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Lawmoe I need some advise Please

Started by T0052SC, Nov 02, 2004, 01:58:10 PM

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T0052SC

I have been trying to keep my kids safe from my STBX neglectful ways but I now don't know what else to do.  I have proof of the neglect to the kids and even on the most recent the police came and gave her a sumins.

I have contacted child services and my investigator has contacted child services but they don't seem to be not that interested.  Child services said to me that they just need to educate the STBX, but I have proof of a patern and even in the past intervention it never changed.  My attorney says I need to be more demanding of child services but this is the second report made this year on the STBX and the first one the worker tried to get me to give up my right and marked up her report saying that I was just vandictive when I wasn't the one who even made the complaint.

What do I do my kids are in danger and I feel as if my hands are tied by the system.

Lawmoe

The answer depends on what you are trying to accomplish.  If you are concerned about the other parents care, reports to child protection are appropriate. However, even if they involve themselves, that system is designed to reunite the minor child with the original parent that had custody.

Whether they act or not, does not preclude you from bringing a Motion in Family Court seeking a change of custody. The focus of that system is to enter orders that, generally speaking, are in the best interests of the children.  As a result, uif you can clearly demonstrate the neglect and, against the backdrop of all circumstances, can show that a change of custody is in their best interests, that is how you should proceed.

 

T0052SC

I want to protect my kids but I am getting frustrated.  My attorney started all fired up with talk of an expar-tai and now he is acting more relaxed like we should just wait to the final custody trial.  My problem is that the STBX is constantly putting the kids in danger and I don't want the court to look at me and think since I waited to the final hearing that I am just gathering this evidence to make the STBX look bad instead of what is in the kids best interest.

If I proceed to go back to court now before the final custody hearing how do I go about showing a change is in their best interest.  My attorney flip flopps all the time from full of fire to well I don't know.

Lawmoe

It is spelled Ex Parte.  It essentially means without the other party. in other words, it is a Motion heard that is one sided. Those are available when there is an emergency.

It is difficult to advise you for several reasons.  First, different Judges treat such issues differentl. If you lawyer has experience with the Judges, you must trust your lawyer.  Second, you do not indicate how far off your final trial may be.  That is a critial element.

I would suggest seeking a free consultation and a second opinion fro a lawyer in your area. However, be wary of a sales pitch. Try to find repudable lawyers with at least 10 years of experience and an established practice.

T0052SC

I don't have a date yet for the final trial.  I have a date for the pre trial hearing of December 9th.  How far out do courts schedule a final trial usually after the pre trial?

The problem I am having with my attorney is one minute he is fired up full of gusto to go balls to the wall.  The next minute he will sound like all we should do is settle (flip flop).  I have a real problem with a settlement.  I read all over the web sight that this final trial is the only real time I have to show the court whats in the best interest of the kids and after that it will take a significant change in life to change the final order.

His settlement is to basicly keep it how it is but my biggest problem is the neglect to my kids and the STBX having control over education.  My attorney feels that I have good evidence but is sceptical that the court will award me Primary physical with joint legal because the GAL during the investigation was apointed as a marital master in the same district that our trial will be held in.  The GAL recommended the same custody is what is in place now 60/40.

The GAL never viewed any of my evidence that I supplied to him and myself and my attorney feels that he just didn't want to rock the boat, so the GAL went with the path of least resistance and not recommend either parent with primary physical.

What is your view on the above?

Bolivar

T0052SC you said, "The problem I am having with my attorney is one minute he is fired up full of gusto to go balls to the wall. The next minute he will sound like all we should do is settle."

Your attorney is selling you.  Which is ok, it will keep you calm.  You are in the mist of battle and you are high strung, which is normal.  Even lawyers who do this work for a living usually hire another attorney to do there divorce because is so easy to get emotional off track.

Set up some appointments with other lawyers in the area.  Bring bullet points of what has happen so far, and questions to ask.  DO NOT VENT, remain professional as possible.  Do NOT bash your current lawyer, you will come across as a whiner.  Listen and take notes, Only TALK if:
1. You are asking a question.
2. You are answering a question.
3. Let the interviewing attorney do all the talking.

The answers to your question will help you to determine if you lawyer is fighting for you.  

The major problem I have found with attorneys is work overload.  In divorce work one must have a number of cases going on to make a good living.  If the attorney is working on too may cases he/she will have less time to spend on yours.

