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Ah, perhaps I have...I live in MA and I knew it was a mess here , so that actually makes more sense... A lawyer's website totally explained it wrong, and I should have expected that since it was a MA lawyer...I have noticed here if you talk to 3 different lawyers you get 3 completely different answers....

Don't worry about a new status quo. She is doing something criminal (custodial interference) and no judge will reward that behavior! If you don't know the address and have no way to contact the mother or children, that is kidnapping, and you should contact the center. Same as if on a visit a parent never came back with kids. They should put out a missing children poster with the pictures of mother also and date that they disappeared, I have seen posters many times where non-custodial parent took off with a child. If that is not kidnapping, I don't know what is. Somebody has to get the ball rolling here.

If you know her address, I don't see why you can't call the police in her area and see if they will cooperate with you to get your children. It will save you the trip if they won't and tell you that over the phone, but it would be the fastest (although perhaps traumatic, but I don't think you can do anything about that). Plus they might point you in the right direction. As far as residency, they aren't establishing residency because they are being unlawfully detained "against their will" (your will really, but you are the custodian so you determine their will).

But...different states have different procedures for enforcement of child custody agreements from across state lines. It may be worth it to look up her states procedures. Your state seems to use contempt hearings, but the other state may use a writ of habeas corpus, which I have heard is faster...I think. There is a new interstate child custody law that makes enforcement of a custody order across state lines much clearer (and it uses a writ), but it has only been adopted in three states. If she lives in one of those (MA, VT or NH 2010) things might be faster...in any case, some states have better procedures than others. Under the current law, enforcement is vague, thus why you are getting a lot of different advice. Depending on the local authorities, state procedures (maybe even the particular officer that you get on the phone) ect, will determine which of the advice would work the best in your situation. I would take the comment you heard about her DA with a grain of salt, because it might just depend on his mood that day, and he might just help you out too. Where are you and where are they?

Those are very serious illnesses.  Tubes in the ears 8 times sounds excessive (not tubes to drain cerebral fluid?) In any case, you still have the right to parent your child if he has a mild illness which is unrelated.  And with a child that has special needs, maybe you could work something out so that you are more informed about his condition (an opportunity to consult his doctors).  Even without joint legal, you should still have access to his medical records.  If you go back to court, I would have that specified in your CO if it is not there already.  Also, you should have some opportunity to consults doctors at least to understand the conditions, since they are complicated and serious from the sounds of them. Access to medical records doesn't mean a lot if you don't have a consultation to understand them. I am sure she won't cooperate, but if she doesn't have anything to hide she shouldn't have a problem with you directly speaking to the doctors.  If anything, it is in the child's interest, since he is in your care some of the time and it is best that any caregivers fully understand his conditions.  You can also check on her, make sure that she really is acting on the advice of doctors with coordinated care.

But I will say, my own hairs raised the same as Kitty with your initial description of the mother's behavior (and even more with his list of illnesses).  I understand that you already tried, but having tubes in ears 8 times makes me wonder seriously.  That doesn't sound right.  Also, I will say, if MY child had so many conditions I would NEVER risk elective surgery.  He must be quite fragile if he has all of that.  Since your attorney brought up Munchausen's in the past it must not be super obvious in the child?  Some of those conditions I thought were associated with physical features that may be distinct.  This must be very tough for you.  Support is the key through all of this. 

Are you having a pre-nup?  Maybe it could be a part of that?  But I will say, I don't know how enforcable it would be, since "material change in circumstances" could be argued.  Also "Best Interests" may trump it.  But a smart idea since decisions would be made while in love with each other, rather than through the filter of rage that often accompanies divorce.  At least it would give you a starting point if the unfortunate did occur.  I doubt it would avoid a child custody battle though, if the one side or the other decides to fight (as this is the whole nature of a battle).

Yes, this greatly depends on where you live.  What state are you in?  In some states, it is a bigger deal than in other ones.  Where I am, this is not a big deal.  I would just make sure child has a separate room. 

This situation is bad.  You need to get your child out of there.  She can't just move away like that.  File for temporary custody, based on move alone you should get it but with the other items.  Find and pay a good lawyer to do this for you, even if you have to beg borrow and steal.  It will be worth it.  Do it fast!!

