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Topics - superdad01

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Father's Issues / So child is 15 now...
« on: May 01, 2017, 08:18:01 PM »
Our child is 15 now, and is getting kinda sketchy on the weekend parenting time. sometimes it comes with a lame excuse and other times just says I don't wanna come. we have had a few occasions where school functions interrupted my scheduled parenting time.

Mom is saying its her choice to come and child believes that it is in fact her choice.  Ive been trying to avoid going to court, but I feel I'm going to have to start filing complaints etc.

My feeling is mom is encouraging the missed parenting time to try and go back to court to change our custody labels. I do in fact have joint physical custody. so I'm kind of wondering if child is missing  court ordered parenting time for whatever reason would be court be willing to go back in and say, your going to lose your joint custody.,

Father's Issues / child and step mom stress.
« on: Dec 26, 2015, 07:20:53 PM »
Just looking for ideas here. Sorry for the rant but I just dont know how to really deal with this. Long story short.

Daughter usually came to us in a bad mood etc. Well my girlfriend for a long time always tried to get her excited about new things etc well it usually backfired. I worked alot so I guess I depended on her a little to much. Now the GF and I have a child as well.

Recently we had a situation come up regarding my oldest child and cps was involved. Everything was dropped due to no evidence, but my GF took it as a attack on her fitness as parent when the whole thing never involved her. She believes it was my child's goal to get her child taken away from her.  to get me put in jail etc. So needless to say GF does not really want to be around my oldest child. Which creates conflict in our relationship.  I understand its not always easy, but I simply told her to just be nice to her. I mean how hard is it to just attempt to be nice to someone.  Especially a 13 year old.

Well now child and I are in counseling. we are trying to work through it. I am seeing a improvement in attitude and little things like that. My GF seems to think it's all an act. obviously I just cant walk away from my child and now I have another child so now I am stuck in the middle. I'm never gonna win. I understand that. but somehow We gotta find some sort of balance.

GF Had made my daughter enemy number 1 and told me tonight that she does not like her.... I'm just floored. Especially since we've had a couple good days in a row and any sort of happy life seems to be simply wasting away. GF seems to think she deserves an award for being fake nice to the kid.

We have been together 9 years and never really had a fight until the last year of this all. Now its all we do. Especially when we have my other child or were about to.

I told her we need counciling but she seems to think she dont.

Has anyone been through anything similar.

Father's Issues / cell phone Topic in counciling
« on: Nov 27, 2015, 07:51:13 PM »
This cell phone by is still being brought up as a big deal. Which I tried explaining that the child is not denied use of her cell phone when she wants to call someone or someone is calling her. We simply stated we are not going to allow her to disappear into the phone for hours at a time. NO secret messages and all that crap to mom.

Mom has stated that she wants to be able to contact child once daily. Which I dont really care but at the same time still does not allow the child to break away and enjoy our side of the family. I mean if mom has child 5 consecutive days through the week and I have her sat and sunday does she really need to call on the other 2 days that I have her? I mean I go 5 and 6 days at a time and sometimes more without hearing from the child, nor having her return my phone calls or texts.

One of the things the councilor tried discussing was allowing child more freedom with the cell phone. I said I was open to the idea but find it funny that the cellphone is so important, yet whenever I call or text child they never answer. I always get a lame excuse of phone being dead etc. this clearly makes me think child is avoiding me. Councilor tried explain to child that dad needs to be a priority and  this will work in her benefit to getting more freedom with her phone.

Meanwhile since this meeting we are going into day 6 without contact nor returning of any calls or texts. I even texted mom to have her call me yet no response either.

I think both are mad that the CPS report came back as dismissed for no evidence.

Father's Issues / Update and reading between the lines...
« on: Nov 02, 2015, 08:59:41 PM »
First thing still trying to recover since this whole thing popped up completely out of left field.

So CPS have been doing their investigation. Were stuck going to moms licensed social worker of choice for now. She was not receptive to a more certified therapist that I suggested. Anyways were going back and forth on how were gonna do visitation. the therapist suggested phone convo instead of visit. I countered with child staying at a mutual friends of ours so I could visit. Child was not interested in doing that. so we decided on phone contact.  Of course I got minimal contact consisting of a few text messages. Then zero contact for the next 5 days.

The following weekend. Child informed me she did not want to come. I told her I would be coming up. I brought a mutual friend to act as a witness and child would not leave the bathroom. I was trying to avoid calling police and making a bigger scene. Mom says she cannot make child go. I inform her it is her job to follow the court order. Child is only 13.  Child seems to think she has the choice in going or staying. Apparently mom is ok with child telling her what she will and will not do.  So we ended up talking child into going to dinner and just hanging out for a few hours. Had a good time and I thought we made some positive movement.  for a couple texts and a phone call on tuesday of the following week.  Contact was once again cut off. No return calls or texts.

