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Topics - tulip

#1
My friend's brother is going through a divorce and wants to get custody of his kids. I think they are 9, 7, and 5. The bm has been inconsistent in her time with kids. They had agreed on e/o weekend thing, but he has the kids every weekend because she wants to go out. I gave my friend some advice to help her brother out, and one of the things I told her is when they get to the evaluation, do not let the county appointed person do it. They do not do a thorough enough evaluation and are often biased. I advised her that he should hire a private evaluator, and she asked me where to find one. I followed a couple of the resource links from this page and got nothing. Does anyone have any helpful ideas? I think they are in Stearns Co. (St. Cloud area.)
#2
Minnesota State Forum / cs hearing 2morrow
Jan 11, 2006, 05:42:18 PM
DH is going back 2morrow for round 3. BM said she is going to ask for another continuance because her poor foot is still in a cast, but we haven't heard anything, so I assume it's still on. She told dh on the phone that she can't stand up, so his "you can work at McDonald's" scam isn't going to work this time. What scam? He never suggested she work at McDonald's, her atty brought that up! He suggested that she get a factory where she can sit at a table and put lables on parts. (That pays better than McDonald's too.) Anyway, she says that she can't sit up for more than 15 minutes even though we watched her sit at ss's bb game last weekend for over an hour.

I don't know if she will try the mentally ill thing or not, since I think she figured out that being mentally ill might hinder her plans to get custody back. Duh! We'll see what happens. I just hope this is the end of it. I don't want to write any more court dates on my calendar.

By the way, Sunshine (if you are reading this), in response to your suggestion of calling ss admin to report her meth abuse. DH did that and was told it doesn't matter if she hurt herself by abusing drugs. She can still get SS if she is truly unable to work. Isn't that nice for all of us who are paying into that fund?!? I think he also mentioned that she has a whole new excuse for not working every six months. I don't know if will do any good or not.
#3
Minnesota State Forum / Happy New Year!
Dec 29, 2005, 03:12:28 PM
Wow, I survived Christmas. This has been the most stressful holiday season of my life, and dh too. Now my kids have jumping up and down playing with new toys and eating candy all day long for the last 4 days. These nice little vacations remind me that I certainly don't have what it takes to be a home-school mom.

BM has done a complete 180 w/her attitude. One day she was calling and threatening to take dh to court and recording every phone call and saying we brainwashed her kids so they won't talk to her. The next, she called and invited us all--including my kids over for dinner so we could all talk and start to get along. It's nice that she's stopped being so mean, but what ss can't understand is that dh and I don't trust her because she is a liar and manipulator and think it's only a matter of time before she goes back to her old self. She still won't go to treatment and isn't taking ua's to prove she's sober, she hasn't done that since last summer. DH ran into one of her friends about a month ago and he said that she is still using.

The kids did go over to visit her along w/her parents and grandparents for Christmas, but sd still refuses to talk to her on the phone. They have a cs hearing coming up in Jan, and she's starting to get weird again. She said something to ss about moving because she can't afford to stay where she is living. She told him a couple weeks ago that she is going to the dr. to see what's wrong with her bones because her broken foot won't heal. I almost laughed out loud! Duh! Do ya think maybe it has something to do with the poison she's been smokin? Yeah, maybe that's why her teeth are falling out of her head too. I can't believe she worked in health care and she can't put that together. All I have to do is open the newspaper and see how those drugs destroy people's bones and teeth and brains and everything else. Anyway, now I guess she is going to say she can't pay cs because if she works she might break another bone or something.
#4
Minnesota State Forum / just venting
Nov 22, 2005, 07:46:27 AM
BM called here the other night, the skids were not available, so I didn't pick it up. She left a message, sounded sweet as pie, about how much she loves them and misses them and will not stop trying to see them ever. She said she prays for them every day and that she wishes they would call her. She said the Bible that they are studying has talks about forgiveness all the way through. I gave ss the message, and he said he would try calling her back, but never did. For one day I actually started feeling really sad and worried about the whole thing. I lost sleep over it. I don't know if the kids will ever be able to understand what happened, and even if she is starting to change, it doesn't look like they will be able to forgive her.

