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Hi Dr. D,

Socrateaser suggested I get your perspective on this, so I'm reposting on your board....

I'm in the middle of a 730 eval (including psych tests), which started nearly 3 months ago. I have no clue what the evaluator is thinking, as he gives no feedback or validation. He was well-recommended by three attorneys and an author of an alienation book.

To date, I've done everything he's asked, including giving him a ton of evidence that I've been gathering for nearly 3 years (daughter is almost 4, and we split when she was a year old).  Evidence shows biomom's volatility, on-going lies (i.e., even contradicting her earlier lies with newer ones), inability to keep long-term relationships, inability to hold a job, ignorance of health parenting approaches, etc.

Mother meets the criteria for borderline and histrionic personality disorders. I've mentioned to him that I think she's got mental health problems, but I've never actually expressed a diagnosis about her (i.e., when he asked what's wrong, I just said that I've been around enough people to recognize when something is very abnormal with an individual's hard-wiring and perspective of reality).  

I've observed that she seems to have a very enmeshed, unhealthy relationship with daughter, which I have spoken about with him using plenty of examples.

Today, he mentioned to me that (affirming what I've told him that daughter is fixated on the topic of nursing) my ex told him that daughter was weaned at three because mom stopped lactating, but daughter continues to suckle (i.e., 9 months later).  He told me that mom tells daughter during nursing, "There's no milk, so I'll make you something to eat."

He said this with no emotion, so I felt very hesitant to really express that I saw this as very troubling.... especially that mom thinks it has anything to do with nutrition when a near-4-year-old is still on the breast.

Not wanting to overreact (in his eyes) I said, "If she's still suckling, then I guess she's not weaned." He just shrugged.

I'm introducing what I think are totally unhealthy issues involving my daughter, and he's been nonchalant in listening to all of it and asking questions.

1. Am I off my rocker in thinking there's something wrong with a co-sleeping single mother who allows her nearly 4 year old child to suckle a non-lactating breast?!

2. Is it typical that evaluators (this guy is a clinical psychologist with 20 years experience) show no reaction to any information? I'm second guessing my own perspective on things, as he's not saying anything like, "Hallelujah, you're the stable, healthier parent who has legitimate concerns about this child."

Thanks for your thoughts... it's my first custody eval, and it's just a very weird process to have no feedback or reaction for nearly three months now.

DD

Hello Dr. D,

I'm hoping you may be able to provide some insights into how I can best support my 3 and a half year old daughter.

I currently have approx 25% custodial time, which has been in place since she was a year old.

Biomom meets criteria for borderline and histrionic personality disorders.  She's overreactive to every potential trauma in daughter's life, including speculative and imagined ones.  I've received one to two new allegations every week from her about how I'm damaging our daughter.

Biomom apparently still nurses, and it took nearly three weeks before she would leave daughter alone at preschool (i.e., beginning last month).  Preschool staff is excellent, btw.

We're currently under-going custody and psych evaluations with custody trial in three months.

I got married two months ago to a woman who has been in daughter's life for two years, and they have a playful, affectionate bond.  Likewise, daughter seems affectionate and comfortable with me.  During my custody time, we've focused on consistency, structure, and routines; in which she seems to do best.

Since the wedding, the seemingly passive poisoning from biomom has turned active.  Daughter now recites phrases about me that presumably came from biomom (i.e., a three year old wouldn't otherwise come up with such things).

Daughter shows increasing difficulty with new people, especially her peers.  She literally shuts down, looks down, doesn't talk, and freezes.  She can't handle being around new people without my wife or I at her side.

On top of that, just as her mother is focused on her fears (i.e., every week, our daughter allegedly has a new fear that her mother blames on my home), our daughter likewise seems to come from a fear-based place.

In her comfortable surroundings (e.g., my home), she's a boisterous, affectionate, and self-initiating little girl who fixates her play imagination on mamas and babies (i.e., with dolls, the baby is always crying and needing mama).  She enjoys this play with us.

It's clear that her mom hasn't encouraged her to find her own independence and confidence, and I'm really seeing it all come to a head now as she's forced into peer relationships.

QUESTION

While I'm comfortable in what I'm wanting to come out of the evaluations and trial, what can I be doing during these three months to help my daughter overcome the fears and apparent difficulty with developing new relationships?

Any book recommendations or counselors in the Los Angeles area with whom I can consult (i.e., as a parent, not for the purpose of entering daughter into therapy)?

Thanks very much for your thoughts.

DD

Hi Soc,

We have standard orders that parents alternate throwing the b-day party for the child.

Per my request, we also have orders that parents will not discuss child custody matters with parents of child's "classmates" (it was my experience that biomom tried to alienate them from me).

Child has two friends who are not "classmates".  They don't go to her school.

Biomom is good friends with each of their mothers.

These parents have supported biomom's litigation for sole custody and restricting my child's time in my home via false affadavits, funding, and appearance in court with willingness to testify.

When child talks about those friends, I support her enthusiasm.  However, I don't associate with the parents (i.e., don't schedule playdates, avoid at public events when they accompany biomom to see my child perform, etc).

It's my year for the b-day party, which is at a place requiring each child to be accompanied by his/her parent.

I've invited child's entire class.

Child wanted to invite the other two girls too, and I said that biomom might want to have a private little fun thing for the three of them, since the other two don't know her classmates and it lets child celebrate a little party with biomom too.

Child seemed to accept that (she's 7, no biggie to her).

I advised biomom of my suggestion that for the comfort and inclusion of everyone, she have a little thing for child and the other two girls.

