Done FINALLY......Peanut WON BIG!!

[Peanutsdad]

We had our final Trial today.


It's over folks, we won. Primary with dad, mom to get standard visitation. Mom further ordered to attend counseling and anger management.

Judgement against mom for arrearages of child support. Mom further ordered to pay med ins. and 50 a month towards arrearages.

Mom got cs reduced to a level consistant with working minimum wageX40 hours.


I want to take a moment to thank each and everyone of you for your support thru this.

In particular, I want to thank Waylon, for this site, lah101 for all her advise, TM for keeping me on a true course, Patton,, for all the commiserating bro,, always there for you, Wendl for always being frank with me, Jan you kept me hopeful at times when mine was low, last but far from least,, kiddosmom...I love you babe.



My struggle is done,, for now. I will definately continue here. It's something I believe in. God bless you all.

[Tennessee Dad]

to you all!

It is so great to see justice done, especially when you have been through the wringer to get it!  I know it has been a hard battle, as they all are.  But to hear a good outcome on one is really uplifting to us all!

[Kitty C.]

WooooooHooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm SO happy for you both!  I know it's been a LONG, HARD struggle for both of you, but your strong perserverance has paid off for you both!

All kids should be as lucky as Peanut, to have such a WONDERFUL Daddy!  You ROCK, PD!!!!!!!!!!

[nosonew]

Yeah!  That is sooo fantastic....isn't it great to finally, finally, have it over? Hugs from nosonew to all three of you!

[Troubledmom]

I am happy things turned out as you hoped they would :-)

Hopefully with counseling, over time, Peanut will win even bigger by having BOTH parents able to be active participants in her life, instead of either being relegated to the position of a visitor.

Sending You, Peanut, and the rest of your gang warmest wishes for settling into a "normal" life where a custody battle is not the first and last thing on your mind each day.

Your Friend
TM

[lah101]

Well,
I am so glad it is finally over and you guys can get on with your life.  I t sounds like she got what she deserved, and in the end Peanut will be The winner.  As long as you two can both stay in the child's life and work thru things---Peanut will always be the winner!  BM does need her classes and when she cooperates, then it is great that she has standard visitation.  Of course she should have  to pay minimum wage child supprt till she can get a job, and you know she will have to in order to stay with this hubby---lol  I am just so glad it is over and now you and yours can get on with their life.  Raven, I am so glad to have met you and kiddosmom and have found a friend in each of you.  Now--Let's get ready for that dang fishing and camping trip we all need to go ON!!!!!!  
Get ready for some company soon--and the more the kids yell and laugh--the more I will feel at home----so I am on my way soon!!  BTW---Mine is final too!!!!!   Best of luck!! now ALSO if you need a sitter----I am available  so you and kiddos can get away!!!
Lah101

[kitten]

So happy for you and your little Peanut!  Hope our situation will turn around and three more little ones can have hope.

[grazer]

NM

[Bolivar OH]

Great job!!!!

Your posts have helped me tremendously in my quest to have more time with my son.

I hope you continue to post here.  There are lots of people who can use your help.

[DecentDad]

Hi,

Congrats on what sounds like a great outcome for your kid.

Would you mind posting some tips on what you feel was most important for your situation that resulted in the outcome?

Always helps to read about hindsight from someone who succeeded.

Thanks,
DD

[Peanutsdad]

Tips:


1. The suggestions/articles/ and people here,, I read, listened and applied.

2. I had an advantage. Once I realized that my ex was going for the throat, and many other people here AND on other boards told me,, quit being nice. I stopped playing nice. I was as ruthless as I had to be in court. I played by her rules and all bets were off.

So on that aspect, remember that this is no longer a loved one. This is someone that wants to hurt you and doesnt care who gets hurt in the process. Fight back.

3. Dig deep. I knew as volatile as my ex was and the many problems she had with her ex,, something was somewhere. I invested in online resources, paid a PI to do a background check, checked the backgrounds of "associates". She had a background, the people she surrounded herself had backgrounds. I did not.


4. CARDINAL RULE!!!!!!!!!!  Never EVER lose your cool. Do NOT take the bait, do NOT raise your voice, do NOT appear angry or hateful in court. Do NOT ever respond to scenes caused in front of the kids. Dont even reply, simply accomplish what you are there to do and leave. Before this is over, you WILL either have a hellova poker face, or you'll fail in this tip.


5. Before you plunk your money down on a attorney....CHECK THEM OUT. Get references, call the Bar assoc. A decent attorney wont be offended,, afterall, they are "applying" for a job and you are plunking down some significant cash with them.


6. Remember,, that court, the judge and the attorneys... they have seen it all before. What seems like a big deal to you, is an everyday occurance to them. They have heard it all, seen it all, endured it all. It's likely they wont tolerate a lotta BS nitpicking. Stick to the issues. Make sure your case is supported by FACTS. ie; police documents, medical documents, testimony of experts. You testimony, your ex's testimony, mom and pop and all your sibs tramping thru the courtroom aint gonna make you friends with the judge. Be honest with the caseworker that does the homestudy. Dont disparage the other party,, simply say: I have concerns about this or that with my ex. That plays better than insisting your ex is a whoring dope dealing drunken piece of alleytrash.
Saying: I have concerns about my ex's mental stability,,, plays better than saying: That biotch is crazier than a shithouse rat.    Get the picture? ;)


7. Remember,, this is about what is best for the KIDS. IF it's best to have have both parents be equally involved, work for that. IF its best that one parent be monitored , work for that.  Work your case to the facts, not the feelings.

[gas]

PeanutsDad,

Congrats, that's great news for you and little Peanut.