Then last night when I mentioned to dh that she didn't call at all for the kids (never stop trying huh?) he said that she called him yesterday. She asked him "What do I have to do to get the kids to talk to me?" He told her "maybe you should try acting like a normal person and go to treatment like they've asked you to so many times." She got really mad and said she didn't need treatment. (Yes she does.) She asked him if he got the message about court being cancelled. He said yeah, he doesn't care. Then he said "I don't understand what you're doing. You go into one court and tell them that you're mentally ill and insane so you can't work, and then you say you're going to go into the other court and get the kids back." She got really mad and said "what are you talking about? I never said I was mentally ill or insane?" DH said then his phone cut out and she never called back. I think she just figured out that she can't have it both ways. I wonder what she will decide is more important. Keeping up her lie to get out of working and paying support or being able to see her kids like a normal parent?
#5
Minnesota State Forum / update
Nov 18, 2005, 09:18:20 PM
I am really getting frustrated w/this forum. I have tried to post like 5 times in the last week or two, and keep getting thrown out. I finally got a new pw, and ok.. let's see if it works this time.

Last week we got an affidavit from csw showing that bm sent the county a doctor's opinion that she "cannot perform any work any time in the foreseeable future" due to her mental illness. She did that in August to get welfare. However, her SS app that she sent in last summer was claiming that she could not work due to her seizures and said that she is not mentally ill. Both statements say that she is not chemically dependent, a lie that has been documented in family court already, but of course, cs court and family court are separate.

Today we were notified she was granted a continuance until January because oh let's see... her letter said she broke her foot and had to have surgery, broke it again, may need more surgery, went to AK, has been assaulted 4 times, is appealing the SS denial, and cannot sit up for more than 15 minutes. IMHO she broke her foot on purpose to get out of paying CS. She will say and do anything to avoid supporting her kids. My mom tells me that this is a huge victory for dh because he may not get any cs from her, but she just handed him the proof that she should not be allowed unsupervised visitation with the kids.

The last time she called she left a message that she is going to show up at our church on Sunday "on my crutches and my pills" and stand up in front of the whole congregation and tell them exactly what kind of person dh is and that he is training his children not to obey the ten commandments that state honor your father and mother. She needs to keep reading her Bible, because there's a lot more to it than that...

Like that's really going to make the kids respect her more and want to talk to her.
#6
Minnesota State Forum / Hey Sunshine!
Nov 06, 2005, 09:13:19 PM
Long time no...eh...post?
I haven't been here in a long time. The website has a whole new look! Well, here's what's going on with us:

BM went to live w/her parents in AK for a while. We had about a month of peace. She had left some really ruthless messages on our vm, then stopped calling for a month. A couple weeks ago, she calls and is back in town. SS talked to her on the phone. She refused to tell him where she is living. She is still not taking the random UAs. She said she's going to some counseling groups at a church, but refused to tell him where. SD was not home. The next time he talked to her, SD did not want to talk to her. She started threatening DH and said if he did not make SD come to the phone, she was going to do something drastic, and it would not be in the children's best interest or their best interest, but it would be very bad, and he would know what it is in the next few min. He called the cops, an officer came over and walked in the door right when she had called back and was on speakerphone saying something very tragic was going to happen to DH. The cop interuppted the conversation and mediated for a while between them. Told her that if she doesn't what she says he will arrest her for making terroristic threats. Then he told her that he has spoken to her many times and is very aware of their case. He said that SD is old enough to decide if she wants to talk to her or not.