Biomom declined and is insisting that I invite the two girls to my party, else she'd like to take over the party this year.  Nowhere do court orders dictate that the non-celebrating parent has any control over the celebrating parent's birthday party plans.

Given that these parents are bad news, I don't want them near me, my family, or any other folks with whom I'm friendly.  I'd be reasonably paranoid and distracted by their presence.

One of those parents specifically exploited a prior event, at which I was present, to write an affadavit as to how fearful of me that the child was at the event.

1.  Is it a reasonable consequence that if another parent testifies against me in a custody matter, such parent would not be welcomed at a private event I'm hosting (with unfortunate consequence to the children, due to the poor judgment of the adults)?

2.  If I'm telling biomom, "Have a party for those two girls plus our child, since all of you and their parents are so tight-knit" to avoid explaining to daughter the real issues going on, does that seem child-centered enough that I'm trying to do the right thing, given the reality of alliances that those parents have made known?

3.  I see that if I DON'T invite those girls (and their parents), it can be twisted against me.  If I DO invite those girls, any information gained might be distorted and used against me (to become a battle of affadavits of attendees).  Which is the lesser of badness?

Thanks,
DD

Hey Soc,

In our conflict parenting class, my ex orally denied that she had anything to do with her attorney standing up and spontaneously informing the court in May 2006 that our daughter is threatening suicide over seeing me.  She claims she didn't know what her attorney was doing (but my ex didn't say anything in court at the time).

That testimony triggered a court appointed minor's counsel (paid by the county) and order for child to undergo psychological evaluation.

As a result of that claim, child's time in my home was also severely restricted for a month.

Minor's counsel and psychologist both reported at the review hearing that child is not suicidal, troubled, nor even depressed.

I already have the transcript in which her attorney specifically tells the court that the child is threatening suicide because of seeing me.

That attorney withdrew in November 2006.  She was the worst of the worst with her sneak attacks, gross misreprentations to the court of what went on in the case, etc.

I doubt my ex is an innocent as she claims and she's just trying to cover her butt against a tactic that didn't succeed, but if I take her at face value...

Let's say I find a way to get my ex to include the statement in an affadavit that her attorney acted on her own accord in making that statement to the court (i.e., that my ex claims she never reported such to her attorney)...


1.  Is this the sort of ethics complaint a BAR investigation would find troubling?

2.  If I merely provide copies of the transcript and my ex's affadavit denying that she ever told her attorney that, would I be liable for any retaliation from the attorney?

3.  If the attorney claims in a response that my ex DID tell her that, would I receive notice of such for future reference, or would it be protected client/attorney privilege?

4.  Are there potential civil damages for emotional distress, slander, and/or punitive?

5.  If I reported this to the BAR akin to #2 question, any way it could hurt me in my custody case?

Thanks,
DD

Soc,

Reminder:  after reported suicide threat made by 6 year old eight months ago, court ordered appointment of minor's counsel and ordered psychologist for child (psychologist was selected by minor's counsel).

At review hearing 30 days later, things got resolved.  I was happy with the psychologist (who saw through mom's hysteria) and requested the court to order on-going therapy for child with this particular person (over biomom's objection to it).  Order granted, with order carried-over stating that minor's counsel and psychologist can confer as needed without parental consent.

Child has met with psych approx 20 times.  I've met a few times alone with the psychologist for updates.  She repeatedly says she has no significant concerns about child in my home.  Some little things have come up now and then, when she and child invite me into their session to talk about it and come up with solutions.

She's told me that child adores stepmom, is proud of being a big sister, is really bonded closely with me.

She's alluded (not directly) that there are some issues in mom's home and that biomom doesn't seem to accept psych's reassurance that child is okay in my home.

I've asked her more than once that if she had any concerns about my home, would she ask me about it, as I appreciate directness.  She says yes.  But I never hear anything.

Two weeks ago, I asked her outright what her response would be if I went for 50/50, which the 2004 evaluator recommended should begin in 2006 (but never ordered as a step-up).

She said that she wouldn't advise on the custodial schedule but she would tell minor's counsel that child receives something very special and valuable in my home that child doesn't have in mother's home.

PRESENT DAY

Biomom is relentless on her campaign to prove that child is in peril in my home.  I see on the psychologist's billing that biomom regularly meets alone with psych.  Biomom has long history of trying to turn people against me.

Biomom has requested that we meet together with psychologist to discuss her concerns, cc'd psychologist on the email.

Before I could respond, psychologist replied and said it may be a good idea.

I've experienced in past discussions with biomom that she'll distort her recollection of discussions and use it in her pleadings.

Psychologist has suggested that we make a confidentiality agreement prior to the session.

Privately, in response to my concerns about meeting with biomom, psychologist has said she hopes we can allay biomom's fears about my home.  Psychologist already knows that biomom claims I tricked a polygraph, when I denied past accusations about my home, so I don't know how she thinks the fears can be alleviated.


1.  Realistically (looking at big picture), am I pretty much cornered into meeting together with biomom and psychologist?

2.  Biomom ignored an order to seal the 730 report and quoted extensively from it in a past pleading, with no comment from the court.  Realistically, what water would a confidentiality agreement hold if biomom decides to write a pleading with a quote of what she claims I say in the session?

3.  I could demand to record the session, but don't want to come across as a control freak to psychologist.  Thoughts?

Thanks for any opinion on this.

DD

Hi Soc,

I'm nearing the end of a parenting-with-no-conflict course that biomom and I were ordered to take on recommendation of minor's counsel.

The course follows a handbook with specific outlines on how to comunicate about what issues, how to interact in child's presence, what issues are private to the other home, etc.

It's great stuff (as was the prior course we took in 2005) if both parents are capable of modifying their behaviors and controlling their emotions.

