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If you've had the kids for the past 4 years full time, it isn't likely that she'll get custody.

Do you have a court order now?  Has she been paying child support?

Your best bet is to focus on the children make sure you have copies of their school records, and what not.  Show that you're the stable force in their lives.

If you have mediation coming up, go in there prepared.  Have a parenting plan with you that DETAILS everything!  I do believe there are some samples on this site? The main thing is to make sure you've covered all your bases, that you are to have primary custody and outline in detail visitation to include pick-up/drop-off times and locations.  Address holiday's and school breaks.  Make sure there is a "right to first refusal" clause in there.  I would even go so far to start off with supervised visitation?  You just want to keep the focus on the kids. 
In mediation the key is to know exactly what you are willing to settle for.  Do not settle for anything less than primary custody!  If she doesn't want to negotiate then take it to court. 

Do you have an attorney?  If it does go to court, try not to "bash" the BM again, keep your focus on the kids and the need to keep the "status quo".

Did you keep a record of the times she did visit?  Do you have copies of her arrest (just in case) and any convictions?

as of now there is a court order from our previous court date dated 05-09-09 for 50-50 custody she only get the kids on weekends but she only showed up twice since then and to make things worst i have to pay her $850 a month in support coz we have 50-50..she had a lawyer then and i dont but now her lawyer quit on her too..yes i have a copy of the arrest from the court, out of the 4 years she probably saw the kids 15 time the most coz she's always high on drugs or she doesnt have money to see the kids...i just want sole physical custody and to lower or even no child support...and im not gonna let her disrupt my kids way of life now by moving with her, new school district and new friends..the kids are all settled with my neighborhood and the school district for the last 4 years..

I am the father of my 2 kids ages 13 and 11, 4 years ago my wife took off on us on jan 06, she left me with the 2 kids while she parties, do drugs got caught on aprl 07 with drug possesion, under the influence, and parapernaglia.. so my first reaction is to find a home for my kids and a school, so everything went fine they settled in the place im renting right now, doing real good in school, extra curricular activities like after school sports, while i worked full time, go to school part time and taking care of both my kids..the mom only visits them whenever is convenient for her..and then one sad day she wants to get both my kids in her custody after all that she done with her life, we have a mediation coming up on nov 20th and a trial date on dec 11th..what are the chances of her getting my kids? im totally lost right now, even the kids doesnt wanna see her or being with her and her boyfriend, she had another baby by her boyfriend too and both of them are unemployed and living from friends house to another...can pls somebody tell me what are the guidelines for the best interest of the children...before my mediation and my trial..thanks in advance

so we're going to have a mediation again on nov 20 and our short cause trial is going to be on dec 11..on this coming mediation im going to be firm on a sole physical custody coz the last time we went on mediation the mediator gave us a copy of the report and she put it in there in bold letters FATHER IS GOING TO HAVE SOLE PHYSICAL CUSTODY and mother has visitation...i know i have a strong case since i took care of both my kids for FOUR straight years without my deadbeat ex-wife..and another note on our court minutes from last hearing that " MAKE THE CHILDREN AVAILABLE AT ALL TIMES FOR THE MEDIATOR OR COUNSELOR TO TALK WITH THEM"..im possitive about the kids that they wanna stay with me coz they saw what i did to them and what ive done for them, im just hoping that the judge and the court mediator will look at all the angle..coz my case is a win win situation in all angles...i will be firm on FATHER SOLE PHYSICAL CUSTODY, MOTHER VISITATION ONLY ON SUNDAY FROM 10AM-7PM, AND NO SLEEPOVER, coz she lives from friends house to friends house with her infant and her boyfriend...thanks for your input and comments...keep them coming!!! i do appreciate it!!

What does your seperation agreement say regarding custody?  If it gives her custody, or if you guys share custody, and you have income and she doesn't, you will end up paying her.

that was on the first temporary order on our first OSC..50-50 custody but i re-appealed it..and we both didnt agree on the second OSC, so now we had to go for another mediation then the mediator will talk to the kids and then our short cause trial...this court system is killing me...

ok, let me make this short and simple; i filed for a divorced last year and we agreed on everything but now the most difficult topic is our custody arrangement..first of all she was the one who left me and my two kids four years ago, so being a responsible dad the first thing i did is put a roof over our head, move them to a new school, give them whatever they need and put them to sports,medical needs etc..in other words i was the FATHER and the MOTHER at the same time while she was out partying, doing dope and also got arrested with dope 2 years ago, living from friends house to other friends house in other words a BUM, while I was taking care of both our kids and going to school part-time and working full time, there was only a handful visits that she did during those 4 years to the kids..now we had a mediation and OSC for some strange reason the judge awarded her $850.00 a month in child support and she doesnt even see or take care of our kids..now in the next month we're gonna have a final mediation and the mediator will talk to the kids (they are 13 and 11 yrs old) and then our short cause trial..i dont even know why the judge awarded her with this amount while im the one who's taking care of them 100%..does the judge always reward a loser, irresponsible parent..i dont get it..can pls somebody help me on my situation with any suggestions or comments..im getting desperate..i dont even have money to hire a lawyer and now they're garnishing my paycheck for the child support...PLS HELP!!!!!!by the way we are both in PRO-PER...thanx in advance and GOD BLESS

I filed for a divorced last May '08..here is the scenario; she left in jan 06 and left the kids with me they're 13 and 11 right now, so i moved out of the house aith the kids, put them to school, sports, and took care of their needs, basically i was the mom and the dad at the same time..kids did good with me since then, while she partied, got drunk and got caught in april 07 with methampethamine, charged with possession,under the influence and parapenalia...

she started sleeping around jumping from place to place and never call or visited the kids..or maybe she does whenever is convenient for her, the last time she saw our kids was sept 08..now she had a new baby from another man, lives in a studio apartment and the'yre claiming that they dont both dont have a job...now here is the most shocking part!!!! we went to court, mediation for the custody and being a nice guy i agreed to 50-50 custody and even drop the child support that she owed me which is $19,000 so we can just both move on..

our agreement is i will have the kids on M-F during school days and she will have them whenever she feels like it..she filed for OSC, went to court, since she doesnt have a job and we split 50-50 now the court slap me and had me paying $854 a month for child supprt...and its rediculous!! so i filed for another OSC for to modify support, im fighting full custody now since i had them for 4 straight years and took care of them, she didnt enforce the temporary suport yet coz she hasnt seen the kids and my kids doesnt even wanna be or see her at all...

now my question is can my kids be heard by the mediator or the judge for their custodial preferences?? what are my chance on this case coz my mediation is going to be on sept 09 and my OSC hearing is on sept 29 at rancho cucamonga court...im not going to agree on anything she say now i want ny back child suport and 100% custody since i took car of my kids and its detrimental fro them to move, coz i think she also want 100%custody....PLSSSSSSSSSS HELP!!!!!!!!