She is doing the worst possible things.  Give them enough rope and they hang themselves.  The sad thing is, while all of this is going on, you aren't seeing your child.  *sigh*  At least the hearing is soon.  When jurisdiction was decided for me in Texas, I did appear in the hearing, which did not hurt my case since personal jurisdiction was moot.  Since personal jurisdiction is already moot for you also, are you planning to go to the special appearance hearing?  I only ask because you should try to see child if you have to be there anyway.  She is KILLING herself if she doesn't let you see your child, but it will be her choice since the judge won't be able to order it.    Our situation was opposite, since I am CP and NCP was trying to file in Texas.  Judge asked us to bring child for hearing so that father could see him as long as we were going to be there anyway (how this happened was a little complicated).  After the hearing he said that he couldn't order visitation since he didn't have jurisdiction.  Of course we brought child and father visited with him for the time we were in Texas. Same will be true for you.  Judge in Texas won't be able to order it, but she will look HORRIBLE if she doesn't let you see your child.  Also anytime we had court in my state I always allow visitation while he is here.   I would be handing my head on a plate otherwise.

I will say, she probably isn't showing up to court for the same jurisdictional issues reasons.  Lawyers prob told her not to show up, since that is the usual advice.  She is just on the wrong side of it, since NY has jurisdiction and she is ticking off the judge.  Although maybe she is just thumbing her nose at the court based on her other behavoir LOL.  Just, in my case the other side in Texas kept saying that about me, since I didn't show up for the first couple of hearing (I didn't know about one, and then wasn't served in time for the next and although I knew about it, I could not go).  I hadn't been served and it would have subjected me to the jurisdiction of Texas to just show up at it.  We had to file the special appearance before any appearance in court.  And the judge was ticked off at me the same way.  But I won entirely because of the way I did it (as you certainly have found out).  The lawyer called it "strategy" but it was extremely scary since the judge was making negative comments about me not being there.  But once the special appearance was filed, it was in my favor to appear, since it showed respect for the court. He was still not happy until he heard all the facts and had an attitude with me at the first special appearance hearing (the second hearing he had read all of the evidence, and he actually yelled at the father at one point).

As far as daycare, they just don't want to do the wrong thing and get sued I think.  That's why they are quiet.  If you had a good relationship up to this point, I would wait it out.  They aren't lawyers and these court actions scare the heck out of them.  You are within your rights to force them to give you info, but I wouldn't want my child in the care of people that are also being subjected to legal threats.  They should be professional, but I just won't take any risks.  Thats just what I would do.

My son's BF is long distance and doesn't see him very often, so I have worries like you. The conversations that you are having sound good, nice and simple. Your daughter will take cues from you. If you don't make it a big deal, just someone else who loves her and wants to see her, she won't see it as a big deal.  That's how you present it to daughter, even if you are worried about impacts.  Don't let her see it. Treat it the way you would if one of your relatives was coming to visit her. No talk about the future, or any big build ups about seeing him. Just, we are going to see dad tomorrow at McDonald's. It will be fun to play there won't it? (You don't know whether he will play with her or talk to her or what, so don't build up his behavior to her or create any expectations, except to let her know that she should expect to see him) Over time, she will develop her own relationship with dad, and dad will be the one who controls the nature of the relationship. You don't have any control over him and what he does or how often he comes. He will be the parent that he chooses to be. You can only control how you react in the situation. Try not to build yourself up too much either, that way you won't be disappointed.

I know what you are looking for, and I know the ways in which you imagine it might be great. You can try to give him advice, but he will probably just resent it (often what he hears is that you think he is too incompetent to figure it out himself). Just let him interact the way he wants to, and hopefully he will figure it out (unless there are some special medical issues with child that need to be conveyed, ect..). But he will have to figure it out on his own. Even if he doesn't you and she will be ok.

Have to agree with Davy.  Interstate child custody is based on child's residence for initial custody jurisdiction (subject matter jurisdiction).  However, child support (or jurisdiction over the father) can be based on the smallest of connections.  Simple as a speeding tickets, renting a car, doing any business in a state whatsoever subjects YOU to their jurisdiction.  Him staying away from Texas is a good idea, since it makes his jurisdiction argument even stronger.  I was in a similiar situation, and even if child never lived in contested state (actually Texas) my lawyer was very happy that child had never even BEEN inside the state for even 30 seconds.   I, on the other hand, had lived in Texas for a short time.  So while the subject matter and child was not in the jurisdiction of Texas, I WAS subject to Texas' jurisdiction.

Right, so don't ask her to budge on money. Just ask for more time, in the context of missing your son.  If you do it right, she will have to have a heart of stone to not feel guilty.  It is hard to keep saying no to someone who is asking nicely.  Ask her for her suggestions about how you could see him more.  Explain how you feel, without mentioning boyfriend, only that you miss son, and put the ball in her court.  Are there any extracurricular activities that you can participate in with son?  Sports is always good, he could be enrolled in t-ball or something, and then you could see him there.  You could offer to pay for it if you are able to.  I guess I am just trying to think of creative ways for you to see your son more, since it is so soon to ask for a modification.  Unfortunately the court has its own definition of "change".  Also, don't miss any time with your son (I'm sure you are not, but just in case).  Can't ask for more unless you are using all of it.