SD is fed up w/her lies and abuse. SS still keeps hoping she's going to get it together, but he doesn't want to hear any more bs. They both have gotten to the point that they need to see some proof that she is clean or they will not believe it. She is court ordered to do random UAs and hasn't done one since last May.
The next door neighbors are still harassing us, but they are fed up w/her too.
I really wish she would get it together. The kids are doing great. Getting good grades, very active in the community. They are happy. But it makes me sad that their mom is so screwed up. They have some tough years ahead, and I can't imagine growing up without having my mom, or having her treat me so horibbly.

My daughter has been seeing more and more of her BF. That's good for her, it makes her happy, but I keep waiting for the day he disappears on her again and she will be so hurt. He's done it so many times.

As for the CS, BM of SD and SS hasn't paid a dime. They have another hearing scheduled this month. She is supposed to have proof of exactly what work she can do according to her medical condition, or proof of her job search efforts if she isn't working full time. I don't know what kind of stunt she is planning on pulling for that. Haven't heard anything about any seizures for a long time. She didn't say anything to SS about having a job. She hasn't gotten her license back after the seizure episode, and they made it clear to her last time that not being able to drive is not a reason not to work. Her car got repo'ed right before she went to AK. Maybe they will finally slap her with all the back pay from the games she's been playing all this time to get out of it. She still owes DH from when he overpaid his CS right when the custody changed.
#7
Minnesota State Forum / Is this legal?????????
Dec 13, 2004, 08:16:05 PM
DH was served at 4:30 this afternoon with a notice to appear in court at 9:00 tomorrow morning.

BM filed a petition for harassment restraining order. She has made all kinds of ridiculous claims, dating back to 12/03. What a coincidence, that is when the court proceedings started to change custody. She did not reference their family court file at all, probably because then they would see that she is meth addict and these allegations are paranoid dillusions.

DH doesn't want any contact with her, but can he ask for the same protection that she wants? Keep her away from us!! The last time he spoke to her (she called here) he told her that she could not have any contact with the kids until she proved she is sober. Now I think her intention is to get in front of a different judge and keep him from having access to her medical records. She claims he has been calling her doctors, we don't even know who her doctor is! She is abusing prescription medications now, and doesn't want to have to justify it.
#8
Minnesota State Forum / We need a new atty
Nov 14, 2004, 08:00:10 PM
We're in Anoka Cty. The atty we used before came highly recommended. But everything he said the judge would do, she did the opposite. He told us the last time he was in court with us, he didn't have any experience dealing with meth addicts. I think that's why he was so surprised dh actually got custody. We have been told by the drug task force (and seen on the news) that Anoka Cty's judges are just really fed up with meth addicted mothers.

Some really bad stuff is going on here. Today dh and I were talking about how he can legally deny her contact with the kids until she gets clean. He is worried about the legal side, but also about telling the kids. But then when he was putting ss to bed tonight, he told dh he has to take her back to court. He can see she is really messed up, and he doesn't want to talk to her for a long time. The really sad part is that he thinks if dh takes her back to court, the judge can order her to go to treatment.

#9
Minnesota State Forum / cs case still not over.
Oct 24, 2004, 06:10:49 PM
The very last day that the case was to be closed, bm submitted a letter from some neurologist that says she is not to drive for 6 months per MN law, and is disabled. Didn't give any details of her disability. At least 5 words were spelled wrong, and it was not signed. She also submitted a leave of absence form from her employer that wasn't signed by anyone but her.

So the cs magistrate ordered cs to be reserved until review hearing is held in 6 months. At that time she is to show very specific proof of what her physical limitations are, her diagnosis, and estimated length of time of her limitations. If not, and she is not employed full time, she is to show very specific proof of her employment search activities. She could be ordered to pay retro support, or it seems, none at all.

