Topics

1

Child Support Issues / Question about how child support is figured..?

« on: Sep 10, 2013, 04:33:59 PM »

I am in CA, and receive child support through DCSS. For purposes of calculating support, under tax information, I am listed as head of household with the children as my dependents. DCSS said it is done that way because I have them most of the time. I am a stay at home mom and ex claims the children on his tax return. Anyone have experience with an issue like this, and if I go to court can I have it calculated with him as head of household/claiming children.?

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Father's Issues / Situation just went from bad to way, WAY worse..

« on: Jan 05, 2013, 08:08:18 PM »

I was able to talk in depth with SS via text. Mom is telling him he can't come back home on Sunday. When SS got caught shoplifting it was a day before her holiday visitation was to start. DH texted her asking if she could come get him now because he can't live here if he is going to refuse to be accountable for his actions (exactly what the message said). Basically, he appealed to BM for help (foolishly) hoping she would. SS has admitted everything to us and wants to come back, but BM is telling him DH said he can't live herein the text, and if she shows the cops the message then they will make him stay with mom. I am getting all this info from SS via text. He is afraid to stand up to mom. I told him if he wants to come back and it comes to it he is going to have to tell her he is going with us, or the cops if she physically refuses to let him leave which has happened before.

Worst of all, and the reason for the new post, I found out today that girlfriend of SS is 2 months pregnant. SS is 16 and the girlfriend is 15. Girlfriend's mom seems to be ok with it (??) but I haven't talked to her about this yet. The girlfriend actually texted and told me. BM doesn't know, which gives us a chance to digest and think before the you know what hits the fan. . I am at a loss on this one, totally. Anyone have personal experience or any idea how this is going to figure into our situation? Mediation is 1/25 and court is 2/7. We don't even know how to approach this, whether to bring it up in court, to BM, just deal with the girls mother..help???!

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Father's Issues / Upcoming Mediation/Custody Hearing..Looking for Advice

« on: Jan 02, 2013, 09:41:42 PM »

Looking for advice, and a friendly ear..I have posted several times in the past about my situation. Long story involving LOTS of Parental Alienation.

     2 years ago DH got custody of his oldest of 2 boys, after the boy was struck by mom's live-in. He is now 16 1/2. It has been a very long two years. He came to us at almost 15 and still in the 8th grade. We were able to get him to pass the 8th grade, just barely. He has struggled in high school, falling far behind even with extra support from teachers, school counselor, a personal counselor we signed him up with shortly after he moved in, as well as our help and support. According to DH he has always posed a behavior problem in school and done poorly academically. He has also had on and off problems with drug and alcohol. He admitted to us he began smoking marijuana in 7th grade, and was caught with it in 8th grade before coming to live with us. He has been labeled as having ADD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Sensory Integration Issues, and other things. Mostly by his mother, as an excuse for his bad behavior and acting out. I don't believe a doctor has ever directly diagnosed him with any of these things. He has also been acting out sexually with different girls since he moved with us. Most recently, he was caught shoplifting, and let go after I went to pick him up.

     Mom is seeking to regain custody, either for herself or for her mother. She filed a few months back after an incident in which my SS was harassing a girl over the phone and DH took his phone. SS charged at DH and DH broke the phone. SS ran away to moms house, and both BM and DH filed ex parte. Her for custody, and DH for his son to be returned. Judge ordered SS to return home until the hearing in Jan/Feb. BM called the boy at school and told him to run away, which he did. We reported him as a runaway and got him back 2 days later after he magically appeared at the grandmothers house. Police had to drag him kicking and screaming. After a few days, BM's brainwashing wore off and things went back to normal. However, SS has been playing all sides to get what he wants. He lies to us and to his mom about each other. BM, who is crazy in her own right is making up fantastic stories about us regarding child abuse, drug dealing and the like. Also my younger SS was acting out terribly towards us since this started, I'm assuming because the alienation is in full effect. At one point he wanted to go to a party and we had plans so he tried to run away (like his brother had done and got rewarded by mom). When DH stopped him from leaving, he called his mom who told him to call 911 and say he was being abused. My husband was handcuffed and put in the back of the police car before they figured out what was really going on. In the last few weeks things had settled down some with BM and she has been civil for the most part.

