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let me try to clear this up. I have never denied her anything. if she requested a copy of the report card i would give her one. I'm sorry but i feel that is her responsibility to inquire about day to day things with our son. It's like her defense of asking me to call her to talk to our son, and if i don't she simply never calls and says i deny her talking to our son. Again i feel that is her responsibility to call, as well as being involved in his life. in fact she has only gotten a copy of his report card LAST year due to me telling her about it, she has since never cared to bother asking or inquiring about it. If the roles were reversed let me just say that number one any of those excuses would never keep me from being involved with our son, i would pay any price and do anything to be a active father and role model for this boy. he's my best friend and i am the only stability he knows. This woman abused us both for years before we got away from her, he has done a complete 180 and i can prove that, and as funny as it sounds about a woman being the abusive one it happens believe me, and this is documented and several witnesses ready to take the stand for testimony on eye witness accounts. my heart is breaking into pieces for the sheer fact that our sons stability and continuity is on the line, but if anything should fail it won't be his daddys fight to protect it. thank you for all the responses it does make me feel better and some assurence that he will remain in my custody.

Only a psychiatrist can state that you have mental issue and/or unstable. Until he provides something concrete, I would put no credence into his assertions. Let him come into court making these claims without proof and see how the court responds.

i would not follow this advise, while maybe only a psychiatrist may diagnose you, i would imagine witness testimony can help prove stability issues. if it were me i would have a back-up plan rather than just relying on "the court will respond the way i think". talk to your lawyer first and foremost. goodluck.

What do you base this on?  Usually third party witness testimony is difficult to introduce because of hearsay rules.  They can't go into court and say, for example, "I hear the defendant call so-and-so and you-know-what while they were jumping on a trapolene in a kangaroo suit."  That is hearsay and inadmissable.

In my experience, if the court feels there may be mental health issues or one side claims that there is, they will order psych evaluations.  If the court does order an eval I would have your attorney fight to have BOTH parties evaluated equally, and that the party requesting the eval be responsible for payment.

i am basing it on the fact of how eye witness testimony convicts people of crimes everyday. hearsay i always thought was having someone actually not witness an act but give an opinion on what they may have heard. for instance, abuse, neglect of a child. Do you believe a court would not allow eye witness testimony to these factors? I never said they will allow someone to diagnose a person, but if someone is mentally ill that can fall under both examples i have put down for testimony. I wouldn't walk into court just figuring they can't use it unless of course my lawyer advised me not to worry about it. thats also why i said talk to your lawyer first and foremost.

excellent advise thank you. I have already enrolled both of us (my son and I ) into therapy in hopes to keep my son mentally stable through the process of mom coming back into his life. and myself for the just sheer fact of dealing with all of this heartache. Let me just say that, my wishes are not to cut mom off in fact i feel she needs to step up and become a parent and that is my wish. But i also know who she is and what she does and i know our son's best interest in the stable home i provide for him. She has it stuck in her head all custody should be joint in our case, and i strongly hope that is one issue our justice system disagrees with her on. Just to pijnt out something very small but shows her true colors is, now school is out and has she asked about our sons report card? Not a chance. This is a game for her and her largest goal is to do what she has done for years in the past beat me down, and get over on me. But this time i am fighting back with our sons well being at sake will keep me strong throughout this process.

Greatdaddy, rest assured my thoughts and  prayers will be with your son, and you during this trying time.  The advice regarding no negative comments is just advice I always give.  I was divorced in 1994, & have three grown children, 27, 23, & 21, plus two step children, 21 & 20.  So it is from personal experience as well as eyewitness events that prompt me to hand that advice out so freely.

Keep the faith.

thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I believe i may be stressing over nothing, but it's hard not too. I have taken care of this child for over 2 years alone, and now after all this time she is back and along with it comes the craziness, and unstable life that can only hinder our child's progress. I will fight every step of the way for his best intrest and willing to be broke for quite awile to achieve it.

Only a psychiatrist can state that you have mental issue and/or unstable. Until he provides something concrete, I would put no credence into his assertions. Let him come into court making these claims without proof and see how the court responds.

i would not follow this advise, while maybe only a psychiatrist may diagnose you, i would imagine witness testimony can help prove stability issues. if it were me i would have a back-up plan rather than just relying on "the court will respond the way i think". talk to your lawyer first and foremost. goodluck.

thank you for the response. i have NEVER said anything bad about his mother. the fact is i couldnt stand it bwecause it would hurt my son's feelings. as far as me i am crystal clean, i work in the medical field and provide very well for our son. I do have the "dirt" on her if needed. i have 5 people willing to testify of her abuse to our son. i know the courts like to forgive, but at the very least it should show he is exactly where he needs to be. with his father. he has gone to the same school for the last two years, and i have had the same job as well. it's hard not to stress when your childs well being is at sake. please pray for him and what is best for him. thank you

Well it's not like he provides alot of support. He only pays $123 a month. So YES i do provide most of the finanical support for the child. I am sorry i even asked this question. If i would of knew i was going to be attacked i would of never asked.

wait a second, i thought you asked if he has child a day more than you per week, meaning he takes care of the child 4 days out of 7? so he is paying for housing, utilities and food and still pays CS. but you are claiming to provide most of the financial support? maybe we are misunderstanding your circumstances but from what you have said it sounds to me like he is pulling his weight and then some. just my opinion

LEGALLY, if there is an income disparity, even with equal time sharing, child support CAN be ordered.