Her driver's license is still valid. I thought by law, her physician would be obligated to turn her in to state, but apparently they haven't.
#10
Minnesota State Forum / CS hearing over.
Oct 02, 2004, 06:58:46 PM
BM claimed that she can't work because of a very serious, yet undiagnosed, medical condition. (She claims she is having grand mall seizures.) She had no evidence of ever having had a seizure. She contradicted herself numerous times on the stand. Her own atty was very upset. She also said she couldn't work full time until she finishes school, but she isn't going to enroll in any classes until January. She can't get ft hours at her current employer, but has no intention of ever looking for a different employer. She left her car at home the day of court to support her claim that she is having seizures. She said in court she hasn't driven her car at all, but we know for sure she is driving all over the place. What an idiot!

Every statement she made in that courtroom is going to be held against her should she ever take dh back to court for increased visitation or custody.

So the magistrate gave her 3 weeks to produce more evidence or she will sign the request made by the cs office. I am so relieved to almost have this crap over.
#11
Minnesota State Forum / cs hearing coming up
Sep 08, 2004, 12:36:04 PM
BM will ask magistrate to base cs on her income. DH will ask them to base it on her ability to earn. She has not worked full-time in at least 12 years. (That is how old her oldest child is.) She was supposed to be a full-time parent when dh and her were together. When they split up, she lived off of his cs payments. Now she doesn't have the kids anymore, and therefore, has no reason not to work full time. Her education and work background and present employment are as a nursing assistant. There are TONS of jobs of that type in MN right? So if her current employer doesn't have full-time work for her she could work somewhere else. She just doesn't want to work, and doesn't think she should have to. I may sound ruthless, (and I don't mean to) but my husband has been paying her more than we can afford to spend on groceries for years, while we have been the ones taking care of the kids.

If anyone has any experience with this issue that can help us out, I'd appreciate it.
#12
Minnesota State Forum / We got a cs order.
Aug 03, 2004, 11:54:45 AM
Or rather, proposed order. Both parties have 20 days to respond, or request a hearing. If not, it gets filed. BM will have to pay almost the same amount dh was paying when she had the kids! They have based it on her ability to earn. She hasn't worked full time in over ten years, but now she has no reason not to. She's really pissed.

She called dh and told him she is going to take him to court for back pay on last few years when he was making more money, and she never asked for an increase. I'm pretty sure it's too late to ask for an increase now. She also is going to claim that she doesn't even earn what the cs amount is set at. I hope she tells the magistrate what she told dh. ("I don't have to work full time.")

Of course, if she does take him to court, he is going to ask for back pay. She hasn't paid anything since custody was changed in April. Also, when he got joint custody in December, the order stated that cs would be reviewed when she was no longer a full-time student. She hasn't gone to school since January. So, she should owe him back at least 50% of what he paid for those 3-4 months too right?
#13
I don't know if anyone will read this, because there are no messages here, but I'm afraid to post it another board, because I would get ripped to shreds for "denying visitation" by people that don't know our situation.
DH thought things would calm down after he got custody. No more court, no more psychotic behavior. Yeah right. There have been TONS of psychotic behaviors the last few weeks. This is the most recent.

Thurs, BM was supposed to be staying at the house next door to us babysitting. She had asked dh if he would take those kids to the bus stop in the am--he said ok, if they're ready when I go.

She called in the afternoon, crying because her car got repossessed. She actually had the nerve to ask dh for the $$ to get it out. Then she asked him for a ride to HND (house next door) so she would be there when the kids got home from school. He agreed to give her a ride, which really made me mad.

That night, she called our house at 9:00. We have told her many times not to call her after 8:00, and told the kids not to have calls after 8:00. The kids were downstairs in bed, and dh was down there saying gdnt to them, so I didn't answer. She came over. I told her she was not welcome to come over here or call at 9:00, and she wanted to know what time they were leaving in the morning. After I told her the time, instead of leaving she sat on my front step arguing with me for a few minutes until I told her to leave. Then she stormed up the steps and said "I want to see my kids." She forced herself into my house, kicking the door open when I tried to close it, so I pushed her out. Then she flew back up at me, falling on the floor in my house and wouldn't leave. I called the police and they said I might be charged with assaulting her!

