worried.......

[wendl]

This has nothing to do with my son or my stepkids but with my mom and stepdad.

My mom remarried when I was in elementary school, at 1st I was upset she got married (but he is a nice guy) My stepdad treated me well for the most part growing up (he had his own problems as a CP dad with his kids)

Fast forward. Mom and I for years haven't seen eye to eye on most things and it has hurt our relationship, for years I tried and tried with no luck.

Last June my stepdad was diagnosed with bladder cancer, he had his bladder removed and has been going thru cemo.  Since then my mom has actually been civil to me and has been trying to mend out relationship, we now talk (email) about once a week.

I am getting worried (my own father died at 48 of cancer). My stepdad is very week, on Thanksgiving he was to weak to go to my sisters for Thanksgiving, my sister sent my mom and stepdad a doggy bag, stepdad ate a little yams and a bite of turkey, not even enough for a bird to eat.  He is now down to 140lbs and very weak, he has always been extremely healthy and fit (he did have a quad bia pass 10yrs ago but did great after that)

My stepbrother are going to visit him for the month of december (which is odd) so I reallly think things are worse than my mom is telling me. She herself is now sick from all the stress of taking care of him, his gold stuff (since he is to weak to do it) and she is in the process of selling their big house and getting a smaller one (she can't do it all)

I just don't know what to do, when I called over their the other day, my stepdad answered the phone, I didn't know what to say to him, he sounded so old and weak, I just asked to speak with my mom.

I know there is really nothing I can do, but I do know how mom is feeling, my stepmom went thru all this when my dad had cancer, and so did I, it was horrible.

I pray that his CT is good when he goes on 12/3.

Please keep my stepdad and mom in your prayers during this time, my mom really needs to get her strenght back to help my stepdad thru this.

Many of us take our parents, children, and family for granted. We need to enjoy our relationships and mend them before it's to late.

Thanks for listening I just needed to get this off my chest.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[shawneetears]

Wendl,

I am so sorry to hear about your step-dad.  I do understand as I lost my step-dad to cancer in 2000.  He was a wonderful man and could not have been better to me if he had been my natural father.
You are right, it is very easy to take your family for granted.  I am glad to hear you have been trying to mend fences with your mom. You can offer to help her in little ways that will relieve some of her stress...ie run errands etc.
Right now their world revolved around hospitals and anything you can do will be a help.  I will keep you all in my prayers and hope things turn out well on 12/3.

[wendl]

I wish I could help but my mom and stepdad live in another state than I do, my sister lives in close to them and has been helping.

Yes, it is hard to loose a parent, my father passed away in 1989 when I was a senior in high school so it is all coming again and so hard to help when you are so far away.

Looks like I will probably take a weeks vacation after the 1st of the year, that is the soonest I could possibly go visit due to finances.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[backwardsbike]

Prayers your way.  I lost a favorite family member to  cancer.  It was horrible.  Being far away is harder yet.  You can't see them yourself to see how they are.  You want to do things but can't be there in person.  It is difficult.

In the moments when you are still you will find your answers.  They are there, within you.  Embrace your worry and their pain.  Find the quiet within and there you will find the peace and grace to see you through.

God bless you and yours.

[wendl]

Well received a call from my mom today, stepdad went into the hospital on Monday he should be home today, they couldn't do the CT as he was to weak. but they are giving him fluids and he is getting stronger, he is suppose to come home today.

Hopefully he will continue to be stronger and get better, I am praying that he beats this.

Mom and I actually had a really good talk about this and my dad as he died of cancer as well. This is the 1st time she wasn't saying crap about my dad and we were able to have an actual conversation, which hasn't happened in a long long time.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[backwardsbike]

I hope it all goes well for your family.  I think it was a blessing that you and your mom were able to have a good talk.  Hoopefully you two will be able to build on that.

Sometimes it takes tragic circumstances for people to get real and realize what is really important.  There is something about being that vulnerable that really gets people to open up.

