Messages

Hi 4! I am so happy for you & your family. Our battle still rages so we endure & hang on to the hope that the next 5 years won't be as bad since there will only be 1 child for her to torment. The other 2 graduated last month.
I too lurk & jump in from time to time. Most of our recent problems have been minor compared to the early years. Don't be a stranger. There are so many who can benefit from your expertise.
Hugs

[Perhaps you could have DD start a journal for her dad. Suggest she write about everyday things that she would like to tell him about. Tell her that you will not read it unless she wants to share anything with you. Make counselor & GAL aware of it's existence & they may be able to get her to share it with them & get a better insight on what she is going through. If she goes to see him, she can decide if she wants to show him. Can't hurt & might help]

Perhaps you could have DD start a journal for her dad. Suggest she write about everyday things that she would like to tell him about. Tell her that you will not read it unless she wants to share anything with you. Make counselor & GAL aware of it's existence & they may be able to get her to share it with them & get a better insight on what she is going through. If she goes to see him, she can decide if she wants to show him. Can't hurt & might help.
Good luck & God bless.

[This might be too late but I thought I would throw it out anyway. Ask the school if the school counselor be present when you go to register. Explain about the mother & then give her the info. Let her show herself to them. They will immediately be your allies.]

This might be too late but I thought I would throw it out anyway. Ask the school if the school counselor be present when you go to register. Explain about the mother & then give her the info. Let her show herself to them. They will immediately be your allies.

As far as her sitting outside your house blowing the horn use the time tracker to record all the problems with the exchanges. Then ask your neighbors to call the police when she does this. If she is warned more than once, she can get a ticket for disturbing the peace.

Get creative & let her hang herself.

[Something we have had to teach my grandkids because their mother is a real pbfh, is the philosophy of choices. We stress that everything we do in life involves choices, from the simplest things like choosing to get up & out to school or work on time, to major issues. We remind them that everyone makes poor choices, sometimes. Poor choices cause consequences.]

Something we have had to teach my grandkids because their mother is a real pbfh, is the philosophy of choices. We stress that everything we do in life involves choices, from the simplest things like choosing to get up & out to school or work on time, to major issues. We remind them that everyone makes poor choices, sometimes. Poor choices cause consequences.

We also stress that just because a person makes poor choices, it does not make them a bad person. It just makes them a person who doesn't think things out & therefore makes bad choices.

We also stress that we are not responsible for the poor choices of others. We are only responsible for how we react to their poor choices. Perhaps you can help her write a note to him & send it to him while he away from his wife, if that is possible.

Dear Dad,
I miss you & want to solve these problems. Can we please get together, just you & me, for some father/daughter time & figure this out. Please call me. I really want to talk to you. I love you.
Love, XXX

Maybe it will help to let a child lead. Just an idea, good luck & God bless.

[Well, the graduation war is over & as usual, the kids lost. She called Around 11AM Friday & said they were about 150 miles from their house. Kids told her they didn't think she would make it cuz they still had close to 600 miles to go & the graduation started at 7PM. She assured them that they were making great time & would be there.]

Well, the graduation war is over & as usual, the kids lost. She called Around 11AM Friday & said they were about 150 miles from their house. Kids told her they didn't think she would make it cuz they still had close to 600 miles to go & the graduation started at 7PM. She assured them that they were making great time & would be there.

The graduation went well. DGD was so beautiful & her smile lit up the room. DGS#1 was so handsome & tall. There is a short video on my facebook page, if anyone wants to see it. I don't know if I can put it on here.

The pbfh & her boyfriend rolled into gr8dad's front yard at 9:30PM. Walked in & said hardly a word. No apology, no hugs or greetings for the kids, nothing. Just kinda stood there with a look like, we're here. I still can't wrap my head around that. She hadn't seen them since Christmas. I would have been so all over them. It was so obvious that she had no intention of being at the graduation. She was wearing a pair of sweats & a ratty T-shirt & her hair was nasty.

So why did she even come? We think that one of the big kids told her that if she didn't gr8dad was not going to send DGS#2 unless she paid for a ticket or started paying her CS. gr8dad let that slip in hopes of getting her to the graduation for the kids sake. They stood in the kitchen, leaning on the counter, refused the party fixins, & rolled out at about 11PM to start the 700+ mile trip home. Never thought she would come, skipping graduation, grab DGS#2 & leave.