The next day dh filed an order for protection. She is not to call here or come within a block of our home. I was surprised it was signed, because we would be lying if we alleged that she had been physically abusive to the kids, and that's what we were told those orders are for. We just listed that she had threatened to kill me and been harassing us, and obviously, that she is a meth addict. The hearing will be in front of the same judge that handled the custody case. We're not bringing our atty this time, can't afford it.

I hope that this time they will order her to go to treatment before she can see the kids again.
#14
Minnesota State Forum / child support.
Apr 30, 2004, 08:24:43 PM
Ok, this is a weird one. If anyone has ideas for me, great.

In Dec, an order was granted awarding joint physical custody. As you may know, bm filed the wrong paperwork. She filed a proposal given to her in Sept, offering to continue to pay the same amount of cs until June 2005. What was agreed in court is that dh would pay the same amount of cs while she a full time student. We recently got that amended. Now, when she registered at the beginning of the next quarter, she may have been registered full-time, but she dropped at least one of her classes shortly after. I think she failed the rest, because she quit attended in February when she starting smoking meth all the time.

Dh had a cs hearing scheduled in April because he lost his job, and was trying to get his support adjusted. He postponed this hearing and got a new date in June because custody was unresolved. He now has temp custody, and his support is suspended until the next hearing. We expect him to get sole custody at the next hearing. BM owes $242 back because she was overpaid in April or March.

Dh was told by his cs worker that when he is awarded custody, and bm has to pay support, it will be a seperate case, and her arrears for the case of him overpaying her will not be attached to the new case.

So, should he still keep this hearing to try and get the amount adjusted for Dec-April, so she will owe him more money back?

#15
Minnesota State Forum / New day, new story
Apr 22, 2004, 10:48:08 AM
BM is a total flake. One day, she is moving, one day, she isn't. One day, she is pissed because she found out her bf is sleeping with many women, the next day, she is moving in w/him.

She received a letter from atty asking her to promise in writing that she will not be using drugs this w/e or have the kids in contact w/her bf per judge's order. When dh talked to her about this last night, she got all pissed. She said he is controlling everything about her life, and she can't take it anymore. (Because he doesn't want her to be high with the kids?) She said she is signing the agreement he sent her to get this over with. (Thank goodness)

Today, she has a different story. What are we supposed to do? She failed a drug test, and has not taken anymore since then, even though she was supposed to. I don't want dh to get in any more trouble for not letting the kids go with her for the weekend, but I just don't see how he can.

Then, the kids are going to be terribly disappointed because of course she promised them she would pick them up Friday. If we don't let them go, then WE'RE the mean guys who are trying to take these poor kids away from their mom.
#16
Minnesota State Forum / Tests were not clean.
Apr 15, 2004, 01:00:39 PM
She failed her drug test. She says she quit using 4 days before the test, and they told her the results were so high, she must have been using w/in the last 12 hours. That's how much that stuff was absorbed into her!

She told dh she is giving him custody. She wrote it down, tape recorded it. Atty has sent her papers to sign. If she doesn't sign them, the judge will. Dh is not offering a visitation schedule until she gets some help. She called the kids and told them she has been lying to them and has been a drug addict for years.

Whew. It's almost over. I hope she moves to AK.
#17
In court today, dh was awarded temp sole custody. Both of them were sent off for drug testing, which seems to be a joke. Bm was pretty confident she would pass, so I'm sure she knows some way around it. When dh went in, they left the room while he was giving the ua, didn't ask him to remove his jacket, and didn't give him the info he needed for the random testing the judge ordered.

Bm was also ordered to have a cd eval. The judge said that dh has to pay for the eval, so he can pick the place she has it done. We are very worried that they won't look at the background of this case when doing the eval, and she will just go in and lie and say she doesn't do drugs, and the judge will accept that she proved she doesn't have a drug problem.

Can anyone help me with this? Who should we call? Will we be allowed to give any background info?
#18
BM just received motion to modify support. Reasons stated are 1) Custody was changed Dec 23, and they now have joint 50/50 physical custody 2)DH lost his job on Feb 1 due to company restructuring. He is now collecting unemployment insurance.

