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Started by I cry_ in_the_dark, Jan 16, 2005, 12:26:56 PM

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I cry_ in_the_dark

Daughter says:
i am scared to ask dad if i can go to the dance..

Daughter says:
i will try to wait until step-mom is not around mwahah

Daughter says:
i think i will just ask now neways .. ughhh wish me luck brb

Terri says:
if i do go like if they dont cancel it will you give me a ride home?

I say:
tonite?

Daughter says:
yeah

I say:
won't they?

Daughter says:
i dont know.. he said he would take me..... but i dont know about picking me up.. (he said it depends on the weeeeeeeeeeatttthhher

I say:
oh good gawd, he has 4w drive

Daughter says:
he said you have to share a little too

Am I a fruitcake?
(NOTE: This convo copy and pasted with names omitted.)

MixedBag

to show your daughter you're there for her no matter what.

In this case, no matter how -- ummm--- the other parent is.

If it's not your weekend, I really don't get the answer she got.

And if I remember correctly, you live close enough to step up to the plate and be there for her.  She'll remember that.

Or pick her up and take her back to yours because your EX abandoned her and take her back to your EXs in the morning....

Nope, just take her back this time....and show her who really cares.

Sunshine1

What's the question?  Sounds like he doesn't want to get his big butt off the couch to drive her home in the middle of the night...so you get to.

Was that your question? :)

wendl

Go pick her up it your ex won't. Your daughter will remember they you were the one that came and got her no matter what the weather was.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

I cry_ in_the_dark

Right.......THIS TIME!!!

I told her this would not be a habit, and she understands that.

HE wanted custody, then why shouldn't he get to do all the goodies that I did for the last 5 years all by myself?


Nope, it's not my weekend.

I cry_ in_the_dark

There was no question.

Heading states...comments.

So...I go pick her up and he has me arrested for what...kidnapping? Who knows?

That's my X for ya. I drafted a letter to him tonite:

This is to advise you that if in the future I should be required to pick up the children from activities during your periods of custody, I must have a personal request from you prior to the occasion.

Should I not have a request from you, I will deliver the children to my home and contact the proper authorities.

How's that for letting him shirk his duties?

MixedBag

Why?  We all know that you don't want to make it a habit on his weekends.

We all know that he's being .....

But what's more important is that your daughter knows you'll be there and over time, this will totally work against dad and to your advantage.

I'd be saying the same thing if the daughter was calling Dad to pick her up on Mom's weekend.

Stupid move on the CP's part.....take advantage.

Sunshine1

See, I joined/frequent this board because then I can see the other side of things.  Really?  Would he have you arrested?

Ok, if it were me the letter is crazy, but I don't know your ex.  I would pick her up because that is what we always have to do. Pick up the slack for the CP/NCP constantly.  Custody is always temporary, the more you are involved the better it is for you.

Yes, he wanted custody and he SHOULD have all the fun of doing everything on his own but that isn't right either.  Man I wish you were my BM or in my case the BF, we would get along famously.  I would kill for him to pick the kids up or be willing to do so.  I am in your boat only reversed.  Unless he can have his wife around he wants nothing to do with the kids.  I am on the verge of losing it!

Anyway this isn't about me.  I would seize this opportunity and go and get her..she will remember that you do all these things for her.

catherine

1) why is daughter asking the day of, to go.  That doesn't leave planning for anyone.

2) "oh good gawd, he has 4w drive" isn't being exactly nice about the other parent, regardless of how they treat you or talk about you, you have a duty to be the better person too!

Not trying to be unpopular with you or make you upset, just observing the conversation.

So, did she go, and did you pick her up?

I cry_ in_the_dark

I never have a clue what that man is going to do.

Yes, he does some really idiotic things. Like when it was still joint custody, he repeatedly brought my girl home days early week after week, and then pressed contempt charges on me! (Yes, he was laughed out of court.)

Then last Christmas, he showed up at my home 2 days early to take the kids, and then called the police on me! (Yes, they told him to go on home.)

So I have to keep on my toes and stay one step ahead.

Lets see...I should go out at 10 at night to pick up a child from an activity so dad can sleep...but...I am not allowed to pick up my son from school on my visitation days so it "doesn't disrupt his schedule", and lose an hour and a half of visitation? Don't you think this is all just a little bit BS?