If biomom were restrainted to following the course instructions, the communications would be far easier to dispose with either resolution or kick-back (e.g., I can just reply, "There is too much to digest in this, or this accusation is not helpful.  Please feel free to express this as outlined in our course.").

This is not just a my way vs her way decision.

It's requesting that we both follow what the COURSE INSTRUCTOR (a clinical psychologist with 20 years experience dealing in child custody matters) outlines is best in the materials.  The court already ordered us to essentially implement what this course teaches (by way of ordering us to attend).

We already have orders for email-only communication.

1.  Given that the judge ordered we take this course, do you think a judge would ever grant orders that parents "Are to communicate only via email in the manner instructed by the parenting-without-conflict course materials attached herein"?

And, what could possibly be the opposition to it?!

:)

Thanks

Hi Soc,

Happy new year.

Recall that in July 2006, new judge added his own boilerplate language in orders after hearing on a number of substantive issues that were never addressed in the hearing.

To correct a few of the matters, I filed a motion to correct.  Biomom eventually stipulated to everything to avoid court.  GAL signed, and it's filed.

There's one other matter from those July 2006 orders that may need addressing.

Our 2004 judgment made no mention of interstate or international travel.  However, when it was entered, it dissolved the standard restraining order (containined in the original summons/filing in 2001, which is in effect until "entry of judgment") that prohibited removing child from state without the other parent's agreement or court order.

I got Ex Parte relief in 2003 to take child out of state for Thanksgiving holiday (i.e., biomom refused to agree).

So, the July 2006 boilerplate language now says that parents must confer before taking child out of state or out of country.  It doesn't specify that agreement is necessary, nor what happens if there's disagreement.

My family is all out of state.  Biomom's family is in-state, so it's not an issue for her.

I haven't traveled out of state with child since July 2006 orders, but I'm now planning a family trip.

1.  Is advising biomom that I'll be taking child to XXX location for XXX duration enough to constitute "conferring" with her?

2.  If biomom raises a stink about travel again, do I just wait for her to file something, or do I need to seek relief before I take child out of state?

If relevant, child has joined me on approx 8 interstate trips in past 5 years.

Thanks,
DD

Hi Soc,

For upcoming hearing, I decided to file a supplemental declaration seeking additional relief identical to the matters to which biomom agreed in email (likely only "lip service" on her part, offered because GAL was cc'd) but she repeatedly refused to sign them into stipulated orders (i.e., saying same in email).

I used her emails on face value as exhibits to show her refusal to resolve conflict - even when we agree - and hence increase the need for litigation with her on-going pattern of negotiating in bad faith.

It worked.  :)

After getting served with the supplemental declaration, biomom signed and returned the stipulated orders I drafted so I can remove my hearing off calendar.

1.  GAL has never responded to any correspondence I've sent him (he was cc'd on the proposed stipulation 3 weeks ago).  There's a spot for him to sign the stip, so it's blank.  Do I just include cover letter to court advising that GAL received a copy of the stip and never objected?

2.  I've never removed anything off docket.  Is it something like "Notice of Withdrawn Motion" that I just file and cite that parties settled, or what?

Thanks,
DD

Soc,

Recall in May/June biomom secured temporary orders on claiming that child was suicidal because of me.  At 30-day review hearing, minor's counsel and appointed psychologist (via minor's counsel) both asserted that child is not suicidal nor even depressed.  I got my time back, plus a little bit more.

Judge lectured biomom about constantly stirring the pot and warned that if he concludes that biomom is making up this hysteria, it will reflect negatively on the time that the child is with her.

We have orders to communicate by email.

We have orders stating that parents are to confer in good faith on all parenting matters.

In August, you advised that I cc minor's counsel on everything.

Since then, biomom has sent me approx 40 emails, requesting that we go to counseling and mediation to resolve conflicts.  She likewise cc's minor's counsel.

She'll typically state a general issue without specifying concerns or proposing solutions... e.g., "We need to change the parenting schedule, as the current schedule is not good for child.  Please join me in mediation."

In response, I've sent many emails inviting biomom to state any specific concerns and propose any specific solutions to her concerns, that there's no need to mediate anything if there is no specific issue.

We've been to five mediators in five years with no resolution on anything in mediation.  We've been to two counselors.  

Counseling sessions seem to be used by biomom to engage me emotionally without any paper trail or evidence of what she says.  

Mediation has been a way for her to tell me all of her demands (i.e., essentially remove me from child's life) and then later claim I was completely unreasonable on everything (as reason for mediation failing).

On a teleconference with child's psychologist a few months ago, biomom still opposed child sleeping in my home.  I invited biomom to specifically propose any solution that would resolve her concerns.  The psychologist encouraged her.  Biomom said that she'd get back to me (never did), and psychologist is aware of that.

I have no problem emailing my own concerns and proposing solutions in child's interest, though I rarely do it (only when I see a big issue).

Biomom's response is that email is not appropriate for such discussions and that she'll only discuss it in the presence of a third party (i.e., mediator) so we can do it "peacefully in a way that is most gentle for child."

1.  If we have orders to communicate by email, and if we have orders that we confer on parenting matters, is it unreasonable that I'd continue to ask biomom to do just that?

2.  At some point, does biomom's refusal to communicate directly on issues reflect poorly on her?  Or is it a set up that one parent will inevitably get sole custody, and that'll likely go to the one with the most timeshare?

3.  Any other thoughts?  I've been doing my best to parallel parent given the reality of the situation, but biomom repeatedly states she has concerns (which in the past have even included the type of night-light I use in child's room), refuses to disclose concerns without a third party, and questions why I won't join her with a third party.

