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Topics - dsm

Pages: 1
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State of case:  WI    my child's mother, my daughter (age 17), and I all reside in the state of WI as well

Current order regarding child support reads: "Mother shall pay the amount of $150 per month in child support to Father via wage assignment."

Current order regarding medical expenses for child reads: "Father shall carry primary medical and dental insurance for the child.  Mother may obtain additional insurance at her expense.  Any expenses not covered by insurance shall be equally split."

Current order regarding other expenses for child reads: "Father shall be responsible for costs of schooling, textbooks, actvities, etc.  In the event that a cost is $25 or more, the cost shall be equally split between Father and Mother."

Child support comes in fine.  My issue concerns the other expenses.  There is outstanding balance of $1000 which my ex acknowledges is hers to reimburse me, but she does not send anything toward this.  I have been trying to work with her for over a year now on this balance.

Yesterday my ex called me and suggested that I write up a letter to her suggesting to increase child support by $50 per month.  She said she would sign it and then send it to the courthouse and that would take care of her end of the expenses.  

Increasing child support by $50 per month will take her 20 months to pay off.  My daughter turns 18 in September, but will not graduate high school until June 2008.  It is my understanding that child support continues until the child turns 18 or graduates high school, whichever is later.

1.  Can a child support order be changed simply by sending in a letter that both parties have signed?

2.  If I went this route, what would happen in June 2008 when my daughter  graduates and child support order ends?  

3.  Would I be able to stipulate child support continue until expenses are clear?

4.  $1000 is the balance today.  What happens as more items come into the mix (college applications, senior activities, etc)?

Thanks!



2
Second Families / Introducing Lucky's #2 grandson......
« on: Mar 19, 2007, 05:49:19 AM »
Here is beautiful baby boy:

[img src=http://www.deltabravo.net/dc/pics/Lucky2.jpg]


Congrats to Lucky, her DH, and her SD!!!!!    He's just lovely!!!!   :D

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dsm - 36; DH - 40; SD - 17; LO - 11; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh
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Second Families / MixedBag......
« on: Feb 17, 2007, 04:58:22 PM »
Just caught your updated signature line....

Thinking of you.  If you need to chat, you know how to get ahold of me.

(((Hugs)))

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dsm - 36; DH - 39; SD - 17; LO - 11; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh
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I

4
Interesting.....wonder if they want happy-endings or will accept the painful ones too....

http://www.successfulstepfamilies.com/view.php/id/288


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dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 16; LO - 10; BB - 2
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

5
Second Families / ESAWhere - EMAIL ME ASAP!!!!
« on: Nov 09, 2004, 03:39:44 PM »
SWB - voting done - you're in! - email me right away!!!!

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dsm - 34
DH - 37
SD - 15
LO - 8
BB - 17 months
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2 Cheap Entertainment cats - Snoop & Dagger - 5 years and counting.....

6
Second Families / Just a little pick-me-up and some hope...
« on: Apr 05, 2004, 06:48:36 AM »
Yesterday my SD (14) got confirmed.  It's a big day and big event in our family and religion.  It's been awhile since I've been out here on SPARC, so I'll recap just a bit.

Flashback:  2 years ago my DH and I got custody of my SD after 10 years worth of fighting (albeit not continuous).  The transition to having her here full time has been a roller coaster of emotions, hell, with some good thrown in there I think just to keep it all going....  Anyway, my situation is not so different from most out here - my SD's mom HATES me and that's putting it lightly.  She attempts to cause and has caused some major problems in my life, home, marriage, and relationship with my SD.  I cannot say that I am innocent, however, because I have at times been difficult as well.  

My SD has struggled with loyalty conflict for most of her life (I've been in it since she was 2 and still in diapers) and how she relates with me.  Her mom makes it very clear that I am not a welcome sight, and that it is to be understood that I am NOT SD's mom.