I cry_ in_the_dark

I have no control over when my daughter asks her dad to do things in that house.  Maybe because it's an every Sunday night occurance? I know that I always have plenty of notice for events that she wishes to attend while with me.

I live in town. I have to be to work at 11 at night. He lives on the outside of town, on a road that is not maintained. I'm sorry, but making me the heavy on whether or not she gets to go to a dance because he wants to be an idiot is not a game I'm going to play.

Yes, she went and yes, I picked her up. And yes, I was almost late for work. And yes, he was too dayum lazy to get up and acknowledge her arrival home or wish her goodnite.

catherine

so he was playing a manipulation game with you.  I'd manipulate him right on back.  "Sure, I'll drive you there, if your Dad picks you up!"

FLMom

You SOOOO got played.

Let me tell you about my New Year's Eve this past year.

OD wanted to spend the afternoon and early evening at her boyfriend's house, which is near my ex's home--about a 40 minute drive away. Plans originally were that ex would come by and pick up YD and DS, but due to my flu bug the "nightlife" was out. I talked to him and told him that I would keep the younger two, since he was just going to drop them off at 7 am on New Years Day anyhow--he had plans that day.

JUST finished a wonderful meal in a nice resteraunt with my DH and the two younger ones. My cell phone rings--it's about 11pm. Seems that now that my ex is off the hook with the two younger ones, he took his wife out. OD calls his cell, and he says he'll go get her---until stepmom has a fit. He then tells her "call your mother". MY husband didn't hesitate--"Let's go get her."

I spent the stroke of midnight on the way back from the boondocks.

Yes, daughter know she can depend on us. But she used us because she hadn't worked out all the arrangements with ex and knew I'd do what I had to do to make sure she got home.

Ex wormed his way out of his responsibilities, even though he's the CP and the boyfriend's house is around the corner from his house.

What did I learn? Next time I'll leave my cell at home and take a bunch of DayQuil and go out dancing anyway.

You have to let yourself be walked on. I would go to the ends of the earth for my daughter, but her father should also. Next time when she pulls the last minute plans on her father's time it'll be her father's responsibility to live up to her irresponsibility.

FLMom

Sunshine1

Did you send the letter? His reaction?  

I usually don't ask BF for anything unless he is my last resort because he lives 30 min away.  Now with his new wife, I re-arrange things so I don't have to ask at all.  She freaks out if I ask him for anything.

I cry_ in_the_dark

No, I haven't yet. I was waiting for a response from Soc.

Another perfect example, tonite my girl wanted to come work on a health project that we've been working on for several weeks. WOW, surprise, he agreed to drop her off on the way to my son's boyscout meeting up the street. But...he refused to pick her up on their way home.  LOL

MixedBag


NoNicky

Everyone handles these things differently.  My kids know my schedule and if I'm not going to be available I make sure they know it.  

However, when dad didn't want to get her to school early for mandatory band practices I got up even earlier, drove to his house, got her and took her in.  When dad leaves her high and dry because "he got busy", I go get her.  I told her that when her father and I were together she could always count on me then and things have not changed.  I may not like the ex weaseling out of things but I have also seen the heartbreak the child went through when she made quiz team but he wouldn't let her participate because it "wasn't a good night for him" and he told her she could not let me transport her even though I volunteered and a teacher did as well.  That strategy is beginning to pay off in ways that can't be measured by the gas or time I have spent.  My daughter knows who will deal with her upfront and who will go out of their way for her.  It isn't him.  She knows my dh and I love her enough to suspend our activities temporarily if possible to make sure she is taken care of.  One day I figure she'll do like her older brother did.  Move in with me and tell him if he doesn't let me have custody she'll go to the judge personally with the difference in care they receive.  

Don't get me wrong, he's not all bad and he does have some good points.  He is a stricter disciplinarian and while I don't always agree I also know what he is doing is not hurting them in the long run and is not physical.  He lives by a calendar and if he hasn't got you scheduled then you don't get his time (that includes his 2nd wife and kids).  My kids are better organized than I am for having lived with him.  I put really important stuff on my cell phone reminder and other than that I take it as it comes.  I can't schedule thiings like time with my dh or kids.  I want that to be natural.  But, neither way is wrong, just different.  When the GAL evaluated our homes and I read the report I had to laugh because at one point she quoted me directly without saying so.  She said "both homes are equally fit, the parties have markedly different personalities and therefor markedly different parenting styles, neither is better than the other, just different in approach."


