we need help please

[jesslilman]

 HI I NEED HELP I MET MY HUSBAND 6 YEARS AGO AND WE HAVE HAD AN ON GOING BATTLE WITH EX WIFE .. SHE THINKS SHE RUNS EVERYTHING HE HAS 2 GIRLS  11 AND 7 AND SHE LEFT HIM !!!WELL HE GOT WITH ME AND NOW IT IS WAR ... IF SHE SEE'S I HAVE SOMTHING SHE HOLDS THE KIDS MY HUSBAND IS A GREAT FATHER AND HUSBAND I HAD TWO CHILDREN ALSO WHEN I MET HIM AND HE HAS ADOPTED THEM WE JUST 7 MONTHS AGO HAD A BABY BOY .. WE ARE SUPPOSE TO HAVE THE KIDS ON THE FIRST AND THIRD WEEKEND OF THE MONTH IT NEVER HAPPENS SOMTHING ALWAYS COMES UP OR WHEN WE CALL TO COME GET THEM SHE DOESNT ANSWER AND TELLS THE KIDS DADDYS GOT HIS BOY NOW HE DOESNT WANT YOU .... THE 11 YR OLD IS 205 PDS SHE CAME TO LIVE WITH US AND I GOT HER TO 160 AND BUILD HER CONFIDENSE UP WELL 4 MONTHS WENT BUY MOM DIDNT CALL TO GET HER OR ANYTHING AND REFUSED US TO GET HIS 7 YR OLD WELL AFTER HURRICAN KATRINA ON HER ONLY WEEKEND TO HAVE HER SHE ABANDED HER AT OUR HOUSE WITH NO ONE HOME , NO POWER NO FOOD .. SO SHE COULD GO TO FLORDIA WITH FRIENDS ... WELL MY HUSBAND FILED CHARGES AND 11 YR OLD TOLD HER AND SHE WENT AND TOOK HER OUT OF SCHOOL WITH NO NOTICE AND KEPT HER AND NOW SAYING I CANT TALK TO THEM ON HER PHONE I AM NOT ALLOWED TO  PICK THEM UP AND IF  HE IS NOT HOME THEY CANT COME OVER  AND KEEPS PLANING STUFF ON OUR WEEKENDS ...
AND IS SAYING THE 7 YR OLD DOESNT WANT TO COME AND MAKIN HER CRY BY TELLIN HER MOMMY SAID YOU DONT HAVE TOO BUT DADDY IS MAKIN YOU  AND THEN TELLIN MY HUSBAND THIS DIVORCE IS HARD ON THE KIDS SHE WAS REMARRIED BUT JUST LEFT HER 2ND HUSBAND AND LEAVING WITH A HOUSE FULL OF METH HEADS WE DONT KNOW WHAT OUR RIGHTS ARE AND WHAT WE CAN DO SHE IS CONTROLLING MY HUSBAND TRYING TO MAKE HIM  I GUESS FEEL GUILTY AND THINKIN HE WILL COME BACK .. SHE SEE'S ALL HE GIVES ME AND GETS SO MADAND IT MAKES HIM SO MAD CAUSE IT IS HURTING ALL 5 OF OUR KIDS AND IT NOT THE KIDS FAULT THEY DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK PLEASE I KNOW THIS IS LONG AND TOUGH BUT I NEED  SOME HELP ON WHAT I CAN DO ATTORNEY'S ARE SO HIGH NOW ..AND CHRISTMAS IS NEAR AND THAT IS WHAT I AM AFFAID OF HER KEEPING THEM THEN AND I THINK SHE WILL..... HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

[ocean]

Hi,
First, please do not use all caps, it is hard to read. I read through your situation and I am confused. Do you have custody of older daughter now? What do you have written down through the court as to custody and vistation? Then we can probably help you more....

[jesslilman]

no we do not have custody of 11 year old it joint custody with mom with physical custody.... we are suppose to have them on the first and third weekend of each month ... but when things dont go her way she wants to keep them from us we love them so much and  want them to be stable and at this point nothing is stable in their life .... also the 7 yr old thinks it is up to her she said i am not coming over there and you cant make me !!! always was a daddys girl until this last year her mother has turned her to hating my husband and i both ..... the 11 yr old her mother says she is not likable and makes her basically raise her 7 yr old sister and i want them to not have resentment toward one another and at this point they hit one another and get in fist fight daily .... please help   i want to help my husband get a hold of things before it affects the kids for the rest of their life  ..........