Anyway, this weekend, we had a party for SD after the confirmation service and had a nice crowd of family and friends show up to celebrate.  To get things started, DH opened with a little speech of how he is very proud of SD and that she is becoming a young lady, etc etc.  Then he opened the floor for SD (she was told that she should thank everyone for coming and then that she would lead the meal prayer).  She completely blew me away with what she said in her talk - she thanked every table for coming and then she said that she had some special thanks to do and called me out and gave this big thank you - and then she started crying.  I went up to her and gave her a big hug and she wouldn't let go.  All this while her mom is sitting there with her parents and friends on one side of the room just glaring at us (from what my mom and DH said).  I never expected her to do this - DH didn't know what she was going to say - he says that she told him that she had something special to say, and DH thought she was going to thank her teachers and pastors that came out.  Never in a million years did I expect her to say me.

SD was very much a young lady yesterday - she really acted mature and was a polite hostess.  It was very heart-warming to watch her.  And it was a nice feeling to see that even though she and I have had some really awful arguments, that she really does take to heart things I say and watches how I am and she's chosen that to be her role model.  Wow.

I know it had to hurt her mom that SD didn't say something towards her; it would hurt me if my LO didn't acknowledge me at something so important.  But I really can't feel sorry for her very long - she has not been a 'mother' to SD.

Anyway, I guess this is just a post for encouragement for those who are feeling like they are making no headway with their skids.  Someone told me a few years ago to just be me and hold my standards where I feel they should be and remain the constant for SD.  So hang in there.  Sometimes it shows that you do make a difference!  :)

7

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dsm - 34
DH - 38
SD - 15
LO - 9
BB - 2
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2 Cheap Entertainment cats - Snoop & Dagger - 5 years and counting.....

8
Custody Issues / Wieghtlifting....bringing subject of race up here
« on: Jan 05, 2007, 11:59:01 AM »
I've been away from this board for a little bit, but was catching up and saw your post below.

How old are your skids?  I am assuming you and your DH are wanting to go for full custody, yes?  Are you prepared to raise the girls in a balanced situation and keep them exposed to their 'white' side as well as their 'black' side?  How do you plan to do that?  

With respect to the corn rows in their hair.  Does their mom understand how to care for them?  I mean no disrespect to you or your husband, so please don't take anything I say here as a jab.  Our kids are mixed and I braid their hair frequently (the girls anyway, BB's hair is kept faded)  My SD's hair is very difficult to keep in braids - and she has also had corn rows put in at various times of her life.  While she has the coarse texture to her hair, it has a fly-away fineness at times, so it doesn't always cooperate with the standard 'black' hair styles.  My LO has even more of the fly-away fineness that she gets from my hair, but her hair likes to be in braids but does not take to the sheens and moisturizing lotions that my SD uses.   My point to this is not to downplay anything, but to suggest that there maybe was a valid reason for the corn rows coming down so quickly.

When we got custody of my SD, race was brought into the mix and it was a bone of contention for the GAL in considering her recommendation.  She was concerned with uprooting my SD and taking her away from the neighborhoods and city she had been living in with her mom and putting her in our environment.  What helped us was being able to show how my SD would have more of a balanced opportunity to get to know both sides of her heritage and that there was a big status quo of 7+ years of all summer, extended breaks from school, etc and that SD had relationships with people in our town so it would not be as traumatic as it could have appeared to be.  

A bigger thing that helped us, however, was getting outside, unbiased perspective in the form of teachers.  There was a huge difference in how SD performed when she had just come off time with us versus the day-to-day with her mom.  We went to parent-teacher conferences; the school secretary knew us by face and sound of our voice on the telephone - PB did not attend conferences (until the very end of the battle and that was just an image thing IMHO); the teacher and school people did not know who she was.   We also had proof of negligence and child welfare reports to back it all up.  Again - outside perspective which could not be twisted to say they were for one side or the other.

My advice to you is to confirm that there is a more tangible harm being done to the girls than not being regularly exposed to their blackness.  It could be argued that by your own contention, they spend summers and breaks with you - that alone is exposing them.  What more would you have their mother do?   Is she really able to educate them on what it means to be black?  Or would it be better to negotiate more time with the girls so that they make their own inferences and learn from their own experiences?

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dsm - 36; DH - 39; SD - 17; LO - 11; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh
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I'm not a lawyer and as such, my suggestions are simply my humble opinion on situations, not orders to act in a certain way.

9

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dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 16; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
------------------
Live, Love, and Laugh

Pages: 1
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