DGS#2 has a cell phone & was told all about dealing with emergencies. We decided not to inform the police about her boyfriend's parole violation of leaving the county or the outstanding warrant on her cuz as rotten as she is, we still didn't want DGS#2 to be involved with their arrest. So, the end of June, we will make the trek accross the country to go get him. In the mean time, we will pray that he is safe & reasonably happy. Then it will be back to business as usual, doing damage control to undue all the garbage she will have fed him for the month. The biggest thing will be to undue all the BS she will have preached about how unnecessary school is. Then it will be back to waiting for her to start some more $h!+.

Somehow they arrived home safely, although it was after 3PM Saturday. They should have made it by noon or 1PM, driving the speed limit. We were so worried. DGS#2's cell had died so we weren't getting any response from him. She didn't answer, either. We heard from them, just as gr8dad was about to call the state police. It turned out that they had decided to stop & visit her boyfriend's kids for a couple of hours.

I am pretty sure he was on something. He was twitching & made several trips out to the car in the hour & a half they were there. She did meth while preggo with DGS#2 so it wouldn't surprise me if she was still doing it. Why should this pregnancy be any different from the others.

Well, enough of this rant. Gotta get back to the normal insanity. DGD will be staying here. DGS#1 will have surgery on his shoulder, Thursday, to repair injury from a wreck back in March. Me, I will try to help gr8dad recover from the war & endure the wait till DGS#2 comes home, while trying to have a life with my fiance. Yeah, I guess it will just be insanity as usual. LOL

Thanks to all for all the advice & prayers through the war. I try to remember all of you in my daily prayers & pray that all have an easier road to travel than we have had. Good luck & God bless all.

[Well gr8dad has outdone himself. the pbfh is leaving TX Thursday evening, driving all night & will arrive sometime friday morning. She plans to attend the graduation & leave immediately to go back. Figuring they don't want to spring for a motel & his concern for his son riding back with them led him to offer to pay for a motel room so they can rest & get a fresh start Saturday morning. She flat out turned him down, saying that she had to get right back.]

Well gr8dad has outdone himself. the pbfh is leaving TX Thursday evening, driving all night & will arrive sometime friday morning. She plans to attend the graduation & leave immediately to go back. Figuring they don't want to spring for a motel & his concern for his son riding back with them led him to offer to pay for a motel room so they can rest & get a fresh start Saturday morning. She flat out turned him down, saying that she had to get right back.

We don't know how she plans to make 2 twelve hour drives & attend a graduation in about 36 hours with no rest. It is scary. Does anyone know if that would be grounds to withhold DGS#2? Oh well, keep the prayers & good wishes headed our way, Thanks.

[Night before last, DGD tells gr8dad that she doesn't know what to do. New boyfriend is looking good & she isn't sure if she wants to go.He repeats her choices & she says she will think about it. Yesterday, she texts her mother & tells her that she is going to stay here for the month of June & see what developes with new BF. Pbfh goes ballistic & starts to cuss her & tell her she should be ashamed of her self for being 19 & not having graduated HS yet. DGD graduates this Friday & pbfh is 37 & never finished 9th grade. Obviously pbfh has plans to use DGD & this will foul it up. LOL]

Night before last, DGD tells gr8dad that she doesn't know what to do. New boyfriend is looking good & she isn't sure if she wants to go.He repeats her choices & she says she will think about it. Yesterday, she texts her mother & tells her that she is going to stay here for the month of June & see what developes with new BF. Pbfh goes ballistic & starts to cuss her & tell her she should be ashamed of her self for being 19 & not having graduated HS yet. DGD graduates this Friday & pbfh is 37 & never finished 9th grade. Obviously pbfh has plans to use DGD & this will foul it up. LOL

We told DGD that she should realize that this is a sample of what she can expect whenever she doesn't go along with pbfh. DGD says that she thinks we are right. This means she will be staying at least till the end of June & hopefully won't go at all. Also, hopefully, pbfh is angry enough to not show up.

We have met the new boyfriend & he seems like a fine young man. Has a good job & owns his own home. We shall see what developes. We aren't pushing it but are sure glad he turned up. LOL

Ocean...We won't report her here cuz she will tell the kids it is all our fault. It will be much better if she gets picked on a routine vehicle check, several hundred miles from here. Besides we sure as heck don't want her stuck here. LOL

I guess all the prayers & good wishes are helping. Thanks, please keep them coming.

