is not until May 15th - four weeks before school ends.  IF the custody does reverse, I feel he will  have to finish out school there. That would give BM school and then six weeks visitation this summer (my usual).

If I mail a certified letter to her regarding all this and copy to the court, will the judge more than likely see this?


If bm should keep son until school lets out, but I get custody is it reasonable to ask for those weeks to be counted as part of her summer visitation?


Would it seem unreasonable to ask that son not have to stay in excess of more than two nights with BM as long as she is unable to provide him with privacy (sleeping on the sofa)?

Soc,

In January, BM retained custody of son.  First time this particular judge heard case, GAL was fine with son moving in with me, son expressed this desire.  Both attorneys thought the judge would be in favor....However, this judge was old and traditional in  his ways.

The judge felt son was trying to manipulate where he wanted to live - and he was "not going to give him his wish."   The judge also saw that son was destined for serious trouble, ordered counseling.

IN February, son and mother kicked out of apartment for nonpayment.  They are living with her parents and adult gay brother.  Son is sleeping on sofa in the living room.

This put son in different county, which his mother told the school.  Son has been in continuous trouble at school and was kicked out today.  He will have to go to the county he is now residing in.

Son was in the school system here in my county until the move two years ago. He has friends, a cousin, and a stepsister in the same grade he is in here.

BM has violated the court order several times in the past couple of months..

Soc, considering in three months time they have lost their apt, he is sleeping on sofa, and is now having to switch schools completely....

Is this enough to request an ex parte hearing tomorrow so that I may enroll him in school here?


My lawyer was a one-time fee for the one show....so, I basically have no representing lawyer - would I be able to ask for an ex parte pro se?



Any suggestions going forward?

Soc,

Judge ordered in VA court in January that ss was to receive counseling.  While the order still has not been signed and filed - according to the court, it has to be done by April 25th....., BM did start counseling.

ON February 15th she sent me a letter stating that ss was to begin counseling that day at a named clinic, and she would send me info about the visit as well as how much I owe.  I have not received ANY correspondence about the counselor since that time.

I did write to the clinic and request info about the counselor and to be billed for 50% of the charges.  They sent me a form to sign, which I did and sent back in.  They had advised that the letter would be forwarded to the counselor.

I also sent bm a letter specifically concerning counseling, requesting what was taking place (evaluations, testing, etc) and wanting to know the counselor's title, qualifications.

Soc, to date, I have no idea what is going on.  I dont know the counselor's name, what he/she is doing, how often visits are taking place, payments....nothing.

BM has maneuvered herself into counseling before.  I am very concerned as this counselor is not concerned with hearing from the other parent......Obviously, this counselor can be led to believe certain things....

The equal split of counseling costs was ordered in January - prior copays were ordered at 75% my share.  I am wondering if bm is going to try to fight this and waiting until time is almost ran out to file.

Soc, if BM tries to wait until the last minute to fight the judges order of 50/50 costs, can this be ordered without my agreement to the change?


Also, what action can I take to find out about the counseling? (I have joint legal with no specifications)

Hi Soc,

I have joint legal custody of son.  last year, son was severely burned while at a friend's house.  I contacted both of the other families in an attempt to have medical bills covered (I am responsible for 75%).  Neither family would ever respond to me.  

My son told me that the other families were giving copies of letters to BM.  I had talked to BM about joining me in a lawsuit and she refused.  I then sent her a letter informing her of my intent and asking her to reconsider joining me.

In February, I sent her a letter telling her of the depostion the insurance co. was requesting.  She told me where to pick up son and return him.

last Tuesday, I spoke with her on the phone.  She refused to let son come home with me after deposition, though he was on suspension from school again.  She did not mention the deposition itself.  My son did tell me that one of hte other families had told her that a settlement was going to be offered.

Wednesday morning I pick up son and head to lawyer's office.  BM pulls in parking lot beside me and informs me that "He is my son and I have a right to be here."  

Inside, she began screaming about how wrong this lawsuit was and called me a money-grubbing SOB in front of attorney and son.  She fussed and ranted - saying that son could not go in without HER.  That he was HER son and SHE had the right to be in the hearing.  Attorney told her that she did not....

