Seeing an Attorney

[dipper]

Our grandchild has been with us for a month straight now.   The parents never did get the house livable where she could move in.   The dad, our son, is on drugs - the hard stuff.   The mother has chosen to live with him knowing he is back on drugs; she may or may not know the extent of what he is taking.   She has been sick since moving in and finally was hospitalized this week. 


We will be seeing an attorney next week to discuss options.   We have joint custody, but it worries me that it is teamed with our son and he is not fit to have child.   Even with joint, we worry that if they should decide to take child on their time,  we could do nothing even though the place is filthy and all they do is lay around in bed, sleeping and watching TV.   Very toxic couple....

[KyleCClark]

Whats the current scenario? What did your attorney suggested you? The lawyer does not only work on cases but also provides counseling. If you want to get legal advice for your business or family issue, the lawyer will show you the pros and cons of your action. The lawyer like Bechara Tarabay has experience of legal issues and can know the possible result of an action. The legal advisers assist the clients by getting the required support. One may get more info on the internet.

[MixedBag]

Best wishes....and so sad to hear about your son and his choices.

Protect that grand child!

[MixedBag]

Whats the current scenario? What did your attorney suggested you? The lawyer does not only work on cases but also provides counseling. If you want to get legal advice for your business or family issue, the lawyer will show you the pros and cons of your action. The lawyer like Bechara Tarabay has experience of legal issues and can know the possible result of an action. The legal advisers assist the clients by getting the required support. One may get more info on the internet.

Hello Newbie~!

There's quite the history behind this story.....search on her name and be prepared to spend lots of time reading.

[tigger]

If I recall correctly the maternal grandmother is only marginally better than the mother, correct?  Is your hope to get sole custody? 

[dipper]

Unfortunately we were not able to go to court this past Tuesday and it was on our part.  As you know, my husband has serious health issues.  Well....last week he started becoming very dizzy and falling around - he had mini strokes.  They feel he had a clot to break free but cannot determine where the clot came from.  He had taken a nasty fall out of our attic after Christmas and I wonder if the clot came from that fall and it just finally moved.  The hospital would not release him until after one last MRI to make sure he had no clots behind his heart - so he got out Tuesday!  He is doing well and walking, talking fine.   


The mother has been laying low for the most part and had not been causing drama until this.  She seems to have all the confidence in the world.  She has not been hospitalized in six months!  This from someone who went in at least every 3 months before.  18 ER visits in one year that we know of, etc...but we don't have any information since she moved out from my son's home.   


They are being very nasty with phone calls this week.   The mother is often at her family's house and says she has NO reception there...the other day after I had tried to contact child, the mother called and was fussing saying her grandfather is ill and she would appreciate it if we respect their time with him ...all I did was call and leave a message.  Then last night she answers and is burping in the phone as we talk with our granddaughter...The maternal grandmother is a big instigator but always in the background. 


They seem to think we do not have a chance.  Our attorney really relies on the months neither of them cared for the child.  In fact, I went back and did the math - and for 5 1/2 months (even before she moved in with son included) the mother only spent 18% of the 167 days with child.....the maternal grandmother only 26%.  Essentially, they  both took a break and it would have continued but my son said something in front of the mother about us looking into primary custody...that is when she bolted and yes, I do regret it as we would still have child completely now.

[dipper]

Tigger - We hope for primary physical/legal custody.  Our attorney suggests the mother only have supervised visitation. 

[tigger]

What about the maternal grandmother and father?  And would the maternal grandmother be an appropriate supervisor of the supervised visits? 

[dipper]

Tigger - the maternal grandmother is not a good person, in my opinion.  But, she is the one who gives the child baths and makes her meals, so she does take care of her....she would be the one to provide supervision.


I have had a very stressful time...the mother texted awhile ago saying the child's tooth hurt so she made a dental appointment during our time next week.  Her words were "don't give her a lot of sweets and junk!"   I am ticked....child has had two dental appointments and was good at both - mom did not come to either.   I told her we would check child out and if she needs to go we will definitely take her.  She is demanding that she made the appointment so she is going.  I am not refusing...but I do not trust her judgment.  Free insurance - she runs her to the doctor/ER all the time!

[MixedBag]

OK, On the dental issue.....I think you responded poorly.

You explain yourself too much.  The answer should have been "noted".

Then you do exactly what you said.....check it out yourself, either take the child to the appointment on your time, or reschedule at your convenience.

Maybe that was the ONLY appointment Mom could get?  See....that's what she will say in court. 

My son once fell and had to get stitches.....and they needed to be taken out on a certain day after they were put in.  Let's say that was Day 5 to be taken out on Day 5 and that our son had an appointment on that day at WHENEVER to have them removed.  Dad got pissed because HE can handle making appointments himself.  See.....dad focused on CONTROL during HIS time.  Whereas I focused on our son -- knowing that by the time dad would call all appointments for routine stuff would be booked -- afterall, I used the same pediatrician for all three kids and dad had no clue how far out appointments were made from the day of the phone call.  The point is to focus on the child....if Dad couldn't make it at WHENEVER, then by all means, cancel and figure something out.  But if something can't be figured out, dang it, I got an appointment for our son already set.

I think I've said this before -- watch the control factors and focus on the child.  Don't argue unnecessarily - in my case dad looked like the fool (and you're on the receiving end of similar information on the dental issue -- so yep, you know what I'm thinking).

Make your own call, and choices, move on and inform mom at the next exchange.

[dipper]

I do talk too much.  I understand when there is something that cannot be helped.  But, child's tooth has not bothered her at all with us.


Another thing - the maternal grandmother has gotten married to her live-in boyfriend.  They have not notified us, but this occurred after he was served a summons to come to court by us.   One of her family member's had accidentally told my  daughter and I saw it today in print - they had a loss in the family and the maternal grandmother's name has changed.  Not one congratulations on FB....everything hush hush.  I am sure they are using this to their advantage in court.  I don't think he even works anymore because he seems to be at home with the child's mother a lot when we call.   I think they are attempting to prove she has all this help - and will demand he be put on order as a custodial parent since his wife is.   


I don't even know what to think anymore.   I am losing hope.

[tigger]

Don't lose hope.  Stay strong.  Stay positive.  I know it's easier said than done but you can't allow yourself to be plagued by negative thoughts and expectations.  You are doing what's best for the child.  That's your focus.  That's your end game.  Hold you head up high and do what's best for the child.  No one can ask any more of you - including yourself. 

[dipper]

Thank you Tigger.  This is all for my grandchild to have the best life - health wise, emotionally, etc....I really feel she will be neglected or abused if contact is not limited with the mother.  My grandchild went over for a funeral on their side of the family and it tore our hearts out....as my husband neared the exchange spot, she stook her hand in her mouth...and then when he went to get her out, she began crying and saying, "No, No, no, no....I want to stay home."    We got her back last night but she goes back to her mom/grandma for 8 days in the morning.   Those are the longest days each month.....