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Messages - mistyme

Pages: 12 3
General Issues / Re: An update
« on: Jul 10, 2011, 12:14:34 AM »
I dont know what he is wanting or looking for.  In the hearing it was just his lawyer and my lawyer speaking in regards to him wanting a DNA test.  Nothing was said in front of a judge.  I've already paid my lawyer, he does a flat rate which I am requesting that the father reimburse my attorney fee's. 

Also the father is out of work, he's been out of work since april.  He has no stable living enviroment for his first son.  He has a house yes, but his son has no clothes there, no bed, no room (and I am talking about his older son)  I know this because this is how it was when i lived there and according to his ex wife that he doesn't provide for his son, even when he is over visiting.  He goes over in the same clothes, comes back in the same clothes after the weekend is over.  I don't know what his deal is, but he's not even taking care of his other son.

I know, from what I can assume is that he wants time with his son, being all the threats he made to take him, ect in the past.  I can understand wanting a DNA test, but in the mean time, how can you ignore a child for over 80 days that you claim to love so much?  He doesn't even ask for a picture.  He knows the child is his, he's said it out of his own mouth several times, he just wants a DNA test so my son can have his last name (which makes no sense) ... IMO, no contact in over 80 days ... that won't look good on him.

General Issues / Re: An update
« on: Jul 07, 2011, 07:19:00 PM »
there is no court order that he can't see him, it's actually stated in the court document he is allowed to see him a few hours every day until further notice of the court and there has been no, further notice or change. He is being given rights, he isn't using them.  He's out of work, being lazy.  He had his first son all the month of June and barley cared for him.  Just sent him over to his brothers 70% of the summer.

Just on a side not (and not saying this because I think i'm "better") just that I'm already cpr/first aid cert. in infants, children and adults.  also sids trained and have over 400 child care education hours in the last year and i've been a child care teacher for 10 years and have raised a 5 year old on my own.  Just pointing that out cause that seems to be a big suggestion in here is to get cert. and get parenting classes.

General Issues / An update
« on: Jul 07, 2011, 04:33:59 PM »
In case you need a reference: http://deltabravo.net/forum/index.php?topic=38441.0

but I thought I would update as to what is going on.

So far it has been 80 days since the father has called to check on his son, or even seen him.  My son is 3 1/2 months old, he has seen him 4 times.  I did end up getting a lawyer in which we had our first court date on June 23rd, which ended in request for DNA (which i knew was coming).  I believe that every father has a right to feel they want to be "sure" which does not offend me, BUT he wants it because I didn't give our son HIS last name which as I explained in here that they would NOT allow me to put his last name on the b/c because he was not there to sign it and it went the same way 5 years ago when i had my daughter and her father took off.  So people can say it all they want that I still could of given him his last name. No. They would not let me and he decided not to show up and sign it so that's his problem, he also had plenty of chances to go with me to sign the AkOP, but he was always too busy so I've said forget it. We were never married and my son will just continue to have my last name.  So Court resumes on the 16th of August.  My lawyer says the longer he doesn't contact his son, check on him or support him ... it's only hurting him.

General Issues / Re: can someone define this for me?
« on: May 29, 2011, 04:10:58 AM »
No they wouldn't let me, at least that girl in the hospital said no.  She said he needed to be there to legally sign it because any joe shmoe could be named on the b/c and then be gotten after for child support, ect.  That's what she told me.  SAME exact thing with my daughter.  When she was born a day after her father took off, i filled in all his information, I put my daughters first, middle and HIS last name on the b/c paper work.  The hospital said no, sorry he needs to sign it.

I did offer to meet him down there at vital.  I told him what they told me over the phone that he just signs an AKOP form and that's it and he gets on the b/c.  I offered, even when he was on vacation from work and had loads of free time. So this is why it baffles me how it didn't matter than but now all of a sudden it does.  His choice, not mine.

General Issues / Re: can someone define this for me?
« on: May 28, 2011, 08:54:32 PM »
Assault charges were never filed, just a report.  He's never been given any kind of "warning" or notice to stay away from me.  He's come and go a lot and even as such, before I decided to get a lawyer, i allowed him to come and go when he pleased.  He could see his son when he wanted to.  I never withheld any kind of visitation.  He only came 4 times, for less than an hour and did little to nothing with him.   Didn't really even hold him, i asked him if he wanted to change him or feed him, ect.  nothing.  But the whole time he kept telling me he loves me, ect and wants to be a family again.  I told him no and I kept telling him no.  Then all of a sudden since he isn't getting his way, he has to act like a baby and start denying our son and bringing up issues that didn't seem to matter until I was telling him i didn't want to marry him.  He got sore and started telling me off again like he did when I was pregnant.  I offered to go down and get him on the b/c so our son could have his last name, he never wanted to go, now all of a sudden, 2 months later, it's a big deal.  I have no issues co parenting, i know how to be nice and civil because that's all I've been doing and will be continuing to do but, he doesn't.  He needs help, counseling, whatever it is and I should of requested that he get it before he is every a lone with our son per his anger issues, ect.   And no, I don't say that because we have different parenting views ... when a father starts giving his 7 year old womans laxative pills because his son wants to take them just like his dad does ... there is something not right there.  When his father lets his obese borderline diabetic son drink 3 monster drinks A DAY... there is something not right there.  When he looses his anger and beats and kills the dog in the back yard for no reason ... i think you get my point. I'm just not going to give a long drawn out description, just that I personally know he IS a very disturbed person and a very poor father at that with his oldest son from his first marriage that i mentioned. Anyways ...

