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If I were you I would call the Dr. office and find out from THEM what your portion should have been and pay them that, asking that they send the difference to BM. GIVE NO MONEY TO BM AT ALL unless it is Child Support. In washington state, any monies that you give a BM, or vise versa,  are considered a GIFT unless it is paid through the Washington State Support Registry, or the check is DRIECTLY labled for CHILD SUPPORT. Don't know how it is in your state, but in a lot of them, you could give her money for the bills, then she can come back on you for the amount a second time saying that the first was a "GIFT" and nail you again.

Always pay the provider directly even if it means that the provider has to reimburse the BM!!! This take syou out of the monney grubbing loop altogether!

BEst of luck to you and your child. I pray he is feeling MUCH much much better!!!
Danae

I agree. Call the Police and file at the very least a missing persons report if not outright KIDNAPPING. I am NOT kidding! Youcan drop the charges later if that is appropo. However, she HAS kidnapped your child. The sooner you treat that as such, the sooner you will get assistance from the authorities. THis is very very serious sir! TREAT IT LIKE THAT! IFight this battle to WIN. Otherwise you are at a very real disadvantage.

Best of luck to you!

Danae

I agree with Wendl!

Do not pay for the bandages.

THose are her responsiblity.

Do not pay her directly for the Medical bills either.

Pay the Dr., Hospital, or Care provider directly and state that you will do that in the letter you are planning to send. Bills must come to you from the PROVIDER!!! Anything else is her word, and it sounds to me that her word may not necessaily be altogether trustworthy.

If there is an overpayment, or she has already paid that provider, THE PROVIDER can give her the refund. FYI always do the same with Daycare as well. Pay the Daycare, and have that stated in any custody agreement, VERY clearly stated in the Child support orders or anywhere else that you may find a refrence to the payment of bills to an outside party. Be it Daycare, a Dentist, or hospital. What ever it is. Otherwise, you will be neverendingly harasseed by BM to pay her this or that amount of $$. This way you are just dealing with the Professionals and not some psycho who decides band-aids cost 15.00$ at some super-uber-pharmacy.

This also gives you RECIEPTS from the provider that PROVES that your hubby is an active participant in the payment of those professionals. Those are nice to have believe me! Nothin like having a reciept to prove that you do indeed pay for this that or the other thing. If there is anything that I have learned, NEVER just trust the other party to do the right thing and tell the truth.

It has saved my hubby and I untold grief because we can PROVE what we do for my SD! Our Bio-mommy dearest does not get much wiggle room from us and we trust her about as far as I can throw an elephant. Maybe less even! That willingness to protect ourselves DOES keep her in line most of the time. Up untill she breaks up with boyfriend # 729 that is. Then she tries to pull something, and we just nail her with the parenting plan and move right along. Really it protects US more than her. She can't just do what ever she wants when ever she feels like it. We are no longer under her control in any way. It soulds like that is what your BM is doing. Don't let her do it. You don't have to put up with it. You can make some of the rules, and doing that will invariably protect you. Sooner or later, it will.

Nope, filling out the forms don't mean diddly. It can be cited as proof of Paternity , but until it has a judge's signature onit, it isn't considered proof. You don't have to contest it. But when you file a Parenting Plan you will be required to fill out the form that established your "Fatherhood" Till then you are the "Presumed" father.

Either way, at this point, you have no rights as a father other than to open your wallet and let them take what ever amount of $$$ they think applies. Literally you are a walking walett with no other rights. Sucks. At least until you get the PP. They you have the rights that are spelled out IN the PP. So MAKE SURE that what you want get's put into the plan. This is another area where Legal counsel is very helpful. At this stage, you don't even know what you want or not. It is impossible to even know what questions to ask. A good Lawyer will know.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU!

That's too bad.

My hubby has always paid CS. More than required by the original Order for quite a while for that matter. It wasn't until Bio-mom got completely out of hand and blackmailing him every 30 minutes with his kid, that we forced the issue and went to court for the Parenting Plan.

It has been a savior. We send support to WSSR so it is all registered and recorded so she can't constantly claim not to have gotten support when she had (Cancled checks with her signature on them kinda fixed that but you get the drift. It was never ending) Now we have the Plan and she can't change it to suit her every whim. After all the misery that she has shoveled on all of us, why on earth should we do anything to make her life easier? And by a whopping 10 mile difference in drop off points!!! LOL  It is a wasted effort. Rewarding bad behavior only gets ya more bad behavior in the end. That Plan has been a savior, every time she gets out of line, we have that to support us.

