BM is late picking up child

[NYParent]

In the past BM has been late picking up DD during drop off days......how long do you guys wait after the court ordered drop off time before you leave if the other parent is late?  The exchange will be happening at the police dept., as per my request, so that it is easier to document when the other parent is late rather than getting receipts, etc.

In the past I have waiting up to an hour for BM to show up, but I don't feel like doing that anymore especially since BM would never do something like that for me. 

[ocean]

Half hour without a phone call....depending on traffic or weather.....
What if you called her right before you left and state you are leaving and if she is not there by XXX (15 minutes later?) you are leaving....(then wait the 30 minutes...get receipt...) Then leave?

[mdegol]

I think ocean has a good suggestion, but are you traveling to Texas for the visits?  I mean, maybe the approach is different with the distance and the expense as well as the time in between visits.  Makes them more precious.  That would be a huge waste of travel and a big disappointment for your daughter if it is prior to your visit.  Could send an unintended message to child?  I have called BF when he was late more than 20 minutes for picking up son.  He is coming from Texas and these visits are highly anticipated.  Once they lost their luggage and were many hours late, but I had to call them to see why.  Seemed strange that I needed to be the pro-active one, but I don't think they understand that I can move on with my day if they are too late and I don't hear anything. 

Or is it when BM picks daughter up after the visit?  If you don't wait with daughter, what would you do?  Go back to hotel room with daughter?  Or fly back to NY with her (bet BM is never late again!)?  What are your ideas?  I have similar issues also, so it would be interesting to see different takes on this.  Seems like a different issue when long distance is involved.  Because what if you have a flight?

I will say, that is why my lawyer said it is better if his pickup takes place from my home and my pickup takes place at his hotel, since there is control over timing, so you don't have both the parties traveling to meet.  Of course, normal adults should be able to handle it, but it is just the sort of thing that a vindictive person can use to be late (traffic, getting out of house, cell phone dead, ect....).

[NYParent]

I have never been late to pick up DD.  I always give myself extra time in the event there's a delay or something.  Plus my time with her is so limited, that it is precious.

The problem is BM is always late picking up DD.  The last time she was an hour late and I almost missed my flight.  On anther occassion she was two hours late.  This time though I have extra days in TX because she wouldn' agree to the extra time and the judge went for her crap, so I am planning on not waiting around for BM to show up.  Exchanges happen down the road from her home....it's not traffic, it's that she does it to be a b*tch.

I am planning on hand delivering a letter to her stating that she should be at our court ordered exchange location promply at our court ordered exchange time because I have made plans for the remainder days I am in TX and that I cannot be late.  I will state that if she does not meet me at the agreed time I will be unavailable to meet for exchanges until four days later when I am flying out and that taking DD will be considered additional parenting time.

I am planning on being at our drop off location at the court ordered time.  I will give her a half hour and if she's not there and does no call me I will leave with DD.

Truthfully I am hoping that once again she will be late.  I got my ticket with the hopes of spending a week and a half with DD, and her not showing up would be great.  I guess I am just trying to find a way to extend my time with her without disobeying the court order.  I also feel like I am being generuous by giving her advance warning in writing of my intention to leave if she's not there on time.  In the past I have waited because I have a flight to catch, but this time I have extra time and would like to spend it with DD.

[mdegol]

Sounds like a good plan, but if she understands that you will get extra time, I doubt she will be late.  Maybe leave out the additional parenting time part.  Just "I am unavailable for next exchange until such and such time".  Then when she is late text her "You are late, so I will be taking DD with me and consider it additional parenting time.  I will meet you (here) at this time on that day".  The point to being late is to mess up your flight, so if you will benefit from it, she has no motivation to be late.  What a jerk.  With the flights, if you ever miss she should have to pay for the new flight.  You should put that into the CO, or some other punishment with some teeth.

[Kitty C.]

Absolutely........do NOT let her know that you will be spending extended time in TX beyond your time with your child.  Especially if she's always late just to make things difficult for you in the past with return flights.  I agree with mdegol...only tell her that if she is not there at the court-ordered time, you will leave with DD and will not be available until X date and time.  Period.

In DH's order it stated that if he were over 30 min. late, he forfeited his parenting time.......UNLESS he called within 2 hours of the designated time and informed BM that he would be late.  She tried to push the issue only one time (he was late and he DID call) and when he had to read the order back to her and asked her if she seriously wanted to go back to court over the issue, then he would make sure she paid for all court costs and atty. fees.  She never tried it again.

If or when you ever get back to court, I would strongly recommend adding something similar to the order and, in the future, give yourself a day or so leeway so that she can't screw with it again.  But do NOT ever give her information on your personal plans (like staying longer), because with her history, she will find a way to screw with it and you.

[ocean]

Hand delivering wont count in court. You need to send it certified mail or even overnight if you are pressed for time. Just the facts...exchange is at xx time and place, if you are not here by that time then I will take child for additional parenting time. For this trip, I wont be able to return to the exchange until xx day.time."

I would call the local police and see what they would do if this happened and then she called them say...an hour later. I can see BM trying to get an amber alert sent out since you are a flight risk so until you get this done in court you really have to watch with what you do this time. See if the letter works...it might when she thinks you will take child for more time.

[mdegol]

Ocean's right.  An amber alert would not be a good outcome, and she sounds like the type.  Probably the letter will keep her from being late.  Do you have a lawyer in Texas yet?  Also, even if the judge didn't give you additional time, but maybe your lawyer could try to negotiate for it.  People tend to be more generous when a court date looms in the distance (even if you have to return her a day or two and then see her again for 2 days or something).  I don't think it looks very good if you are there and she doesn't let you see child when you can't see her very often.  But a modification like Kitty has would be great in your case. 

[NYParent]

I am pressed for time.  Due to holiday mail, they can't even guarantee overnight delivery.  I am going to attempt to hand deliver (which she will refuse) and then I will send overnight and first class mail (since she refuses to sign for things).  I will have someone with me during the exchange, so there will be a witness in the event she refuses the hand delivery and then claims she didn't.

My whole reasoning for stating within the letter that I would be staying in TX additional days and it would be considered additional parenting time is because I don't want her to contact the police and send out some sort of amber alert.....or when we go back to court for her to state that I hid the child from her.  I think it would look more favorable in court that I told her be here xx time, if you are late I am unavailable until XX date and XX time.  During the in time the child is with me she will be in TX and this will be considered additional parenting time.

I had an attorney in TX, but I am not using him again.  I didn't think he was aggressive enough to deal with BM's attorney.

[MomofTwo]

You need to proceed with caution...if the orders give you from xx date to xx date, you can't say you are taking additional time if she isn't there.   You handing Mom a letter telling her that doesn't mean anything in court and her refusing it doesn't mean anything.   It's a slippery slope and with all things that have transpired, you need to do everything to ensure return happens when it's supposed to happen and do not keep the child any longer.  It could be very bad for you if you do. I know it's a pain, but I would wait it out if she is late.