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From what I understand a child's request can be considered a change in circumstance.  However, the decision is not based on that particular request.  The decision is still based on what is in the best interest of the child.

In my opinion the BM would be a fool to submit to the courts a letter from a child saying "I want to live with my mom because she buy's me stuff."

Would it be wrong of us, during my DH's parenting time to deal directly with her parents?

IMO the answer is no.  It seems to me that the bio mom may be telling quite a bit of lies.  How can a person truly break a grandparents heart by denying them time with the kids.  The same thing can be said about the kids as well.  I adored my grandparents.

I do plan on filling a motion for a GAL.  But things have stepped up as the step dad has broken my child's finger and threatened to break another one if she doesn't lie to help them achieve their goals.  It's getting serious. 

This is serious and you need to call the police and child protective services.

Heston,

You are still letting your ex get into your head.....she is doing a masterful job of getting you completely stressed out.

Everything you mentiond seems to be nothing but he said, she said from your ex.

Your daughter is seeing a counselor who is not licensed to practice. Furthermore if there is all of this evidence of abuse how come no one has called Child Protective Services?

Again....you need to file a motion to have a GAL representing your daughter and site Parent Alienation Syndrome.

Lol offensive? I dont know what little dream world you all live in but in reality there are real scumbag "sperm donors". Ones that dont want to spend time with their kids. make excuses like he has cancer, and then the next week he doesnt. Or just because he "doesnt feel" like giving her 100%. one excuse after another. the BM doesnt work, I do. daycare isnt an issue. I buy her everything she needs. I take care of her. I have 2 boys of my own that I have fought to see and took me 2 years to get them overnight, and this guy that doesnt want to see his kid can come and go as he pleases? bullshit. SPERM DONOR is the perfect word! It guys like that, that give fathers like me a bad name! I dont care if you take offense or not! you chose the article to read and your on a forum site. DUH! how do you think the child is going to feel when "daddy" is in and out all her life? there is no working anything out. I've tried. she has tried. The guy has 8 kids with 3 different women. And has already signed rights off to 2 other kids. they had a child together and they both need to step it up. And he "doesnt feel" like doing that. My BF left me and my mom at birth. I know how it feels to have a "sperm donor". and he was a real asshole. I met him when I was 16. I fell in love with this child and for a "father" to be in the childs life, takes more than once a month. and CS? I own my own business. his $100 a month is taking care of the childs cat! your funny!

Is this about you or the child?  Having a hard time trying to discern that.

if you are going to come here and want people to take you seriously and talk to you then maybe you should think before you speak.  Most of us here could care less about the animosity between the parents.  What is important her is the child and if you walk around harboring this kind of resentment you are going to be part of the problem if you can't let it go.

If you truly love the child....then love the child.  Simple as that.

I am with Kitty on this.  The child has way too much information pertaining to this case and the situation.   In hostile environments you may find one parent (or grandparent or other family member) that will refuse to work anyone.  This person does not and probably may never have the child's best interest at heart and will hurt the child (knowing or unknowingly) to get their way.

This is a learning period for any child.  If both parents constantly bicker and point fingers while dragging the child into it guess what the child learns? They learn that relationships whether romantic or with family is full of hostility.  But if someone shows them a loving environment and will be bigger than the pettiness someone drags them into then you are giving the child a choice. You are letting them know loving relationships are available and all you have to do is receive it.

There is a court order.  This court order must be abided at all times by all parties involved.  Keep dragging her to court. She will eventually get tired of jail time and fines.

One of the most worrying things here is that the BM is getting the child to lie to the police and the counselor.  She has been told to say I hit her.  If ever she gets a graze or a scraped knee, she is told to tell the counselor I caused it.  My child has admitted this.  Even worse is the fact my child says she will continue to do it.  She is compliant (a) to avoid punishment and (b) to get some praise.

This right here is going to pretty much destroy your ex.  The fact that you are being told this information will be her undoing.  Your child knows that she is being coerced into this and she is telling you so you are not suprised.  If you were not being told you would have a reason to be concerned but this is not the case. The best thing to do is not to address these with your PEW with these issues.  Document everything your child tells you and the date and time you are told.  This will come in handy because you will be able to show a pattern with a time frame to go with it.

If it were just the BM lying that would be one thing, but with the child saying what she is told to say, I am not sure of the best way to handle it.

They best way is by documenting and completely ignoring the Ex.  Trust me....it works.