She still was raving that he could not talk to son without her....finally, attorney told her that it was totally up to son..and that she could leave, set down and be quiet or he would call the police and have her removed.

During the deposition, it was disclosed by my son and another child that all children had been made by their mothers to write letters lying about the burns.    BM had forced my son to lie about how he got burned immediately after receiving my letter stating I would seek a lawsuit.

After the deposition, BM began screaming and fussing again - calling me names and saying that I was the enemy.  (This is the deposition in which her and son's lawyer represented another child)

Soc, she followed me without ever saying anything beforehand.  She chose to make a public spectacle out of herself, attempted to interfere with the proceedings, and embarrassed me with all the name-calling.

Soc, is this harrassment?


Is there anything that I can do through Domestic court about her actions?



Would I be able to get a copy of the deposition to show that she and the other mothers worked together to make their own children - specifically bm making our son - lie?

Custody hearing in January - still no signed/filed order.  BM retained her attorney last November to represent son in criminal matters.  He is 14.

I refused to pay toward this as I feel it is conflicting interest.  Son wants to live with me, lawyer is legally forcing him to by representing mother's wants.  Should judge feel son is out of control in mother's care, lawyer cannot suggest he live with me as it would go against his other client (BM).

Son's hearing was to be in March, but lawyer was a no-show and it was moved to June.

last week, there was a deposition in the lawsuit for my son's burns.  BM is against the lawsuit.  During the depostion, BM and son's attorney came - to represent one of the children involved in son's burns.  My son's criminal attorney was there to have this individual plead the fifth so that she will not face any criminal charges regarding my son's injuries.

So, this attorney was protecting this person's interests against my son's interests.  After they left the room, I asked about this...the attorney for the insurance company said it was unethical......and the attorney for my son's lawsuit said it was a conflict of interest.

Soc, what kind of trouble could this cause the attorney if he is found to in fact be in the wrong?


As I have joint legal, am I entitled to knowing about meetings with my son for his defense in advance by this attorney?

Soc,

Son has criminal matters pending in Juvenile and Domestic court - he is 14.  Last year, when he was charged, he had an initial date.  He and bm went and basically, it was like an intake.  After this, I received a summons to appear in January with him.  

In January, we were asked if he needed an attorney and a date for the actual hearing was set.  I did not sign any papers to return with him and was not instructed to do so.  I was given a card with the new date on it.
I lost my card.

I thought his hearing was next week, but BM told me it was March 9th.  I missed an entire day of work to drive 2 hours one way....and the hearing is next week.  I am afraid of losing my job if I miss again.

So...I received a summons to appear in January - but didnt sign anything to return in March.....

Will I be held in contempt or have a bench warrant issued if I am unable to attend the hearing?

 

Soc,

I had thought we had problems before.  But, since we went to court on January 19 and BM not only retained custody, but admitted to violating order without any punishments.....she is blatantly going against the court order.

I had stated in a post last week that I was sending her a letter and copying all lawyers about the contempt of visitation, her constant scheduling and attending appts. regarding ss without consulting me, and proposing visitation schedule and make-up time.  

Soc, I received a reply today.  She is making more threats and accusations.  Her actual words were to stop complaining or she would no longer allow son to stay with me any extra time.  Our court order states that visitation is not limited to 3 weekends per month.   She is referring to one day a holiday in January in which ss stayed the day ...and she is saying that means she didnt take 48 hours in February, she only took 24 hours.


BM goes on to state that she will not agree to 'MY' schedule as things may come up to alter it.  She refuses make-up time for that taken.

Soc, basically I feel as if she said - the court isnt going to help you, I am going to do as I please, so stop your whining or I will give you something to whine about.

Soc, there is still no court order from  hearing on January 19th.  It was last sent to her lawyer for his signature.  This has to be signed before I can appeal.  

I do plan on reply...she did not note if she sent her letter to any lawyers, so I plan on sending my reply, plus the letter I just received.  This is so that the GAL may be aware of all that is going on.  I do not wish to seem a pest to them though.

What can I do about the lack of a signed court order?