Thanks,
DD

Soc,

Today, I received email notice from biomom that she has enrolled the child in a ballet performance that has practice on all of my weekday afternoons with child over the next few weeks... effective tomorrow.

This is the first I heard of it.

She advised that if I can't take the child, she will take her.

With transportation (9 miles from my home to this new ballet class each way during afternoon rush hour) and 90 minute ballet practices, that's going to be more than 3 hours of time consumed each afternoon child is with me.

Half my affected periods with child are 4-hours duration.  We'll have the remaining hour of time to travel home from school (20 minutes), do homework (approx 45-60 minutes normally), play, and have dinner as a family before biomom picks up child at bedtime.

The other half are overnights, which at least buys an extra hour of time child is awake with me (i.e., 5 hours between school dismissal and bedtime).

Moreover, two sets of child's grandparents (my wife's parents and mine) will be in town during this time, and I was looking forward to child having the weekday afternoons with them.

Child is in first grade.

2004 JUDGMENT
"Neither party shall schedule any activity for CHILD during the other parent's custodial time unless it is by agreement."

2006 OSC ORDERS
When OC was opposing the court's June 2006 ruling that I'm to pick up child directly from school, she argued that child has activities.  Judge said that if child has any activities, dad can take her  Resulting orders say, "Respondent (me) is to attend and is to ensure the minor child attends any extra-curricular activites.  The custodial party is to ensure the minor child attends any practices during that party's custodial time."



I've proposed back to mother that if she makes all the practice days into overnights in my home, I'll be able to arrange everything in child's best interest on this temporary basis.  Else, I don't see how rushing a 6 year old around on three school afternoons per week and pushing back bedtime (i.e., when adding even more travel time from my home back to mother's home) is good for her.

I've advised that if mother does not agree to convert those dinners into overnights on a temporary basis, I'll assume that these practices are not critical for child.

Mother is big into performing arts and would claim that child loves ballet.  Child seems to have lackluster interest, at best.  

1.  Is my position reasonable?  If mother refuses to convert to overnights, is it evident per her refusal that the activity is not important?

2.  Is mother reasonable (in a court's eyes) with last-minute notice that all my weekday periods with child over next three weeks are now consumed by ballet practice, per mother's demand?

3.  Does the 2006 order nullify the specific 2004 order?

4.  If 2004 judgment clause still prevails, how is it enforced (i.e., it IS a clean contempt - if I could prove it - but the damage is already done via emotionally blackmailing me with child's expectations, so where does that leave me?).

5.  Do you interpret the 2006 order as refering to activities enrolled at time of ruling (i.e., so child could keep status quo, had there been any activities), or all future ones?  If unclear, is this enough reasonable doubt that I'd avoid any contempt if/when I exercise judgment that mother's activities are frustrating my ability to have a normal relationship with child?

Thanks,
DD

Soc,

Recall that in May 2005, court ruled that Petitioner may select a school within 10 miles of MY (i.e., respondent's) home.

I want to emphasize that the transcript is clear on this.  There was no mention of anything else in the transcript, neither by accident nor intent.

OC repeatedly asked me to agree the language is within 10 miles of PETITIONER'S home.  I refused, noting that the transcript is clear.

In July 2006, a new judge inserted boilerplate language in the orders stating that parties jointly make education decisions (i.e., though the corresponding hearing made no mention of it).

In October 2006, OC wrote the new judge, asking him to enter findings after the May 2005 hearing, but with language stating that the school must be within 10 miles of PETITIONER'S HOME.

I immediately wrote the judge, noting OC's intentional disregard for due process, noting that OC has no foundation (including providing judge a copy of the transcript and specifying the exact lines pertaining to the matter).

That was 2 weeks ago.  Today I received a conformed copy of the orders OC asked the judge to enter.

1.  What is my remedy at this point to ensure child's school isn't easily changed to one far from me (i.e., at least force Petitioner to have a hearing on the matter, if she wants that)?

2.  What is going on that an attorney can merely write to a judge and get orders modified?!

3.  Realistically, am I just getting flicked away?  I mean, if I starting trying to correct it, what's to stop the judge from making his own motion to modify the school issue so he can be done with me?

4.  Does minor's counsel have any role in any of this?

DD

Hi Soc,

I've received a cc from OC on correspondence to the court regarding a May 2005 hearing (yes, 2005).

BACKGROUND

OC didn't prepare orders from that OSC, so I did a couple weeks later.  OC didn't object within 4 weeks (more than required to wait), and I submitted them to the court to be entered.

OC says they were never entered.  I haven't gone to the courthouse yet to check.

At that May 2005 hearing, judge ordered that after consulting with me, mom can pick the school and pay for the school.

May 2005 judge also said - straight from the transcript and as his final statement about school selection, "...let me make this clear.  If you (mom) want the public school that is for your residence, no consultation needed with dad.  But if you want any other school, public or private, it has to be within ten miles of Respondent's home, with costs born by mom."

Now, in July 2006 orders after hearing, a new judge entered his own boilerplate language stating that parents jointly decide about education, though it wasn't ever mentioned in the respective hearing.

For the past few months, OC made several attempts to have me stip to language that overrides the July 2006 orders about school, so it reflects the May 2005 orders.  I said fine, let's correct one other nominal thing too about the July 2006 orders.  They said fine.

But their proposed language repeatedly veered from what was originally ordered (in the transcript).  I repeatedly advised to take it straight from the transcript.  They kept trying to get around that 10 mile distance barrier (from my home).

---------------------

PRESENT DAY

OC has written to the new current judge, asking him to enter orders from the May 2005 hearing.

