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Messages - BeKind

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Visitation Issues / Re: Vacation time
« on: Jun 11, 2012, 05:33:26 PM »
By scheduled time, I mean that when they return from their vacation time, it will be during my regular custody time, so our son would be back in my care. My concern isn't just for myself, but his daycare also needs to know if he will be attending the day after they return, and since he keeps changing the dates between every person he talks to and keeps refusing to give me an itinerary, I am getting concerned that he doesn't plan to return on the days that I agreed to. Even in our emails just now, he said different dates than were originally agreed to. I just want us both on the same page, with a scheduled time he picks him up and a scheduled time I pick him up when they return. It really doesn't need to be so complicated. If there wasn't so much back and forth, the itinerary wouldn't be such an issue but at this point I am becoming concerned over the date he plans to return. I was willing to be flexible and allow him to pick up our son the afternoon before their vacation time if they were leaving early that day for their flight. I obviously do not want my son having to wake up at 4am or something to leave when he could stay with his father the night before and sleep in a little later, but with his dad behaving the way he is, it makes it hard for me to continue to be so flexible on these things. Not to mention he constantly takes advantage and does not give me a time he will be picking him up on days that are not our regularly scheduled exchange day. I think I may request to have an amendment made that in the future he is to give at least one day's notice for those time of arrangements. All too often I am sitting around for hours waiting for him to say he is on his way instead of him simply saying he will be here at 6pm, etc.

Visitation Issues / Vacation time
« on: Jun 11, 2012, 11:08:25 AM »
Our order reads as follows:

Provided it causes no disruption to the child’s schooling, each parent shall
be allowed to have the child for up to fourteen (14) days each year during
their respective vacations, with at least thirty (30) days notice to the
other parent.
Prior to leaving for vacations, the parent taking the child with him/her
will provide the other parent with a travel itinerary to include dates of
travel, destination, location, and telephone number where the child can
be reached.

As it stands, my ex has given me the 30 day notice, and I agreed to those dates. He still has not provided the itinerary. He is now asking to pick our son up this Thursday as the dates he requested begin Friday. I still do not have an itinerary of any sort. He also told our son's daycare that he would not be there even a few days following the requested vacation dates. I asked him about this as those are actually my days, not his, when he returns. I want to be sure that the dates he chose to travel are still the dates that he originally requested from me, but he never gives me an answer. If he does not provide me with the itinerary by Thursday, do I still have to allow him to take our son? My scheduled time with him is actually until Sunday.

Shrink Rap / BPD, NPD
« on: Jun 05, 2012, 03:57:52 PM »
I am hoping someone may have some insight into this. I have been dealing with my ex-MIL making statements that I am bipolar and have borderline personality disorder and now most recently narcissistic personality disorder. There was a protective order put in place due to this among multiple other actions of hers. I do, however, have concerns that this could be brought up in future family court custody issues. Is there any way I can go about having a psychological study done on myself to prove that I suffer from no such illnesses? I want to be prepared in every way possible because I have a feeling she is going to file for grandparents' rights in the future, as well as I know my ex wants to change our current 50/50 custody arrangement when he plans to move out of state next year.

Parenting Issues / Child psychologist/counselor?
« on: May 31, 2012, 10:43:26 AM »
My son will be 5 in a few weeks. My ex and I share joint custody 50/50. I have had some issues with him making inappropriate comments to our son in regards to my relationship with my now boyfriend as well as disparaging me directly to our son. This has continued on for a few months now. Last night, my son asked if we could talk about his feelings. I was surprised, but so happy he felt he could come to me with things that were bothering him. He then told me about more things his dad had said to him when he was at home and told me they upset him and make him sad. I am considering taking him to speak to someone just to get a professional opinion on how much this is affecting him and possibly some recommendations on what I can do. I have emailed his father every time we have an incident like this, but it never changes his behavior. Has anyone else used a child psychologist or counselor of some sort for this? Is there someone I should go through for the court for this or any other options? I am sure this will all end up in court again in the near future, as we have both mentioned changing our custody arrangement and my ex has plans to move out of state in approximately one year. I just want to be sure that I am doing what is best for my son, but also that if this should come up again in the future, I am also going by what the court recommends. Any thoughts or suggestions? Would a psychologist be who I need to speak to or someone else? I just want to have someone talk to him and evaluate where he is at with everything and then take it from there if they feel he needs counseling or that we should have some sort of family sessions.