My prayers go with you and your family

[backwardsbike]

Lots of good thoughts going your way!  Take care.

[wendl]

Stepdad is home from the hosp, he is getting stronger each day, he is now eating again, his sons have arrived in AZ to spend the holidays and help them move in to their new house (which helps my mom alot with the heavy lifting etc)

SO sounds good for now, mom just emailed me tonight, lol says he is being his old sarcastic self so that is good.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[mad_as_hell]

My father is dying from a battle with colon cancer that started in May of 1995.  

Dad went into the hospital this past Thanksgiving after his blood work showed he had an infection in his blood.  Otherwise, he seemed okay with the exception of how much weight he has lost in the last year.  Since being in the hospital, he has gotten worse.

Mom brought him home and she has taken a leave of absence from work to take care of him.  He can no longer eat solid food and he has constant diarrhea.  He is so weak that it takes 3 hours for him to get up, shower and get dressed with Mom's help.

Dad will not be with us much longer.

You will regret your hesitation to reach out if your step-dad passes before you get up the nerve to talk to him.  Don't wait.

You see, both my grandfathers passed away within 4 months of each other.  Then a few months later (just before my dad was diagnosed) I had this dream.  I dreamed that it was my wedding day (I was single at the time) and that I was frantically trying to find my shoes.  I was frantic because I was very late for my own wedding.  I finally got to the church and I threw open the doors but there was no one in the church.  Unphased by this, I ran to the altar and when I finally realized that no one was there I turned to see  both my grandmothers and my mother sitting in the first row.  My mother came to me and said, "Your father would have been so proud."   Then I woke up.

The next day, my mom called and told me that my father was diagnosed with colon cancer.

Ironically, 6 years later, that dream is as vivid as ever.  

My boyfriend proposed to me and then I got the call from my mother to tell me that my father is dying.  My dad won't get to see my wedding or our children.

So you see, my dream was telling me 6 years ago not to wait.  The "shoe" was me searching for the words to say, the time to spend, etc.  

DON'T WAIT.  SAY WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY NOW BEFORE TIME AND FATE TAKE AWAY YOUR CHANCE BECAUSE YOU ONLY GET ONE.  

Learn to live like you were dying (thank you Tim McGraw) and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance - definitely DANCE.  (thank you Lee Ann Womack)

[wendl]

I talk to him just not much, I know what it is like to loose a parent, my father died when I was a senior in high school and I am so thankfull I skipped school everyday to be at the hosp with him (the hosp was across the street from the school) Luckily all my teachers knew the situation so I went to class and did my work while all the other students where gone, I would go in early and then work on my schoolwork after school hours, suprised everyone got a B grade point average that year.

My dad has a rare form of cancer, he wasn't physically here for the birth of his 1st grandson, or to walk me down the aisle when I got married, but I included him in my wedding vows and I believe he is watching over my family and protecting us. I do miss him dearly, he would have been a great grandpa (I went into labor with my son on the 3rd anniversary of his death 5 min before he died) my son was also baptised on the 5th anniversary of my fathers death. I try to show my son what a great man he was from pictures and stories of when I was growing up. But I wish he was here to share in my life, but luckily I am still extremely close to his widow and we talk all the time about dad etc.


My stepdad has his two sons with him this month, mom says he is getting stronger and doing much better.

I cannot afford to travel to see him and he knows that I care in my way. He has been a great stepdad for the most part over the future. my sister lives close so he will have a nice xmas with my mom his sons my sister and her kids.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[backwardsbike]

Wendl,

You remain in my prayers along with all of your family.  The abaove advice is precious but we all have our own style.  I am one of those quiet peole.  There are people to whom I don't or perhaps ccan't say much.  It doesn't mean I don't care for them.  I think it is more important to find ones own way in these matteres.  "To everything there is a season..."

Take care, take time for reflection,be gentle with yourself and those closest to you.  I have no fear that you have your answers within you.  Just listen with your heart.  You have all the wisdom you need.