     So, after the shoplifting incident 12/27, SS was very defiant and lied about everything. He called his mom and made up a story that was the opposite of what DH later told her. He basically downplayed it to where he did nothing wrong and we were all liars. DH, frustrated told mom to come get him for her time a few days early, and told him he couldn't live here if he was going to keep lying and doing bad things. He asked mom to back him up and punish him for stealing. Unfortunately, BM used this as another opportunity to get control. She did not punish him, but started telling him lies about how DH was going to send him away, and how he can have everything he wants if he lives with her. Now SS is refusing to come home unless he isn't in trouble anymore and we let him do what he wants. So, at this point we are very frustrated and just wondering what you guys would do in this situation?? Mediation is at the end of Jan. and court is 2/2 I believe. Should we force him home and fight for him to stay here? I feel like we are wasting our time because he just doesnt seem to care. I know he will not do better with mom or grandma. They are both very controlling women who treat him way younger than his years. They have always made excuses and never forced him to own up to his mistakes. That is a big part of the problem we have been dealing with. I am also worried what will happen when'if she has all the power again. Before he lived here we never saw them on DH's parenting time, she would just disappear. We got nowhere with police or the court about that. She has already started doing it again with the younger one, overscheduling activities during DH's time.

Sorry for such a long post/rant.. any thoughts?

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General Issues / What happens if both parents claim child on tax return?

« on: Feb 14, 2012, 10:06:37 AM »

 Wondering if anyone has experience dealing with the irs on this matter.

My oldest stepson has been living with us since Feb 3rd of last year. He was taken out of his mother's home after her BF abused him. Both parents still have joint legal/physical custody under the new order (dated 02/03/2011). However, the order states that father's home is to be considered x (older child's) primary residence and mother's home is to be considered y(younger child's) primary residence.

DH e-filed his taxes a few weeks ago, and is scheduled to have his refund check mailed tomorrow. Last night when my stepson returned from visiting with BM, he told us BM claimed him on her taxes (apparently she had been questioning him as to whether his dad had filed taxes yet). DH texted her to let her know he has already claimed SS and that she has no right to do so. To which she responded that she already has claimed him as well and mailed her return last week. She proceeded to tell this whole story of how DH let SS live with her after the court order and she can prove it because he stayed in her school district until school let out June 3rd. Therefore, she had him 6 months. She went so far as to make up a story that it was too far for DH to drive and so he allowed the child to stay with her during the week. You can imagine how crazy this sounds, knowing its completely made up and she knows that we know it's a lie.

So, this has me a bit worried. SS did stay in the school district, because BM had already pulled him out of one school and put him in home school. He was turning 15 in 8th grade and in danger of failing again. DH had a good relationship with the home school teacher, and kept him there until the end of 8th grade in order that he might graduate and have a fresh start in high school this year. DH met with the teacher once a week, BM never attended. We have proof that SS was added to medical insurance in March, and DH filed to modify child support in April. On May 19, child support ended and the paperwork from DCSS shows older stepson as being with DH 75% of the time. BM said she is calling the irs today and auditing DH for fraud, so he doesn't get his refund. Can she even do that? Does anyone know if she has a leg to stand on? Apparently someone advised her that she could get away with this because of where SS went to school for the first half of the year.

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Father's Issues / Question about court-ordered therapy for children..?

« on: May 11, 2011, 01:56:04 PM »

Hello ALL. DH went back to court in February after his oldest boy, 15, was assaulted by BM's live in boyfriend. The child is now residing primarily in our home, but visits weekly with BM.

To the issue, both boys were ordered to be enrolled in counseling back in 8/09 and again in 8/10. BM failed to enroll them and file proof as ordered. She also refused to give DH any info re:  health insurance so that he could enroll them. When DH has tried to speak to BM about counseling she simply disagrees or hangs up. So, now that the older child is living with us, we took it upon ourselves to go to the Mental Health Center in our town, who referred us to a community based program. The therapist met with us for the first time yesterday for intake, and will meet with the child in the home setting once weekly. They also have a facility should they need to meet with BM, and of course DH provided the therapist with all of BM's info.  DH notified BM that the child is enrolled in therapy, and her response was that she refuses to agree to the therapy, and that DH has to have her consent on the choice of therapist. She stated she will enroll him in different therapy. She has been badgering DH by text all day today about it.

