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Messages - spitfire

Visitation Issues / Re: First visitation
Dec 03, 2009, 12:59:30 PM
I wish you all the luck in the world.  If my parents could behave like you my life would be SO much less stressful.
Visitation Issues / Re: First visitation
Nov 18, 2009, 06:30:03 PM
I am so happy for all of you that I could just about cry.  I hope everything continues to go smoothly.
I copied the "request for medial records" letter from the site and sent it to Dad.  He has filled it out and sent it to his lawyer for her approval before he sends it in.  We'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Thanks for all the advice.
She isn't getting therapy, just just saw the person one time for an evaluation.

I understand that the therapist might have confidentiality issues, but that wasn't their argument for not turning over the records.  They said it was because mom said no, and she is the custodial parent.   
Dad is refusing to pay until either the records are released to him or he is court ordered. 

Mom had taken 15yo to therapist because she thinks that Dad has turned her a little one of him.  The therapist did tell 15yo that whatever she said would be confidential, but when Dad requested the records they sent him a copy of the CO that mom gave them which states she has temporary custody.  The temporary part is the problem.   The CO is very vague and doesn't specify legal or physical custody, it just says custody. 

As to why mom is refusing to let Dad see the records, who knows.   She has a wierd desire to "beat" Dad, so everything has to be a battle. 

Well, that is basically my whole question.  Mom took 15yo to therapist, but told them that she was custodian and that they were not to release any records to Dad.  She then sent the bill to Dad, who is not required by the CO to pay for medical expenses.  When Dad requested the records they refused to give them to him, as mom is the custodial parent.  Does he have a right to these records?  I read through pages and pages of Arkansas code, and I did find where NCPs have a right to school records, but I can't find anything on medical records. 

Visitation Issues / Re: "Reasonable Visitation"
Sep 25, 2009, 08:37:25 AM
The evening didn't turn out as dramatic as expected......which seems to be mom's pattern.  She took the 15yo to get her shots, but the HD had already shut down when she got there, so she drove the 15yo over to her piano lesson 40 minutes early, dropped her off, and said she wasn't coming back to get her, she could just walk to her Dad's afterwards (about 2 miles).  So 15yo calls Dad, he went and picked her up and she stayed with him.  Dad picked up the other kids around 6:45 and they all went to dinner, then he dropped them all back off at mom's. 

Visitation Issues / Re: "Reasonable Visitation"
Sep 24, 2009, 12:45:18 PM
I tried to reason with mom at the beginning, and she wouldn't hear it.  She has said and done things now that have completely destroyed the relationship we had (she was my best friend and closest confidant) and made any communication impossible.  Last week even though I called and told her I was coming over to give her the CS check, she refused to open the door to me until I showed her the check, then she grabbed it and slammed and locked the door behind her.  It almost broke my heart.  I cried for at least an hour.  For the sake my emotional stability I have had to stop trying to communicate with her.

I realize that this isn't technically my fight, but you have to understand that this isn't simply that my parents have decided they don't want to be together.  If it was just me I could step aside let them duke it out. But what about the babies?  The people I love most in the world are in constant agony because of this.  How can I not take sides?   
Visitation Issues / "Reasonable Visitation"
Sep 24, 2009, 12:08:22 PM
My parents are currently going through a bitter divorce.  As I am no longer a minor I am outside of any custody or visitation orders, but as I was living at home when this all came to a head, and I am currently living with my Dad,  I am very much involved in the situation.  I have seven minor siblings; 15yo, 13yo, 10yo, 8yo, 6yo, 4yo & 2yo. 

My mother was given custody at the temporary hearing with Dad getting standard visitation - the first and third weekends of each month, alternating 5 weekends, and Wednesday evenings.  The judge specifically stated that this was not to limit Dad's time with the kids, and that all other reasonable visitation was to be allowed.  However mom makes everything a living nightmare.  But on to the current situation.

Mom testified in court that she intended to continue homeschooling the children "if she was able", however, 4 weeks into the school year she enrolled them in public school.  Up until this year none of the children have had any immunizations, so they are a bit behind.  My 15yo sister refused to get her shots last week.  Mom had scheduled them for Friday afternoon, right before Dad was suppose to pick them up for weekend visitation, and there would have been no way for them to get the laundry done and everything packed up and ready for the visit (mom does absolutely nothing to help them prepare) if the 15yo hadn't stayed home and got everything put together. 

Our church has "Family Night" dinner on the last Thursday of each month.  Dad texted and asked mom if he could take the children (they cannot communicate in person or on the phone, mom becomes very vulgar and abusive).  She ignored him.  So he emailed her, copying in his lawyer, and told her that if she continued to refuse resonable visiation he would go back to court.  She responded that he could take them to family night if he got the 15yo vacinated first.  Dad doesn't think he should have to "buy" visitation with his children.  Then she sent another email stating that since the children come back to her house from visiting Dad they are abusive to her, so all additional visitation is unreasonable. 

Today Dad received a letter through his lawyer from her lawyer, stating that he can take the other children to Family Night, but Amanda is not allowed to attend unless she has her shots by 6:45 tonight (the dinner starts at 7pm).  Dad doesn't think that he should give in to her demands, because it would set a bad precedent (ie that she gets to call all the shots). What do you think?  Dad has spoken to the school, and she doesn't have to have the shots until next week, and he has talked to Amanda about the shots, and she is willing to get them.  We just don't want to bargain for visitation. 

One final question.  The relationship between the kids and their mother is abysmal, but the 15yo is the worst, not only because she is "that age", but because she is old enough and mature enough to see through mom's attempts at alienation.  If she is left at home with mom tonight there is a pretty good likelyhood that they will have a fight (not necessarily physical, but it is possible.  I don't think the 15yo would start anything, but mom has totally lost it).  If the 15yo calls me and asks me to come get her, and I do, can I get into trouble?  Or more importantly, will it cause Dad trouble in the future?  Don't get me wrong, if my little sister calls and asks for my help I am going to give it to her, I just want to be prepared.

For additional background, (,
Quote from: ksmarks on Jun 26, 2009, 06:54:32 PM
If dad hasn't already made his way to attorney he needs to get himself there asap, courts aren't the way they where years ago, and mother doesn't always know best.

That being said, dad's are afforded an equal right to custody these days.. so chin up, and try not to worry and keep posting, the good people here will attempt to assist you and your father when ever and however they can.

Dad has to respond in a per-stated time frame if he needs assistance, he needs to get to an attorney...

Keep us posted as to how you are doing..

Best Wishes and Angels on your shoulders..


Thanks.  Dad has an attorney, and he is really pleased with her.  I just feel like I don't know what is going on, or what to do about it (Not that I really can do anything). Courts have become more balanced, but as I mentioned in my update, we ended up with an 80+yo judge who still things moms should have their kids.