In your opinion, would it be best to handle all of this under appeal to the circuit court, or go ahead and file for contempt?

Soc,

We are in VA.  Son is 14 years old.  Judge ruled son had to remain with BM in January - saying son was manipulative and he was not granting sons wish to live with us.  In VA, we first go to J & D court - once an order is signed, you can appeal within 10 days to district court.  The case is heard from scratch.

I have already covered many things that have happened since court in January.  It is only getting worse.  Two weeks ago, the GAL and our lawyer signed the order.  It was then sent to bm's lawyer.  The order still has not made it back to J & D court.  We have been unable to file an appeal so far.

I did write BM a letter this week and copied to all lawyers involved.  The letter covered her action of taking 48 hours of visitation time in February and refusing to address make-up time.  It also covered the fact that I am only told after meetings have taken place though we share joint legal and I have requested prior notice.  I attached two agreements to be discussed with the lawyer - visitation specifications, and specifics for joint legal.

In court, BM had wanted judge to limit phone calls to 10 minutes with SS.  She disconnected her home phone and stated that she only had a company cell phone.  Judge did not order any limitations on time.  

Recently, she began timing ss and making him get off the phone when we are about 8 minutes into a call.  The last time I talked to him on the phone, she was fussing in the background that she pays the bill.    However, whenever I see her - she is talking on that phone and talks to OSS (who lives with me) for long lengths of time.  She is simply interfering with my right to talk to son.

SS has pierced his ear - himself on the school bus.  He also has gotten into more school trouble resulting in five days in school suspension.

I picked up ss when he got off the bus Friday - BM was outside.  SS later told me that they didnt live there anymore - they had been evicted.  She had told him not to tell me or OSS.  They are presently living with her parents.  She told him she is looking at a house tomorrow .

SS also informed me that BM has asked him if he wants to go to Florida for spring break.  (who wouldnt?)  I have court ordered visitation for half of spring break.    

Also, son was seriously burned last year.  BM was not in agreement with me about filing a lawsuit for medical expenses for son.  I just wanted to see if the homeowners would pay, but she was effective in working with the other families involved to squelch that.  The firm represent son has received a letter from last June - right after she knew I was going to sue those involved.    

It is a simple To Whom It May Concern letter stating that only matches were in the bowl kicked onto son.  Son was made to sign this.  This is NOT what happened.  Lighter fluid was set on fire in a dog bowl and the two teens kicked it several times, son never did.  It waas kicked and flew onto my son who caught on fire.  This is what all said last year until they knew of lawsuit.  Son felt intimidated and signed.

Lawyer says he thinks he can work around that letter.

Being that we just went to court in January and there is no court order filed from that yet......do I need to just collect my information for a contempt later?


Since the case will be heard new under an appeal to a district court, can I include the newer stuff?


If lawyer for son's burns can effectively assign that letter as being coerced and not true to son's case, could that be used against BM in the custoday case?

Soc,

We are in VA.  BM has primary custody, joint legal.  January 19th  the judge ordered that son has counseling.  NCP has three weekends per month visitation.

January 20th....BM cursed and hung up on me because I would be late two hours late picking  son up.  She threatened to take son away with her for weekend and lied saying she never leaves 14 year old son home alone.

BM then sends a letter stating visitation for February, which only included two weekends for me, instead of court ordered three.  She had scheduled plans for son - one with her.  She stated that we had been told to get along by judge and that I was not trying.

I wrote her a letter concerning my missed time and the need to make this up.....also noted that in the spirit joint legal, I am to have knowledge of events prior to their being arranged.  

Received letter from bm stating she had attended a disciplinary meeting at school for son.  She also blasted me for an unpaid bill from son's hospitalization 10 months ago. She said that son had received a letter from creditor and demanded that I send proof that I had taken care of this bill....she accused me of grilling son and stated plainly that if I dont stop, She will begin to "grill him about every minute he is in your home."

Yesterday, I sent her a note informing her that I feel mediation may help us to resolve issues that are in constant conflict.  I told her that the perception that I am grilling son has led to many uncomfortable moments for our sons.  I explained that I speak with my son concerning matters in his life and though i am not interested in her personally, behaviors that impact son are my concern.