Despite the transcript above, OC is proposing orders that read, "On school selection, Petitioner shall consult with Respondent and then select child's school.  The school shall not be more than 10 miles from Petitioner's residence."

To be clear, they're proposing language that keeps the school within 10 miles of mom's home, not mine (as originally ordered, to ensure distance isn't a burden on me).  There is nothing anywhere in the transcript that allows for that interpretation.

There's one other relevant issue in the orders after hearing, which is identical to what I proposed.

In 2005, Petitioner selected the K-8 school for child.  It was 10 miles away from my home (45 minutes away in morning traffic).  In summer 2005, my wife and I moved to be a few miles away from the school.

As Petitioner has paid her attorney several hours to regain school selection and modify it to be within 10 miles of HER home, it's apparent to me that she's wanting to change schools.  She denies it.


1.  The court entered orders July 2006.  These orders state that parents jointly make education decisions.  OC never objected, moved to vacate, moved to clarify, moved to correct, or moved to reconsider.  She now wants orders from a May 2005 hearing entered in Oct 2006-- isn't this just a veiled OSC to modify the July 2006 orders?!  Else, what's to stop me from reviewing our file, seeing what was never entered that was more favorable to me in the past, and now ask the court to enter it as though it's effective in current day?

2.  How else should I respond?  Is the draft letter (posted below) appropriate?

Thanks,
DD

Hi Soc,

Welcome back from vacation.

My wife is considering registering an LLC for a home-based retail business, now that she's a stay-at-home mother with our infant and has taken extended leave with her employer.

Over the past couple years, I dabbled in this type of business as a "hobby" (no income ever reported, and nobody except my wife knows that it was my hobby as a test to see if it could be profitable) and will be an unpaid advisor to her.

I will maintain my full-time employment until the LLC can support our entire household (if ever).  Also, I have some self-employment contract income in my field of work (which is reported on my returns).

Unless it's time to quit my full-time employment, there will not be evidence that I do any work for the LLC.

In the foreseeable future, my wife's SS# will be the recipient of all distributions from the LLC.  She'll pay all taxes, sign all the documents, etc.

For the first couple years at least, the income off the LLC will be less than the full-time salary that wife earned prior to baby's birth.

Finally, my wife and I file separate tax returns.

1.  If I maintain full-time employment with at least the same earnings as in the past, and if I'm not on paper as being any part of the LLC, will it be nearly impossible for biomom to argue that any part of the LLC's net revenue should be considered in CS calculations?

2.  If I'm not on paper as being any part of the LLC, and if I deny any substantial involvement in it, can any of its records be requested in discovery?

Thanks,
DD

Soc,

As I've previously described, my ex is high maintenance in constant issues.

I do my best to avoid the back-and-forth, but there's such a fine line between being nonresponsive (irresponsible) and constant debate.

Very recent issues (for example):

A) After six-year old child's routine in my home was reinstated in June (after a month of disruption due to the reported suicide threat), biomom started sending 8 security objects... two pillows, a blanket, and five stuffed animals... with child for sleeping in my home.  During the prior school year, child was fine with a small bunny and small blanket, both of which could be packed into her backpack.  School has started again, and biomom is now sending 1st grader to school with a large bag of the security objects to take to my home.  Child never uses them at night (i.e., they're shoved to the foot of her bed).  I've suggested that child take whatever we can pack into her backpack.  Child is fine with that.  Biomom insists child needs everything, will continue to send everything (and I don't want to have to send everything with child when I return her to school in the morning).  Biomom states her wish that I'd be more sensitive to child's needs, as this is why child doesn't want to sleep in my home (i.e., per biomom's opinion).

B) Child was referred to orthodontist by dentist.  Referred orthodontist was great... personable, experienced, involved child with discussions.  Biomom wanted to try another orthodontist, the one used by biomom's best friend (as a patient) who has been involved in our custody issues.  Second one wasn't as impressive as first one, but was very appearance oriented (biomom's style).  For reasons of wanting neutral ground (i.e., don't need biomom and her friend biasing this doctor), I prefer objective referrals.  Biomom refuses.

C) We're ordered to take a "co-parenting course", but not a specific one.  We apparently can't agree on one, biomom demanding that we do private counseling (i.e., no witnesses, no paper trail, and no ability for therapist to testify without biomom's consent).  I've proposed two courses, neither acceptable to biomom.  My invitations for acceptable courses have gone unanswered.

D) Biomom repeatedly asks that I join her in counseling with a particular person.  I've experienced that counseling with biomom is merely used as her emotional outlet to engage me with refusal to settle on any resolutions.   Child has her own psychologist, who is great and insightful.  Biomom has repeatedly asked that we end the child's psychologist.

In her communications, biomom appears pleasant and cooperative.  She's a master at conducting such a outward facade while covertly creating chaos and conflict.

1.  How does one identify the right balance between engaging and disengaging (i.e., ignoring)?  The endless debates become viewed as "They just can't get along", whereas attempts to disengage are portrayed as, "She attempts to communicate, he refuses."

2.  In the past month alone, I've received 18 emails from biomom.  Maybe 3 or 4 were necessary.  From an outsider's perspective, they all look rational (but they're all rational views of biomom's delusions).  She selectively cc's the child's therapist, and minor's counsel, creatively twisting the situation to make her perspective seem wonderful and mine not (out of context).  Is it just part of my life that I need to constantly correct these things?

What would you tell your client on how to deal with such an ex?