The court order states, that both parents must consult in the choice of health professionals.  That is pretty much impossible, with the total breakdown of communication between them. BM generally refuses to speak by phone, claims she doesn't receive our letters our court papers, and states she doesn't have computer access for e-mail. She by and large ignores DH's text messages, unless she wants something.

The order also states, that each parent be notified within three days of the commencement of treatment which we did.

It states Both parents are to enroll Both children in therapy, and fully cooperate with the therapist. We gave the therapist a copy of the court order that says the child is to be enrolled in therapy, and they told us that was all they needed. But who knows what kind of a stink BM is going to raise.

To our knowledge the younger child is not enrolled in therapy, and does not even have health insurance.

BM says that DH broke the order by enrolling the child without consent. Did we do the right thing? Is there something else we need to do, or file.?What should we do if she tries to interfere or enroll him in different therapy?

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Visitation Issues / BM refusing to follow order, visitation denial or..?

« on: Feb 11, 2011, 07:03:47 AM »

Hi guys..last Thursday we went to court on an ex-parte,  after oldest son was struck by mom's live in. The oldest child's primary residence was changed to our home, with BM having 2nd, 4th, 5th weekends as well as Tuesday 2 pm until school the next morning. Custody is still joint/joint, and DH's time with younger son stayed the same.

Last Friday, DH was denied his weekend with the younger child, BM cited illness. Child went to school on Friday, but after his activities for that day (parade) BM signed him out early.

BM picked older child up for Tuesday visitation, but failed to return him to school the next morning per the order. DH had to drive to her home Wednesday afternoon to retrieve him, which is much further travel than his school. (quick history) Older child was pulled out of regular school by BM last October. He is currently in a home school program closer to her home, that allows him to go in daily for labs and tutoring. He doesn't have a set schedule aside from his work turn-in day. Court order states her weekday visitation is 2 pm Tuesday until school starts the following day. DH wants him at school on Wednesday, but she is refusing.

Getting to the real problem, which is this weekend..Order states that when a parent's weekend falls on a weekend during which the Friday or Monday is a non-school day, the parent gets the third day. Today is a non-school day in their district. We interpret this to mean BM's weekend would have started Thursday at 3:15 instead of Friday at 3:15. We've been over this several times in the past with BM when DH's weekend has fallen on non-school days.  Child (he's almost 15) called BM last night to see why she didn't call or come get him, and to find out what time she was going to get him today. He wanted to know, mainly because he was trying to make plans with a friend. BM told him something about caring about his friend more than her..then said told him she was picking him up and keeping him until Monday or Tuesday.

BM refuses to speak to DH on the phone, and will only communicate through text messaging. He tried to call her repeatedly to discuss the matter after his son got off the phone, and was hung up on. Finally he texted her letting her know that she missed her pick-up, and that son is supposed to return at 5pm Sunday, not Monday or Tuesday. She responded by saying that she was going to pick him up at 3:15 Friday, and DH can get him from school on Tuesday because of the 3rd day. However, she has Tuesday visitation, so he would not return to DH until Wednesday.

BM interpretation of the order is that she can keep him on Monday, because he is in home school anyway so it is a non-school day. Even under that premise, pick up would be 5 pm Monday. She blames DH for not calling her and telling her when she was supposed to get him. She's claiming she didn't know he was out of school on Friday, even though younger son is on the same schedule.

DH feel's like, it is her responsibility to understand the order, and follow through on it. She has clearly stated in text messages she refuses to return the child on Sunday. If he goes, we will most likely be unable to locate her. DH is so stressed from the whole situation. He told her that because she did not show up or call about Thursday 3:15 pick up, her visitation is considered canceled (order states canceled after half hour if visiting parent doesn't show up or call, but she will just say she didn't know about Thursday pick-up). Particularly because she is also refusing to return the child until Tuesday, when he was willing to work it out with her. I kind of feel like that's wrong on his part, but am at a loss for what else to tell DH..

