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My DH and BM both requested a motion for parenting time.  I think they both thought it would be a mediation, and if they couldn't agree, it would go in front of a ref or judge.  They're current schedule has been agreed upon verbally for over 4 years.  They both want it in writing now.

My question is, it is a full questionnaire, and then they will have an interview with an evaluator for what it says anywhere from 2-4 hours.  The questionnaire is kind of odd in my opinion.  While DH will have no trouble answering the questions about his relationship with the children and how things go in our home, how is he supposed to answer the questions about what is going on with the BM while they are with her?  It asks what her relationship with the children is and what her parenting style is.  Is he supposed to answer this based on how it was back when they were together, or is he supposed to just assume what it is currently?  I don't understand how this can be done honestly.  We both know that her parenting style changes upon who she is living with at the moment.  It goes from being super involved, to not caring unless they are going to court, from no rules at all, to unreasonable rules out of no where.  Is he supposed to put that down, or would that look like mud slinging?  And what of the relationship with the children.  She didn't participate in mostof their school events and only went to 3 of their combined 30 athletic games.  I mean, that is what we can actually witness, we dont know what goes on the home.

Ok, bottom line question is how to answer those questions about her?  If I could answer them myself, I would say she loves her kids, but doesn't care about them.  Her parenting style changes, yearly, monthly, daily....  I know that is unreasonable to put down....

all i got to say is that if my step-sons didnt have 50/50 they would suffer for it.  the only reason we want full custody is for the decision making and to be a pillow for BM to fall on.  If we had full on paper we would leave the visitation 50/50.  because we definetly do not agree with BM's decision making, parenting, lifestyle, etc, but we know it is important for the boys to have a relationship with their mother.  CP's just like the control.  My DH is a better mother than the BM, but he is not considered CP by court standards.  if two parents live together have children together and then the father moves out after the divorce and gets every other weekend, i cant believe how that is good for the child to see their NCP only 4 days a month.  4 days out of 30-31, that is nothing to further a relationship on.   it ends up being a spoil fest for the NCP and being out of the loop with most of what is going on in their child's life.

I understand a lot of the standards that come with the title Step-mom, and I have struggled with the loving my step-sons and feeling guilty that I am not their mother.  I have been in their lives for over 4 years now and I refused to volunteer at school until I was officially their step-mom (about 6 months ago).  It is not that I did not want to, I just didn't want to over step bounds or have to explain the situation.  I am more comfortable now if I have to go to their schools with out DH. 

Disciplining has never been tough at our house.  First off, the boys are very well behaved.  Second, my DH doesn't feel that he needs to be the good guy, he handles most of the disciplining.  I only discipline if he is not around or busy.  And that mostly consists of either separating the boys or taking something from them they are arguing about.  DH has stressed from the beginning that the boys respect me, not just because I am with him, but because I am an adult, and now their step-mom.  Our relationship has been close for years and they naturally look to me for guidance, advice and nurturing.  They love BM but they dont seem to feel guilty for looking up to me (or at least they do not show guilt)

I think it has come easy for me because even before I was around, DH was the dad and the mom, now I have just taken some of the mom role from him so he can be just dad again.  BM is irresponsible, always moving, always trying to start problems, and above all unfortunately, not putting the kids first.  And they are getting old enough to see that on their own.  I have never talked bad to their mother or about their mother in front of them, and I think that has been super important.

Above all, I understand I will never be their mom.  This makes me sad, especially since I do not have any biological children.  But I know for certain that these kids will grow up and be thankful for a mother "figure" who took time, effort, sweat and tears to  help raise them.  I am so proud to be part of their lives, and I am proud to say that I have a hand in helping them become good men.  I used to feel bad about it, but know I know that I get credit too and that is nice.

When he was served with the PO it should of said the date to go to court,  that is what we do here. Call the court and ask what to do or how you were supposed to know of the date. I would think you need to file to dissolve it somehow.... Do you have a state website you can keep track of the upcoming dates? One good thing about our state is you can look and see if anyone has filed against your file and you can look up criminal court to if that is where she got the PO.