Thanks,
DD

Hi Soc,

I was reading recent caselaw, encountered http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/opinions/documents/B182101.DOC for Amy G. v. M. W. wherein stepmom raised child with biodad for a couple years and then biomom re-entered the picture to assert custodial rights.  Stepmom sought to be determined the presumed mother.

One of their arguments is in reference to Elisa B. v. Superior Court (2005) for the proposition that section 7611 should apply in maternity cases even where the child's birth mother is present and asserts legal parenthood.  Elisa B. involved lesbians, where the court concluded that a child's two parents can certainly both be mothers.

In the recent case, the stepmom was shot down on all counts for lack of merit, mainly because both positions of biological parents are known and not disputed.

If the measure of a "presumed parent" is A) has acted in such role, and B) only one other person is identified as a parent...

I wonder if it'd be a viable argument if when a biological parent (e.g., me) becomes absent through death-- and my wife has been acting in the role of parent since child was 18 months old -- she could seek custodial rights as a presumed parent, given that only one parent (biomom) would exist and the court is willing to accept two parents - regardless of gender.

Essentially, the argument is that three people were all acting in the role of parent for this child (but only two were recognized), and when one recognized parent dies, the third can seek custodial rights via presumed parent arguments.

I can't imagine I'm the first person to ponder this, but I've never heard of it occurring, and I've never seen caselaw on it.

Why should there be a difference between a parent becoming absent by choice versus absent by death?

Or is it that the court's assignment of a child's two parents is permanent once established?  However, that can't be the case, since if biomom were to die, stepmom could adopt child.

1.  If you buy that this has a shot at least to be heard, would we do anything to prepare for it prior to my death?  Any document preparation to accompany my will?  I know that this may seem like a bit of mental masturbation, but my wife and I feel strongly that it's in my daughter's best interest to keep their bond in the event of my death.

Thanks for your thoughts!

DD

Soc,

I got a call from OC's associate (unknown to me) today that they wish to serve by fax and mail Orders After Hearing.

I asked, "Huh?  Which hearing?"

She said the June 2006 one.

I said that we already have orders entered.  She said that they drafted new ones.  I told her just to mail it, I don't need a fax of this nonsense.

It's now 10 weeks after the hearing, and more than a month after the court entered orders on it.

They told me a few weeks ago that they were withdrawing, but I guess not.

1.  Is there any scenario where a party can draft new "Orders After Hearing" more than a month after the court already entered orders on same?  At this point, wouldn't it be "Motion to Clarify" or "Motion to Reconsider" or "Motion to Vacate" or OSC to Modify??

Thanks,
DD

Hi Soc,

I'm hearing word that biomom has to leave her current apartment.

As long as I've known her, she's avoided working more than a few hours per week by befriending people who "loan" her money and then who disappear within a year.  She's claimed her net is $400/month, but she got imputed at $3750/month in 2005.

Her latest buddy is a parent of one of child's classmates.  This mother has joined biomom at court hearings.  She started the year friendly with me in passing-by, now glares at me and doesn't return greetings.  The other parent is married with two kids.  Physician husband is seemingly never around, and they live in a large house on the beach in west Los Angeles.

Biomom has increasingly enmeshed herself and child with this family.  They're currently on vacation together.

I've learned that biomom will likely be moving into their poolhouse.  I don't know any details about it.

1.  A one or two bedroom beachfront poolhouse in Santa Monica is rented at a hefty monthly rate (e.g., $3000+).  If she lives rent-free or well below market value, is this income that is attributed to her net for purposes of CS calculations in the future?

2.  Is this a weird arrangement, or is it just me?  Meaning, would court care to see child have more time in a traditional family setting (i.e., my home)?  Or does it only matter if it has measurable negative impact on child?

Thanks,
DD

Soc,

Recall that the judge added boilerplate language onto the orders I submitted.

In it, he wrote that we'll continue to have joint legal and that biomom will "continue" to have primary physical custody (though prior judge specifically ruled that we're to have joint custody to ensure neither parent feels entitled to exclude the other).

Anyway, in his boilerplate language, he also noted that we're to jointly make decisions on education.

In May 2005, prior judge ordered that biomom is to have final say on education decisions, and she also pays 100% of private school tuition.

OC's paralegal called me recently (recall she's the one who's been unethically telling me about privileged communication).

She can't find a conformed copy of the previous orders on education, not sure if they were ever entered.  She wanted to know if I'd agree to correct the new orders to reflect past decision.

I said that such would be fair, and let's also correct these orders to accurately reflect the prior ruling that we have joint/joint with neither parent labeled as primary.  She said that was reasonable, but she wasn't sure if biomom would agree.

She also said that they're going to be withdrawing, it's gotten to be too much of a headache dealing with biomom (who paralegal says is blaming them for the recent loss).

To my knowledge, there is no current conflict about education; though I have no idea if biomom is planning on changing schools.

1.  Am I obligated to agree to what she wants to correct (i.e., it's a valid correction, though the error benefits me) if biomom won't agree to revert to custody definition that was specifically ruled in our judgment?

2.  This is #7 attorney for biomom.  If OC withdraws, it'll be the third one who withdraws.  At some point, does this benefit me in a judge's eyes as indicating who the problem is?

3.  If/when OC files motion to withdraw, do I need to respond or appear?  If relevant, there's nothing currently on calendar in our case.

Thanks,
DD

Soc,

The court returned my proposed orders, with a horizontal line through the signature location on page three.

Attached are two additional pages (numbered 4 & 5), which looks like the court's own version of orders, and they're stamped with the judge's signature.

Page 1 of the packet is stamped, "Conformed copy..."

So, it's not like it was sent back separately.  It's confusing to me.


Problems with the additional pages (which conflict with the first three pages)...

