Messages

What painting?  That's really just a self-portrait most days.......  

Your advice is sound regarding providing certified copies of the order.  It really just urks me to have to go to those lengths (involving folks not in the family...you know).  

As for the trial, we had one.  The outcome of which was the shift of custody to dad, at least temporarily.  As mom stated previously, she will not accept it, ever.  She is holding to her word.  We have noticed a definite pattern of undermining since the new order was adopted. This is especially noticable on areas where we set up consequences for the kids and she will not uphold them.  In fact, on one occassion we told SS he couldn't use his computer for 2 weeks.  Well, mom bought him a new one so he could use it at her home.  So, you know, her home is more desireable that way.  It's very divisive.  And the kids are the ones who suffer most.

At this point I believe we are doomed to high-conflict.  It take two to cooperate, but only one to make cooperation impossible.  

Thanks for your response!

Legal custody is 50/50.  And yes, there are days when mom picks up the kids from school directly.  That has been a big issue.  I once went into the office to sign out my son (DH and I have two the same age at the same school) and on the wall next to the phone was a note from mom and in big letters it stated "Do Not Call Father on MY Days! Always call mother first!!".   To me it was not really surprising and kind of sad, but to the office staff, well, they were a bit rattled and bent over backwards so as not to upset her.  How are they supposed to know when it is "her day"?  And isn't it really supposed to be the kids days?  

Well, I don't see this problem going away until the kids are 18, but I was just wondering if anyone had any brilliant solutions I could try.  

Thanks!

Background: Dad was granted primary physical custody last year.  This was done on a temporary basis, but it's been over 7 months now.  Mom has had difficultly accepting this.  She stated in front of both attorneys and DH that "she will never agree to it and won't accept it".

Even though we have been careful to include her contact info on all emergency cards at school and doctors office, this has not been good enough.  She has taken it upon herself to go to the school and create new cards for each child, listing herself and her new husband as contact for  "child lives with" and using her phone numbers as contacts.  Dad has been put down as "emergency contact when parents not available". In addition, she listed DH's phone number incorrectly on the school card.  

At the doctors office, for which DH provides sole insurance coverage through his employer, she changed the contact information again listing her address only .  I found this out because the doctors office called our home and asked for her by name, as they had a test result for SS and couldn't reach "her" at her other numbers.  She has also called DH's insurance directly and changed SS dentist without our knowledge or consent.  When DH has spoken to her about this her response has been "they are my children and I am entitled to make any changes I see fit".  It is very frustrating.  

Anyone else have this issue with your ex?  Any thoughts on how to deal with this with the doctors office, etc.  Aren't there HIPA laws concerning privacy which should come into play here?  I need the knowledge from those who have walked this one before.

Thanks very much!

Hi all,

We have learned through a reliable source that ss has been smoking pot and drinking while in moms custody (she provides little supervision).  We are due to return for hearing in 2 months to assess how custody is going.  Obviously we first want ss safe and not associating with his current peer group; but second, how do we actually document this type of behavior for the judge?  Doesn't seem like we can just "say it" as we need to have proof?  SS admits to nothing.  Mom denies he "would ever do such a thing", especially while in her care.

Anybody dealing with this?  Any help is appreciated.

Thanks!

Hi all,


Dad got primary physical custody granted (yea!) with an order to return in 3 months to "see how things are going" (boo!).

The impression we got was that the judge may keep things the same or go back to 50/50 based on how the kids were doing. Dad getting custody was based on the mediators report. Mom fought it to trial.

When a judge grants a custody change on a temporary basis what types of change is he looking for that would lead to a decision to return to a previous custody timeshare (which was 50/50)?

Anyone have experience with this type of order??

Thanks!

Hi all,


Dad got primary physical custody granted (yea!) with an order to return in 3 months to "see how things are going" (boo!).

The impression we got was that the judge may keep things the same or go back to 50/50 based on how the kids were doing. Dad getting custody was based on the mediators report. Mom fought it to trial.

When a judge grants a custody change on a temporary basis what types of change is he looking for that would lead to a decision to return to a previous custody timeshare (which was 50/50)?

Anyone have experience with this type of order??

Thanks!

This was very helpful.  Thank you.  My only remaining question is if the judge adopts the report can the opposition still ask for a trial or is it a done deal?

Hi Everyone,

We just received the report from evaluator, and due to the mother's troubled lifestyle and poor parenting she recommended giving dad physical custody and mom visitation.  We are thrilled! While we are pleased that dads concerns were heard and validated with the recommendation we are wondering what happens next? We have a hearing date coming up.  Does the judge always/usually/sometimes adopt the mediation recommendations?  What can be done to stall or prevent the recommendation from being adopted by opposing counsel?  If the mother changed attorney's, would she automatically get to post- pone the hearing date?  

We would like to take a moment and be pleased, but feel that until it is adopted by the court, we aren't safe.  

What is your experience getting a recommendation adopted.  We are in California BTW.

Thanks!

 
mom drinks (two dui's); mom has moved the kids 17 times in past 5 years (usually in with a new guy); mom asks kids to lie and guilts them when they don't; mom refuses to discipline because she doesn't want them to be mad at her; the kids grades went from A's and B's to D's and F's- she won't send them to school when she's not working because the doesn't want to be alone.  I think you get the picture.  It goes on and on.  The kids do very well with the consistency and structure in our home, but it is very hard to have long term benefits when it is a week on and then a week in Disneyland.  We believe mom has personality disorder, but we haven't been able to get psych. eval ordered.

Our mediator seems very hesitant to move from 50/50 all the same.

Hello,

We are in the middle of custody mediation.  I see many posts referring to custody evaluations, but not custody mediation.  It took two years to actually get to this point, due to mom's stalling and refusal's.  

From the very first session, before even meeting the children, the mediator stated that she is "hesitant to change the current order" which is 50-50.  She is still stating the same thing, even after many sessions.

This leads me to think that custody mediation is designed to get to 50-50 as "the ultimate goal" and since we have it, there is nothing short of something horrific that will make a mediator actually recommend a change.

Has anyone had the experience where a mediator actually recommended a change from 50-50? (this is California).

Thanks for your input and wisdom.  My patience is wearing thin......