She, of course, is very upset about the fact that he is asking to follow state guidlines on support now that he lost his job. When they were divorced, his support was reduced because his two older were living in his home. Now the oldest of them has moved out, and the other turned 18 in Feb, and is in 12th grade. DH also has received significant pay increases since cs was set at the time of their divorce, but he also is now raising our two younger children.

My question is this: She claims that he has to disclose MY income and she will be entitled to a percentage of it, from the time that we were married, and that she can have the amount he was paying over the last few years reviewed, and be awarded back-pay, if they decide the amount he was ordered to pay was not appropriate. Is this true?
#19
April 5 is the hearing where she has to answer for all the stuff she did around Christmas. (Filing the wrong agreement behind our backs, so she could take the kids on Christmas, and illegally flying to AK with them) She says she is taking the kids with so they can tell the judge they wanted to go. I think that would be a horrible thing to do to them. They don't need to get stuck in the middle of this. The kids are on Spring break that week, and she has custody that week, too, so it doesn't seem like there is anything we can do about her bringing them in.

She also has said many times that she is going to tell the judge that joint custody isn't working, because dh is being "so unreasonable about everything." She wants to ask for sole custody back. We have had the kids more time than she has since the custody was changed, and had them more before it was changed.

Doesn't she have to file a motion to get the order changed, and if she does, don't we have to get a copy of it first? Is there a time limit on when she can file? They won't let the kids into the courtroom for this hearing will they?
#20
Can someone give me the web address to download forms? I need to request a hearing to review child support.
#21
Minnesota State Forum / Help! DH lost his job.
Feb 09, 2004, 07:59:30 AM
Last week, dh lost his job due to a structure change in the company. He was awarded joint custody in Dec with the order bm slammed through fraudulently right before Christmas. It states that he would continue to pay the same amount of CS until June 2005. What they agreed to in court, is that he would continue paying her the same amount while she is enrolled in the same nursing program full time, then have it reviewed. She was supposed to graduate in Dec, but didn't because she failed classes most likely due to excessive absences.

Now we are suspecting that she is no longer enrolled full time, because she has told dh that she dropped one of her classes. Court is not until April for her to answer for why she filed the wrong order behind our backs and try to get the correct one in place.

So, she has an order saying that he has to pay X amount until June 2005. He has joint custody, but it has only been in effect for less than 2 months, although actually, we have had the kids most of the time for well over a year. Can he ask to have cs just because he lost his job? If so, will it be based on joint custody?

We don't want to piss off the court by trying to get the cs changed so soon, but don't want him to get behind on his support either.

#22
BM is really scared about getting into trouble now. I thought for sure when she saw what dh's atty filed, she would realize that she is totally getting away with everything, but I guess not. It only made her more upset. I am wondering, though, if we got copies of everything he sent her, because when she called dh the other day, to tell him he's insane, after reading the papers she got, she metioned that he said she acted in bad faith by not going to mediation. I don't remember reading anything about that in the motion atty filed, and I think I would have noticed, because I was upset that it wasn't mentioned! He filed an affidavit requesting that the judgement be amended to the one she was SUPPOSED to file, instead of the one she "fraudulently" filed. He also asked that she be required to pay atty fees of $1000, resulting from her actions. And he noted that she also violated both the order she was supposed to file, and the one she did file. Court isn't til April, but hopefully the judgement will get modified immediately.

I've just been so frustrated about all this it's making me physically sick. I've been praying about it alot, and have decided to throw my arms up and surrender. Yes, it was really crappy what she did to us at Christmas, but it's done, and we can't get Christmas back. She did sign the paper awarding dh joint custody, so he has that now, and that's a huge gain! We will get the cs modified, so we can afford to buy these kids the clothes and things they so badly need. So I want to quit fighting.