What part of that is debatable? Do you actually have any knowledge ?

The support is for the child to have the same lifestyle and level of care at BOTH homes.

Please stop with your childish remarks to all posters who you don't agree with.

It doesn't help the person seeking help and it tarnishes the validity of this board.

there is alot that is debatable, for one how is it the responsibility of the other parent to provide more income to the ex because they can not hold their end of the deal? the father clearly is doing his part, why should he have to supplement the ex wifes income? sounds like maybe he should have more custody and time since the mother can not afford to take care of her half of her obligation. and the only knowledge we have is what she has stated. I totally know where he is comming from.

It is good if it lasts a year because he is in your home for another year. She needs to prove why she should have custody and why it would be in the best interest of the child. The burden in on HER. You care there to show everything is fine and counter what she says.

The counselor will help you but go and interview them FIRST without son. It took us at least 2-3 tries before we got one that fit our needs. Tell them the situation and see how they react, how they would handle it, and get a feeling from them. If son is doing okay with things, then maybe have the counselor for YOU and not him. My kids hated therapy. They didnt like to keep talking about it so if he is doing okay and mom is being good and not telling him he is going to live with her...leave it alone. Tell you son that mom came back and wants to start seeing him again but that everything else is fine. Maybe have individual counseling with you and one in a while family in case he needs someone in the future. You dont want to start telling him "mom wants to take you away" therapy sessions when they probably wont happen. Live life for him as close to regular as possible.

When is your next court date and what is it for? Are they starting a custody tria; or hearing? A hearing is just another day to reahash what is going on so then it will be pushed back again...we call family court "hurry up and get there..then wait"

next date is june 15th. the first one was just a emergency temp custody order which i got. I did call and talk to another lawyer just to see what a different one would say. he pretty much said i should win custody hands down. of course he didnt want to go into it too much without some money. and from my understand there was not a lawyer in town that would take her case, i'm not sure why but the one she got now took it for the money at the last second. A friend told me it's probably due to winability, which i pray is true. I have alot of dirt of her, i really don't want to be ugly but it may come to that if this really goes on for as long as you stated. The courts have got to look at her mental status from her past, along with the documentation of reported abuse and her suicide intentions. of course my lawyer would need to get the records of her mental hospital stay. This is very scary, she is truley a crazy person and quite honestly I don't trust her around our child in the least.

Hi again,
Since you have him and she doesnt have a place, you have a great change of keeping physical custody. Keeping him in his school is very important to the courts so if she doesnt move into your school district would be very good for you but for right now dont worry so much.

When you get to court try not to be so negative about the mother. State facts without too much neg emotion. That you want son to know his mother in a safe environment and right now that you feel supervised would be best considering the circumstances but if the mother shows the courts and remains in counseling the court can give her more slowly. That your son was just reintroduced to the mother after 2 years that it needs to be slow.

Like I said before, dont worry about the joint legal even if she lives close by. It really doesnt do much. If you "give" in to that and that makes her happy then DO IT. She probably figured out that if she gave you full physical custody then she will have to pay you child support which you can also negotiate. Has she been paying? If not, then you can offer her a reduced amount and a gradual visitation plan according to the courts and how things go. Definitely bring some people to testify in your behalf.

When is your next court date? YOu need to relax and I know that is hard to do but this is going to be months (and my guess will be at least a year) for this to be settled unless the two lawyers work something out so...you need to turn it off so you can still have a life through this. Go and enjoy raising him and deal with this when you have to. Right now you have to but it doesnt have to be 24 hours a day. Court will take over your life if you let it.

How is your son doing about seeing mom again for the first time this weekend? Are you allowed to be there and stay if he wants?

she is being garnished for childsupport. she never liked paying. she is moving back in with a friend she met from the bar scene back in the day which is a party house still. I was allowed to be there for her two hr visits, my son doesn't know what is going on obviously and i am putting him into councling right away. i have documentation of reported abuse from the mother when we left her. i am hoping this will help keep things slow and keep him with me where he has been well taken care of and doing so well. she will not be living in our school district not even close. I understand she will get visitations but my goal is to keep it slow for a good while and keep him living with me full time. I can't express enough how much he has changed for the better with the stability and continuity provided for him in my home. I had no idea this could last a year after she has been out of the picture for so long, everyone keeps telling me not to worry i will have custody. But it's not easy to relax.