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Hello,

We have a mediation report in our favor.  Mom objected to new recommended timeshare (70/30 dad).  Report was adopted, with summer timeshare for now (50/50).  Trial date set.

In her financial info which we subpoened we found two points of interest...

One, that she had a separate bank account which was used for deposits and she under-reported her taxable income by $25k both to us on her I & E and the IRS on her tax return.  

And two, she falsely claimed she was single in 2003 to claim Head of Household and she was not (her latest divorce was final in '04).  She also falsely claimed son lived with her "full time" in '03 (it was 50/50) for renters credit.

Also, this new info would change her income substantially if considered for CS purposes - but we don't really want to highlight the money issue, but instead her willingness to lie to the court (and the IRS).

1.  How best can we use the financial info we discovered?

Thanks a bunch for your thoughts!!  

eom

Please help me understand this better. It sounds very intriguing, but clearly I need is spelled out for a newbie, if you would be so kind...

1.  The mediation itself was court ordered, private mediation.  So, what I hear you saying is that if the report had not been adopted it would basically be unuseable in trial? But once it's adopted it's evidence?

 2. If she doesn't admit to the facts included in the "request for admissions" how does would that make her liable for our legal fees?  

ThankyouThankyouThankyou!

eom

Hello,

We completed a hearing to review mediators report for custody. It was favorable toward Dad and he wanted report adopted as is.  

Mom objected, mostly to school year timeshare where report called for kids with Dad during the week due to her poor choices and toll it has taken on kids.  (70-30 proposed for schoolyear)

Becuase of her objection, the report was adopted for summer timeshare (50-50) and no other changes.  Trial date was set.

In addition Mom was ordered to undergoing testing for possible adiction and it was strongly suggested that she take classes to quell domestic violence children have been witness to repeadedly in her care.

1. I know you don't have a crystal ball, but considering the report was adopted, at least temporarily, and there was an awareness by the judge of Mom's "issues", how best might we avoid the expense of a trial and get her to settle at pre-conference?

Thanks so much for any advice!

DD,

I have no great words of wisdom for you or your wife, but I very much identify with your situation.  Our bio-mom sounds extremely similar to your  ex wife.  She is always described as "charming" and she beguiles all men near and far.  However, she is a chronic liar and apparently coated in teflon as nothing ever seems to stick.  

We just went through a mediation process and co-parenting sessions that were riddled with her false allegations, bald face lies and the most common tool in her arsenal, the lie by omission.  

Of course there was no agreement in mediation, but our report was for Dad physical, Mom visitation one night a week.  We had as much documentation as we could to counter her lies.  But what really sunk her was her own choices.  Many men.  Many moves.  Violent men.  No structure in the home.  No discipline.  etc.  These were noted in the report.  However, the mediator didn't "see" as much of the lies and PAS towards Dad as we would have hoped, just the poor choices involving the kids.

Now, we have this positive recommendation but she has already lined up a new attorney to buy more time (our hearing is in a week) and she intends to go to trial.  My question is whether or not the judge will adopt the recommendation at the hearing and tell her she can pursue trial if she wishes?  Not adopt the recommendation and allow the continuance?  Or send us all for a full evaluation with psych testing (which I think would bring her personality issues to the surface, but would take even more time and $$$$).  I'm praying he adopts it.  It has taken 3 years to get to this point due to her delay tactics.  

I'm sorry to go on about our situation.  I really just wanted to say that I feel your frustration in not having her "found out".  I think that has been the most difficult aspect.  That she is so different to others than she is to us and the kids.  It's crazy making.  It is so diffucult, but try to let the frustration transition into an attitude of "I've done my best and will continue to, but there may be bigger plan here that I can't see".  

Good luck - I wish for that those in a postion to help will "see" the truth!

It has taken over 2 years to get this far, and have a positive report in hand.  We would love to have the judge adopt it now of course.  

It seems so obvious that the new attorney and the request for more time is to try and forstall the change in custody as long as possible - which has been the pattern here.  We were just wondering if the judges "see" this as a tactic, or if they care.  

Thanks for responding.

Hello,

We received the recommendation from the mediator for physical custody in her report with visitation to mother.  

Hearing is 3 weeks away.  Mother is now attempting to stall by hiring a new attorney and asking for a continuance so the new attorney can ramp up.  We do not want a continuance.  We want the report adopted first, then she can readdress with her new lawyer at a later date if desired.  

We are in Ca.  How likely is it that her stall tactic will work?

Thank you very much for your input.

Hello there,

We have spent the past 2 years obtaining an order to return to mediation (for custody changes) in California. We have had a date on the calendar for the past 2 months.  So today my ex calls and says she is pushing it out - again.  

Are there rules regarding changing mediations dates?  I'm frustrated.

Thanks!

Yup.  SS said that mom would make up excuses like "the cat peed on your bed, so you have to sleep with mommy" or "I didn't get your linens washed, so you have to sleep with me I guess" until he was 12.  He said he did it because he knew she was afraid to be alone, but that it felt weird.  He asked DH to talk to mom for him.  DH did, but mom told him that he couldn't tell her what to do.  So, DH brought it up in mediation and she openly admited it.  Said she didn't see anything wrong with it because "they didn't have hair down there yet..." (? huh?).  

Even with this, the mediator just told her to stop asking them and added a line in the mediation report which states "children must sleep in their own beds".  

Good luck!