NoNicky
For God has not given a spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  1 Peter 1:6

I cry_ in_the_dark

Daughter says:
i am scared to ask dad if i can go to the dance..

Daughter says:
i will try to wait until step-mom is not around mwahah

Daughter says:
i think i will just ask now neways .. ughhh wish me luck brb

Terri says:
if i do go like if they dont cancel it will you give me a ride home?

I say:
tonite?

Daughter says:
yeah

I say:
won't they?

Daughter says:
i dont know.. he said he would take me..... but i dont know about picking me up.. (he said it depends on the weeeeeeeeeeatttthhher

I say:
oh good gawd, he has 4w drive

Daughter says:
he said you have to share a little too

Am I a fruitcake?
(NOTE: This convo copy and pasted with names omitted.)

MixedBag

to show your daughter you're there for her no matter what.

In this case, no matter how -- ummm--- the other parent is.

If it's not your weekend, I really don't get the answer she got.

And if I remember correctly, you live close enough to step up to the plate and be there for her.  She'll remember that.

Or pick her up and take her back to yours because your EX abandoned her and take her back to your EXs in the morning....

Nope, just take her back this time....and show her who really cares.

Sunshine1

What's the question?  Sounds like he doesn't want to get his big butt off the couch to drive her home in the middle of the night...so you get to.

Was that your question? :)

wendl

Go pick her up it your ex won't. Your daughter will remember they you were the one that came and got her no matter what the weather was.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

I cry_ in_the_dark

Right.......THIS TIME!!!

I told her this would not be a habit, and she understands that.

HE wanted custody, then why shouldn't he get to do all the goodies that I did for the last 5 years all by myself?


Nope, it's not my weekend.

I cry_ in_the_dark

There was no question.

Heading states...comments.

So...I go pick her up and he has me arrested for what...kidnapping? Who knows?

That's my X for ya. I drafted a letter to him tonite:

This is to advise you that if in the future I should be required to pick up the children from activities during your periods of custody, I must have a personal request from you prior to the occasion.

Should I not have a request from you, I will deliver the children to my home and contact the proper authorities.

How's that for letting him shirk his duties?

MixedBag

Why?  We all know that you don't want to make it a habit on his weekends.

We all know that he's being .....

But what's more important is that your daughter knows you'll be there and over time, this will totally work against dad and to your advantage.

I'd be saying the same thing if the daughter was calling Dad to pick her up on Mom's weekend.

Stupid move on the CP's part.....take advantage.

Sunshine1

See, I joined/frequent this board because then I can see the other side of things.  Really?  Would he have you arrested?

Ok, if it were me the letter is crazy, but I don't know your ex.  I would pick her up because that is what we always have to do. Pick up the slack for the CP/NCP constantly.  Custody is always temporary, the more you are involved the better it is for you.

Yes, he wanted custody and he SHOULD have all the fun of doing everything on his own but that isn't right either.  Man I wish you were my BM or in my case the BF, we would get along famously.  I would kill for him to pick the kids up or be willing to do so.  I am in your boat only reversed.  Unless he can have his wife around he wants nothing to do with the kids.  I am on the verge of losing it!

Anyway this isn't about me.  I would seize this opportunity and go and get her..she will remember that you do all these things for her.

catherine

1) why is daughter asking the day of, to go.  That doesn't leave planning for anyone.

2) "oh good gawd, he has 4w drive" isn't being exactly nice about the other parent, regardless of how they treat you or talk about you, you have a duty to be the better person too!

Not trying to be unpopular with you or make you upset, just observing the conversation.

So, did she go, and did you pick her up?

I cry_ in_the_dark

I never have a clue what that man is going to do.

Yes, he does some really idiotic things. Like when it was still joint custody, he repeatedly brought my girl home days early week after week, and then pressed contempt charges on me! (Yes, he was laughed out of court.)

Then last Christmas, he showed up at my home 2 days early to take the kids, and then called the police on me! (Yes, they told him to go on home.)

So I have to keep on my toes and stay one step ahead.

Lets see...I should go out at 10 at night to pick up a child from an activity so dad can sleep...but...I am not allowed to pick up my son from school on my visitation days so it "doesn't disrupt his schedule", and lose an hour and a half of visitation? Don't you think this is all just a little bit BS?

I cry_ in_the_dark

I have no control over when my daughter asks her dad to do things in that house.  Maybe because it's an every Sunday night occurance? I know that I always have plenty of notice for events that she wishes to attend while with me.

