Messages

To Oceans:
In the past the ex wife had put the child in same programs and more with us pay half the cost of these programs (school and summer programs) Never notified us of any these programs or supplied us information or schedules and just gave us a bill for half the cost. We never had a issue with paying these cost and reimbursed promptly. She submitte bill on friday pickup and we reimbursed on Sunday dropoff. The swimming program she had in last summer was $800 alone for just swimming alone besides the other programs.

Last summer when we went back to court and the GAL had us have his daughter for 4 wks at the end of summer. We put her in programs to meet other children since she know no one here in Wisconsin. The ex wife did not like any program we put her in and wanted her pulled out of these programs, thus the order of the the court stating "the programs are at the discrection on the parent at the time of activities". The GAL knew she wold never agree to any program we put his daughter in no matter what we choose. 

My boyfriend and I both do work and in a way these programs are for daycare but mostly for his daughter to gain some friends here in wisconsin, she was pulled out of kindergarden at the start of the divorce and moved to Illinois and never got to know any other children since then, since she lives in Illinois and was only here every other weekend. We want her to have friends here.

She did know that his daughter was going to be in summer programs from last year, we did not know what programs we were going to put her in until know. These are same programs that we had to pay half for the previous summer.

To mixed bag:
The 70% was decided upon by the court commissioner in our case, both his ex and my boyfriend agree to the percentage on variable costs. She agreed to the 70%. I would mention that his daughter is 12 years old and this is not considered daycare I believe. I feel that of the $255 her share of 70 % ($171.50) for eight weeks
is only $22 a week. Last year the bills she submitted  was $1376.23 for our share alone for just summer programs that his ex choose to terminate before the end of the programs with out consulting us either that his daughter was no longer partcipating, but had us assume that she was on our weekend so we could not pick her up for the weekend.  We have had an emotional crapola for the past 6 years of court for anything with his ex and now things have finally turned around and people are seeing her for who she really is. We would do this ourselfs again so the money is not a issue and we have been put thru an emotional wringer with his ex that now when we see court papers it does not even bother us anymore, the only one is maybe his daughter but his daughter really wants to partcipate in these programs but she even knows that her mom will not allow that. Thus the court order "activities at the descrection of the parent at the time of activities."

To bloom6372:
The "incidental recreation costs" are going to the movies, rollar skating, parks, camping, fishing, swimming at pools and ect . The cost of these programs I feel would be considered other activities that involve a substaintial cost under what is variable cexpense in WI law.

I would like to say that his ex is still receiving a child support check of $648 and a SSD check of $594 for his daughter with a total of over $2400 two months that his daughter is not there.

In the past his ex was receiving $1400 a month between his CS and SSD check every month alone, this does not including the monies of her own and her fiance for the past 6 years with us faithfully paying half of medical, dental, schhol supplies and misc school supplies and all the programs she choose to put their daughter into and drop her out of when it became inconveinent for the ex. I feel that asking for $171.50 her 70% is not bad for the summer. We still have the cost of half for medical & dental but now 30% for school and variable expenses which like I said his ex submits the bill on friday at pickup, we always reimbuse by dropoff on sunday, no questions asked by us. just a check. We have tried to take the high road over these past 6 years and tried to keep the amount of damage down to a minimal for his daughter sake.

Thank you all for answering and have great input  but I still do not have a clue what we should do? any other sugestions?

The family court & GAL is starting to see who she really is, they were at one time against us and now this last time we went back to court the tables had turned completely. I think if his ex continues to go down the path that she has taken the last 6 years, there is a possiblity that she may lose her daughter to us eventually, the court was that upset this last case with her. We of course do not want to distrupt his daughters life any more than we have to, and this summer is going to be a task to get his daughter to open up to us, but we are loving the fact we get a chance this summer to try to repair what has been done by his ex, but it will take awhile for the amount of damage and hopefully we can.  We don't like to play games with his daughters heart and the only one who gets hurt is his daughter, hopefully we can make her hurt go away this summer with the 8 wks we get.

I want to thank everyone who posts on this website. This is a great website for information, help, answers and rambling for people who really need it. If it was not for this website we never would have gotten the time we have now from the last court date. We followed alot of peoples advice from other posts and keeped track of everything that was told to keep track (emails, letters and ect) and actually won in court. We did have to spend $15,000 for this last case (due to this was involving Attorneys, GAL, Social Services, Phycolgical testing, Ect) but this one and  previous ones we did alot of the filing and court sessions ourselves and actually won thru this website suggestions.

Thank you all for your inputs that really do make a difference. Keep up the great work and I will continue to come here for the support and questions I need answered.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

[(29)]

Have a question concerning variable expenses?

We took my boyfriends ex-wife back to court for more custody and was granted extra time during the summer and misc. placement dates. With the new amount of time, it is considered a shared placement and child support was reduced by XX amount of dollars. In shared placement child support order the Court Commissioner orders each party to a certain percentage towards the variable expenses, usually by the amount of time you have the child.

This is the wording from new order for child support:
            B. That Variable expenses shall be shared between the parties with the Petitioner paying seventy (70%) percent and the Respondent being responsible for thirty (30%) percent of said expenses. However, said variables expenses shall not include the private school tuition for the parties minor child. The party incurring the variable expense shall forward proof to the other parent within thirty (30) days with reimbursement being due thirty (30) days thereafter."<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>


Has not been a problem with us, and have faithfully reimburse promptly our 30% whenever the was a expense submitted to us with in days of submission and our medical expense of 50% also reimburse promptly within a couple of days.

Since we have his daughter for 8 weeks, we have signed her up for 6wks of swimming, 6 wks of volleyball, Boys and Girl's Club and Red Cross Babysitting Course during the summer, with a cost of $255.00. We have paid the total cost for these courses and she has started the first course of RCBC today.