Question, is our interpretation of the order correct.? Is it grounds to deny visitation?.. is her refusal to return him grounds to deny visitation? What other options.? Aside from another weekend of police, endless stress, and hours wasted. Honestly, DH is not trying to be an A hole. All he wants is smooth pick up/drop off and for her to follow the order.

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Father's Issues / Confused about contempt hearing, does anyone know..?

« on: Nov 12, 2009, 03:32:32 PM »

Please bear with my apparent ignorance, as this is the first time we are going through the motions of contempt. The contempt hearing we filed back in August was set for today. At the hearing, DH was asked if he still wanted to go forward with contempt, he stated yes. BM was asked how she pleads (Not Guilty). Commissioner then states contempt charges are quasi-criminal in nature, refers BM to public defender and states BM to be released on her own recognizance. TSC (Trial Setting Conference) is scheduled for 11/24 in a different Family Law Court.

We were under the impression that the contempt was going to be addressed at the hearing, today. The main objective in filing for contempt was not so much pursuing criminally, but in having the court make BM follow through (ie. providing DH with her home address and work schedule). Is this how things are usually done??


Another, greater concern that has surfaced- I previously talked about BM's new boyfriend. The evaluation this past summer noted that BM's boyfriend should not be caretaker for the children, and the current court order states mom's boyfriend is not to babysit the children. Mom continues to leave the children in his care despite court order. We have no way of proving this. BM's boyfriend has made several threats of violence against DH, as well as racial slurs and derogatory comments about DH to the children. DH's older son has been verbally attacked and threatened by this man. During DH's most recent visitation, older son stated that mom's boyfriend raised his hand and told him "I should smack you in your face". Older son clenched his fists in return and told him to do it. Mom's boyfriend then lurched forward to scare/intimidate child. Now son tells DH he wants to carry scissors in his backpack in case it happens again. Problem is, older son is incredibly intimidated by mom and won't speak up. Younger boy, who is nine, has been severely alienated against dad and will do or say virtually anything mom tells him to. It's such a mess here..Any advice??

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Father's Issues / SSDD...will it ever end??

« on: Nov 02, 2009, 09:38:42 AM »

  It was DH's weekend, however, BM was to have the boys on Halloween from after school (2 pm) until 8 pm. BM told DH earlier in the week, flat out she was not returning the children at 8 pm.

We decide to take a different approach this time. DH has no desire to drive out to where BM lives at 8 pm only for her not to show, call police to make a report, etc.. so DH offers a compromise. In exchange for allowing extra time, BM to drop children off at gas station near our home before 11pm. She agrees. At this point we should know better, right??

DH allows her to have children at noon per her request, even meets her halfway. DH was willing to give her the children after son's soccer game, but older son said he didn't have a costume, so we came home first to get him his costume from last year.

DH calls BM around 9:30 pm to get an idea of when she will be dropping them off. She tells him she will only drive halfway, since she had to drive halfway to pick them up. Calls him a liar and says she never agreed to bring them back here. Says she doesn't have gas to drive them all the way. She calls back around 10:15 pm saying she is at the halfway point and demands we come get them. DH refuses, telling her to bring them here. She never calls back.

The next morning, older son calls and asks dad to come get him. Older son says mom will not let him go, unless DH agrees to drive both trips. It's still DH's weekend, and bm is required to pick up the children here at 5pm. DH tells son he should not be discussing this with him, and asks to speak to mom. BM restates that she will not let him have the children unless he agrees to drive both trips. In past 5 days we have made 6 round trips plus the half trip! BM made 1 trip plus the 1/2. BM has DH on speaker phone during the conversation. BM's boyfriend yells racial slurs at DH in the background, calls him a spic and an a**hole. BM refuses to give him the children, and hangs up. We call police, who can do nothing since we do not have an address. Half hour later, she calls back and tells DH to come get the children.