[ocean]

okay, there is a letter of intent to visit letter on this site. Fill it out and send it to ex letting her know that you will be at XXX to pick up both daughters on this day XXX. Send it certified mail so you have proof that you sent it. Then document what happens and which child(ren) come. If she does not follow the order then you can file contempt of court orders. When talking to the 7 year old on the phone, just say "I know you want to stay with your mom, but this is Dad's time to be a parent with you and I love you". Does the younger child come around at your house once she is there? If she does, then it is probably a phase or she does not want her mom left alone. We went through this too...Good luck!

[jesslilman]

thank you i will do that ...regarding the 7 year old they live with many many people and so mom is not left alone .. she is fine when mom not around but then mom will call  knowing it upsets her and she starts agian ...and mom says ask daddy if i can come get you my husband says no this is my weekend and it starts agian .....we dont want to make her hate us but four days out of the month isnt much .............

[jesslilman]

i cannot find the form sorry please help

[gipsy]

Try posting on Socrateasers board , Basically as My atty ask's the same question every time ,
 " Is there a parenting plan In place ? And Did she give you the kids ?
   Then If the first answer is yes and the second is no , Then it's contempt , SOC Is a great guy , And My atty is similar , He will tell you the same thing , Bring a video camera to the rtime and place of pick up , And A witness , And a Girlfreind /wife is not The best because they are biassed , But if thats the only witness then thats what you go with ,
   One thing My atty say's thats different then Soc . Is My atty files contempt every time they deny a visit , For this purpose , Mom Will have to pay an atty or go through the hassle of responing and showing up , And after a number of contempt hearings sometimes the courrt will find her in contemp ,

  Soc's Theory is  A little differnt and you should just post the question to him .
  My atty states If you let her get away with it you teach her that she can , And even if the doesn't find her in contempt then ask for make up time . And somwetimes the court will do it , In My case the commissioner said to give me make up time , And mom found that I will fight her on the Issue , And I get My court ordered time , The court did not find her in contempt !. But the effect was as my atty said , She had to pay her atty , Then give uo My son any way ,
   She told me at the transfer . " That costed me $1,200 " She hasn't tried it since ,

[jesslilman]

i dont quite  understand that but we have been even nice enough to go to her house and pick the kids up and we drive all the way there and she doesnt let them or if we call there is no answer........ its very difficult but tryin to help my husband he is such a great man ........

[jilly]

Gypsy is telling you to file contempt against the ex.  There is a court order in place giving your husband parenting time with the kids.  The ex isn't following the court order.  You file contempt charges, the judge may or may not do anything about it.  BUT it's going to cost the ex some money to defend against the contempt charges.  Maybe if you hit her in the pocketbook enough times she'll get the idea your husband isn't going to take this crap lying down.  Even if the judge doesn't find the ex in contempt your husband will need to at least request make up time for the time missed and the judge most likely will grant that request.  You may want to read parenting plan and see if make up time is addressed.  If not, you may want to get this clarified in the parenting plan.

There is another forum on this board called Dear Socrateaser.  He is an attorney and gives excellent advice.  You can always ask him questions and he'll give you a straight up answer.  You just need to be sure to read the mandatory guidelines for posting on his forum.  Otherwise he won't answer you.  As Gypsy was saying, Soctrateaser's philosophy is to let as many contempts as possible pile up against the ex and THEN go to court with a pile of evidence showing the contempt.  Gypsy's attorney's philosphy is different in that he feels it's best to file every time because it's going to cost more money doing it every time as opposed to letting them pile up and have one hearing.

[jilly]

Go to the bottom of the page that lists all the forums.  There is a link to articles.  Click on that and then look for the letter on intent for visitiation.

[MYSONSDAD]

1. Notice Of Intent To Exercise Visitation
If you have been illegally denied visitation or residence time with your children, you might consider using the form below on a regular basis. The form is written notice of your intent to exercise your legal right to visitation or residence time with your children.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/intent.php - size 5kb - 23 Oct 2005

2. Getting Access To Your Child's Report Cards And School Records
Having trouble geting access to your child's report cards or other school records? This proven form letter can get you the school records and information you want.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/reportcards.php - size 12kb - 23 Oct 2005

3. Do These Letters Really Work?
Do Our Letters Really Work? You bet they do! Quoted below are a just a few of the comments received about the School Records and Medical Records form letters. As you can see, these letters get results.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/results.php - size 20kb - 23 Oct 2005