You can also file that you will still have visitation as the PO is not the kids and the ex (isn't it?). You can also have it state that you can go to activities but will not speak to ex for any reason.

it was an emergency ppo, so there was no date to go to court, it stood as is with no proof.   It said he could respond to rescind it or modify it within 10 days.  He did in person and like i said, they didnt give him a copy of it, the copy never came in the mail and we did not receive a paper saying the court date for the motion HE filed against it.  But she obviously got her own copy because our paper saying we were denied for not showing up says that she was there. 

the problems with your suggestion for modifying it is that now since we missed this mystery court date, we cannot not change it, that was our chance to change it or get rid of of it all together.  I am wondering how we can prove to the court we never got the court date.  He has shown up for every one, and he filed this one, so why would he not show up?  I think he is screwed because we never got the paper.

I'll try to keep this short.  BM filed ex parte PPO on DH on Sept 2 after she lost in court.  Afidavit is full of lies, the only truthful thing on it is her name.  DH had 10 days to respond and he did.  At the courthouse they did not give him a copy of what he filed, they said they would send it.  We never received anything.  The last week or so I had been wondering about it and another motion that he filed, it seemed to be taking a long time.  We have every letter from court, friend of court, every receipt, everything pertaining to his kids and their mother.

Today he received a letter stating that his motion was denied and the PPO is to stay in place.  The reason is that she showed up and he did not show up.  This was supposed to have happened on September 22.  We never got a letter.  Both of us are more than 100% positive.  This was so important to us, this will effect the kids in school and their extracurricular activities, etc.  What can we possibly do? 

the judge wont switch schools.  my kids' bm moved further away from the schools she put them in resulting in neither of us living in the district.  the judge had the kids stay in that school to avoid them switching again (both had switched about every year because of her constant moving)

I am pretty sure that they have to get you into court with a week or 10 days of being served. Then you can plead your case and the other party has to prove theirs. Once an order of protection is in place, you were "proven" you were a threat to someone else and therefore they take away guns until the issue is resolved.

we did do the paperwork to rescind it within the 10 days, still havent had the day in court, about two weeks after that...

Just trying to understand something

How can someone file a PPO against someone on completely unfounded or un-proven statements and the person whom the PPO is against has his rights taken from them?  Rights like where they can be and buying or owning a gun?  I would understand if there was a trial or even an arrest along with the PPO, but how can there just be statements and all of a sudden your rights are stripped?  isnt this unconstitional without a trial or even being in front of a judge personally?

I hear ya, BM just informed the oldest son who has been playing baseball for 3 years and is now interested in other sports, that he cant play sports if they fall on her days.  What a load!  It is something he loves and it keeps him busy and out of trouble.  Sports are always going to eventually fall on her days, because both have weekday visitation.  I dont know what to tell you besides what others have.  Still go to the game, watching your kids in sports is still being there for them during your parenting time, it shouldnt be looked at as time taken away.

I live in Texas. I am venting but this is exactly why I don't want her to ever get custody. She had her kids this weekend and they say the house is full of beer bottles, filthy, and boyfriend is staying drunk all day and gets mean to the oldest kid (who probably needs a lot of discipline). The mom has the kids lying about everything (such as the boyfriend living there) and the kids just act like this is normal and for some reason seem to be bonding with mom more than they ever have. I am sick of CPS and modifications. After 5 years of this I feel like I should let it go on and eventually she will end up with legal issues or the kids will decide they don't want to be around it. It seems like all CPS has done is catch her and then work in her favor. I am so sick of this woman and the kid battle. I am sure there are so many people on this forum that go through this. What do you do?

I know this isn't saying much, and you have heard it all before.  My husband has just been slammed by his kids' mom, who is little more than a babysitter.  She is throwing everything she has at him to take time away from him and even try to make him go to jail.  They have shared custody and neither parent has more say than the other in this one.  We should of called CPS in the past and welfare too for her cheating the system, but we never did. 

Now my husband and the kids are paying for it.  The other day after he got the latest paper served about trying to raise his child support he said he didnt know if he should keep fighting.  I said he has to or the kids will never make it out of her home good people.  Everytime we think something is going in our favor we get knocked down again.  Even though his health is actually deteriorating because of this, he has to fight to save his boys.  In the end, if he or you gave up, it wont get better.  If the un-capable mother is going to raise the kids, the very capable dad will end up going crazy wondering how his kids are doing, if they are being taken care of, if they are going to school.  It will get worse for the kids and make you feel worse for not stopping it.  I know the feeling of wanting to give up, but she will get hers.  they say Karma is a b**ch.  I know it doesn't seem like anything you are doing is working but it has to be done for the children.  If you wont fight for them, who will?