Child Support Issues / Re: Child Support Modification?
« on: May 22, 2012, 01:04:56 PM »
We were separated much before our divorce finalized, and he has known about my boyfriend long before I moved in with him or our son was ever introduced to him. The high conflict part is more his personality than anything. He has had to go through anger management classes as well.

Anyway, I'm kind of glad I brought up this child support question, because unfortunately now it really has come into play. I was laid off from my job yesterday. I'm trying desperately to find a new job but the unemployment rate here is ridiculous. Unfortunately for some reason I am ineligible for unemployment benefits because I only worked for my company for 6 months. Now I'm not sure what to do. I have enough to get by for the next 2-3 weeks without issue, but if I don't find a job by then I'm not sure what to do. Would he be able to use me not having a job against me as an argument for custody? I don't even want to tell him, but if I really cannot find a job I may have to file for support.

Custody Issues / Re: High Conflict Ex
« on: May 21, 2012, 10:50:41 AM »
I spoke too soon. I had emailed him this morning telling him that since it was so last minute I would drop our son off to him in the morning but that in the future, he would have to pick him up since our agreement states receiving parent picks up and it's 30 minutes out of my way on my way to work (I know when he works nights he has off until around 3pm the following day). I just really don't have the time in the morning to be driving all over. I told him that I had no problem dropping him off at daycare if that is where he needed to go, but if he had to go back to his house, he would have to pick him up. Apparently he feels that he is doing me a favor by allowing me to have our son during the time he is at work and that he doesn't have to do it. I give up.

Custody Issues / Re: High Conflict Ex
« on: May 21, 2012, 09:52:41 AM »
Honestly, I have really tried to allow open communication between our son and his father. As of this past week, I was even going to setup an old laptop in my son's room so he could Skype with my ex-inlaws, in an attempt to move past everything they have done to me (including me having to get a protective order). Every time I try to do something nice for no reason other than I think it would be good for my son, they prove to me over and over again why I shouldn't. It's just so hard to decide at what point those conversations with his father are doing more bad than good. Every Sunday that we switch, I just wait for the nasty email that follows. It's like clockwork now, and I've learned to ignore them, but I genuinely worry about how things are for our son when he is at his dad's. He mentioned to me yesterday that his dad says bad words about mommy. I told him that he could talk to me about it if he wants, and that if it really bothers him, all he has to do is tell his daddy he doesn't want to hear it. I emailed my ex regarding this, in the nicest way possible and not accusing in any way. On a positive note, however, his dad did give me right of first refusal this morning. Maybe we are finally getting somewhere with that.

Child Support Issues / Re: Child Support Modification?
« on: May 19, 2012, 09:07:12 PM »
We do not get along at all, not for lack of me trying however. Not trying to cause any problems, just trying to get an idea of how things are. I like to be as educated as possible about all of this because things are constantly changing. We have had a lot of issues with him not following the CO (I posted this on another board). Unfortunately I have had to involve the police in a few instances in the past and had to deal with a lot of things legally already. I just like to be prepared.

Custody Issues / Re: High Conflict Ex
« on: May 19, 2012, 09:03:57 PM »
Our main reason for one week on, one week off was because he starts school in just a few months. It would be too confusing to follow his school work, etc. once that happens. He has actually adjusted very well to the split and just thinks he has two houses and mommy & daddy share him. We almost never speak to each other in front of our son as it will only lead to arguing. The only time he is brought in the middle is with the comments my ex makes on the phone to him (another tonight that I just had to email him about). I think I may call the court on Monday to see if there is anything I can do about it. This time he directly made insulting comments about me to our son, which is in violation of our CO. Stuff like this makes me only wonder about what goes on when he is at his dad's house.

Custody Issues / Re: High Conflict Ex
« on: May 16, 2012, 03:23:53 PM »
Sorry one more on the same topic... in terms of the right of first refusal... as my ex's schedule changes weekly, is there any way I can request from the court that he be required to give me a copy of his work schedule so I know that I am getting my right of first refusal each time? Right now I really have no way to keep track of this unless my son brings it up, and I refuse to be the parent that grills their child with questions each time they pick them up.

Also, does this apply when he leaves the child in the care of a family member such as a visiting grandparent while he goes to work? Our CO states:

Should either parent require child care to be provided by someone other than
himself or herself for a period of four (4) hours or more while the child is in his or her
physical care, the other parent shall be advised and given the opportunity to provide
such care for the child before other arrangements are made for such child care. Such
provision, known as the “right of first refusal” shall not apply when the child is placed
in the physical care of an agreed upon, professional, child care provider, such as

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