A) It says, "Parties shall continue to share joint legal custody of the minor child.  Petitioner shall continue to have primary physical custody."

Our final judgment makes no assignment of primary custody.  The final judgment clearly states joint physical and legal custody, ruled on after Petitioner requested to be assigned primary and the judge specifically denied it at time of trial.

There was zero discussion of changing custody in recent hearings, and Petitioner's most recent OSC was not to modify custody at all (only visitation).  The written orders use the word "CONTINUE to have primary", indicating an error of the court to assume she ever did have it.


B) It says, "Respondent is to attend and ensure the minor child attends any extra-curricular activities..."

It doesn't require Petitioner to support any extra-curricular activities that I may arrange, and Petitioner was NEVER given any exclusive authority to arrange activities.  In the past, Petitioner has tried to control child's time in my care by scheduling up activities.

Moreover, our final judgment states, "Neither party shall schedule activities for the child during the other parent's time unless the other parent agrees."

C) It makes no mention of the extra summer vacation the court ordered me to have.

D) It states that we are to split the cost of child's counseling.  It makes no mention of continuing the counseling twice a month, as ordered at the hearing.

E) It makes no mention of the order that child must sleep in her own bed.

---------------------

Of note, OC's draft of orders filed (at time of untimely objections) was nearly identical to mine in substance above except point B above.

So the court filed its own orders after hearing that differ substantially from the two drafts that the parties themselves proposed.



1.  What do I do at this point?

2.  Do pages 1 to 3 (my draft) have any enforceability?  If not, why are they stapled to pages 4-5 (court's draft) with stamp on page 5?

Hi,

OC filed pleadings entitled "objections" to my orders after hearing:

A) Objection that I omitted "each parent must take child to extracurricular activities during his/her custodial time, and that biomom will provide dad a list of said activities."  (note that we have joint/joint, with no party as primary or ever ordered to exclusively select activities).

B) Not an objection, but a proposal that biomom wants to add a restriction that the court-ordered twice monthly therapy for child shall not exceed $45 cost per parent per month "due to the escalating costs of this case."


POINT A
Judge did mention that each parent can take the kid to activities (because OC was trying to fight the "after school" pickup, and she used activities as a reason.  Judge said some retort like, "Dad can take the kid during his time, Mom can take the kid on her time.  What's the problem here?"  I responded that I needed to know the activities, as biomom doesn't share such info.  OC said she'd get me a list.  No order made.

I've asked OC and biomom four times (in writing) in past month for a list of activities.  Never a reply on that.

Our final judgment (2004) says, "Neither parent shall schedule activities for child during the other parent's custodial time, unless the other parent first agrees."

The language that OC wants will get biomom back to the game of scheduling activities during my time, with no regard for my plans.

In past month, biomom sent emails, indicating her desire for child to attend camp during my vacation time with child, plus other "various activities" (no details) during my weekday afternoons.

Finally on Point A, there was nothing in the moving OSC about a problem with child's attendance at activities.

POINT B
The court ordered twice monthly counseling.  Final judgment states we split all unreimbursed expenses.  At this hearing, OC moved to allocate costs per income of parties.  Judge specifically referenced the judgment that we share costs.  Moreover, the proposed language doesn't state what happens to the balance owed beyond $45/parent/month.

Also on Point B, biomom has been the moving party (with $350/hour representation) on our last four hearings.  She works one day per week.  She claimed the child was suicidal (and now wants only to spend $45/month on therapy).  She repeatedly files actions that she loses, so her "escalating costs" are her own decision.

1.  What do I file back?...  "Objections to Petitioner's Objections?"

2.  If I'm to address those two points, how much of the above info do I include?

3.  I see per Rule 391 that they're way past deadline objections.  I served by mail June 14.  They served by mail July 7.  Is this referenced in pleadings or just correspondence to the court?

Thanks,
DD

Hi Soc,

I went ahead and sent my version of orders into the court to be entered.  I sent it 12 days after serving OC and minor's counsel by mail (I included proof of service by mail forms in the package to the court).  No objections, nor signature, by either.

Recall that via phone conversation, OC's office and I were in agreement on the orders, but biomom was refusing to approve.

Biomom is repeatedly stating she doesn't agree with me on the orders (i.e., she is stating intent not to follow the exchange schedule).  It's not clear if she's claiming the judge ordered something different, or if she is going to willfully ignore the orders.

Her attorney should find out today (via cc mail) that I wrote to the judge to get these orders entered.

From experience, it'll be 4 to 6 weeks before I get a signed copy back from the court.

I've already advised her attorney that if biomom follows through with her threat to ignore the new schedule, we'll be back in court for contempt and/or custody modification.  In the same letter, I ask her attorney to find a way to encourage biomom to just follow orders.

1.  When do orders get enforceable?  When the court states them, when the period for objections ends, or when the court signs them?

2.  Do I just wait patiently to get the signed orders, then serve her personally in order to set up a contempt?  Or is there some other relief?

Thanks,
DD

Hi Soc,

Refresher, the course of the past few proceedings was:

A. Ex Parte by mom to terminate overnights in my home.  No finding of irreparable harm, and OSC was continued 2 weeks to let me respond.

B.  OSC started to go my way.  Ten minutes into the hearing, OC abruptly introduced "suicidal kindergartener" concept, which exploded everything.  GAL was appointed.  Therapy was ordered for child.  Overnights in my home were terminated until review hearing 30 days later.

C.  Review hearing.  Judge restored everything I had lost a month prior, gave me a little more, and stated, "Expanding time in dad's home is part of the solution here."