I hope one day to read about similar victories for our kids but when it is a "level playing field", i.e., two great parents, good working relationship, NO skeletons/parenting issues.  Just a father wanting more time with his kids, plain and simple and Mommy doesn't want to lose any of her 70%.  That's my situation, and I have to go to court to hopefully get increased time from current 30/70 arrangement.  Two fantastic, well adjusted, happy/healthy boys 4 and 6 that I have made unreal sacrifices to be involved in their day to day lives.

It just seems the ONLY time 50/50 is granted is when (1) the Mother has some serious parenting issues and/or both parents agree to 50/50 without a court fight.  Neither of those is my case, simple case of two very capable, loving, devoted parents but a Mother that won't budge from status quo (70/30 Mom).  Our mediation was last week but only 35 minutes with Mom giving no ground and no real insight into where Mediator is headed with her recommendation to the court.

Hearing is coming up-Monday.  We'll find out how far Southern Cal. courts really have progressed in the recognition that equal time time with TWO great parents is in the children's  best interest.

[NJDad]

Dear Peanutsdad,


Congratulations!!

I've been following your postings for some time now. I am so very happy for you. This is great news and is really hitting home for me.

I will find out this Friday whether I will get residential custody of my kids. I have the same kind of Ex and, without my knowledge, the kids were interviewed by the Judge last week. This was at the behest of their mom during trial in May. I was against them going through that ordeal. The kids praised me and said nothing bad about me but the two older kids recanted stories of abuse by their mom and force manipulation, including being told what to say to the Judge. I am keeping my fingers crossed and praying.

I have been praying for your success as was many others on this site. You're a good friend to us and I am sure I can collectively say that we are all extremely happy for you!!


Best wishes,

NJDad

[Peanutsdad]

gas,


Your kind of case is probably the WORST one for a father to try and get a "level playing field".

Im the first to admit,, when all is equal between the parents,, dad loses big more often than not.

Here's another perspective,, if I was the one with my ex's history,, how long do you all think I would have been on SUPERVISED visitation? She however is not. She's ordered into therapy and to get anger management counceling.

My kind of case, while WORST for the kids,, is a father friendly lawyers wet dream.


Yes, I'll keep posting here, I'll keep digging, I'll keep contacting local dads with problems and help line them up with good legal counsel.


All the posting of advise and links,, I learned from Brent. He's the REAL trooper here.

[gas]

PD,

Agreed. That's the irony when I stand back and look at the big picture-
would I rather have more time but with a pathetic Mommy or less time with two good parents

I'll take the latter every time hands down.  Kids win in that case, they lose big time in the former.

Gas

[Peanutsdad]

Gas,


I have to agree completely. If I had my choice,, it would have been two caring parents.

[SadStepMom]

Congratulations and all the best to you!

[tjraid18]

   I'm really glad to hear about the great news PD. I'ts a great triumph for a good dad on the right side. congrads!!!

[richiejay]

>I hope one day to read about similar victories for our kids
>but when it is a "level playing field", i.e., two great
>parents, good working relationship, NO skeletons/parenting
>issues.  Just a father wanting more time with his kids, plain
>and simple and Mommy doesn't want to lose any of her 70%.


I guess I would have been considered one on the "level playing field". All I wanted was to spend more time with my son (ex and I separated when he was 1 y.o).  So I tracked all the time...it was about 50/50...I was paying support.  Then she decides she wants to leave the state for a new job. (about same pay as former job)..make a long story short, I got joint physical until it was time for him to go to kindergarten and then we did the whole thing all over again....I came down to "what do you do when you have two good parents?(my definition of her being good was slightly different from the courts, however).  Ultimately, because my whole family was here and I was soooo emotional on the stand that I won (my son was the real winner).  

>That's my situation, and I have to go to court to hopefully
>get increased time from current 30/70 arrangement.  Two
>fantastic, well adjusted, happy/healthy boys 4 and 6 that I
>have made unreal sacrifices to be involved in their day to day
>lives.
>
>It just seems the ONLY time 50/50 is granted is when (1) the
>Mother has some serious parenting issues and/or both parents
>agree to 50/50 without a court fight.  Neither of those is my
>case, simple case of two very capable, loving, devoted parents
>but a Mother that won't budge from status quo (70/30 Mom).

You just have to keep plugging away..and if it's not this year, it could be when they are in their early teens and want more time with you.  Cherish every moment...and always re-evaluate what is best for them (because it does change over time).  I wish you luck, my friend.
>

[richiejay]

Congrats....it is a wonderful feeling.  Hopefully BM won't pull the same shit mine did after she lost....be prepared for that.  If not, then you are way ahead of the game...

[Peanutsdad]

Let me guess, she tried the "abuse" card?

[richiejay]

Surprisingly, no, but I half expect her to try it someday.  What she did (with her very deep pockets) was to try to modify custody ANY time there was a "change in circumstance".  My boy was having trouble in school socially..I was taken to court.  I moved him out of the school that BM hated...I was taken to court.  There were two others, but I forget what they were for.  The point was to aggravate me and give my lawyer more money.  Luckily, the court saw through all of them.  Now all she does (she's divorced again and the pockets ain't so deep no more) is make my son feel guilty for not spending more time with her.  
Both you and I deal with mentally unstable exes..for yours and Peanut's sake I hope your ex doesn't pull any of this crap....keep us advised. Enjoy the victory, but be on your guard...

[maxwell]

Congrads to you!!!!!!!!!!!

[joni]

:7 :7 :7 :7 :7 :7 :7

[Brent]

Way to go PD!!!!!!

You [font size=+2]ROCK!![/font]

[MYSONSDAD]

Great advice. thanks for the sharing

"Children learn what they live"

[lookinnomore]

Although I don't know you it gives me hope to see that a father beat a mother for custody as that is what my boyfriend and I are up against and in my state they prefer the mother.

CONGRATULATIONS!