We submitted to  his exwife with the registration reciepts from all the programs along with the cancelled checks as proof on May 27,2011. We received a email two days later with reguards to the receipts of programs and that since she was not informed or her input of these programs, that she is not going to pay any of our expense quoting that it was a entertainment expense and not a variable expense.

In our new CO from the court it also states: Activities in which the child partcipates, including hunting, shall be at the discretion of the parent with placement at the time the activities occur. So we did not have to confer with her about any of the programs and none of these programs interfers with her placement over the summer, all programs are on our placement and days.

I was under the inpression that these programs are a variable expense according to what the law in our state says about variable expense. Here is the law:

(29) "Variable costs" means the reasonable costs above basic<o:p></o:p>

support costs incurred by or on behalf of a child, including but not<o:p></o:p>

limited to, the cost of child care, tuition, a child's special needs,<o:p></o:p>

and other activities that involve substantial cost.<o:p></o:p>

The definition of "basic support cost" according to DWD40 is:
                         (3) "Basic support costs" means food, shelter, clothing, transportation,<o:p></o:p>
                            personal care, and incidental recreational costs.



   Are we wrong with assuming that these summer programs are a variable expense that should be reimburse within 30 days the 70% from his exwife?? 

Anyone who has dealed with variable expenses before would be a great help for us. I am preparing to send out a email about what I have quoted here and the wording in all the orders and asking again for her 70% but I wanted to get some input from others before I send.

Thanks ahead for anyones help.   

Thank you both for you advice, Right now we are going to take the high road and hopefully we will not have to use the information, but have it if it gets ugly. I agree about keeping enimies closer, that's the reason for not befriending her yet. There has been previous issues with his EMT/ firefighter licences, but thankfully we had enought proof and evidence from agencies that it has not affected his licenses and the people in charge of those licences has seen her for who she is, a bitter and problematic exwife trying to cause problems. Thanks once again to you both.

I know you have been a great source for many people on this website, Thank you for replying.

I do not want to de-friend her yet due to the fact that she posts things on her site, that was the reason for MIL sending me a request for friend so she could see if we posted anything about them, which we have not. We do not play the games they like to play.

I still want to see if she will post more things over the summer when we have his daughter. I know this is going to go on all summer long since she has posted something every time they had a case and not on the receiving end from the court, always someone's fault why they lost..... Laws, GAL, her attorney supposedly not in their best interest, judge and so on...... not just the plain truth, there was no reason for these cases in court.

But I have checked out the WI laws and there is one for online harrassment. We will see what else gets posted and save all posts and get a RO, but like you said you cannot control what people say/do. I was hoping that maybe if she was fined or charged with slander that might help her understand to ease up. But who knows what she will do next??? We will have to wait and see.

We have sent letters to ex wife & MIL about these issues in the past and picture showing how much their daughter enjoys things we do, but that still does not change anything or their minds about us.

I have also posted picture of all of us and send them to Grandma already, needless to say she will post back how beautiful they are and then somehow posts to other people on how phony the pictures are and that his dughter is faking her smles and the fun she shows in the pictures. What can you do with a person like that??? Like I said we do not play their game.

Ii just really sucks since his daughter really does love spending time with us and there is always a hoop we must go thru to see her. But in the end result is his daughter and what this has done to her, hopefully sometime in her life she will see how much we love her and realize that it was mom who tried to stop their relationship. I just do not understand using children as pawns to hurt the other person.

Thanks again for your advice

Have a question reguarding slander by my boyfriends exwife's mother.

To make a long story short,

       My boyfriend and his exwife have had multiple court cases involving TRO, child abuse, child protective services, custody and denied placement issues between WI and IL over the past 6 years since the divorce. His exwife had lost all her cases and all the false charges had been dismisssed by all agencies involved. However she continued to file cases after cases for frivilous accusations for the past 6 years.

This last summer his exwife had denied our summer vacation placement (of two extra days on our weekend) and we once again had to go back to court. My boyfriend and I agreed that if we had to go back to court again for something frivilous we would fight for more custody time during the summer since his daughter lives in IL and we live in WI,  no matter what the cost was. Needless to say $15,000 later, we now have 8wks during the summer, extended weekends on certain weekends during the school year and more holiday time now with his daughter. We really need all the extra time to bond more his his daughter, since all of these court issues and his exwife taken a toll on their relationship. We can move foward with hope in the future now.

Now his exwife's mother has posted on her facebook account (she signed me on as a friend 2 yrs ago, even though we are not) that his daughter is being abused here in WI and how could the GAL and State of WI allow a child to go to here fathers after all the cases in court. Stated on facebook that my boyfriend was charged with abuse,  she says the abuse was proven (which was not and dismissed by all agencies: Police, child services and court) and medical neglect. All of these claims are false.

States that the GAL was upset with the exwife and exwife's mother that she went over the GAL head and wrote the GOV of WI about the abuse.  Now the daughter has to spend the summer with her father as a payback from the GAL. That this is a case of WI -vs IL and about politics rambling. These two people refuses to believe or come to the conclusion that the courts and GAL have his daughter best interest in mind and after all the turmoil between the two is causing harm to the child that it is proper and fit to have their daughter spend the summer with her father is a right thing to do for the child.

His exmother in law is making claims that he is abusive to his daughter and medical neglect (he is also a firefighter and a EMT) to millions of people on facebook that is slanderous to his name, reputation due to her statements on facebook to friends and family. Some of the people who commented on her posting are feeling sorry for his daughter and does not have the correct story about what has really been going on.   

The question is, does my boyfriend have a slander case against his ex mother in law???

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks