NCP Mom Wont return child

[Forthelittleones]

My husband is the custodial parent of a 14 yo child.  The NCP Mom has not returned the child and since she does not have custody, she is unable to enroll the child in school in her area.  The Judge in the case has ordered her to return the child 3 times over the last 6 weeks.  Mom doesnt follow most of the CO's that the Judge issues.

The Judge has now referred the case to the DA for review for violations of the law.

NCP is in OH and CP is in Texas.

Mom wont let the child leave her house.

How do we get the child back so that she can start school?

[mistoffolees]

>My husband is the custodial parent of a 14 yo child.  The NCP
>Mom has not returned the child and since she does not have
>custody, she is unable to enroll the child in school in her
>area.  The Judge in the case has ordered her to return the
>child 3 times over the last 6 weeks.  Mom doesnt follow most
>of the CO's that the Judge issues.
>
>The Judge has now referred the case to the DA for review for
>violations of the law.
>
>NCP is in OH and CP is in Texas.
>
>Mom wont let the child leave her house.
>
>How do we get the child back so that she can start school?

Work with the court system. By referring the matter to the DA, the judge is basically saying that she's going to go to jail if she doesn't comply with his orders.

I would definitely ask an attorney what action to take, but it looks like the judge and court are on your side - so resist any temptation to do anything stupid. Having the judge on your side is invaluable and you don't want to risk hurting that.

Work with the judge and the DA. Eventually, I would assume that the DA will send the police to take the child form NCP. A local attorney can tell you how long that's likely to take.

[Forthelittleones]

Thanks. Our attorney has no idea how long it will take.  He has never seen a NCP ignore a CO for so long.

And can I have some examples of stupid things?  I am being serious... my DH and I have been an emotional wreck since this happened.

[MixedBag]

Definitely come back and let us know how this turns out.

3 orders from the court?

Wow!

[mistoffolees]

>Thanks. Our attorney has no idea how long it will take.  He
>has never seen a NCP ignore a CO for so long.
>
>And can I have some examples of stupid things?  I am being
>serious... my DH and I have been an emotional wreck since this
>happened.


There are lots of things which would be stupid:
- Contintually harassing the other person to the point that she gets a restraining order against you
- Going there personally to try to take the kid(s) back (could get you shot as well as getting you in trouble with the courts)
- Making up false claims of abuse in order to get CPS involved

Stuff like that. You want to play it by the rules as much as possible.

And when it's over and you get your kid(s) back, make sure you ask the court to order that she only gets supervised visitation. Given her history, that should be easy to get.

[exwiferuinsson]

You are doing all you can do, being that this has gone to the DA by the Judge pretty good chance criminal charges will be made. If she refuses to answer and appear expect a warrant to be issued, then they can get the child. That is how it has been explained to us by our local prosecutor.
Unfortunately we are in a similar situation ;(
Is your OH attorney involved or has jurisdiction moved to TX?

[jilly]

I don't understand why he can't just go to get the child since he has a court order showing him as the CP.

I'm assuming the order is filed in TX.  Don't know if OH would recognize the order or not but it'd be worth a shot to go to the local police and/or sheriff's department in her town/county and tell them he needs them to escort him to get his DD back.

Don't see how he could get in trouble legally for that.

[mistoffolees]

>I don't understand why he can't just go to get the child
>since he has a court order showing him as the CP.
>
>I'm assuming the order is filed in TX.  Don't know if OH would
>recognize the order or not but it'd be worth a shot to go to
>the local police and/or sheriff's department in her
>town/county and tell them he needs them to escort him to get
>his DD back.
>
>Don't see how he could get in trouble legally for that.

Probably not - as long as he uses the authorities to do it. I was simply suggesting that he not go there by himself. There are lots of examples of women claiming all sorts of things and asking for protective orders, for example, in cases like this. Or even cases where people get shot for going to the other person's house.

Letting the police do it is probably a good idea.

[olanna]

Why not call the school out there and give them the oK to register her in school so she can at least attend school?  

Then do whatever you feel is best in dealing with Mom.  I know first hand, most judges really don't like to get involved with this stuff, (at least the ones I know in SC and CA), and by the time you actually *win*, often times you have lost.  It could take a few years and if the child wants to stay out there, and the house is ok (read safe), probably a big waste of time on your part.

I don't know enough details about your situation, but if your sdaughter wants to stay, might just fax a letter to the local school where she is and let them know it's ok for her attend school.  Get her out of this and get her in school..even if she is returned later, she will at least have been attending classes.

[Forthelittleones]

The home is not safe and non of the professionals (GAL, therapist, etc
) involved in the case believe that it is best for the child to stay in that home.  There are many issues which lead to the mother losing custody including moving with in a convicted sex offender who was just paroled after 15 years for sodomy, etc of a minor child.  That is just one of the many issues.  Mom does not encourage the child to be involved in extra curriculars, do school work, attend counseling or anything of that matter.    The relationship between mom and child is not a healthy one.

We are hopefully that on Tuesday, we will have an order for the child to be removed from the home and DH will go and bring the child home.

**Children should be with the parent that best nurtures the child and thier relationship with the other parent regardless of the sex of the parent.

[mistoffolees]

Once the daughter starts school in the mother's location, it becomes harder to pull her out. The mother could then argue that since the daughter is in school at her location that she should stay there.

I think the daughter would lose more from extending the court battle and starting her in one school only to pull her out later than she would from missing a few weeks of school.

I would concentrate my energy on getting the system moving to get the child back where she belongs rather than worrying about a few days of school.

[FatherTime]

Do Not let her register the child in school.  That would be allowing/condoning the concealment, abduction, contempt of court, and potentially more charges.

I've had a similiar situation and I know how the local DA's office, DCS, and police helped me in my case, NOT MUCH - NONE.  

I would go to the local sherriff's office (where the child is located) myself and show the court papers from the family law case to them.  Have them go with you to the residence and get your son.  Since she has a history of shacking up with a convicted sex offender I would be acting as swiftly as possible.  The mother's judgement is definitely in question.  

Remember, it is the mother who has absconded with the child, and she will be held accountable to her abuse of the child for denying the child an education.  It's kind of like not paying child support.  The Dept. of Child Support likes to make a big deal about the financial support of the child.  An education is just as important.  In my state the parents can actually be sent to jail for not keeping the kids in school because of excessive absenteeism.  

I have one question.  Does anyone know why an amber alert isn't issued in this case?  I am ignorant to the reasoning of the amber alerts.  This is a real question and simply because I'm curious.

FatherTime

[Forthelittleones]

Fathertime...

An amber alert hasnt been issued because they know where the child is.  If she had run with the child, then we could have issued one.  Instead she wont let anyone into her house that doesnt live there and the child isnt allowed to leave.

I just hope that we can prod everyone enough to actually do something and hold this person accountable for thier actions.

Just curious, FT - how long did it resolve your issue, if you dont mind?

[FLMom]

Mistoff and Father Time,

I agree with you guys 100%. To allow the other parent to enroll the child in school is like handing the status quo issue over on a silver platter.

I'm wondering why the attorney isn't suggesting the CP head there and go to the local sheriff or PD? This could drag on and on if the NCP is that bull-headed that she would ignore three court directives!

Please keep us updated. My thoughts are with you.

[Forthelittleones]

DH asked the attorney if we could just go and get the child.  Due to how she has hid the child, runs from the police and the sheriff, it would be basically DH sitting up there for days on end until they found the child.  

Our attorney thought it would be easier on the whole process for Mom to do the right thing.  Since she has proven she cant do that again, the DA is pursueing things and hopefully on Tuesday (since Monday is a holiday), there can be a formal order that tells the local PD to intervene and help DH get the child.

I will keep you all updated.

Thanks for all your thoughts and help!

[exwiferuinsson]

or MSN?

[mistoffolees]

It's very hard, but stick with what your attorney is telling you unless you have some reason to think that his advice is bad (even then, ask for an explanation before concluding that he's wrong).

My own personal opinion is that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should DH go there without the police. There's just too much at risk. Better to wait the few days to get the police involved.

