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Messages - NYParent

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1
Custody Issues / Re: BM is late picking up child
« on: Jan 06, 2010, 02:12:38 PM »
Oh yeah....his name and badge number were the first things I got when I called him back.  I finally got the affidavit and their motion....it's full of crap.  They're trying to say that I am in contempt because I didn't give the mother a month's advance notice regarding this "vacation", that I didn't give her an address where the child would be staying, and that I did not give her a phone number where the child would be.  Except that when I wrote the letter to her I told her that if she didn't pick her up it would be considered visitation and that I would be staying in the the state of TX.  Under the visitation portion of the CO it states that I am to stay in a hotel in the state of TX.  It does not state that I am required to give her address or phone number.  That's only under the vacation portion of it.

My attorney told me that they cannot move with the hearing of contempt because I was served incorrectly and not within the timeframe (I was given 3 days notice and I wasn't served personally only through attorney on file). 

I decided to retain another attorney though.  So I had my attorney file a motion to withdraw as counsel.  I don't think he's aggresive enough to handle her attorney.  Whenever I told him what I wanted, he got very sensitive and took it personal if we didn't agree.....I can't work with someone like that.....so I am looking for someone else to deal with the modification portion of it. 

If anyone knows a good attorney in the DFW area, please let me know.  It has not be someone affordable too, I mean I have already retained two attorneys thus far and I see how expensive it gets quickly.  I loved my attorney in NY....aggressive and let me be as involved as I wanted in order to keep cost down.  This other attorney I was working with in TX didn't want me to do anything (not even write my own affidavits).  I would feel better with a referal than simply finding someone online.

Davy- yes, I got to see many of the major cities in TX. 
Kitty- have a lot of pics and video.....plus memories to last a lifetime.  Like I said before, whatever hassle I am dealing with is worth the extra time I got with DD.

2
Custody Issues / Re: BM is late picking up child
« on: Jan 05, 2010, 02:51:59 PM »
UPDATE:  Well I am happy to say that I just came back from spending a wonderful 10 days with my DD.  It was great to see her and spend some time with her.  She is amazing!  All my other visits have been 2 days, so this is he longest I have spent with her since her mom took her to TX.

Here's how it went.  I picked up DD at the police station.  At that time I attempted to hand deliver drop off information to mom (stating that she should be there promptly on time otherwise I would not be available for another exchange until XX date).  BM refused to take the letter.  I mailed it overnight to her which because of the holidays she got on the date of the drop-off. 

Date of drop off came, I was at the police station at the court ordered time, of course no BM.  I waited 40 minutes.  Spoke to police officer explained the situation.  He DID NOT want to give me an actual report.  Only gave me a sheet of paper which showed that he logged into his system that I was making a complaint about BM not being there on time.  Sent BM a text saying it's XX time I am leaving as stated in my letter I will be available to child return again on XX date.

Two days later (morning time) I get calls from various people in my family stating that BM is going crazy calling them saying that I kidnapped DD and that the police was going to arrest me.  Not ONE single call from her or text message directly to me.  I kept my cell phone on the entire time in the event she called.  As soon as I got off the phone with them I called BM, she did not pick up the call.  Sent her a text message at around 8:30 am stating that she has received all the info and that she should stop harassing my family.  Stated that if she wanted to pick up DD before I was able to meet within her area, she was welcome to do so at XX time at XX police station (5 hour drive for her).  Wrote a letter and sent it to her overnight giving her all the information of which police station she could pick DD up at if she chose to and reiterating the fact that if she did not have DD on the court ordered return was because she didn't show up for pick-up or contacted me to state that she was going to be late and to wait for her.  Sent it to her at about 1PM.

At 4 PM I am driving and missed a call.  Number I wasn't familiar with.  Listen to the voicemail and it was a police officer stating that BM was at the station and that I should call back within the next minutes to avoid having charges pressed against me and the issuance of an arrest warrant for child kidnapping.  Called him back.  We went back and forth for about 30 minutes.  I stated he had no right not threaten me with an arrest and that I did not kidnap the child as I was still in TX (he was saying that I was in NY).  Told him that BM was giving information on where she could pick up child.....he started yelling at me saying that I was being unfair about expecting BM to drive 10 hours round-trip to pick up DD and that I was not meeting her half way.  I reminded him that I came from NY, so I was meeting her more than half way.  Told him she had her options and she or he could call me back when they made their choice and hung up.  He then called me back with a different attitude, now he was friendly and on my side saying that he understood my situation, but that BM was really upset and crying and he's just trying to help and that he was out of line by threating to arrest me when I hadn't broken any laws.....that all BM wanted was to have DD before New Year's since she missed X-mas with her.....I told him that if she wanted her so bad then she shouldn't have a problem picking her up, told him once again that he should only call me back once she has made the decision (hung up on him again).  He called me back 10 minutes later stating that BM agreed to pick child up on the date I was available to drop DD off by her station.

