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Tigger has it correct. 1 round trip for dad to get to cali and back, 1 round trip for child, 1 round trip to return child. Total of 3. If he was still a lap child it would only be 2

Long story as short as possible. BM/BD joint legal, joint physical with BM being primary physical. BM lives in Cali, BD lives in Idaho. Schedule is set for 1 week a month in Idaho with BD. Child is 2 1/2. Courts did not recognize his age as "tender" on the fact that a child needs both parents in life. 1 week a month is set until  mediation rolls around again and discussion of extending time is discussed. (hence court on Monday)

One catch to all of it. Dad pays 100% of travel. Mode of transportation will be agreed upon between the parents. If mode of transportation can not be agreed on, then an airline ticket must be purcahsed. Ahhhhh the loophole for BM. BM refuses to ever let BD pick up the child via car. It's flight and flight only. Flight to pick up, flight to return. And now that the child is over the age of 2 that's 3 round trip airline tickets a month. BM pays nothing. No big deal. Driving is a fraction of the cost.(travel clause is one major reason there is court monday)

One time BD was in Cali planning to return to Idaho with child for his scheduled week, which was agreed upon months prior. BM refused the time based on the fact BD was not flying back to Idaho with the child. Child is not allowed to ride in a car with dad according to BM

So this trip, BD flew to Cali, picked up son. Flew back to Idaho. Explained to BM since court is Monday and child is to be returned Saturday, then we will leave for Cali a day early in order to make sure child is returned to BM on Saturday.

BM FLIPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Has now threatend to hold in contempt based on the fact the child was returned to her via car and not flight. HUH!!! The child is returned!!! Is there some mystical magical powers awarded to BM after a child gets off a plane? If so there are a bunch of moms missing out!

and the nightmare begins. BD will be held in contempt for returning the child at the court appointed time, just not by BM's instistant flight. hmmm. I don't get it.

BM can get away with denial of custodial time, be absolutely uncooperative with anything, lie in court, but BVD returns the child as ordered to and he's the bad guy? Explain this to me!!!

BD has 4 different contempt charges ready to file but has chosen not to. BD does not want to hinder BM's life in any way. BD is a fair man but gettign stomped on for being the nice guy. He is a great dad. For a year and a half now the child has been coming to Idaho to spend 1 week a month with dad. Each trip has been a fight with BM. And they justget worse with each month. They wer enever married, paternity established, even a judge has told her to be more agreeable. Until that order is changed for the travel she will fight. I just don't get it.

This is where the parent needs to determine what is more important, inconvenience or the child.

I was actually having a discussion about something very similar to this with the father of my children last night. Our son just got done with football for the season. Yes it was a horrible inconveniece, but it was something he really wanted to do. What kind of parent would that have made me to tell him no he can't play becasue I don't want to drive 12 miles, or he can't play because his practice times are during court ordered parental times. Wow I couldn't imagine the ill content my child would have felt towards the parent that told him that.

My oldest son spent summers with his dad. He played baseball. Because practice started for the team the day after school got out I had to send him to dad 3 weeks earlier than the court papers said, and lasted well after the 7 weeks court ordered for summer visit. So what. His games were a 3 hour drive from me. I couldn't make the games. I made 1 game. But my son doesn't remember mom not being there for the games, he remembers having fun and playing baseball.

Is it possible to make a different schedule with BM regarding this? Is ill content and hard feelings from your daughter something you are willing to face? Preventing her from doing this, is it going to cause a rift in your relationship with her? Will she blame you?

Why can't going to the games she performs at and the parades she marches in become a family affair? How cool would that be to watch sister perform! You mentioned family, can stepmom help out with driving?

San Diego has some fabulous fathers attorneys.It's gonna cost a good chunk, but get one, get one now.

If mom hasn't been in Cali for 6 months or more then Cali can't take jurisdiction. She has to be a legal resident for the jurisdiction. What state are you from?

California is a joint custody state, actually the first to do joint custody. The courts, this is written in their state laws, are to be gender blind when dealign with family courts. Which is not always the case.

You do not have to fly to san diego to file your response.You can file your response yourself. You will however need to be there for any court hearings.

Our case is in Cali as well.

I'm guessing 10/26/09 was meant to be 10/26/08.

AS I was typing my reply I realized that if the other party were to find this they would have an advantage. So I'm going to PM you my reply.