4. SPARC Articles Archive
The SPARC Articles Archive contains hundreds of useful articles on custody and divorce, practical tips, commentary, emergency information, and many other topics.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/articles.php - size 34kb - 05 Nov 2005

5. Parental Alienation Syndrome
The Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is the systematic denigration by one parent by the other with the intent of alienating the child against the other parent. The purpose of the alienation is usually to gain or retain custody without the involvement of the father. The alienation usually extends to the father's family and friends as well.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas2.php - size 46kb - 23 Oct 2005
 
"Children learn what they live"

[gipsy]

1: Is there a parenting plan In Place that is signed by the court ?
2: If yes, is there  s designated time and place to pick up the kids ?
3 If yes Were the kids there and ready for the pick up ?
  4 :If yes to all three questions  File contempt .
  Reread my post about the likelyhood of being held in contempt by the court : ITS NOT likely ,contempt is hard to prove : But you can cost her the atty fee's or the hassle of the contempt fileing ,
5 : Show up for the visits at the time and place you are suppose to with a video camera :
 6: Post On Socrateaser's board About fileing contempt and what the parenting plan say's about the visits and when and where she is supposed to be there etc
 8 and  call the court of juridiction and ask to talk to a court facilitater , Or whom ever helpd people to fill out papers ,
  9 OR call a parrelegal and get them to fill out the papers and sign them and serve the psycho :
10 : Or call the State Bar association and ask about how to obtain low cost legal help ,
11 Have a pen and note book and write down what, when ,where, who , what paper, and where to get it, and how to have her served ,
  12 Have her served : And file the contempt with the court <
13 ,Show up at court and tell the judge or commisioner you haven't been seeing the kids and the only way to get help is with the courts intervention ,
 The court needs proof [not hearsay ] And they won't be likely to find her in contempt
14 Ask the court for make up time
   15 repeat as neccessary . And get a recording of the hearing from the court and listen to it , and by the time you file contempt 3 to 5 times the court should do something and you should have it right
 16 don't expect the court to find her in contempt ! But learn that this is a way to make her pony up ,
  17 If you don't have a parenting plan with clear pick up times and places . Go to court for clarification .
  18 , Call as many atty s that advertise FAMILY LAW AS YOU CAN  with pen and paper in hand and go for the free consult ones , Interview 3 or 4 and get a better idea of what to do
 19 ,Don't hire any atty untill you have connected to one on price and strategy . And don't hire an atty that thinks actually getting a contempt is the only way
  20 , remmember it's the strategy of making her pay, and go through the hassle , My atty knows you won't be likely to get a contempt , But say;s the strategy to fileing it pro se is to hope she will waste time and money then get a grip , My atty say's over time the court will get the picture and you will get her on contempt , If you think you have a real contempt case take it to AGAIN 3 or 4 consults with atty's . If they say you have the evidence for a [CHANCE] At contempt . then hire them or do it your self .
   21 GET IT IN GEAR : before she ruins the kids ,
  My psycho tried to poisen my son against me , And I kept contact and always say I love him , I held her feet to the coals , And she hasn't pulled any crap [lately?]

[jesslilman]

thank you so much my husband hasnt been doin anything because he wants to keep the piece because she keeps the kids anytime he stands up to her i told him until he does she will keep doin it ...i hope all this will help him relize he  has support and can get his kids without the crazy ex tellin him what to do ... in the papers it just says 1st and3rd weekend 6 pm on friday to 6pm on sunday it doesnt say any meeting spot or anything ... thank you so much for trying to help us

[jesslilman]

thank you i will

[jesslilman]

i want to thankyou so much this will be a big help i cant wait to show here who is boss these kids need yo be stable the oldest was living here on here on free  will doin great loosin weight and then  the cazy had to yank her out of school now her weight is back up and she is always un happy and the youngest is so so mean i want to help them before it is to late thank you  

[gipsy]

I suggest yo post on socrateasers board , And ask if he thinks you should just file for clarification , Or what he thinks "And get these things cleared up ,
   He Must understand , I have never seen any one get any where doing what he is doing , He is not keeping the peace ! My atty say's . When you let her get away with it you teach her that she can , He say's "
   "yes it seems like a big hassle " But if you keep letting it happen " Thats howyou wind up in a mess' I took his advice and so did my cousin , Whom My atty filled out the contempt papers < And exactly what My atty said would happen did , The court did not get a contempt . But The commissioner told My cousin and the psycho " You two need to work this out" if you need to come back to court you can "
  So What happened is my cousins psycho ex started co-operating and he gets his visits "