There is no way she is going to get any part of it changed. She doesn't have cause enough to get past the Show Cause to Change Plan Hearing. We will move to dismiss based on the frivolity of the issue, and as part of that, both parties HAVE to fill out new CS documents and CS WILL get re-adjusted. AUTOMATICALLY as I understand it.  The Karma of the situation is a thing of beauty I am telling ya. :7

I am almost betting that she doesn't do a damn thing about it. It WILL cost her about 130 a month in CS and THAT is one thing that that greedy woman WON'T ever do. She makes upwards of 55K a year.

My SD has been talking about moving here with us. If that ends up being her decision, we will start the process while she is here in the summer. We were thinking of Raj Bains in King County. At any rate, the should be an interesting summer. I have a feeling that I will be posting a lot more often!

Danae

HI there!
Kudos to you for doing the best you can for your kids. It is no easy road that's for sure.

My Husband has a daughter in washington state. Long story short, bio-mom blackmailed him for years until I came into the picture. We got a parenting plan after we had been married about a year and a half or so. Literally it is the only way that you will have a any rights at all to your son. Washington state treats Non-custodial fathers like crap. You have no rights at all other than to pay up.

We have spoken to a VERY good lawyer. Raj Bains. He is in King county and I believe his number is listed somewhere on this site. I would contact him immediately if I were you. We will be hiring him in the near future in an effort to get custody of my step-daughter, if she indeed decides to come and live here. We have to decide that in the next 6 weeks. But that is the guy we are going to hire to make it happen.

One other thing to consider, is Marilyand now your X's preminate address? If so, then you will need a Lawyer in THAT state. It goes by Perminate address location you see.

Literally, and sadly. you HAVE no rights as a parent until given to you legally. You must persue this. Establishing Paternity through DNA is also a must. But with out a doubt, get a Lawyer. The Morass you have entered in NOT tilted in your favor and the system will not help you.

Sorry to be a bummer, but until you have a parenting plan and establish Paternity, you are extremely vunerable. That plan will protect you as much as it does her and provide for your son. It is in everyone's best interests.

I hope this helps!

Danae - best of luck to you!

Thanks 4Honor! Glad to see you are still here!!!

Interesting. I didn't know that they just subtracted the additional children from the amount like that. Bizarre to say the least. Seems easier to just go with the amount for three children than to do it that way, but then again, when does the state EVER do things the easiest or simpliest way.

Given your formula and if SD stays with her mother our CS will go down by about 130.00 if the % proportions don't change. Kinda a whack for the old girl, not that she has much choice. If we challenge it, and we would, CS WILL get refigured automatically. Needless to say, she is pissed.

Moral of that story, ask nice instead of being a PBFH, and making demands whilst insulting everyone. Oops. Gues this punching bag as some harder stuff in it than she thought!

Thanks again 4Honor!!!

Hope things are all good in your neck of the woods!!!

Danae

Thanks for responding!

Yea, they do consider that just cause to get a hearing. Heck it is almost automatic when you file for anything in Washington State. You pretty near HAVE to re-file all the CS worksheets stuff and they WILL re-calculate it in the process. Wa, is more than just a little bit greedy and uses ANY pretext to get inside your wallet again!

I wonder, if we end up with custody of SD will they re-calculate CS based on the fact that hubby has three kids or that the new NCP, Bio-mommy-dearest, has only the one. That would put her CS payments a LOT hagher than what we would be required to pay with three.... Hmmnnn. Me smells LEVERAGE.

Thanks for your response!

In looking at the rules and form demands, I have to agree with you. Bio-freak is merely hoping that Hubby will just sign the paperwork for a voluntary change (which we would have done had she not been such a demanding, obnoxious, cruel and vindictive about it, we just don't play that game anymore), or that he would just ignore the summons for a Hearing to determine cause for change. oops, slight mis-calculation there I think! lol. That is one good reason to get us up to King county. We live in St. Helens, so she will likely have to serve us by mail as we will have SD for the summer here in about 3 weeks. That will give us 90 days to respond to it. I am not too worried about it.
SD has been talking about moving down here with us, so we may be hiring a lawyer to handle that for us as well as the CS aspects. Say, when the NCP goes to pay CS, it is determined by the total number of kids he is supporting right? Altogether he has three. Now if custody changes, how does THAT affect CS? Does Bio-mom have to pay the 1 child rate as she only supports ONE child??? That seems logical to me..... Any input you have there would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks again Wendl!!!!

I am so sorry to hear about your brother! My prayers are ont he way for you! Have you contacted Hospice? They can be a wonderful asset in situations like this. My Grandmother died of Pancreatic cancer that had spread. I feel for you and him. It is not an easy passing. Blessings to you! I will be thinking of ya!

Danae