Now, she called and rescheduled their mediation appt, so that's back on. DH said that he thinks she's going to show up this time, because she got herself into trouble. So back to the parenting plan we gave her before their last appt. I copied the one of this site, and modified it for our situation. She has a huge problem with the statement that neither of them can call each other's homes between 8pm and 8am. She also has a huge problem with all the statements about step-parents' rights to care for the kids, transport the kids, attend activities, school functions, and conferences. I think if she brings this up in mediation, they are going to tell her she's nuts. I'm no atty, but I really think a stepparent already has these rights. The only reason I left it in there is that she's always arguing about this, and telling dh that legally she thinks she can prevent me from volunteering at their schools and going to their conferences.

Anyway, that meeting is tomorrow, and I'm glad that's it's finally happening. Hopefully it means that all this fighting is coming to an end, or at least calming down some. But I shouldn't get my hopes up, because who knows what will happen when they get there. I'm just glad that the kids are her this weekend, so if she walks away pissed off she can't take it out on them.
#23
Now in the middle of all this crap w/skids and their bm, I got a notice that the bd of my daughter has requested a hearing to have his cs reviewed. This is a total joke, and I am not going to hire an atty to bring me through this one--no way, not worth it.

But I don't know what I'm supposed to do to prepare for this hearing. If there is some paperwork I need to bring to it, I want to be ready.

My cs worker won't even return my call. She won't help me, the last time I talked to her she was really snotty with me. Like "How dare you ask me for information about why you're receiving cs payments." Whatever. I thought that was her job, but anyway, does anyone else know what I should do to prepare for this? The hearing is Jan 22.
#24
DH finally got a call back from his atty. He's been trying to reach him since Dec 24. We e-mailed him over the weekend with all the details of what's been happening. He never got the email. He also told dh that he will not be able to check it until he goes home, because his email at the office is screwed up.

He said there is nothing he can do about her taking the kids w/o his permission. What bm did was very devious, and underhanded, but it's done. He will send a letter to the judge, informing her what happened, and try to get the modification approved by her that was to be filed instead of the one from Sept. What good will that do? She has already violated it in more than one way. She has no intention of going to mediation, and she knew she was violating the order when she took the kids to AK, but didn't care.

Atty said it would be ludicrous to file for sole custody, because he already agreed to joint custody, so if he goes back on that, he would be back where he started.

I'm thinking maybe dh needs to get a different atty.

BM is very scared right now, thinking she might go to jail for this. When she comes back and finds out she is going to get away with this, she will never stop doing this kind of crap.
#25
PBFH took kids to AK on Xmas day. The judge told her not to, but she did anyway. She filed a modification of custody that was presented to her in Sept and she absolutely refused to sign. So then dh had to take her to court, and all the other bs. A new modification was sent to her after court which addressed the issues that were discussed in court (one being the agreement that they would go to mediation)--she claimed she never got anything but the papers from Sept.

The holiday schedule was switched (must have been a mistake by dh's atty.) so it states that she gets them Xmas day this year. It also states that they have joint custody and that she was to bring them back Dec 26 at 9:00am. Of course she didn't, because she is in AK, so dh filed a police report. She is in contempt of this court order that she pushed through secretly at the last minute. We didn't even know that she was doing this until noon on Xmas eve.