I also noted that principal at school apologized for not informing me of meeting, but that she called to make the appt and his secretary was unaware that I needed to be informed.  This is putting the school in a position of communicating for us.  

I also informed her that she had never sent me a bill for any of my son's hospitalization, though I had requested this last summer.  She also did not enclose the bill in her last letter, as stated.  I would have the bill put in my name if she forwarded it.

I also stated that to align visitation with the order, i would have son 4 weekends in March.

I received a letter from her today, mailed yesterday.  She was taking son to counselor yesterday( first session), and would let me know who he saw, how much I owe, and what was said.    She stated that she has made plans for him one weekend in March.  And she went on to state that HER lawyer is charging $1000 dollars to represent son on criminal charges.  She has made 2 $150 payments, so now it is my turn to pay this month.  She states that i owe HER lawyer $500.

Soc, I had told her that I dont think its even proper for me to give HER lawyer money......and I dont feel he should represent our son in court as he represents her for custody issues.  She really expects me to pay this though.

Soc, since court didnt go my way, she is pushing all limits.  She even called my oldest son demanding to know how much I paid for my car (old, used) and how I had the money for it...etc.  

I have not received any signed court order from our date in court.  

Is there anyway I can get the weekend she is taking from me?


Would it help to contact her lawyer?


As the GAL is responsible for making sure counseling is taking place and that we take a parenting class, would it be of any use to send him a copy of all letters that have transpired in the past month?

Soc,

First of all, allow me to say that I do not agree with the actions of my brother.  But, I do love him and I know that if things arent handled right at this point, he could have a very long hard struggle ahead of him as far as seeing his daughter.

My sister-in-law is a good person.  They have been married for 18 years and I love her deeply.  However, we dont know what goes on in someone else's home.  The other day she confronted my brother with the knowledge that he is having an affair.  She told him that someone has been following him and they have pictures - which from what I understand she has not paid for yet so she doesnt have them.  My brother swears to us that he has been talking 'too much' to this particular person but nothing sexual has occurred.  Frankly, I am doubtful.

Sister-in-law had stated a willingness to work it out, but has since told him to get out.  He has not left home as of yet.  They have a five year old child together.

My brother does have a shop beside his home that he is considering moving into - it is heated and well lit.    

My brother feels she will legally have him removed from the home.  

According to my brother, his wife does not share a bed with him - hasnt in years.  He really already has his own room in their home.  I knew of this as it was explained that since he has a part-time job he needed sleep and the child would get in bed with them.......

Soc, What actions should my brother take to ensure that he has as much right to his daughter as the mother?


If he is forced to leave, can he take pictures (family photos) etc at that time?



If she has pictures which show nothing more than him in the other woman's presence, how far will that go in court if there is no proof of a sexual relationship?



Would my brother be able to use any type of emotional alienation as a defense?

Soc,

We are in VA.  Court was on 1/19.  DH wants to appeal from J &D court to circuit court.  In an email, lawyer advised dh that he only has 10 days to file.

Last Friday, dh went to J & D and the young clerk gave him the correct form and stated that he has 10 business days from the date of hearing and she figured this to be 2/1.  As dh had not taken a check and you have to pay a fee to file the appeal, he brought the paper home.

Today I took the appeal form and check back to J & D.  The clerk of court was the only one there and she told me that we cannot file yet.  She said that the judge has to sign the newest order and we have 10 days from the date of his signature to do so. She would not take the appeal yet.

I looked on the website and this is what I found, which seems vague to me:
"Appeals must be noted with the clerk of the Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court within 10 days (30 days for support cases tried under the Uniform Interstate Family Support Act) of the court's action by a party to the case or the party's attorney. "

It states court's action, not signed order.  DH's lawyer was not in this afternoon.  


Soc,
Based on all of this, any idea as to how long we have to file..and from what date we have to file?

Soc,

We are in Virginia.  I have been discussing, on this forum, 'my' custody case that failed last week.  As you recall, we proved significant change in circumstance and my 14 year old wanted to live with me......but, the judge said son was just manipulating and made several comments that seemed prejudicial.