I always ask the question like "how busy are you".  Then I ask the same question a different way latter on.  They ALWAYS say they have time for your case.  At least you can get a feel for what is going on.

This site has some good info on hiring a lawyer, check it out.

Good luck, and please keep us posted. :-)

MYSONSDAD

If your children are school age, would the teachers or councelors have noticed something? Could be Child services need a call from someone other then the other parent. Anything from doctors or hospitals?

What about a PI?
 
"Children learn what they live"

T0052SC

I have a PI and she has gathered video of neglect and endangerment, she has also made a report to CPS but I get the feeling that CPS just doesn't want to get invovled because their reply to me was you are bringing up what ifs.  The STBX leaves the children unattended all the time in the car while shopping and at the STBX house.  When I brought up the dangers of this the CPS worker said these are all just what ifs and nothing that has happened so they don't feel there is a problem.  CPS gave me the feeling that they just want to wait to see if something does happen and then if it does possibly step in.

MYSONSDAD

You might want to see if the PI would be willing to report this to the Police. With their vast knowledge of uncover work, they must have some idea on how to proceed. Or at the very least, have the PI follow her and when she goes into the store, make an annonimous call of children left in the car and have the police come and investigate.

Keep track of all communications with CPS. They are not following thru and it could bite them in the butt.

T0052SC

My PI and I did this.  Tuesday we went to the police and confronted them with this.  The officer parked across the street and waited for us to flash our lights when the STBX went into the store without the kids.  He then pulled up and waved the STBX out of the store and arrested her.  He let her leave with the kids and a sumins.  When CPS called the officer he changed his story around now which has made me suspicious.  The officer now claims there was nothing unsafe about what the STBX has done.  The STBX is now dating a part time patrolman who is almost twice the STBX age and has rented from an officer that is friends with the part time patrolman boy friend.  I think they are all pulling favors for each other because I am supose to be a real basturd.

I just don't know what else I can do to protect my kids and how this will affect the final trial.

MYSONSDAD

You could be on the right thought process...

Pictures and video tape speak a thousand words, all on their own. Keep documenting and I would also keep my eyes open for her new boyfriend and if he stays at her house. Judge might find this interesting, but you will need the proof.

How old are your children?

I would also do some searches on child safety and have those documents for court, just have it there for addition resource purposes. There are many Child Safety sites on the internet.

Many list the sources and the dangers. Articles from experts in that field.

For most parents, it is a matter of just plain old fashion common sense...

"Children learn what they live"

T0052SC

My youngest has just turned three

My oldest has just turned five

My youngest I just spent the night at the hospital because she has a bad urinary track infection.  It was so bad that when I took custody of her yesterday she had puss dischage coming out of her privates.  The STBX has done nothing about probably never even noticed because the STBX will leave her in a diaper all day while the STBX drives a school buss all day long.

Will this help too?

Kitty C.

Yup, get her evaluated by a pediatric urologist.  If the infection has gone on too long or allowed to get too bad, it can easily spread and could possibly even make her sterile...problem is, you won't know until she's a lot older.

She's still in a diaper ALL day?  Did they have her on IV antibiotics at the hospital?  Have you talked to the physician in charge of her case as to what his feelings about her condition are?  All healthcare professionals are mandatory reporters (I'm in EMS and am one, also).  Personally, if I had gone on a call and seen this, I would have reported it immediately for severe medical neglect.........
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

T0052SC

She is still in diapers all day.  I have been trying to potty train her but it has been real difficult with the STBX constantly countering everything I do.  My daughter is real interested in the potty but when I ask her if she will sit on it or try to sit her on it she will begin to yell Mommy says I am to little still, I will when I get bigger.

I talked to the docter and he wouldn't say specificly what caused it.  He just kept saying that it is commen in females.  When the supervisor of CPS caslled me today to talk about why they feel there is no level of neglect going on she even persisted that the infection was no big deal and is commen in females.  I wish I had come to you with this problem it sounds as if some one would have taken me sereously.

Thank you, any other advise would be great.

Kitty C.

Like I said, get her in to a pediatric urologist.  Yes, urinary tract infections are common in females, BUT........it also depends on what it stems from in the first place.  I'm no doctor, but I'd venture to say that it comes from her still wearing diapers and not being changed often enough.  When you take her, explain EVERYTHING, even anything that you think would NOT be important to the issue.  People have a tendency of not giving their healthcare providers enough information.  Write as much information down and all your questions, too.  That way you won't forget and leave something out.

