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My husband has 4 children from a previous marriage that we love dearly.  We rellocated to Texas from Southern California because the cost of living was ridiculous.  It has been over a year now and my husband has only seen his children twice.  Once when my parents paid to fly them out here over Christmas and another time when I surprised him with a flight to California because he was so depressed because of his relationship with his children.  He pays over half of his paycheck out in support.  The courts expect him to pay for gas, rent, food and tickets to see his children with $1400.00 a month.  That is all he gets after the government, insurance and his ex take their portion.  His ex gets his tax returns as well because every month he is falling behind by $500.  When she got his tax return this year, my husband requested that she pay for at least half of the tickets for them to come out here.  She refused and said it was his responsibility and she will go to court to get more money from him . . . . you know what? She did.  He is now set even HIGHER and falls behind even more!! We have a newborn son and his support has not lowered yet.  It is such a pathetic system and my husband has to listen to his children tell him that mom says you don't want to see us.  It is sick.  There is nothing you can do but sit on the side lines and hope that one day they will see that your husband did whatever he could to make his life better.  We send his kids little packages at least once a month.  Sometimes there are toys, other times when we have no cash whatsoever, there is just candy.  They have annual passes to Disney Land and Raging Waters that their 'mom' bought them and they enjoy going with mom and her new fiance.  She gets support from her first husband, second husband (mine), and her new fiance and gets to keep her paycheck, too.  Meanwhile she tries to get every last penny. It is such a sad situation because in the long run, the children suffer and the relationship with their father is absent.  I hope it all works out for you.  It is very frustrating.  I don't think there is anything you can tell his son except reassure that you all love him.  One day, he will appreciate and understand the circumstances.

I am a new mom and the wife of a man who pays over half of his income in child support.  He got divorced in the lovely state of California and his support is set so high that he falls behind every month.  We moved to Texas where we could actually have hopes of buying a home and live a somewhat better life.  Now, one year later, after notifying Child Support Services that his income is 30% less than what it was in California, they have still done nothing BUT RAISE his amount due because of custody issues. He can not afford to see his kids.  We had them for a month and could not do anything with them.  They were so excited to go back home because "dad's house is boring" while mom and Dan (her new fiance) take them to Disney Land and Raging Waters.  Here is my confusion with the whole system.  We now have a newborn son and his support was supposed to get lowered $80.00.  Mind you, he is supposed to pay $2,000 a month in support, but can only pay $1600.00.  Child Support Services was able to garnish his check and make arrangements with his pay role within one weeks time.  They did not need anything on his part or his ex's.  When it came time to finally lower the amount because the birth of our son, two months later, nothing has been done.  He called CSS and they said it could take at least 90 days. Where does my son's rights come in to place?  They have already spoken for him?  Why does it take that long to lower his amount?  Why does his ex have to sign off on my child's rights as a U.S. citizen.  What is so sad is that my husband has a great job, but makes the amount that a McDonald's employee would bring in.  I have a college degree and I am writing letters to CSS asking for their sympathy and a sense of urgency so my son could have formula.  The cost of living has increased over 50% and they expect us to pay for gas, rent, food and see his children with a smile while he works 50 plus hours a week and listens to his children tell him how much fun there mom's new fiance is.  Of course he is so much fun!!! He does not have to pay for those children.  He gets to keep his paycheck and get more than half of my husbands as well.  She has not learned her lesson because she is getting her first husbands paycheck, my husbands (her second) her new husband and her own.  The best part is, she does not have to claim it on her taxes and because my husband is falling behind every month, SHE GETS HIS TAX RETURNS TOO!!!!! What is wrong with this system?!?! Who was the math genius that came up with the support calculator? It sickens me that we have to struggle and my son has to suffer because of the mistakes his dad made when he was young.  Is there any hope? Is there any way to get CSS to expedite the process on getting his support lowered? Someone please?!

A very frustrated wife of the 2nd family  

Trust me, if you were in CA, it is that easy.  My husband divorced his ex over 3 years ago and pays over half of his paycheck in support. We moved to Texas because we could not afford to live in Ca anymore.  His pay is 30% less here and he is falling behind every month.  His ex took him to court just recently to raise it and within one weeks time, they had his support set $300 more than it was before.  He is supposed to pay $2200 a month now and they notified his payroll within one week.  We have a newborn son now and it was supposed to get lowered a measily $80, which you are a mom.  You know that it cost more than that to raise a baby.  Child Support Service says that it can take well over 6 months for that to become effective.  We try to see his children as often as possible and since he can not afford to fly out there, he begged her (after she got his tax return) to pay for the tickets at least one way.  She denied and tells his children that their dad does not want to see them.  Dad can't afford to!! We send little packages every month when we can afford it just to let them know that we are thinking about them.  The whole system is a joke.  It should be evaluated case by case.  But let me tell ya one thing; if you were in Riverside County and in Ca. you would have that support set so fast and so high, you would be set for life!

It is so sad how one sided everything is. My husband pays over half of his income in child support and falls behind every month.  She now gets his tax returns as well.  She lives in a half a million dollar home in California with her new fiance.  She gets her paycheck, my husbands and her first husbands as well.  Just when we thought it was going to get lowered because the birth of our new son, they raised it because my husband sees his children less.  We had to move out of state because the cost of living in california was so high.  We moved to Texas and are able to see his children very minimal.  He begged his ex to use his tax return to pay for the tickets to see him during the summer, but she of course said no.  The courts in CA, think that the dad can pay for rent, food, gas and see his children at $1400.00 a month.  That is what he makes after the government, insurance and his ex take their share.  My husband has no problem paying child support either, just a fair amount where he at least is not falling behind.  I think your judge will be a lot more empathetic than the one's in Ca.  Since you show a good record of paying and seeing your children, you should be fine.

Jeff, I hope you are not in California and I hope you are not in Riverside County.  My husband had the same problem.  Finally because the court system is so one sided, we gave up.  In CA, she has to be a drug addict and severely unfit.  I don't know what it is like in other states.  Keeping record is really good and it does help.  Have you arlready gone to a mediator and reasses the custody?  That might work and since your kids are old enough, they have the right to go to the mediator as well.  Good luck.