My lawyer was not as effective as he could be in catching bm in her lies...and I was not sure he proved that I was the better parent.  I had discussed the appeal situation with you and had decided for myself to file the appeal just so I could see the transcripts and judges findings and conclusions...but couldnt see going through those months of briefs.

Soc, lawyer emailed me back today.  He is not talking about taking this to the court of appeals of Virginia.......He doesnt feel it's an issue based appeal.  He in fact, does not feel the judge did anything wrong....but, he does feel that 8 out of 10 judges would have ruled in our favor.  In fact, he stated that he and opposing attorney had spoke as judge was seeing son in chambers and they both felt that I would get custody.  However, the judge simply felt son was manipulating everyone in order to 'dictate' where he wanted to live.

Lawyer says there is NO transcript from J & D to get.  He says we want only to get a new trial.....to start fresh.  In his email, he said to file for a trial de novo,  for a hearing in circuit court.    There is no need for briefs and no matter what, we would get a new trial.

Soc, is there an automatic appeal to circuit court if your case doesnt go well in J & D?


My dh went to circuit court when that company appealed the garnishment they should have paid?


Is it pretty much the same - you get a chance to go at it again?


Are these judges family law judges, or kinda....generic?

Soc,

Lost in court last Thursday.  Told my son I would pick him up Friday at 6.  Friday BM had called a couple of times before I got home from work.  When I spoke with her she was mad because I was coming at 6...instead of 4.  I explained that my spouse and I are sharing a vehicle at the time.  She started fussing and said that if I came after 4, son would not be there and it would be the next weekend before I could see him.  Then she hung up.  After several attempts to contact her, she finally answered the phone and said I could pick him up at a neighbor's home.  (He is 14 and left home alone constantly, but she wouldnt do so that evening for two hours)

WE have joint legal custody.  The court order says that my weekends for transportation I pick son up at 4.  The court order also gives me three weekends per month.

I received a letter from BM today.  IN this letter she informs me that for the month of February, she has plans for son one weekend, and the weekend after that she has signed him up for burn camp.  Now, this was not discussed with me.  She simply has signed him up and then taken a weekend for herself, leaving me with two weekends.

She also said that we are not to use son as a messenger and that I violated the court order by telling him what time I was to pick him up.  She stated that we are to talk to each other and that the judge had instructed us to get along.  

All in all, she made herself sound very good in the letter.  She has made plans that son will enjoy.  (So if I fight this, I am a bad person, yet she is taking my time)    She speaks of getting along and charges me with "once again" using son as messenger.

Soc, I did not tell son to tell BM anything about the times...i was simply telling my child that I would be late.  I was going to call her...really.  

I do not wish my son to miss activities that he will enjoy, but she is using 'he will have a great time' to cut out my visitation.  

Soc, I had filed a show cause that was not heard or mentioned at the hearing last week.    She is already violating the order again.  

I plan on writing her a letter saying that we share joint legal and matters concerning son are to be discussed in advance, not after she has committed him and built his hopes up.  Also, she repeatedly asks son when I am to pick him up....then blames me if I tell him.  She speaks of getting along, but if I talk to her she fusses and storms out/hangs up.........but, it all looks good on her letter.

Any suggestions of how to handle this in a letter?


Also, if she plans on keeping things just as she has dictated, should I file for show cause before or after she violates?


Will the court hold it against me that we just went though the show cause was not addressed?

Soc,

Custoday case last week in Virginia.  Proved change in circumstance, 14 year old wished to live here, judge made several biased, even prejudicial statements.  Now, I know best interest - best parent going forward is a separate criteria.  Researching the list on the Virginia court site, I see about 7 points of best interest that I think we can argue.  

Problem Soc is my feelings about my lawyer.  He is all for an appeal, but I dont feel comfortable with him.  He could have been much more effective at court .  Also, we simply dont have thousands more.

I know my chances are diminished going pro se, but I feel they may be just as good as using him.  

Do I file for an appeal through the J & D court that heard the case?


Do I have to file a brief at that time, or just fill out the appeal form?


How do I, as a pro se litigant, go about getting the judges findings and conclusions.........and copy of the court transcripts?