DH thinks that now that they have joint custody, it is also illegal for her to take the kids out of the state without his consent. Is this true? She got the message that the police tried to contact her, and now she is pretty bummed out. She actually wants dh to go into court and say this is all okay, so she doesn't get in any trouble. She is not bringing the kids back to our house until Jan 4 late in the day or evening. This will be another violation of the order she signed, since it states that he can pick the kids up Sunday morning before church for the start of his week.
#26
Minnesota State Forum / question for jurro
Dec 15, 2003, 11:49:33 AM
I have read some of your posts referring to a communication notebook. I think this would be a good idea for my dh to try with his ex, so I wanted to know how it works for you. Is the use of it written into your parentin plan? Are there any rules about removing pages from it, or has this ever been a problem? Do you use a spiral or loose leaf notebook? Is it exchanged when your children are exchanged? Do the kids bring it back and forth, or do you hand it to her personally?
My dh is working on setting up a joint custody agreement, but would like as little personal contact with bm as possible. He doesn't want to talk to her unless he absolutely has to.
#27
DH got joint physical custody! BM showed up w/o atty, pissed off. She told dh's atty that she had already agreed to give him joint custody and go to mediation, she only wanted him to wait until she was done w/school, and said she is not done now. This doesn't make any sense, she's been saying she would be done in two weeks for 2 months. Dec 3 was her last day, and she has told dh she was graduating. I think she's getting her LPN, but wants to continue for her RN. Anyway, she also told atty that dh has been taking the kids every other week. Lie. This is the first week he has been able to keep them.

She told the judge that he is wonderful w/ the kids, and agrees to them having joint custody. They both had to testify that they can get along and respect each other, that was the hardest part. Atty didn't want to bring up any of the things they had been fighting over, because he couldn't believe this was happening so easily. They are still to go to mediation to work out all the details.

They were already arguing last night. She is playing mind games w/the kids. Making them sad because the judge said she can't take them to Alaska for Xmas. They didn't even really want to be away from home on Xmas, but she just has to tell them that GP and GM are going to miss them so much and make them feel really bad. So ss got really sad and wanted to go spend the night at his mom's. No. We're not changing everything at the last minute because moods change. What they need is stability, and now bm can't take that away from them anymore. If they end up back in court because they can't make this work, there will be no joint custody. The judge made that very clear. BM knows if they can't have joint custody, he is going for full, and she is scared as hell about that. She tried to get herself a free lawyer and couldn't get one.

The issue of cs came up briefly. The judge said that all dh would have to do is ask for a review hearing, and the HV formula would be applied. Then someone brought up the fact that he had said he would continue paying the same amount for some time while she was in school. Don't know how that's going to work out yet. His atty is drawing up the order, and he said he would word it in the most advantagious way for him. He told atty afterward that he does not her going to school for the next 8 years so she can keep collecting a large amount of child support from him. The good thing is, she can't get it raised now. If she asks to have it reviewed, it will go down. And you can bet he will ask to have her income imputed. Nurses are in great demand, and there is no reason she can't be working full time at least during the weeks that the kids are here.
#28
I am trying to find out how cs is calculated or modified when custody is changed to joint 50/50 parenting time. I looked on the links here, but didn't really find what I need to know. Hopefully they can come to an agreement in mediation, but if not, it will be determined by the court.
#29
Minnesota State Forum / update
Nov 30, 2003, 07:23:24 AM
DH has court scheduled on the 10th. He is asking for custody with equally shared parenting time, or joint custody. After saying all along that she will fight him tooth and nail if he takes her to court, bm now has asked dh to make an appt for mediation. Also, she's told him that when they go to court, she is going to tell the judge that she is perfectly willing to give him joint custody. Here's the kicker, though. If she was willing, then why didn't she sign the papers he presented her with months ago? Also,  even though she says she is willing to give dh all this time with his kids now, she refuses to change their busses back. Before school started, dh told her I could not take them to school anymore. She knows he can't because he's at work. So she agreed to have them take the bus from here. Nothing has changed to make it impossible for her to take them to school. She's done with school now so she doesn't have to get up in the morning, so she is refusing to drive them.
DH's affidavit states that if she is willing to go to mediation, he would do that instead of further litigation. Also, his atty sent her a letter stating that if she agreed to mediation, he would agree to the continuance of the court date. He asked for notice in writing, which she has not done, but she has agreed verbally to dh. DH wants to go to court on the 10th, because he wants to at least get the temporary order for joint custody while in mediation. But it is still impossible to have the kids staying here on school nights because of the bus.
#30
Can someone give me the address for downloading court forms? I need to request a child support review hearing.