Sorry to anbody else that was lokoing for info about this as well. You can alwasy PM me for my response.

[IS]

So many thoughts. First, it IS ok to endorse daddy. Even if it is going against your own daughter. He is stepping it up for his child which is a lot more than the BM is doing. So yes by all means endorse and back that daddy.

You DD needs to be b*tch slapped. I was a bartender and bar manager for 6 years. I saw all kinds come and go thru those doors. It's a world that that isn't reality. DD needs to understand that if she didn't show up at the bar for a week there isn't a damn person who is going to notice after the first day. 18 years down the road there isn't ANYBODY from that bar that will give 2 sh*ts about her. BUT THERE WILL BE A CHILD WHO IS NOW AN ADULT THAT REMEMBERS HER.  And as far as I'm concerned THAT CHILD is who really matters.

Maybe dad needs to file custody papers. But then again that could make BM flip a switch and keep the child away form dad out of pure spite. It happens.

As for your daughter hating you. She'll get over it. There will be a day when she looks at her own reflection and realizes she really doesn't like what she sees. It may be awhile before that happens, but it will happen.

I'm the adult result of a bar fly mom and step dad. I was smart enough to find reality in there somewhere and make a great life for myself. I didn't have a dad or a gramma to help me. My younger sister however didn't bode so well from a crappy upbringing. She is an addict in and out of abussive relationships. It's very sad. So as Gramma or hell even as a person with a heart, protect this little one from the hell life could be with a bar fly momma.

And if needed I'll tie your DD to a chair and explain LIFE to her. LOL

Legally the wife really has no say other than she is his wife. She has no legal parentage to the child.

This is just my opinion.....
Now, this wife of his is a part of your childs life. Dad is going to be deployed so she won't get time with dad. WHy make her give up time with her step mom as well? This child has probably formed some sort of relationship with the step mom. It really wouldn't be fair to eliminate them from each other just because dad is deployed. It's going to be difficult enough when dad comes back to adjust to yet another change. But add in the fact that step mom and child haven't seen each other at all while dad was gone ads just one more stress.

If you are able to discuss things with dad and step mom (I know this isn't alwasy easy) maybe you 3 could sit down and talk about something that would work for all of you. Perhaps step mom could have 1 weekend a month and maybe 1 afternoon during the week. That way there is a continuous relationship there. Whatever schedule you guys decide on is really up to you and step mom. But I think by spending time with step mom, the child gets to have a closeness to her dad as well, even tho he's far away. By now I'm sure your child has associated dad and step mom as a unit.

I hope I'm making sense. The three of you could put aside the court issues and even avoid a future court battle over this. Let dad know that you respect the fact he wants child to be with step mom, but at this point you are willing to compromise with a schedule thats suitable for you and step mom.

Once there is a court order and the DNA proves you as the dad yep. It's legal. But that DNA result can also be your reason to have you aded to the brith certificate. That DNA result is your legal right to fight for your child.

The parent receiving CS can forgive past amounts. It takes picking up the phone and calling the CS office to find out what to do. Most times they send you a packet to fill out and have notorized. YOu mail it back or drop it off in person. No court hearings. It's very easy.

If the situation truly is about the child then the OP wouold have looked into this option.

But the CP is under no obligation at all to let the other parent off the hook for financially supporting a child that both parents created. 

BTW, that last sentence of yours is complete BS. 

It's BS? Why? I personally (and maybe I'm flawed for this) I would rather my children spend time with their father than receive a letter from jail. I'd rather forgive the past dept on CS than know dad will forever be paying what he can just to make up that back CS amount. I'd rather my kids know that mom is a good hearted woman and DIDN'T try to throw dad in jail, or financially bankrupt him.

I have forgiven past due CS. I did it becasue I knew dad was working 2 jobs and trying to survive. The CS was hindering him being able to meet halfway for our son, and he wasn't able to meet his household obligations. I'd rather let go of a few thousand dollars. But hey, that's just me. I'm flawed. I'm one of the moms fostering a positive relationship with my son and his father. Wait I think it's called co-parenting, or adulthood, or decent human being. Something along those lines.

On a side note I just asked my son what he would think if I had his father arrested for failure to pay child support. His answer "that would be messd up mom. I don't think I could forgive something like that" out of the mouth of a 16 year old.