I live in town. I have to be to work at 11 at night. He lives on the outside of town, on a road that is not maintained. I'm sorry, but making me the heavy on whether or not she gets to go to a dance because he wants to be an idiot is not a game I'm going to play.

Yes, she went and yes, I picked her up. And yes, I was almost late for work. And yes, he was too dayum lazy to get up and acknowledge her arrival home or wish her goodnite.

catherine

so he was playing a manipulation game with you.  I'd manipulate him right on back.  "Sure, I'll drive you there, if your Dad picks you up!"

FLMom

You SOOOO got played.

Let me tell you about my New Year's Eve this past year.

OD wanted to spend the afternoon and early evening at her boyfriend's house, which is near my ex's home--about a 40 minute drive away. Plans originally were that ex would come by and pick up YD and DS, but due to my flu bug the "nightlife" was out. I talked to him and told him that I would keep the younger two, since he was just going to drop them off at 7 am on New Years Day anyhow--he had plans that day.

JUST finished a wonderful meal in a nice resteraunt with my DH and the two younger ones. My cell phone rings--it's about 11pm. Seems that now that my ex is off the hook with the two younger ones, he took his wife out. OD calls his cell, and he says he'll go get her---until stepmom has a fit. He then tells her "call your mother". MY husband didn't hesitate--"Let's go get her."

I spent the stroke of midnight on the way back from the boondocks.

Yes, daughter know she can depend on us. But she used us because she hadn't worked out all the arrangements with ex and knew I'd do what I had to do to make sure she got home.

Ex wormed his way out of his responsibilities, even though he's the CP and the boyfriend's house is around the corner from his house.

What did I learn? Next time I'll leave my cell at home and take a bunch of DayQuil and go out dancing anyway.

You have to let yourself be walked on. I would go to the ends of the earth for my daughter, but her father should also. Next time when she pulls the last minute plans on her father's time it'll be her father's responsibility to live up to her irresponsibility.

FLMom

Sunshine1

Did you send the letter? His reaction?  

I usually don't ask BF for anything unless he is my last resort because he lives 30 min away.  Now with his new wife, I re-arrange things so I don't have to ask at all.  She freaks out if I ask him for anything.

I cry_ in_the_dark

No, I haven't yet. I was waiting for a response from Soc.

Another perfect example, tonite my girl wanted to come work on a health project that we've been working on for several weeks. WOW, surprise, he agreed to drop her off on the way to my son's boyscout meeting up the street. But...he refused to pick her up on their way home.  LOL

MixedBag


NoNicky

Everyone handles these things differently.  My kids know my schedule and if I'm not going to be available I make sure they know it.  

However, when dad didn't want to get her to school early for mandatory band practices I got up even earlier, drove to his house, got her and took her in.  When dad leaves her high and dry because "he got busy", I go get her.  I told her that when her father and I were together she could always count on me then and things have not changed.  I may not like the ex weaseling out of things but I have also seen the heartbreak the child went through when she made quiz team but he wouldn't let her participate because it "wasn't a good night for him" and he told her she could not let me transport her even though I volunteered and a teacher did as well.  That strategy is beginning to pay off in ways that can't be measured by the gas or time I have spent.  My daughter knows who will deal with her upfront and who will go out of their way for her.  It isn't him.  She knows my dh and I love her enough to suspend our activities temporarily if possible to make sure she is taken care of.  One day I figure she'll do like her older brother did.  Move in with me and tell him if he doesn't let me have custody she'll go to the judge personally with the difference in care they receive.  

Don't get me wrong, he's not all bad and he does have some good points.  He is a stricter disciplinarian and while I don't always agree I also know what he is doing is not hurting them in the long run and is not physical.  He lives by a calendar and if he hasn't got you scheduled then you don't get his time (that includes his 2nd wife and kids).  My kids are better organized than I am for having lived with him.  I put really important stuff on my cell phone reminder and other than that I take it as it comes.  I can't schedule thiings like time with my dh or kids.  I want that to be natural.  But, neither way is wrong, just different.  When the GAL evaluated our homes and I read the report I had to laugh because at one point she quoted me directly without saying so.  She said "both homes are equally fit, the parties have markedly different personalities and therefor markedly different parenting styles, neither is better than the other, just different in approach."


NoNicky
For God has not given a spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  1 Peter 1:6