It shouldn't be this hard, but sometimes it is. Keep in mind that they system is on your side (that's not always the case, unfortunately, but it looks like it's true in your case. If you're going to have the kids for the next 4+ years, a few days just won't matter in the long run.

One last thing. When you get the daughter back, be prepared for her to attack you and DH. Under the circumstances, I'd be surprised if the mother hasn't been filling her head full of lies which you'll need to overcome. Be patient with her. Counseling might help. Someone else here has recommended the book 'Divorce Poison' which might be worthwhile reading while you're waiting.

[olanna]

because with each passing day, the child is missing more and more in the classroom. If it was in my state, the child would have missed almost 8 weeks of school, which is hardly a few days.

And I must ask, if the Mom in this case was so horrible and had registered sex offenders living with her, why was this child even allowed to go to her home in the first place?

[FatherTime]

"How long did it resolve your issue, if you dont mind?"

They ignored it into oblivion.

FatherTime

[Forthelittleones]

Because the Judge says that the parent child relationship is golden even if it is a sucky one and the mom/child relationship is so much better.  The sex offender moved out and now she is living with a man who this same judge took away his 50% of his daughter due to the unstable (the police were out to the house all the time due to his gf- ie our mom) home environment.  Our Judge is very Pro Mommy.

Yes, the child is missing school and we are doing everything that we can to effect the return because it is not in the best interest for him to remain. However, when we are threatened with loosing custody if we so much as sneeze wrong and the mother can continually disobey CO after CO.  We do what we had to do.  She didnt return the child at Spring Break either. We had to go through this fight.  One day, the Judge will grant our motion to give her supervised visits in our town.

[Forthelittleones]

Yes ma'am... I will do that tonight.

[olanna]

How does your son feel in all of this? Does he like it at Mom's house?

[Forthelittleones]

It depends on who the child is talking to.  Generally likes it at  mom's until she starts breaking promises, using him as a babysitter and starts lying to him again.

When he talks with the Judge, his GAL, therapist, the maternal GPA's or when mom isnt listening on the conversation, he is concerned about what he is missing at home and wants to be here.  The statement was just made that the adults should make a decision and not involve him in this stuff.  When at mom's he was flunking and when here he is an A student.  

To give you an example of the environment~~~One time they called us and had to leave a message, on our machine, you can hear the child ask Dad to call and hang up the phone.  Mom or whomeer didnt hang up thier phone and you can hear mon screaming profanties about Dad and what a horrible person he is.  Nice, huh?

[olanna]

I asked because at 14, most judges are going to listen to him.  I would agree that in most cases a child should NOT be involved in where they live.  

I know exactly what you mean about your ex and the things she is saying about you.  May I tell you that I went through the same thing, and one day, my 15 year old called me and said he wanted to come back and live with me. I told him I had just got back on my feet from the last court battle, and the only way I would agree to it is if his Dad agreed to it.

His Dad didn't agree but told him he wouldn't stop him.  So, I bought the ticket, my brother drove him to airport and I picked him up out here.  He's been here with me ever since and now almost 19.  It hasn't been easy.

My kid is so screwed up from his home life with his Dad, I wonder if he will ever be OK.  I raised his older brother and sister by myself, and I believe the proof is in the pudding.  They are two fine people...worth knowing and assets to the community in which they live.  But this one...he's my special case.  I just keep telling him I believe in him..and it finally seems to be working.

I wish all the best for your son. Your sitch sounds so much like mine was. I do hope there is a way you can convince him to come back because being around a parent that puts the other parent down simply chips away at a child's self esteem.  And eventually the child comes to really resent that parent.

Today, I am in a sitch I swore I would NEVER be in.  I am with a man that has two young sons and piece of work for an ex.  He used to talk smack about their mom all the time..and I told him, tell me that, not them.  Talk about the good things their mom did, even if it was from years ago. But for all that is sacred, don't talk about her in a bad light. Let her be the one that does that..and let her end up with the resentment. (Not only that, but talking about my wife-in-law is not something I want to spend a lot of time doing...LOL).

So today, he really tries not to put her down in front of the kids.  And our visits are better.  

Best to you.