So I get a call from therapist today and they mention child is ok coming down to visit if she stays with our mutual friends which is fine with me. Yet I have not gotten a call from the child in 5 days. So I dunno how to read this.

Cps will be finishing up there report this week and therapist wants to meet before that. wants to discuss concerns the child has etc. I gave the therapist an outline of the behavior that we deal with. It included the mom influenced alienating behaviors as well.

I still want to know I am being cleared of any abuse. nothing I have ever done would be labeled as abuse.  I plan on telling her I did not just tell you random things about mom is. i can prove most everything I claim. 

It seems the only one communicatin childs thoughts are mom. She always manages to throw in a negative comment along with it.

So child is in counseling. Mom decided she dident like the first counselor.  so she is changing to another counselor. I plan on being in on this next session.

I have joint legal and physical custody of child. Do I have any say in picking the therapist. ( I have a feeling mom will be seaching for a therapist that will agree with her specifically.

I have been told to search out a LMFT therapist... (Licensed marriage and family therapist

I think the one she picked to go see is a licenced clinical social worker

Mom will not want to hear I have just as much power as her.

Father's Issues / Visit from CPS & other misc goodies.
« on: Oct 12, 2015, 06:05:00 PM »
The Latest update. I had a visit with CPS today. They told me She didn't see it going anywhere. but wont know anything until final report. Case is being transferred as child lives in different county.

So child is in counseling and mom told me that the therapist said that I should have my parenting time temp suspended until the child is ready and until the therapist is ready to include me in the therapy sessions.  Which I guess I can understand that.... So I made contact with the therapist today. I wanted a timeline as to when they thought I could be included.  Apparently the therapist never suggested that my parenting time be suspended.  She also told me that mom decided she did not like her as a therapist and decided to get a different therapist. so this therapist is no longer working with my child. My theory is the therapist noticed the brainwashing mom has done or the therapist disagreed with mom's diagnosis.  Her appointment for this week is cancelled and she has a new appointment at the end of the month. so In the meantime what do I do with all my parenting time days?

So I clearly caught mom in a lie.
I have the message on my voicemail.  I Initially told her I would agree to suspend parenting time but now I don't know what to do. I told her anything we did would have to be in writing.  obviously, I don't want to have the kid kicking and screaming to go spend time with me. I'm also very conscious of our court order and I just don't want to not show up for parenting time when i'm supposed to have it.

I think possible we need to both agree on a therapist who is unbiased.

Father's Issues / So child is in counciling
« on: Oct 06, 2015, 06:42:05 PM »
Recently placed the child in counseling. Schools recommended it due to what they think is depression. Very well could have some depression in there. Mom finally agreed that something is going on, however she will won't realize that she is a major contributor to what's going on.

I'm assuming I will be chatting with them as well. How do I address the topic of parental alienation. Or is this therapist gonna treat me like one of them crazy dads... haha

Questions to ask therapists?

I'm also paranoid about falling to into traps that will somehow come back and bite me say we end up back in court over custody again.

Father's Issues / changing profile name
« on: Aug 15, 2015, 09:54:01 PM »
can we change our profile name on here? Ive tried cant seem to figure out how to do it.

Father's Issues / what would you do?
« on: Mar 05, 2015, 04:34:48 AM »

So can I ask you a quick question. Wondering how to go about this situation. Daughter is soon to be 13. Raised by a narcissistic. This child no calls no shows her baby sister birthday. No calls on my birthday in fact don't show much interest in anyone seen birthday on our side of family. Now it's her birthday. Really torn on what to do. Do we throw her a party? I feel like we're rewarding bad behavior. Or do we give her what we get from her. I got a feeling she won't understand the concept were laying out. We always throw her a party but No clue what to do.

Visitation Issues / Mother scheduling things on my time
« on: Feb 11, 2015, 09:45:22 PM »
I do understand as kids get older they have more things going on, however it seems like mother has signed child up for nearly everything she can. First thing we share custody joint and legal with mother having primary as she decided to move nearly 90 miles away during the court battle. We came to agreement most likely because of my total lack of faith in the court system, ( but that's another story in itself.)

So I have nearly every weekend with child during the school year. Well the child is now in band and choir and they have all these events scheduled during the weekend. The only problem is I live 90 miles away. Mother is unwilling to switch weekend with me so that leaves me at difficult decisions. Do I just lose out on another weekend with the child? I could always have the Child's stepmother or another family member take child to the event, but that however is not really the point.  I most likely be working so I would not be able to take the child to event anyways. But I would still have the rest of the day to do something with the child. The mother is controlling how and when I spend time with child.

Really don't know how to deal with this.

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