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Messages - trystero

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Another update....

Had hearing regarding the Emergency Change to Parenting Time to see if the changes should stay in place.  Answer was, YES!!!


Judge had some questions about the proposed motion that both sides were agreeing on regarding provisions for supervised parenting time.  Order is now in effect for the next few months until there will be a larger hearing to determine what the new permanent parenting plan should be.......

Any suggestions for supporting my side of the case would be welcomed.  Children's mother is supposed to get a psych evaluation in a few weeks.  That will help understand what issues are in play here.  Perhaps my biggest concern/worry right now is that there are 3 'expert' opinions that are going to weigh in at the hearing, kids counselor, mother's counselor, the evaluating psychologist, and maybe the parenting time supervisors.  Some of these may have some tendency for bias towards mother (e.g. sympathy for her out weighing best-interest of kids).  I scratch my head wondering how I can get some leverage?......

Custody Issues / Re: Has My Civil liberties Been Violated????
« on: Mar 23, 2009, 01:11:53 PM »
I'd like to toss in a couple of things too....

A)  hang in there.  Look you got handed a bag of $#(*.

B)  do you have birth certificates for the child(ren) in question?  If no, it may be good to get one.  Request to the state records dept where they were born, give them you name and SSN for verification and probably pay $10 for notarized copies.  Will help you possibly with the school in convincing them you're the dad and therefore have the right to their records, etc.  There is no HIPPA equivilent for schools.  Push too hard and you'll probably wind up with the School Districts Attorney responding.  Might also try sending your plight (in a nice way) to some of the local news stations.  These things are sometimes run as public interest pieces where you say there's nothing legally binding or preventing your access to the records, etc.....

C) Lawyer up for sorting out the RO.  Its possible if she filed ex parte and said that she didn't know where you were or where you lived, the courts just went along with it.  I have no experience with that (thankfully).

Good luck!

Custody Issues / Re: Need help with info on emergency custody
« on: Mar 23, 2009, 01:04:25 PM »
Man does this sound eerily familiar!

I agree with the first to responses:

FIRST:  Contact the responding PD.  Sounds like this may be over the phone given the distance.  Give them the address and date/time of the call and arrest.  They should give you a call identification number or something similar.  Then ask them how to request the complete call service log and any other available police reports.  (probably will cost you $10 or so and take 7-10 days for you to get it in the mail).

SECOND:  Try going down to courthouse and applying for Temporary Restraining Order.  You'll need to fill out a form with as much info as you have and state why you are in fear for you kids (you have to do this because they're minors).  It may or may not be successful, but its something you can try with immediate effect if granted.

THIRD:  File the Emergency Motion to Modify Parenting Time/Custody.  Provide a proposed plan of what you're requesting and why.  Again, details are your friend.  You sound like you are basically wanting to temporarily suspend the existing court order and are requesting temporary sole custody.  This will get reviewed and granted if deemed reasonable (and for the well being of the kids it should be a no brainier -- but bear in mind, nothing is ever a no-brainer with the legal system!).  Things will be frozen as they are now (kids with you), and you'll get a hearing set in 7-10 days where a judge will want to decide if this temporary change should remain in effect until some future hearing (likely they'll set a hearing in a month or so later to hear both sides and then determine whether this new arrangement should become permanent.

I'm currently in the middle of Step 3.  Have temporary full custody with only supervised visitation w/other party pending hearing in June.  I think you have better success with Step 3 if you have some provision for supervised parenting time written in there.  It shows you're not saying 'no contact', just supervised contact for the safety of the kids.......

Good luck!

Custody Issues / Re: Motion to modify
« on: Mar 23, 2009, 12:54:31 PM »
My take, you have grounds to go down this road because if he plead guilty, that means he was charged. 

You should go get the police 911/call for service reports for the date of the occurrence.  That will get you the details collected by 911 operator, the name of the responding/arresting officer(s), and some take on their notes from the incident.  Try to talk to the officers and get a feel for their observations.  That will help you garner how strongly their testimony would be in court.  If they think that perhaps she started it but only she had marks on her or that evidence didn't support the notion that she started it, those types of opinions will matter.

Then, take that info and go see an attorney or two.  See if they think you stand much of a chance.  I say get a couple of opinions to see where the majority land.  I've been down this road myself with cops and amublances being called and my kids bearing witness to the DV, but nobody yet has ever been arrested, convicted or taken to the ER, so my case has always been extremely weak.  I pulled child service reports, talked to local DV agencies about the situation. After the last incident, even though I couldn't find a lawyer who thought I stood much of a chance, I still filed for an Emergency Modification of Parenting Time on my own.  I just couldn't do 'nothing'.

Got my motion, had a hearing, but because I wasn't well prepared for the hearing it wasn't pretty.  However, message received by opposing party was that A) I knew what was going on, B) I had resources to find out more info should something else happen.  The unfortunate side effect was C) opposing side knew I was watching and would therefore be reluctanc to call 911 in the future.....

So, for me it came down to a personal choice.  After several years, and several too many incidents and calls to 911 I had to act.

