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It's in Woodstock, IL, northwest of Chicago.  It's about 3 hours from me, but given the time of the event, it's almost impossible for me to get to without cutting seriously into my vacation time.........

All I can say is...........you are JUSTIFIED in every sense of the word to feel the way you do and so does your wife!  This explains a LOT in why you feel the way you do regarding meeting with him and your reaction to all this.

JMO, but your mother stepped WAY far over the line in doing what she has done.  And probably is continuing to do.  But I do wish you would consider counseling, for you and your wife.  I also live in a VERY small town (less than 2500), but there are larger towns/cities within 50 miles that have many professionals available.  I urge you to find one if you can.  If you have ins., there is always the possibility that it could be covered.  My ins. covers mental health and counseling and all I pay is a co-pay for visits.  They have to be pre-approved, but that isn't hard to do.

Wow.....meeting him for the first time at a basketball game for a team you coach.....in front of God knows how many people.  There's only one other suggestion I could make, and that's to write a letter to him and tell him how you're feeling, that you need time to adjust to all this, and that you need to proceed on your 'terms', not to be thrown or pushed into this by others.  You might also want to remind him that tho he may at least have known he had a father for some time (just didn't know 'who'), you are still trying to recover from the shock of the knowledge you even had a child all these years.  You could even say something that someone else said here, that relationships are BUILT, not born, that you do want a relationship with him, but it should be on yours and his terms, NOT anyone else's.

I wish you and your family all the best and God bless.......

It's really great to hear from you!  Even if the circumstances are less than favorable.  You have EVERY right to feel the way you do and I would be concerned for the children's safety as well.  Talking to your atty. might be a good step, but you also might want to consider talking to a counselor who specializes in children, maybe even a child psychologist.  Let them review everything that has transpired so far and get their opinion on what they think would be best for the kiddos.  You would also need to ask if they would be willing to report the same in court, for the protection of the children.

I'm so sorry to hear what's going on in your lives right now.  But you are a VERY strong woman and have proven over and over that you ONLY have your children's best interests at heart.  Good luck and God bless!

That 'company' (David and Goliath) was confronted the first time and flat out refused to do anything about it, claiming this line was one of their best sellers.  Since they have taken such a defiant stand, we're going for their pocket and getting all their clients to quit selling them, thus cutting off their gravy train and forcing them to drop the line completely.  

Notifying you 17 years after the fact is one thing, but harrassment is a horse of a different color.  If you have caller, can you print out all the calls that come in?  Talk to your local law enforcement and ask tme what they consider harrassment.  This is something neither you or your wife should have to put up with.  

The BM needs to be taught a lesson that it is NOT up to her for force a relationship, especially after DENYING one for 17 years!  ThaT if you and your son desire a relationship, that will be between the two of you, but NOT up to her.  And harrassment IS against the law and punishable.

I know this sounds VERY harsh, but the world of child custody, paternity, and family court is very harsh.  So you ONLY have to pay support for the next 15 months?  You got off easy!  With just a little pushing, the BM could VERY easily saddled you with back support to the date of birth!  You could be in automatic arrears for THOUSANDS of dollars!

As for what the BM has done in not informing you till now, there ain't a damn thing you can do about it.  This kind of thing happens to fathers ALL the time.  There is no law that I know of that makes what she's done illegal.  I have a feeling that the child was starting to ask about his/her father and the only way she could do that was to file paternity.  There is also the possibility that the child is looking at college and help to finance it, so the BM did this to point the child in another direction for funds.  Who knows what her motives were, but what's done is done.  Get counseling for you and your wife if need be, but accepting it and moving on is the only viable alternative that I can see.........JMO.

Just copied it on Dad's Divorce, so expect an onslaught of signers!

You certainly are getting the word out!  I signed it this morning, when there was less than 200 signatures, and at this time, it's nearly doubled!!

Ain't it amazin' what we can do when we do it TOGETHER????

'Eric' IS a wacko to the Nth degree.  As radical as they come.  I've seen some if his 'talent' on Dad's Divorce and he definitely is on the far left side of things.  Personally, he's the male equivalent of NOW, IMO.  Yes, that radical.

Doesn't make the statement any easier to read, tho.  And I'd also prefer to stay as far away from that as possible.........

Rak, I realize that I meant gay males as the distractees, not the distractors.  Like I said, I have nothing against homosexuality, whatever floats your boat I always say.  But I am most certainly hetero-, and I don't know how I would feel or react if some lesbian and I spent way too many hours in a fox hole.  And if I were male and had a gay man eyeing me, I'd DEFINITELY get uncomfortable.  JMO.......