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My ex and I currently have a 50/50 split, with me having residence.  Her life has become out of control and she has relized this and the impact it will have on the kids.  The ex came to me yesterday wanting to make a change in custody so the kids will have a good stable life with me.  

I currently pay CS becuase I make so much more than her and if this change happends I need to at least get rid of owing her this money, so I can properly care for the kids.  I don't care if she pays CS, she doesn't have the money any way so why beet a dead horse.

To get rid of my obligation of CS I am guessing I have to have this change in writing.  So here are my questions:

Once in writing does it need to be submitted to the court, or is having it noterized be good enough if needed for court later?

If it does need to be submited can I do this alone to avoid attorney fees and the friction that may develop by her thinking I am trying to pull a fast one?

If I can do it alone what is the process and procedure of submiting this to the court?

Any other thought or concerns would be appreciated.  Thank you.

What does your Court Order say?  I am not an attorney but my understanding is; the court order even though it is joint will have specified days the kids are in your care.  Even if your ex is having a mental relaps and is unable to care for the kid this is her time and you would either need to jointly argee for you to take the kid or have a judge give you a temp order to go in and take the kid.  

Her argument could be even though she is having a relaps since she lives next to her parents that her parents are helping her care for the kid while in her custody.  A lot of judges feel this is ok for a short term problem untill treatment can help and wont make a custody change.  Unless she has no help, the kid is in emediate danger by her and grandparents, or there is no hope for the ex the judge may not change a thing.  I am asssuming the original Court Order was put in place at the time every one knew of the ex's mental state.

What do you meen?
In the CO it just says that she has to pay me half of these expenses and I am to provide receipts.  I take it upon myself to build an itemized list so it is easy to read  and see.  I give her the list every other month because usually there is about $200 spent every two months on field trips, or lately doctors with swimmers ear, this would meen she owes me $100 every other month.

In the CO it doesn't lay out a specific process.  Is there some thing the GAL or some one else supose to do??

Here is a little history.  My ex and I divorce was final this last February.  The court order stated that she was to pay half of the kids school, school expenses, medical, kids counseling, co-parenting counseling, and obtain a $150,000 life insurance policy.  

The problem that I am having is that the ex has not made good on any of the above.  I have reminded her about the life insurance, and she tells me she will get it some day.  Now the kids counselor has come to me telling me that I have to pay for all visits because the ex has not paid for any of them and is past due over $250.  She told me that if she doesn't pay her soon that she will be submitting it to collections and that I am liable.  The counselor said to avoid this I either pay it all and bill my ex, or take her back to court.  The co-parenting counseling has ended also because the counselor has outstanding bills from the ex because she has never paid her either.  

The school has contacted me about four times now.  The first time they had told me that my son would not be able to partake in the kindergarten graduation because his mother has never paid the schools tuition and was over due $1,700 plus.  Then the school contacted me again telling me that the kids would no longer be able to attend if their mother didn't start paying and sign a contract to pay her past due.  The school contacted me a third time to tell me that if the past due was not corrected by the start of the new school year that the kids would have to go some where else, because they were having to chase the ex for the money and when they got it she would only give them $50.  The last time the school contacted me was last Friday to tell me that the ex has racked up another $400 plus and if she didn't pay the $400 plus by Monday that the kids would have to find some where else.  

Finally all the medical and school expenses.  The CO says that she is to pay half of all this.  I have had to pay all the medical bills, school events, and the ex has even neglected to take the kids to the doctor until they come home so I have to pay all co pays.  I have tried to collect from her on all this but she will not give me any of it.  I keep all receipts and make an itemized statement for her.  but now the bill is adding up over $300 in just these short months.

I don't know what to do?
I don't have the money to pay every one off for her, and I don't want to set up in her mind that she doesn't have to pay her portion because sooner or later I will pay.

How can I get her to comply with the CO?
Do I need to take her to court?
If I do need to take her to court what are my options on what to ask for?
Can I change custody because I am the one primarily taking care of the kids and assuring their stability, and safety? (I ask this last one because I know a lot of courts have changed custody when one parent will not comply with child support, or finances that deal strictly with the kids)
Any other recommendations or comments welcome.

In the beginning of the counseling I made a very good impression to the counselor.  I have signed a release so she can talk with my counselor so they can work as a teem.  My counselor has told me that the co-parenting counselor thinks that I am a great parent and that there mother is a looser.  It is just that we don't seem to get anywhere lately.  I have discussed this with my counselor she has told me that it is normal in group counseling for the strong person to be riden hard because the counselor know that the person will comply and the weak person to be baaby stepped because if they are not they will feel as if they are always the problem and should not return.  I do see what you are when you say I am defending myself and inturn bashing.  Thank you for pointing this out I will watch it more in the future.  I just feel as if I have to defend every point and use examples that inturn bash the ex.  I will watch that from now on, thank you for the advise on terms to use.

I know at some point in the future that I will have to take the ex back to court because she is not complying with the order.  She is to pay me half of expenses for the kids, life insurance, half of school tuition, and move to my town for school transpertation.  She has done knone of this the only part she complies with is taking the kids on her days, but yet only takes them to a sitter.  I have the residence for the kids when it comes to school, doctors, activities, and church.  Will this give me any security if and when I have to go back to court?  Will it set a president?  