When we pick up the children, they ask DH why mom's boyfriend was saying all those things. Older son says mom's boyfriend talks very badly about DH, and that he is not as nice to them when mom isn't home. Older son realizes he just gave away too much information and gets a little tongue-tied. Mom is not supposed to be leaving the children in her boyfriend's care per court order.

It's just so frustrating...BM says DH will be in trouble at the contempt hearing because she can prove she wasn't at work the night older son said she was, the night we originally filed the contempt hearing about. We know the children were left alone with her boyfriend that night, but turns out she might have gone in only to change her schedule, and was told to go home due to her being so upset by the court hearing earlier that day.. it burns me up to know she will probably get away with it again because we can't prove anything.

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Father's Issues / Question about contempt hearing..anybody??

« on: Oct 19, 2009, 09:58:16 AM »

Hi all.. I have posted a few times previous. I am the stepmother of 2 boys, 13 and 9. Dad decided to file a motion for contempt, based on several items in the new order made on 8/19/09, which bm refuses to follow. Specifically, refusing to provide current address and phone number, refusing to provide a copy of her work schedule to dad as ordered, (we believe) not allowing dad his ROFR, and leaving children in the care of her new boyfriend.

I actually have two questions. First, under what circumstances can someone object to a Commissioner presiding over their case?

We have a Commissioner currently residing over our case. The Commissioner  appointed herself to the case for all issues, after they had gone in front of her regarding child support. I believe she saw something was not right with the way our case had been handled by the court up to that point. Going on 3 years, dad only had every other Sunday visitation. Mom continuously made up false allegations to keep dad from having more time, including false tro's and ex-parte hearings.  The Commissioner took over, then ordered an evaluation. The court evaluator was not kind in her opinion of mom, agreed that there was parental alienation, and ordered mom to attend counseling. Dad now has every Wednesday night as well as 1st, 3rd, and 5th wknds. After the last hearing, mom started saying she didn't agree to the Commissioner hearing the case, and more or less stating she didn't have to abide by her orders. We believe she will try to have the Commissioner removed from hearing this contempt motion (scheduled for 11/12/09). I know on the doors to the courtroom it says one can object to the Commissioner hearing a case, but are there specific circumstances; does it have to be initially before she hears any of the case, or can it be at each hearing for the case in question?

My other question, Can we file another declaration before the contempt hearing in regards to that hearing, in order to let the court know of more instances of contempt or bad behavior on mom's part?

Dad sent bm a certified letter return receipt to her mother's address, requesting  information and noting the instances of contempt. We would like to file a copy with the court.

Also, since we filed, we found out bm had signed younger son up for soccer (he was signed up even prior to the last hearing), dad found out when he was told by bm to have son at X place and at x time for soccer game. There was never any discussion, even though games are every Saturday during dad's time. I posted about this previously; dad has been taking the child to his games.

Most importantly, at last Saturday's game their was an incident that we would like the court to be aware of.

Long story longer...We tried unsuccessfully to obtain mom's home or work address to have her served with the papers for contempt hearing. The only other option was to have her served at either the park where soccer takes place, or when dad drops off the children to her. We figured soccer park would be best, since the children are in dad's care at this time. She was served last Saturday, immediately after half-time and not in front of the children, by a mutual friend (someone she also knows and is friendly with). She started calling dad's cell, left a voice mail calling him a low-life and repeatedly saying she wasn't served, that the person didn't tell her "you've been served", and that she didn't know what these papers were but he better try to have her served again. After third quarter when dad was giving younger child his sports drink, she approached and yelled at dad repeatedly that she hadn't been served, then grabbed the drink from dad as well as grabbing the child and told dad" he's not going with you". Child was visibly upset for the rest of the game.

When the game was over, bm held onto the child and refused to turn him over. Child had a birthday party he wanted to attend; dad had been told about it the day prior, but he had explained to the child that we were going to visit his grandparents and cousins after the soccer game, and we had already planned on doing that since his soccer game was finally early enough to allow us the time for that. BM was now using the party as an excuse for not turning over the child, that he was going with her and it was his choice. Dad stated that he was not going to play tug of war with the child, but that he would call the police. She said go ahead. Dad then went and stood behind her vehicle, while she was still on the field gathering her things, and called police.

