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So we had court today and commissioner agreed to our update with the same parenting evaluator. Said BM's complains were not serious enough to warrant a change in evaluators and in fact, kind of praise the evaluator (it seems the court knows her and she has a really good reputation). that's good but now BM says she broke up with boyfriend and he's not in her life anymore. He actually wrote a letter on her behalf in her response and change immediately his facebook page (we used his faceboock page to prove there was a relationship between them) to show he was single and that he went back to his hometown. For me all this is clearly a ploy so that he is not evaluated but we have no proof their relationship continues. Yet I have the feeling that after a few months after evalution is over, they weill somehow reconcile. It's frustrating to be right and yet not have proof of it. DH is going to push for a thorough psych evaluation for BM (and if he has to do it, that will be fine). I'm convince she has serious issues so maybe with medication she will be better. One can only hope.

Why haven't seen your daughter since 2009? Why would you give up your parental rights? Your daughter needs you, and you are her mother no matter how difficult the relationship is  but unless you give more information. it will be difficult to give you advise.

oh, and we have had only one evaluator and was chosen by DH's lawyer. DH's is not against a new evaluation, but last one cost $4500 and our funds are draining quick. At this rate, we might not have money for trial! it's scary indeed!

Thanks, Kitty. She did provide with a mental health specialist's note so it seems she does indeed suffer from PTSD. She was sexually abused/raped when she was 13 by her stepfather so it doesn't surprise me that she has issues. We have been saying all along that she was mentally unstable and she always denied it. Now she is using this to negate the previous evaluation. Dont' get me wrong, I'm happy she is getting help and hopefully that's going to be positive in her life but I'm just not sure it's only PTSD what she has. Anyways, court is next week so we'll see what the judge decides. It's just so emotionally draining. I thought we would have finished by Nov and it seems if a new evaluation is ordered, it will drag until next year.

UPDATE: BM refused the update saying Parenting Evaluator was biased. DH then had a motion for the update and included a motion for contempt since BM refuses to cooperate with evaluator and also did not provide contact information for DH in several cases (child is delayed and she didn't provide his contact information to the speech therapy in charge of dealing with this issue). He just received her response and she claims evaluator was biased based on small inaccuracies in her report (for example, did not include BM has a bachelor's degree, her marriage was nulled, etc). She also claims evaluator didn[t contact everybody in her list. Evaluator had same small inaccuracies with DH and evaluator didn't contact all people in DH's list. She provides letters from different people who, when they read the evaluator report, couldn't believe how negatively BM was portrayed. These people were not contacted by evaluator and hardly knew BM (just for a couple of months but they say wonderful things about her). She includes as exhibits letters even from one of her professors saying she is a great student (not sure how that is relevant to the case since she left those studies unfinished). Her major critique is that evaluator based most of her evaluation on the psychological test (she didn't, she based on talking to BM, DH and other people and reading all the information given to her by both parties). Now BM says she is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (not sure what trauma caused it but we know she is going to blame DH since he is the cause of everything that is wrong with BM). Since she suffers from this, then her MMPI is invalid. My question is what are the chances that the evaluation is dismissed after her points? DH wanted same evaluator to do an update but she wants a complete new evaluation with a new person. DH can't hardly afford for the update but to start from scratch is even more costly. BM doens't want to pay for anything since she only have a part time job and it's a full time student (mind you she declared she is going to be a student till 2020, so graduation will be when she is in her forties!). Do you know anything about post traumatic stress disorder? Can that affect parenting? Will that interfere somehow with the results of her MMPI as she claims? Please advise!

Thanks Ocean! That actually sounds reasonable!

yes, I see your point. I wouldn't like that arrangement either if I were the BM. I guess we were looking for a way to not have to depend on BM's good disposition to make up time with child  but it would be unfair. On the other hand, her parenting plan proposal gave DH every single weekend. Who does that?  In the end, the commissioner chose to give DH every other weekend but she did proposed for DH to have child every weekend.

With regards to notice... he usually gets a week in advance notice, sometimes more.

Right now he has every other weekend and one overnight during the week plus holidays but that is the temporary plan. The parenting evaluator recommended 50/50 time with child so he will have from Wednesdays after school till friday at 5:00pm every other week and then from Wednesday after school till Monday morning on opposing weeks. So in a period of two weeks, he will have child 7 overnights. We are going to mediation soon so we are trying to present a good and well drafter parenting plan.

My DH is drafting a parenting plan to submit to BM during mediation and he wants to have something there specific to make up visitation due to business travel. He is a consultant and sometimes he goes months without traveling but then he will travel 10-20 days in a month for a couple of months. Usually his travels happen from Monday-Friday or from Tuesday to Friday so weekends he is always home. He is aiming at having child 50% of time. Obviously, if he has to travel for work, child will stay with BM. Do you guys think it's fair to ask for make up time during the weekends? He doesn't want to deprive BM of weekend time with child but it seems the only available option, other than forfeiting his time with child, which he would hate to do. What kind of wording should be included in the parenting plan? Do you guys have any other suggestions?  Thanks!!