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My husband was never married to the BM of his daughter.  His situation was very similar to your friend's for a long time.  When we finally figured out that a Child Support Order is a completely different thing than a Child Custody/Visitation Order that was the turning point in our case.

The Child Support Order is in Nevada and the Child Custody/Visitation order, which he filed for and obtained custody, is in Arizona.

All your friend has to do is file for a custody/visitation hearing so that it can be officially determined. Hope this helps!

Hello All,

It has been awhile since I've been on here because things have been going relatively well, but we have hit yet another bump in the road.

Quick history:
-My husband was never married to the BM of his daughter, age 9.
-In 2005, he filed for custody after my SD had been living with us for 2 years in Arizona,  while her mother lived in Nevada (threatening to take my SD if we didn't continue to pay her child support.)
-BM and my husband signed a parenting plan in mediation giving him full physical custody and sharing legal custody.  BM has every holiday with my SD from school except for SD's birthday which happens to be over Veteran's Day and 1.5 weeks in the summer. My SD flies to BM's house approximately once per month.

Current Situation:
The current parenting plan states the following regarding Winter Break visitation:

"December, January: [Mother's parenting time]:
We agree that the mother will have our child for 21 days for the Christmas break from school in 2006 and 2007, starting the day after school ends and returning our child to the father after 21 days.  Our child will bring and school work to Nevada with her, so she will not fall behind in school.  We agree to re-negotiate this plan after the 2007 Christmas holiday. The exact times will depend on the available transportation of our child from Tucson to Reno. And return."

Now my husband and I have asked BM several times in email and over the phone to return to mediation to negotiate the plan for the 2008 Christmas Holiday over the past few months to no avail.  Finally last month, we filed a request for the judge to order BM to return to mediation since it is agreed upon in their parenting plan.

Since we will not be able to return to mediation before Christmas we have told BM that she can have my SD the day after xmas until the day before school resumes.  BM is claiming that she is still entitled to have my SD for the 21 days even though the timeframe set forth in the order is for 2006 and 2007. Now BM has bought my SD's airline ticket which is departing today and we have no intent of putting SD on that plane, because it is not stated in their agreement/order.  Even though our proposal for the Christmas break was emailed to her back in September, BM has gone nuts and is saying that she will file a motion saying we are interfering with her court ordered parenting time, but from what we can tell it is not court ordered because it is not in the agreement. 

Input please! In the same situation would you put the child on the plane?  We have NEVER had a Christmas Day with my SD since my husband's and my son was born.