[We have always worried that the pbfh would have her out hooking if she could cuz it pays better than minimum wage jobs. That's sad but true. I don't think she wants her to babysit so much as she wants her to work & support her. The place they live is awful. It is a tiny 2 bdrm shack. The ceilings are so low that DGS#1 almost brushes them with his hair. She has lived there for several years & just got a stove last week. Apparently she has lived by cooking with a crock pot, an electric frying pan, & a grill in the yard.]

We have always worried that the pbfh would have her out hooking if she could cuz it pays better than minimum wage jobs. That's sad but true. I don't think she wants her to babysit so much as she wants her to work & support her. The place they live is awful. It is a tiny 2 bdrm shack. The ceilings are so low that DGS#1 almost brushes them with his hair. She has lived there for several years & just got a stove last week. Apparently she has lived by cooking with a crock pot, an electric frying pan, & a grill in the yard.
Gr8dad is having a very hard time. He suffers from depression & is very low right now. I am so worried about him. When his 2nd x took off, she poisoned her kids against us. He raised them as his own for about 7 years & they won't have any contact with us & we don't even know why. Before she left, she dug him so far into debt that it seems like he will never see the light of day again. The expenses of Senior year have been very high & he can't make ends meet. This just adds to his depression. I try to help but I am on SSD so I don't have much extra. Please keep us in your prayers. Thanks.

[Nine days & counting. There is hope. Yesterday DGD announced that she has a new boyfriend & doesn't know what to do. "He is so special". LOL Gr8dad told her to go & just take enough for summer visit, if pbfh shows up, & if she wants to come back she can when we go pick up DGS#2. We will bring the rest when we come. Then I suggested that she stay & if the new boyfriend doesn't work out, she can move when we go for pick up. Either way, her mother's influence is fading in the glow of love. Aint't love grand!]

Nine days & counting. There is hope. Yesterday DGD announced that she has a new boyfriend & doesn't know what to do. "He is so special". LOL  Gr8dad told her to go & just take enough for summer visit, if pbfh shows up, & if she wants to come back she can when we go pick up DGS#2.  We will bring the rest when we come. Then I suggested that she stay & if the new boyfriend doesn't work out, she can move when we go for pick up. Either way, her mother's influence is fading in the glow of love. Aint't love grand!
PBFH will be wild when she finds out. Oh, that's a nice feeling. If pbfh does show up, I am considering doing my civic duty & when they leave, call the TX state police & inform them of the vehicle discription, tag number & the facts that the vehicle is not registered & has no ins., & that one person is on probation & is not permitted to leave the county & the other has a warrant out for failure to appear. Would that be evil? It feels kinda good in an evil sort of way. Hehehe I just need to figure out how to do it without it being linked to us.
Kitty, you're right, these kids are pros at handling disappointment & BS. I know they are all very angry over the pregnancy. DGD told her that she felt sorry for the kid, having her for a mother. Thanks for the good wishes. I hope all will, please, keep all of us in your prayers. Thanks

[CS order is from TX & there is a warrant out for arrest for failure to pay & failure to appear. CS order says "age 18 or HS graduation, which ever comes last". My son is so disappointed. If she stayed here, she would have gone to college. Her mother is painting this rosey pic of life there. We know she is in for a rude awakening. We have told her she can come back but there will be changes, as she is now an adult, not a HS school kid.]

CS order is from TX & there is a warrant out for arrest for failure to pay & failure to appear. CS order says "age 18 or HS graduation, which ever comes last". My son is so disappointed. If she stayed here, she would have gone to college. Her mother is painting this rosey pic of life there.  We know she is in for a rude awakening. We have told her she can come back but there will be changes, as she is now an adult, not a HS school kid.
We have such mixed emotions about all this. We really don't want the pbfh to come but if she doesn't show after telling them she wouldn't miss it, it will be very painful for the kids. The little guy just wants his mom to want him. He was 3 when she started her crap. He has written letters to Santa, asking for her to come see him instead of presents. He is also worried about what position of importance the new baby will take & whether she will forget about him again. Just when you think she can't sink any lower, she manages to do it anyway.
We have never shown them any of the papers. He has told the older ones the amount ordered, that it is way lower than it should be. & that she doesn't pay unless forced. He has told them that if she helped, they would be able to do more. Also it is every parents duty to help support their children. Pbfh tells them that he makes plenty of money & a man is supposed to support his family. According to her, it shouldn't be a problem since he doesn't have to support her.
Thanks for your input.