Thank you all for your advise and insight.  A little update on the subject:
Chruch
The church thing has been rectified to some point.  The counselor is also the children's counselor so during one of the kids sessions she asked them what they did on Sudays, the kids talked non stop about church and how much they enjoyed it.  She asked about times they don't go to church and my son said it was ok because he can pray with daddy.  The counselor took that to the next apointment with my ex and I and now my ex has me pick the kids up on her Sundays and take them for the moring to church and fellowship afterward.
Right of First Refusal
This is an unresolved issue.  The ex still maintains that she will not allow me to watch the kids when she can't.  It really hit a head a couple of weeks ago with the kids and I during vacation.  At the end of vacation the CO says that the other parent can pick the kids up at 3:00 PM.  She called the day before to tell me to drop the kids off with her mother because she was going to work all night.  I asked her if the kids could just stay and finish our plans and I would bring them over the following morning.  I explained that this should not be a big deal since she was working and the kids would probably rather finish our plans than end vacation to sit around at her mothers till the next day when she picked them up.  She stated caling me all kinds of names and demanded that they be picked up at 3:00 PM.  

I really don't know what to do about this.  Back when this all started the counselor told my ex that she needed to spend more time with the kids and stop pushing them off on me.  My ex took this as to stop letting me care for them but continue not spending time with them.  She still does not spend time with them but instead of letting me care for them she pushes them off on her mother or a sitter.  For example this week my ex was to have them last weekend, Monday, Wed, and Thurs.  My ex only saw the kids Wed the rest of the time they spent with sitters and her mother.  This isn't an occational thing it happens every time she is to take custody of them.

I have finalized my divorce back in April.  Now I am dealing with clean up and life.  The problem I am running into is differences of opinions with co-parent counselor and me.  I wonder some times if she is bias.  Here are the two situations:

One visit we were to discuss the children's involvement with the church.  Just to let you know I was awarded 50/50 physical with my residence being the children's residence.  So now they attend the church in my town, school in my town, and doctors in my town.  The X has just decided that she didn't want to take them to church any more, and that she didn't agree with Methodist because she was catholic.  I had to prove to the counselor that this was bull because the X may have been confirmed catholic but always practice Methodist by showing her the old Methodist marriage license and baptismal.  But none of that mattered the counselor still questioned me heavily of why I wanted them to participate in church.  The X didn't get questioned on anything.  It made me feel as if I was wrong for wanting this for the kids and she was right with out cause.

The other is during another visit we discussed how if one of us could not watch the kids, because we were out of town or had to work late that the other should be given the right to watch the kids.  This was originally brought up by the X during another visit.  I brought it back up because lately the X has been working a lot of night and has had her mother pick up the kids and watch them all night.  I told her I felt that if this was a constant schedule with work that I should be able to watch the kids because the kids should have at lease one parent involved with them.  I told her that if this was only every now and then that it wouldn't be a big deal for grandparents to take over a night here and there, but the grandparent shouldn't take the role of a parent.  Back when my X brought it up the counselor thought this was a good thing but when I brought it up it was not reacted upon the same light.  The counselor instead questioned me constantly about the affect this would have on the kids if I was to watch them the majority of the time.  I told her that it can't be too bad if the majority of divorces end with only one parent spending the majority of time with the child and that at least this would bring a sense of stability into the kids' life, instead of never knowing who is going to be there.  My X never got questioned the counselor just thought it was a good thing when she brought it up but not when I did.

Some history; the X has had a lot of problems with the kids.  She has not developed a relation with them partly because she does not spend time with them when they are with her, and the other part is that she puts her self first and her needs so the kids are always put on the back burner when with her.  Some examples; her BF has two older boys that always beat on the kids but the X never stops this from happening in fact she yells at her kids when it happens making them feel as if it was their fault.  

I guess what I am looking for is some reassurance that I am not as wrong as I feel, and also your opinion if the counselor is being bias.  Any help would be great.

I can't afford to pay a lump sum of $1,700 to the school.  I have talked again to the director and she said that the X is coming in today to discuss it.  She said that if the X sings a contract to pay and additional amount every week towards the over due balance than my son will be able to go to graduation and this wont upset their future at the school.  I don't know if she will agree to this, and even if she does I don't think she will ever make the payments.

In the past she has always obtained credit or credit cards max them out and never pay.  She would change phone numbers until they filed then she would beg me, my family, and her family for the money and never pay it back to family.  I remeber one time her father let her borrow $1,600 for bounced checks with the agreement that she would pay $50 a month into the kids colege fund he set up.  He had the agent make up payment stubs for every month so she would just have to mail them in.  She never paid one of them!!!

In my CO it Reads, "Parent in not allowed to move more than 45 mile from POINT BLANK... If parent does this move will forfit custodial time"

I need help to know what to do.  I have to keep this short because I am at work right now.

I am a my X and I have split custody with me having residence for school and other activities.  The CO states she was to pay me half of all joint children expenses (doctors, school supplies, school activities) and she was to pay half of the tuition for school (my town does not have public kindergarten).  She has only paid me $15 and still ows over $200 pluss I just got a call from the children's school telling me that she is over $1,400 past due on tuition.  Leaving the last payment back at the first week of April.  This will cause my Son not to be able to participate in his kindergarten graduation.  She has bounce a number of checks to me, the school, the kid's counselor, and to the co-parent counselor.  

My son and I have been working really hard for him to learn the seven song he was to sing at graduation, plus his teachers and class have been building this moment up for him.  I hate to see it all get shot down because his mother doesn't pay the people she is CO to pay.  WHAT DO I DO.