Bottom line, find out on your own as much info regarding the incident.  Its cheap, like $10 to request the police records here in Colorado.  Just need the address and the date of the indicent.  Then you'll know whether you're in a position to do something. 

Depending on when this occurred, you could attempt to et a restraining order for daugher?  Don't know how likely it is to approve.  ...


I'd say this is certainly complicated.  My 2 cents.....

- Daughter/Fathers girlfriend:  I think its a positive thing that she's in some kind of counseling to try to understand her feelings about this new relationship.  With a 1/2 sibling coming into the world soon too, this is probably a relationship that is best resolved.  I'd wonder what/how you might be commenting on the new woman in front of your daughter.  You should be encouraging your daughter to give her a chance, etc.  She could be feeling torn between your opinion of new girl friend and her own feelings.  Tough spot for a near-teenager. 

- Girlfriends 'rights' regarding guardianship, etc.:  Depending on which state you're in, this is probably going to be a tough and expensive up-hill battle.  As far as I know, when my kids are with me for my parenting time, I have the only say on where they go for sleep-overs, who babysits, etc...Before I was remarried, my then girlfriend/fiance had every right to pick up my kids from preschool/kindergarten.  this of course was with ex-'s permission via the school.  Courts were never involved really in that aspect.

- Counselor:  Your daughter is older than my kids, but still a minor.  I am not sure that either you or your ex are excluded from details from the counselor through HIPPA.  That would be a good question to find out.  Seems to me the counselor would want to also meet with you and your ex (together or separately) to help you both understand what her issues are and to try and help the poor child.  She's not in a position to fix it herself and the adults should step up and help.

Just my opinions as another parent with joint custody.  I have my own issues w/ex but still try to do whats best for my kids, not always easy as we all know.  The list of things to share with them when they're adults grows longer all the time!  LOL!

Good luck.  Going through the courts can be very expensive and time consuming...and often very frustrating as well.  You might save yourself some grief by running criminal background checks on the ex through your local PD.  There are also some very good online places where you can check all known public records on a person.  You need to start with basic information, full name and date of birth are a start.  Address where she lived before moving in w/ex, license plate information can be useful too....can help you worry less if you know if she's been convicted of something or has restrating orders filed against her, stuff like that.



Well, a few weeks have passed.  Initially believed that everyone was on the same page of taking this slow.  Then ex started PUSHING for resumption of visitation. Straw that broke camels back was her saying "We have 50/50 parenting and YOU CANNOT STOP ME!!!!!".  I now have in hand an emergency order from the court saying she only get's supervised visitation, court date for permanant orders is set for next Monday....more to come!

Colorado State Forum / Re: Change of primary custody
« on: Mar 13, 2009, 12:03:33 PM »
I think he's close to the age of having a say.  I've never seen it written down at what age kids get to weigh in on their custody situation.  Always thought it was 11-13....

Colorado State Forum / Re: contempt of court advice
« on: Mar 13, 2009, 12:01:54 PM »
Tough spot.  Because you were not consulted, I don't think you would have been obliged to pay anything more than the extractions.  Can't imagine spending that kind of money to fix baby teeth!  I do think you'd be in a strong position to NOT pay the legal fees, and to get back some of your $$$ too as you didn't agree to it.

Parents net income is primary consideration in determining support.  With regard to a parent's ability to pay support for his child, net income after reasonable and justifiable business expenses should be the primary consideration.  In re Crowley, 663 P.2d 267 (Colo App. 1983)

The applicable rule of support ability is the father's ability to pay weighed against the reasonable needs of his children, because society does not require a father in poor or moderate circumstances to support children on a higher scale just because the family once so lived or because the mother may desire to so live after the divorce.  Kane v. Kane, 154 Colo 440, 391, P.2d 361 (1964)

In making its award of child support, a trial court must weigh the father's ability to pay against the reasonable needs of the children.  Berge v. Berge, 33 Colo App 376, 522 P.2d 752 (1974), affd, 189 Colo 103, 536 P.2d 1135 (1975)

Where the father's income, while substantial, is limited and subject to numerous demands, an order contemplating only the needs of the child and not bearing any relationship to the ability of the father to pay, and that could possibly become confiscatory of all the father's available resources, is not valid.  Van Orman v Van Orman, 30 Colo App. 177, 492 P.2d 81 (1971)

Colorado State Forum / Re: Case sitings.
« on: Mar 13, 2009, 11:12:22 AM »
In order for child support to be calculated according to shared physical custody, sufficient evidence must be submitted that each parent keeps the child overnight for more than 25% fo the time, and that both parents contribute to the expenses of teh children in addition to the payment of child support.  In re Redofrd, 776 P.2d 1149 (Colo. APp. 1989)

There is NO statutory requirement that any particular amount of expense be proven by the parent seeking a support adjustment for shared physical custody.  In re Redford, 776 P.2d 1149 (Colo App. 1989)

Application of shared custody formula that results in a support payment by the custodial parent to the noncustodial parent is not necessarily prohibited.  In re Antuna, 8 P.3d 589 (Colo App. 2000)

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