I also fear that if an AD LITEM is appointed, that even though the AL is only concerned with the child's rights, that in this case, the child would be told to lie to the AL.  In fact, I am certain that would happen.  Basically, it's impossible to stop the child lying and saying what she is told to say.  There is no way to stop that.  I've told her it's important to be truthful, and so on.  But the bm has created a severe dependency to control the child, and the child is programmed in a way not too dissimilar from brainwashing.  So, although an Ad Litem would be great in normal circumstances, I believe the BM could get her way even more easily if an Ad Litem were appointed.

The GAL would be your child's attorney and must act in the best interest of the child.  Will your ex tell your child to lie to the GAL?  I am certain of it.  Keep in mind this is not something your ex will be able to control.  The GAL is not supposed to care about your issues or your ex's issues.  Her only obligation is to represent your child and will have to do so with all of her ability.

However....you can (and should) be present to all meetings your child has with the GAL.   If you have joint custody your Ex will not be able to prevent that. You have as much legal right to information about your child as she does.

It is helpful to know that the judge won't take too much notice of police escorts and the BMs fictitious reports.  The BM is determined to get her way, and she is upping her game by getting the child to lie.  I don't see how a judge can ignore a counselor, even if not properly qualified, who states the child confides in her that she is treated mean and hit. 

This is where the GAL will come in.  You can request that your child will go and see a counselor that is actually qualified in child counseling.   

All the BM has to do here is get visitation changed.  I know the courts won't take away joint custody at the next hearing.  But if visitation is changed to being supervised, the BM will achieve her goals. 

Supervised visitation can only happen if it is in the best interest of the child.  Your ex has nothing but he said/she said and that is all.  There will have to be documented proof of everything.  She is basing this on report of abuse but there are no police report, no CPS involvement or anthing like that.   

I am not too sure how to come out looking good against a liar that even gets her child to lie. 

Again the courts see this type of thing every day.  I can assure you that you will not go into the court and be the first one with these accusations against them.  The courts will not be fooled by this either.  you mentioned that a previous attorney mentioned your ex's attorney is a sleeze. If other attorney's know it....so do the judges.

I do have some tape recordings of my daughter that would be very helpful if heard by the judge.  I have to give copies of all evidence to the opposing attorney within about ten days.  I wondered if anyone might know the correct way to handle a situation where I wish to present certain tapes as evidence, but to protect my daughter, ensure they are not heard by the opposing attorney or her mom, because that would mean certain and severe punishment for my daughter.  I really need for the judge alone, to hear the tapes.  I've been reading up on privileged information in evidence but have not found out that tapes such as the ones I have, are classified as privileged.

Just ask that they be presented and the judge can watch them in chambers outside of the presence of the courtroom.   

[specific]

Several flags come to mind.

1. She stated in a text message what her attorney said -  I call crap on that.  My ex tried that nonsense a lot as well for ridiculous things.  She would tell me things like her attorny said this and her attorny said that.  I would tell her she will need to have her attorney provid that in writing.  Of course I would never hear about it again.

2. I don't know the law in your state but I believe that she is trying to apply the 30 day rule incorrectly.  In my state that rule only applies when I want specific dates.  If I do not give the appropriate notice they it is spelled out that my visitation begin on XXX date to XXX date. 

3. Does the order state if you do not give 30 days notice you forfiet your visitation?  I think you will find that is more than likely not in the visitation order. I can't think of a single judge that would sign off on that.

4. The court order is binding regardless of what the local rule is.  If your order spells out visitation then she has to abide by it.  If it is not in the order than it is not binding.

It looks like she is in contempt again.  I would go forward and file another motion to hold her in contempt.  Make her explain the the judge while she violated the order. 

If the child is born out of stated I can pretty much say he has zero chance of getting a court to force her to move to your state.   I highly doubt he can petition for to not leave the state.   

The cheating issue will not have any relevance in this matter because this not a divorce.

His best course of action is after the baby is born to determine paternity.  He will not get any visitation until that is established.   When the baby is born and if they still live in the state he can file for a motion for her to remain in state with the child until paternity and custody is established

I agree with Ocean.....The GAL is top priority. Once you get a GAL there will be a lot of stress lifted off of you.

The GAL is a court appointed lawyer who represents the child alone.  They do not represent your agenda nor the ex's agenda. Their only job is to protect the interest of the child.  This is in the best interest of the child and once appointed I think a lot of your legal stress and anxiety will be released.