I don't mean to get technical or obscene here, but a bit of explanation is warranted.  Infants can get infections too, if they are not changed regularly.  But toddlers can be more susceptible because of their activity levels and interactions with other children, which is vastly different than an infant.  And since, if she 'was' potty trained, she would be wiping herself properly every time she goes, thus reducing the possibility of infections there as well.

But don't rely on me, you need to have her seen by a professional.  I'm just an armchair quarterback.........
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

MYSONSDAD

Have there been any problems with diaper rash? I found an excellent website that I will pass on to you. It covers everything including medications and what they are used for.

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/

I had a problem with constant diaper rash with our son. After I had him for a few hours it went away and never came back on my parenting time, but every time I would pick him up, he had it again. I learned that diaper rash is a form of abuse, the other parent lashing out.

I would think this might also have something to do along those lines. It might be a reacurring problem. Check with her regular doctor to see if this is something that has happened before.

Do you have a copy of the medical report where you could research what she had? I would also research the medication.

There are also some very good parenting sites out there. Your little girl IS ready for potting training. Let me know if you would like to read up on some things.


"Children learn what they live"

T0052SC

I would really enjoy reading up on some more.  What ever you have that you can give me would be appriciated.

Thank you

T0052SC

I have a question for you.  I just got off the phone with my attorney he was getting all upset because in the beginning of the doctors visit the doctor was asking me question like:
do you have suspicions of sexual asault
do you have concerns on care

I told the doctor that I didn't know about the sexual asault but did have concerns on neglect.

My attorney started to blow up at me that I shouldn't of said this because if it is in the doctors notes that the STBX attorney will use this to make me look vandictive and cloud the facts.  He said that if the doctor felt there was a possibility they would just report it but I shouldn't have said anything.

I am getting lost on what am supose to be doing HELP?

MYSONSDAD

If the doctor suspects something on his own, he should just report it.

The Medline link I proved includes searches you can do. I also posted on another post, abuse and neglect by State. Look under Environmental concerns post...

"Children learn what they live"

T0052SC

When you say "if the doctor suspects something on his own" do you meen without any input from a parent or care giver.

I am just wandering was I realy wrong for stating to the doctor that I had these concerns.  My attorney keeps saying I have jepordized my case if this is in the doctor's notes and the STBX attorney gets to it.

Thank you

Bolivar

TOO52SC you said - [em]When you say "if the doctor suspects something on his own" do you meen without any input from a parent or care giver.[/em]

By law a doctor who suspects child abuse must report it.  If a doctor does not report the child abuse he/she can go to jail.


TOO52SC you said - [em]".....was I realy wrong for stating to the doctor that I had these concerns."[/em]

I do NOT know all the nuances of your case, but if you spoke to the doctor it in a polite manner and were short and to the point, probability not.  With everything going on this little slip will probability not make a difference.


You also said - [em]"My attorney started to blow up at me that I shouldn't of said this"[/em]

Perhaps your lawyer feels you're venting too much in public and is trying to pull in the reigns.  Be Grateful he is so emotional about your case, I interpret his "blowing up" that he cares about your well fair.

One, of many problems I faced was my lawyer had so many cases going on, I feel he did not take the time to really understand my set of circumstances.  Therefore he was NOT able to fight very hard for me.

T0052SC

When I said "if the doctor suspects something on his own" I did meen with out any information from parent or a care giver.

When I made the coment to the doctor I was very polite and short just stating that I did have concerns of neglect.  I didn't go into detail just that I had a concern of neglect.

I think you are right about my attorney feeling that I may be venting.  I felt at the time if I didn't say anything and the doctor suspected something than I would be through under the bus also.  I was thinking if the doctor is asking these questions it must be to gather information on if there is a possibility of neglect or abuse and if I was to play dumb than that would possibly make me a suspect too.

I don't think the attorney is getting to emotional about me I think he is getting emotional about the kids.  When we had are heated conversation he kept saying he is going to look out for the best interest of the kids, which is what I want.  The only thing that I see wrong is he is just as quick to accuse me as he is to accuse the STBX.

MYSONSDAD

I am not an attorney or a doctor, but I am a parent. If I had concerns, who better to mention them to then the childs doctor.

Did he ask or did you give the information on your own? If he asked, it is a clear indication he already had suspicions.

I would also be concerned about this neglect being twisted on to you. Covering your butt is not a crime...