Show posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Show posts Menu

Messages - EdgeOfReason

Live well under your means. 

Don't call or see the attorney unless absolutely necessary.

Be a full partner in your case including research issues.

Make your own copies and be organized.

Or, have a SO that will do it for you.
Are the braces medically necessary or not?
I can tell you how we handled this. 

(NC)Mom tried on several occasions to insert a phone into our home starting when the kid was 9.  She asked us and we said no.  Then she got tired of asking and sent an email declaring what she was going to do.  So, we responded that if she were to do that, we would pack it up and mail it back.  And, we did.  She complained about it the next time we were in court and how she was to contact the kid (via the landline) was written into the order.

You know what mom is trying to do, disrupt your time.  It's a form of remote control.  Mom and kid are so enmeshed that neither can go without contact for what, a weekend?

You best bet here is to decide what is reasonable.  The kid broke the last phone, so it's reasonable that the phone be put away while the kid is in your care.  Or, you can ask that she just not send the phone with the kid.

As for the amount of calls, if you have the kid eow, one call prompted by the kid to mom would be reasonable.  Mom should be able to go without calling the kid.  Landline is fine.

I will suggest that if you were to take this to court (which will be hard because she has the records, not you) your angle needs to be that mom is purposely disrupting your time ... several calls a day is a good case on that.

General Issues / Re: Man gaining full custody...
Aug 07, 2013, 12:22:55 PM
Some states use time in their formula's for CS, some don't.  If you make 100k a year and your ex makes 50k a year and you split the time equally, you probably would still end up paying something because of income disparity. 

My dh has legal and physical custody of his kid.  I will tell you it was and continues to be a hard, expensive battle.  He's been in and out of court pretty much every year since he left her.  Our state says that all a parent needs to file a custody modification is the feeling that it in the kids best interest.  That.  Is.  It.

I digress ...

I will also tell you that unless she is beating the kid, has a couple duis under her belt, or some other blatant form of abuse (not mental/emotional, that doesn't count), you're flushing your money down the drain.

Shoot for joint physical and joint legal from the start.  I'd also suggest visitibg some father's rights sites to ensure your behavior supports your goal of joint L/P custody.
Custody Issues / Re: Leaving the Country
Aug 07, 2013, 11:47:25 AM
I would note that being the primary parent doesn't make you the decision maker.

If you have joint legal, decisions should be made jointly.  If you don't have joint legal, the one with legal custody is the decision maker.
Do you have any Order in place now?

Getting the mother to migrate from the phone (non-documentable depending on your state) to writing ... that can be tough.  I would suggest a "going forward" letter, send it certified and copy the GAL.  Something along these lines:

Dear Ex,
I am requesting that we change our default method of communication from verbal to written.  I think writing to each other would be mutually beneficial and ease some of the issues we have been experiencing during phone conversations.

I think if we both of had time to draft measured responses we would be less likely to let our emotions get the better of us.  At the very least, writing would add a level of personal accountability to our communications.  I sent this today via registered mail to ensure that you received it, certainly communications in the future could be done via text message or email.

I think

Let me know if you are agreeable or if you have another suggestions.


So, what you did was 1) identified a problem area, 2) suggested a reasonable alternative to make things better, and, 3) asked for her input if she didn't like your suggestions.  She would be dumb to ignore it. 

As for her calls, let them go to voicemail, see what she wants ... if it is not an emergency, write her back.

But, be very careful what you put in writing because it can bite you as hard as it bites her.  I prefer the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm).

I see that this is an old topic, but I wanted to reply anyhow.

The first thing I would ask you is what if it was your ex that did this ... what would you be asking him to do before he got unsupervised custody back?  That's were you are going to find your answer.