I've been through this for the past 5 years with my daughters father.  He took of on me in labor and I hadn't seen him sense.  I know what the future holds, my daughter has a great life and she still asks about her dad so I know what to be prepared for.  My wishes aren't to eliminate my son's father from his life, but to protect him from his father's anger issues, his lack of "maturity".  He already has a 7 year old so I'm not blind either to his parenting which is why I have requested supervised visitation so that he may have a chance to prove himself, and prove ME OTHERWISE and if he does, that's great.  He just will continue to act immature because he never got his way so for the next 18 years I will have to deal with a baby, but oh well, what can I do?  I'm not one of those mother's that just keeps the father away for NO REASON AT ALL.


General Issues / Re: can someone define this for me?
« on: May 28, 2011, 07:57:49 AM »
No he didn't, but Texas is know for the first 30 visits supervised during visitation unless the mother says it doesn't have to be.  I know his father will have a lawyer and it will go to court, that doesn't bother me.  I was just wondering "absent visitation" which is pretty much what his father is doing now anyways.  In the beginning he gave all this speech when i was pregnant that he loves his son, threatened to take him away, ect.  I was on here all worried and such.  Now that he is born? He's all talk.  JUST because the baby doesn't have his last name, he's not his son anymore ... my son is a spitting image of his father so because he doesn't have his last name, he decides he doesn't want to care for his son.  I think that's pretty sad and low.  He chose not to come to the hospital, that's not my problem.  We were never married so I couldn't just put him on the b/c like that, they wouldn't let me.  No i didn't want my son to have his last name but it was the right thing to do.  Again, I was there for 48 hours... I sent him one text saying "he's here" i also told his family ... BUT he never showed.

General Issues / Re: can someone define this for me?
« on: May 28, 2011, 05:46:31 AM »
he's only bothered to come see him 4 times in the 2.5 months my son has been born so I'm assuming ya'll are probably right.  He's denying my son because he has MY last name ONLY because he didn't show up at the hospital to sign the b/c or even bother to see him the whole time i was there.

General Issues / Re: can someone define this for me?
« on: May 28, 2011, 04:22:14 AM »
It was in the part that stated "Father will not be granted Standard Visitation due to the youth of the child (my son is 2 months), visitations will be as agreed between parents, absent visitation, Supervised Visitation." 

That's just what it states in the Appearance for Child Custody in the state of texas.   I got a copy of what he is being served with.  Along side all that it says other things like paying child support, partial child care, me requesting sole custody, ect.

General Issues / can someone define this for me?
« on: May 27, 2011, 06:27:28 PM »
This was in the letter from my lawyer that is being sent to the state of texas and also the the father of my son ...

"absent visitation"  .. not sure what that means? I'm new to all this.  I normally would ask my lawyer but he's out all weekend. =)

@gemini ... I don't care if he's on the b/c, i really don't and even if I did care, i have no choice.  If i didn't want him to have rights, i wouldn't of filled for child support.

Yes i know he will get rights but I don't want him having his last name for family historical reasons, not just to stick it to him.  There is no one else to carry on the tribal name in my family and it's my families wishes that his name stay mine.

He chose not to come to the hospital to sign the b/c so as far as what he's all upset about, that's his issue.  I understand him wanting DNA, that's fine.  What I am getting at is he how ugly he's being about it.  Why can't he just say "I would like to do DNA, just to be 100%" ... ok fine! but to say that I'm a slut and that's why he wants DNA? That's a little over board there.  I know he's angry but he needs to realize I am the mother of his son.  I didn't do anything wrong to him, i haven't withheld his child, nothing.  He needs to treat me with respect, at least that's what I believe but he never has.  It's always been verbal, mental abuse and once physical and because of all this, whether he chooses to be a good parent or not, I have to protect my son until I can see that, which means I don't want my son staying over night until he can speak for himself and if anything is happening to him, daddy hurts him, he can tell me.  Not saying I don't want the father to have visits, no.  Just no over nights until the age of 3.  The father has also chosen not to come around either so that's also his issue not mine.  Like i said, no matter how much he has hurt me, i've never with held his child.  He's made all the ugly choices, he's doing the name calling acting like an immature child. I want to be civil but he is making that next to impossible because he's offended that I left him.  Gee I wonder why?  I didn't want to stay around and get beaten again.

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