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How old is the child? 5 years old? At that age, child should be able to handle overnights with dad pretty well. You need to push for overnights in court. Make sure to have something in writing in parenting plan that says that illness of child won't be a cause for denying visitation. Your DH can provide comfort and care as well as BM (but of course, that doesn't make much sense if you guys don't have overnights). Does BM have sole custody? It seems so since you talk about "visitation" instead of "parenting time". If BM denies visitation due to illness, you should have a clause in VO to establish make up time. If she doesn't give you make up time, then file for contempt. Court is expensive and stressful but if you don't put a stop to BM now, she will continue doing whatever she wants. Fight to get more time with child.

thanks, Waylon. I have thought about that but I don't think BM is doing anything actively right now. She is struggling with PTSD so that might be influencing my SS. In the past, though, she did say things in front of my DH that might suggest PAS but my SS was then quite little. Anyways, he witnesses quite crazy behavior on his mom's part so it doesn't surprised me that he behaves the way he does at separation.

My DH and BM are going through a custody battle  for their 4 year old son. My SS is a wonderful little boy and I adore him. When he is with us, he is really affectionate with me, hugs me constantly and likes to play with me. I have no doubt that he loves me and has bonded with me.  I have been in his life since he was only hardly 2 years old so he is used to see me and his daddy together all the time.

I know that I am an important part of his life. Right now we have the standard every other weekend schedule and some time during the week plus alternate holidays. My DH and I usually pick him up from daycare on Fridays and drop him at a public place on Sundays evenings to return him to his mom. Sometimes, though, we need to pick him up directly from his mom's and that's when the situation becomes stressful for me.

A child that is always showing love to me and his daddy and who is completely happy in our household, becomes a tearful toddler telling me "go away" and "I want my mommy". It's really heartbreaking. I try not to take it personally because just ten or fifteen minutes later, once we are on our way to our home, he is cheerful and happy again. But I'm afraid his mom is going to use this reaction against us in court, saying that my SS doesn't want to be with me. Do you have any idea why he is behaving like that?

He has become more vocal lately, I guess because he is growing up and being more aware of what is going on. We have always thought that BM fosters co-dependancy and he is a sensitive boy so maybe he is picking up that? I just don't know how to help him transition easier.

Any help you guys can provide will be great! At this point, I get really stressed out every time we need to do a pick up. Now even in daycare, he tells me 'go away' the moment he sees me.   I just give him some space and starts playing with other children and after a few minutes he will come to me and hug me and be his usual loving self.

We are going through a custody evaluation update and according to court order, BM is supposed to pay her percentage (around 20%). DH has been paying so far for the whole thing since BM is not interested in paying and DH is the one who really is pushing for the evaluation. Nevertheless, now the parenting evaluator is asking for more money in order to finish it and BM is asking for more hours of evaluation on the part of the evaluator. By not paying she is in contempt of the court order but do we have a case? she will claim that she doesn't  have the money (she is underemployed and working only part time). We are just tired of paying for all the expenses and her eluding her responsibility. It has been a trend for her.

yes, we were thinking of doing that but what I'm concerned about is that if the IRS is going to care that we have an order granting DH the credit even though child didn't live with him for more than 50% of time. If IRS asks her to prove, she can readily claim child is with her for more than 50% of time and then we would need to return our taxes back to her, even though we have a court order. maybe I'm just stressing over nothing but DH doesn't want any problem with IRS

WA state. According to child support order, DH is to have child tax credit every year. Last year, DH did not ask for tax break because BM begged him not to and she needed the money but this year we are in need of that money and want to ask for the tax break. Parenting time is 70/30. We know BM needs to sign tax form in order for DH to ask for the break but we know she won't do it. Can we file taxes without the signed form? What would happen if she also declares child as dependent in her taxes? Would DH still get the break even though according to IRS it should go to the parent with more parenting time? Thanks!

you should subpoena her bank records. If she is returning stuff, that would show in her credit card records. But I'm not sure what is the procedure for subpoena when you are pro se. Sorry!

no, they are not married for sure since she is already married. She would need to get a divorce first from her husband (not DH). She has been separated for several years but no divorce so far (her husband is a foreign citizen). According to a friend of hers who gave us some info, she has been talking about getting married to this guy and is trying to get a divorce asap. But to the court and to us she told a very different story: they are no longer together. I don't even know if this guy is a danger to SS. He obviously has a police record and he might be on drugs still but maybe he is not so bad after all... who knows?  The problem is her hiding him to the parenting evaluator. If she didn't have anything to hide and was forthright, then maybe the parenting evaluator would think he is a decent enough guy, despite his past. What worries us is her lying and hiding of her relationship  with this guy because she doesn't want him to be evaluated. SS is very young so he can't tell us where he spends his time but we do know, from other sources, that she is still seeing him. Whoever she dates is not a concern for us. On the contrary. We want  her to be happy because then she is much more open to communication. But we don't understand why she feels the need to lie about this relationship, especially at this moment, when there is an evaluation pending. The only thing we can think of is that she is afraid that if evaluated, her new boyfriend would contribute to her losing primary residency of SS. Thanks for all the ideas. DH and I will try to get real proof of this relationship. We are pretty sure she is going to deny it to the parenting evaluator so if we show proof of it, then her credibility will be in question.

DH and I have the gnawing suspicion that BM is practically living with her boyfriend. A friend (who also knows her) has told us that she wants to sublease her apartment. On court she declared she broke up with boyfriend (because he has several DUIs, drug possession charges, etc) and that she just renewed her apartment lease (she has moved more than 4 times in the last 3 years). We are about to embark in a update in the parenting evaluation and we asked the new BF to be evaluated too (that's why she said she broke up with him). Any ideas about how to find out if she is actually living with her BF? We have thought about getting a PI but it's soooo expensive than we are hoping to find a way without recurring to PI. Any creative ideas will be welcome!

It does seem weird to me, especially after you describing the small space in the shower. I grew up with many brothers and sisters and only one bathroom so it was normal for all girls to shower together in groups of two, or showering with my mom but that was due to lack of time and space. And I am from a different country so that was normal. Here in the United States, I don't see that kind of behavior as typical. They only time I would imagine parents doing such a thing with girls that age is because they are going to a party or event and there is no time for everybody to wait for the shower to be unoccupied. Nevertheless, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it if the girl claims her mom doesn't touch her inappropriately. I would just watch out for more examples of weird behavior before acting.