This gave me an extra 4 days with DD :)  Dropped her off at the date agreed.  BM was an hour early and there with her family.  Everyone really upset and unfriendly (which personally doesn't matter to me).  Said my goodbyes to DD (she cried and didn't want to let go of me, of course that doesn't mean anything to BM).

Now I just get stuff from the courts that she filed about me kidnapping the child and stating that the location of where the child was was being concealed from her.  My attorney said that because the child was return the judge wasn't going to do anything.  Of course the funny thing is she filed all this stuff the day AFTER speaking to the police office and her agreeing to XX date for drop off.  They asked for an emergency hearing regarding this which is scheduled for this week and to start the hearing on the modification.  My attorney is going to ask for a continuance since I am not able to fly to TX in such sort notice especially when I was JUST there.  I'll update the outcome later.

3
Custody Issues / Re: BM is late picking up child
« on: Dec 22, 2009, 08:39:07 AM »
I am pressed for time.  Due to holiday mail, they can't even guarantee overnight delivery.  I am going to attempt to hand deliver (which she will refuse) and then I will send overnight and first class mail (since she refuses to sign for things).  I will have someone with me during the exchange, so there will be a witness in the event she refuses the hand delivery and then claims she didn't.

My whole reasoning for stating within the letter that I would be staying in TX additional days and it would be considered additional parenting time is because I don't want her to contact the police and send out some sort of amber alert.....or when we go back to court for her to state that I hid the child from her.  I think it would look more favorable in court that I told her be here xx time, if you are late I am unavailable until XX date and XX time.  During the in time the child is with me she will be in TX and this will be considered additional parenting time.

I had an attorney in TX, but I am not using him again.  I didn't think he was aggressive enough to deal with BM's attorney.

4
Custody Issues / Re: BM is late picking up child
« on: Dec 21, 2009, 07:15:55 PM »
I have never been late to pick up DD.  I always give myself extra time in the event there's a delay or something.  Plus my time with her is so limited, that it is precious.

The problem is BM is always late picking up DD.  The last time she was an hour late and I almost missed my flight.  On anther occassion she was two hours late.  This time though I have extra days in TX because she wouldn' agree to the extra time and the judge went for her crap, so I am planning on not waiting around for BM to show up.  Exchanges happen down the road from her home....it's not traffic, it's that she does it to be a b*tch.

I am planning on hand delivering a letter to her stating that she should be at our court ordered exchange location promply at our court ordered exchange time because I have made plans for the remainder days I am in TX and that I cannot be late.  I will state that if she does not meet me at the agreed time I will be unavailable to meet for exchanges until four days later when I am flying out and that taking DD will be considered additional parenting time.

I am planning on being at our drop off location at the court ordered time.  I will give her a half hour and if she's not there and does no call me I will leave with DD.

Truthfully I am hoping that once again she will be late.  I got my ticket with the hopes of spending a week and a half with DD, and her not showing up would be great.  I guess I am just trying to find a way to extend my time with her without disobeying the court order.  I also feel like I am being generuous by giving her advance warning in writing of my intention to leave if she's not there on time.  In the past I have waited because I have a flight to catch, but this time I have extra time and would like to spend it with DD.

5
Custody Issues / BM is late picking up child
« on: Dec 21, 2009, 04:00:40 PM »
In the past BM has been late picking up DD during drop off days......how long do you guys wait after the court ordered drop off time before you leave if the other parent is late?  The exchange will be happening at the police dept., as per my request, so that it is easier to document when the other parent is late rather than getting receipts, etc.

In the past I have waiting up to an hour for BM to show up, but I don't feel like doing that anymore especially since BM would never do something like that for me. 

6
I didn't pay for mediation....it's free here in NY (at least in my county).

7
Father's Issues / SAD day in New York....
« on: Dec 18, 2009, 11:14:08 AM »
Well I just got out of court in New York....NY judge gave up jurisdiction of the case to TX.  She stated that she believes TX is a better forum for the case and because all the visitations happened in TX that's where the case should be held.

She also did NOT agree to let me have the child for the time I requested for the X-mas holiday.  She's only allowing me to have the child for 5 days.