She approached the car with the younger child and her boyfriend, they got in the car, and she repeatedly threatened to run dad over; she did not turn the car on. I was nearby with the older child as well as our 1 y.o. daughter and the person who had served her. Dispatch told him he could block the car, but if she started backing out best to move. When I approached my husband with the address so he could give it to dispatch, she got out of the vehicle, walked between me and the rear of her car, and elbowed me in the chest as she passed. She turned around and got inches from my face, screaming. Her boyfriend got out and pulled her back. She then went over to my vehicle, telling the older child to give her a hug and kiss. She started yelling at the person who served her as well. When the police arrived, she stated the judge had said it was the children's choice if they wanted to go or not (lie). The police eventually made her return the child, who was crying and refusing to get out of the car.

Similar instances have occurred many times in  the past, and dad has let the child go in order to avoid conflict. The police look at him as the bad guy for upsetting the child, now the child has learned this behavior is acceptable. The children's emotional growth is stunted. The 9 year old reverts to preschool behavior when he doesn't get his way. Within 10 minutes of leaving the soccer park, child was back to normal, and excited to get to his cousin's house. The next day, about 20 minutes before drop off, child gets hurt playing with the baby, and reverts back to angry, negative behavior right before he returns to mom's care. This is typical behavior before drop off, 9 yo either gets hurt or suddenly has a bad attitude towards dad. Mom encourages this behavior and rewards him for it with praise and attention. Older child is considered a bad kid because he does not go along with it and stands up for dad when mom or mom's boyfriend badmouth him.

10

Father's Issues / In dealing with children's extra-curricular activities, please advise..??

« on: Sep 16, 2009, 07:31:48 AM »

  I have another question , err need you guys' advice on the best route of action. Order states bm to consult with dad prior to signing children up for any activities that would interfere with his parenting time. IF he agrees she will provide him a copy of schedules, etc..This has been an ongoing issue for years. Dad used to be very involved with childrens sports. Mom wants to be the focus and wants dad to have no part in childrens activities, so she signs them up, takes them to practices, works her way into being team mom/scorekeeper, and badmouths dad to all the parents. By the time dad gets the info he is already ostracized. I previously mentioned that dad had seen younger son in soccer gear at back to school night, and when he asked mom she snapped at him that "it's not your time", refusing to give him any information(this was on 8/27). Two days ago, dad received a text from mom simply stating younger son is in soccer and that he has to have him there 45 minutes before game (basically so she can take over and get him dressed/ready for game).  This is the very first we are hearing of it. Later she sent more texts with 5 dates/times. She left out dates/times for some of her weekends because she says that is her time and she doesn't have to tell him. He called her and explained to her what she is doing is not right and against court order. If she is going to sign the child up for something and dad is expected to take him during his time as well, dad should be involved from day one. BM sent several text messages bashing dad, calling him a selfish jerk and how he doesn't care about the children. Every time she does this she turns it around on dad saying he's selfish and not wanting the boys to enjoy their activities. Dad doesn't want to disappoint child by not letting him attend activity, but also doesn't want to continue this pattern where she gets away with breaking the court order. We were just in court last month, where she was painted in a very bad light in the evaluator's report and reprimanded by the commissioner, and she still won't follow orders.   She has already told the child dad doesn't want him to go, and put him on the phone last night in the middle of the disagreement to make dad feel bad. Our one concern, dad is afraid of going backwards if we end up back in court, because bm is threatening to have the commissioner removed from the case and go back to the previous judge, who was totally useless.

Any advice on what we should do now?

**on another note, dad had to call phone company to have all texting turned off on his phone last night, because mom is very abusive with text messages, running up our bill and refusing to talk to him by any other means. When he tried to call bm to discuss this issue with her,  she had her boyfriend answer and say "hang up a**hole and "jackass" to dad then hang up on him. We cannot block her cell # because it is the only number he has to call children on. She is still refusing to provide him with her current address or her work schedule.