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Look up the policy handbook online to see if SS would be eligible for TennCare. I know my DH covers my SD under his insurance, and that BM has her on Medicaid for their state. SD is NOT eligible to have Medicaid through the state if she is otherwise covered by a comprehensive insurance. DH has reported it twice, but nothing has been done about it. But, I also know that if DH DOESN'T report the fraud (i.e. SD being covered by another insurance) HE could be held responsible to pay back whatever was paid for through Medicaid. So, make sure you check the rules for the insurance so that you can inform them if your DH adds SS. And if he is COed to add him, then he needs to do it ASAP! And I'd also contact all of SS's doctors to GIVE THEM the insurance information for his file. That way, you don't have to worry about BM using it--the doctor will automatically use it.

That is AWESOME!!!

My DH's CO states that he has to give a "general itinerary" with date of departure, destination, and date of return". BM contacted the FOC saying DH wouldn't give a FULL itinerary, and they contacted him saying he had to, because that would be the "general itinerary". I guess, anyone dealing with this issue, would just need to tell the other parent dates, destination, contact information, and if there are flights, the flight info. HOWEVER, if you aren't COed to give advance notice, then I'd go ahead and say email it to her after you have the kids. Or hand her something at the exchange with all of the information, to prevent the "I won't allow it" crap (we get that, too).

'-DH primary parent for a trial period of one full school year, beginning August 1. If SD achieves and maintains, or exceeds, grade level, then DH will maintain primary physical custody.'

If the objective is only to get the child the educational help she needs, do you think this statement would be enough to light a fire under BM to do what she's supposed to do?  Sometimes people like her just need to have their feet held to the fire before they finally take action.  If she knows that she could lose custody if SD doesn't improve, maybe she would finally get SD the help she desperately needs.  Do you think she would do that?  If so, then I would include that in your letter.  But if you think it makes no difference to her, leave it out for now.

I honestly don't think so. Even when she was COed to get the testing done, it took 7 months for her to set it up, and that only happened because DH contacted her attorney and threatened to do it himself and then to contact the Court. DH and I thought it'd be good to have that in there, so we wouldn't have to worry about going to Court after the next school year (if she agrees to letting him have this school year) if SD is doing good. But, I guess he could contact her halfway through the year and propose keeping SD if she's doing well (which we think she'll be able to meet grade level with us, between our constant help and the programs available here), and if she says no, I guess he could file with the Courts.

I agree with what ocean said.  I think you risk her balking if she sees that he wants to keep SD if her grades improve.  She knows she hasn't done what she should have, and I'm sure she can figure out that SD is going to do better with you guys - so she would in essence be signing away custody. 

Start with step 1, which is getting SD there for the school year, and focus just on that.

How long after we get her should we file for primary, then? We'd want to have DH have primary before he returns to the states, otherwise, she'd go back to BM primarily and we'd have to fight all over to get her back (meaning we'd have to wait til the end of the next school year)...

Thanks guys! I will show that to DH

And MixedBag--she is already command sponsored. She's on DH's orders and Area Clearance, so she can come live here no problem We made sure to get her on it when we came, and we double checked with the schools here, and that's all they'll need to allow her to enroll.

And make sure that in all that you are saying that the military will consider the child "command sponsored" so that she can be enrolled in school and stuff.  A notorized letter might not do the trick.

Yes, until 2012.

My SD is at about 1st grade level in her work. She had to repeat Kindergarten, and now is on the path to failing second grade. BM put off the testing for ADHD, put off allowing DH to request the IEP/504 Process be started, and put off tutoring (DH offered to pay for it in 2009, and continued to tell her every few months, and she just responded 2.5 weeks ago). She hasn't had SD start the tutoring that DH is paying for (it's online, and there's a parent account to monitor the work). My DH wants to request that BM allow SD to "try" a school year with us to see if the programs and services available on our military base can help SD get back on track. He just doesn't know how to say it without flat out saying "I don't think you're taking care of her needs, so I will if you'll let me". Here's what he is willing to propose:
-Maintain joint physical and legal custody
-DH primary parent for a trial period of one full school year, beginning August 1. If SD achieves and maintains, or exceeds, grade level, then DH will maintain primary physical custody.
-DH will pay a lower CS and pay for SD to visit BM for Christmas break (he'd also make up a schedule should he maintain custody after the one school year, which will be the same time he is stationed back in the US) OR he will pay a higher CS and BM will pay for travel... We aren't worried about the money if it means SD will get the help she needs, and BM is all about money, so we figure it'd be an added incentive.
-DH will email BM atleast once a week (he'll set the same day each week) to let BM know what happened during the week and what is upcoming for SD. He will also reply within 24 hours to any emails she sends him regarding SD
-2 phone calls a week (on specified times). These can either be on the phone or on Skype. More as SD wishes
-Email access to SD (we'd monitor her internet usage). We'd set up an acct just for SD to email BM and her family.
-Copies of all progress reports, report cards, notes home, etc.
-Results of any doctor/dental appointments, and notice of all appointments, events, activities, etc.
-BM would get all but 3 weeks of summer (normally, she has only 3 weeks of summer).
-Copies of school work sent every 2 weeks.
-Letters in the mail from SD every 2 weeks (more as SD wants).
-Emails with pictures atleast once a month (we usually do more, but if we don't take many, we don't want her complaining).

DH doesn't know how to write up the proposal to her. In the past, he had written her a letter requesting she allow SD to come live here during his 3 year tour. She was going to let her, but her then BF (now DH) told her not to, because after 3 years, she "wouldn't be able to get SD back after 3 years". DH is NOT about taking SD from BM, he's about getting SD help.  Any ideas on the letter?

Also, BM does NOT want anything through the courts if she isn't primary parent (that's what DH was told about the last proposal). If they just did a notarized stipulation and DH waited until the end of his tour here to submit it to the Courts, would that be okay (when he would get to be primary custodian if SD's grades are good)? He wants to do whatever it takes to get SD here, but he also needs to cover his butt. SD would be here for 10 months-would that be long enough if he filed with the Courts to keep primary when he returns?

Have you tried looking the addresses up online, for him or his family?

I'd also, just to be safe, put something in the LEGAL section of the classifieds, and keep a copy to show that you tried to reach him in any way you can. Some states require this. I'd call the Court clerk in your area and see what they say about trying to serve someone.