I honestly wish she would have said this from the very beginning instead of having me hire an attorney in NY and make waste a few thousand dollars that I could have obviously used for an attorney in TX.  It is obvious to me that she had made up her mind since the very beginning. 

Does anyone have a suggestion for a really good attorney in North TX?  BM's attorney in TX is really aggressive and I think the attorney I had before isn't aggressive enough to deal with him.

I'm just feeling really beat down right now.  The judge didn't even care that I haven't even been allowed to talk to DD for months.  I can't believe that I have to start over.  Now I am going from a case where I was the petitioner to the respondent. 

8
Custody Issues / Re: custody of 5 year old
« on: Dec 09, 2009, 12:51:15 PM »
If I were you, I'd be very careful about your attorney at this point.  If you retained him in Sept. and he didn't do anything until December because you threatened to fire him, it sounds to me like he's not going to really concentrate on your case.  You should really try to find someone else.  You should have an attorney you can rely to get the work done, especially since you're not in the same state.

I'll be honest with you, you should prepare yourself that you won't get your son for the holidays.  That's going to be your punishment for trying to get custody of your son.

A word of advise on the travel.....I know that you're trying to be nice by offering to pay for travel, but that's not going to diffuse her anger or make her act more rational.  She sounds like she has the potential to be really vindictive (actually she's already proven that).  Your always playing Mr. Nice is going to get old for you and she will try to use it to get over you (trust me, I've been there).  As far as travel, I think you should offer to pay half, because that's fair enough.  If you get custody you paying everything, not getting child support from her and paying HER child support will get really costly soon.  Remember, when the child is with you, you will have more expenses.  Also, all this money you'll be laying out will not make her any nicer.

You should file for an temporary custody since the child is not living with the mother.  You are the child's father and have more rights to have your son than her mother.  Have your attorney file for an emergency hearing.  Also, is paternity established?  In NY when my DD was born the hospital had me fill out an Acknowledgment of Paternity and therefore the courts didn't have to establish paternity.  Having your name on the child's birth certificate does not establish paternity.  If you do not have a form like that, then you also need to have the courts establish paternity before you can move with the rest.

Also, get ready for a fight.  Read a couple of parenting plans that this site has.  It gives you a good idea of fair and detailed agreements.  You want to make sure it's detailed to avoid problems in the future.  I had a home evaluation, the court ordered it for both parents.  It was actually CPS in each state that preformed them in both homes (I live in NY, ex moved to TX).

Good luck and keep coming back here for advise and support.  It has been a life saver for me!

9
Father's Issues / Jurisdiction UPDATE
« on: Dec 04, 2009, 01:07:21 PM »
Well just got out of court here in NY.  FYI BM did not show up, but she did have an attorney there to represent her.  Believe it or not, jurisdiction has NOT been decided.

Her attorney came in and stated that it needed to be "quick" because she had to leave.  I swear the hearing lasted 10 minutes.  BTW, she had already adjourned a prior hearing because she was "unavailable."  We got her Motion last week (she filed late b/c she was expecting us to ask for an adjournment again).  She states that NY does not have jurisdiction because the child's home state is now TX and that's where all the evidence is because she's lived there a couple of years now.  She's asking the court to decline jurisdiction because of "inconvenient forum" which according to the UCCJEA is allowed.

My attorney told me that it could go either way.  The judge already told me that eventually the case will be moved.  My attorney is asking for the case to stay in NY because we are simply seeking more detailed parenting agreement and not a change in custody so there's no reason to go to trial over this and therefore there's no need for evidence.

In regards to X-mas.....the judge said that there's no reason why I shouldn't have DD for two weeks and travel with her.  When the judge asked her attorney why BM had not confirmed she said that she didn't know because she wasn't getting involved in that.  Judge said that she would give an order the next time we went back affirming I can have the time.  Her attorney said that she couldn't give any orders because NY had no jurisdiction and my attorney jumped in and said "yes, NY continues to have jurisdiction" the judge looked at her and said "that's right."

My attorney told me to purchase my tickets today and have it all ready the next time we go which will be in two weeks.

Has anyone ever dealt with jurisdiction changing because of inconvenient forum?  How did it go?

10
Father's Issues / Re:UPDATE- Holiday contact??
« on: Dec 03, 2009, 03:16:19 PM »
I wanted to share with everyone that I just saw/talked to DD.  It was great.  She looks so big!!!!  She told me a few times that she "really missed" me and loved me very much. 

I think it's horrible that BM hears something like that and it still doesn't click that withholding communication is not good for her.  Everything went well with the conversation.....BM nor third party (if there was even one) did not get involved at all. 

But anyway, wanted to share some good new with everyone.

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