At the OSC (#B above), on my responsive declaration form, I had checked the option "Does not agree to request but agrees to:" and filled in what I wanted (i.e., 50/50 schedule, per 730 recommendation to begin in 2006).

I filed my supplemental declaration for #C above, but I hadn't requested any new relief for that hearing.

In going back over our most recent hearing (#C above), I note the judge specifically asked, "Is dad asking for any affirmative relief here?"

OC said no.  I tried to point judge to my responsive declaration from #B above, where I had checked that box.  Judge didn't seem to hear me, was mostly listening to OC and GAL.

1.  What is "affirmative relief"?  Is it not the same to check "Does not agree but instead agrees to" versus filing my own OSC to occur on the same day?

2.  With another judge, I experienced that requesting a modification of issue XYZ seemed to open the door for the judge to exercise discretion to resolve/modify issue XYZ in a way neither parent requested.  I had been assuming that if the moving party requests to modify XYZ, responding party can RESPOND with a request to modify it in another way (if responding party doesn't like status quo); mainly because of the insinuation to say "I want something different" on the responsive dec form.  Incorrect assumption?

3.  Why would the judge specifically ask that, anyway?

Thanks for the clarification.

DD

Soc,

Recall that previously, OC's paralegal "confided" some stuff in me; noting her job security is at risk if I breached the confidence.

I had another similar call today from her.  Again got the disclaimer.  I just said I won't risk losing a connection to someone reasonable in OC's office who may be able to help resolve things more easily.

So then, she began expressing exasperation with biomom-- that biomom seems to already be trying to figure out how to go back to court again, that biomom was devastated by last week's outcome and is further incensed, biomom is trying to schedule activities to interfere with my vacation time (to make me look bad when I don't take daughter to the activities), biomom wouldn't listen to legal advice to abandon the prior action (paralegal claimed that they advised biomom she may lose custodial time), biomom is intent on interfering with my religious pursuit with daughter, biomom may manufacture bigger accusations, etc.  She said her office may soon be fired, from the sounds of things.

She said that biomom is refusing to sign-off on the proposed orders, so she hasn't been able to send them out.

We went point-by-point on what we heard ordered; we're on the same page with pretty much everything.

She emphasized her goal to make tight orders this round, to both try to reduce conflict and give cleaner contempt positioning.  She commented that I was "right" last year when I pursued contempt, but wanted to make sure I knew that I lost because the orders weren't tight (intro to contempt).

She said she noted she received my draft today but hasn't had time to review.

She said that she won't draft incorrect orders, which is what biomom is demanding, so her office won't be able to get me a draft of the orders for approval.

She said that she'll end up writing up some objections to my orders (on behalf of biomom), and that I don't need to write back-- I should just file it all in 10 days from when I mailed it, including clarification to the judge as to why the objections are incorrect.

1.  She seems authentically trying to help me, but it's tough to imagine she's willing to risk her job.  Is her advice sound for how to proceed?

Hi Soc,

OC was instructed to draw up the orders.

It's now a week later with no sign of 'em.

In the past, you've suggested I take liberty to draw them up with cover letter noting the delay.  That's worked fine in the past, both times I did it (i.e., they got filed and signed after I didn't get any objections back).

I forget... is it 5 days or 10 days that orders after hearing are supposed to be drafted and submitted to me for approval as to form?

And, does it make a difference that there's now a GAL?  I'd just cc him on a draft of the orders, and he'd have same opportunity to object?

Thanks.

Hi Soc,

Our hearing went almost an hour today, as judge really wanted to get into it.

GAL wasn't as favorable to me as he indicated.  He essentially said both parents are great, they just need help getting along.  He emphasized that child is not suicidal nor depressed, per psych's report.  He suggested easing back into overnights in my home.  GAL said that dad could list off plenty of good things about biomom, but biomom couldn't come up with anything good about dad.

OC was still on the warpath with overnights, my parenting, and all my supposed problems.

I didn't get much of a word in edgewise for the first half hour, as judge, GAL, and OC debated.  Judge kept telling me to hold off.

Judge lectured biomom and me to quit fighting, though all evidence shows that it has been HER doing it for the past year.

Judge felt that OC and GAL's desire to slowly re-introduce overnights are essentially penalizing Dad, who it turns out has done nothing wrong over the past couple months.

Judge said that monsters in closet is a parenting issue, not a matter for litigation.  He said that most kids have monsters in closets at one time or another.

Judge agreed with GAL and psych (as reported by GAL) that a huge part of the problem is that child still sleeps with biomom.

I asked judge if we could go to a 50/50 today, per evaluator's recommendation for summer 2006, and given that everything seems okay.

Judge said that he feels expanding child's time in father's home is likely and ultimately best for her, but it's not going to happen today.

I said that I can't comprehend how a parent can come into court and declare that a 6 year old is about to kill herself, causing all this chaos for a month, and that nothing happens when it's found to be false.  Judge said that's why I'll get some make-up time, but never came down on biomom for it.

So, we got the following orders today:

A) Child must sleep in own bed in both homes.

B) Child continues with the new psychologist (GAL and I agreed, OC didn't want this person).

C) We immediately return to previous parenting plan in full.

D) Parents go to another "try to get along" parenting course, specifically the one GAL recommends.

E) Dad gets an additional week of summer vacation.

F) GAL stays on to help act as intermediary between parents, if needed.

G) Dad picks up at school during weekdays, rather than 5pm.



I guess I was setting some higher expectations, but I walked out feeling disappointed-- that no one seems to recognize that biomom is the one who caused this whole thing, and NOTHING happened to her.

1.  Your thoughts on it?  I always appreciate your objective perspective.

(deleted to protect confidentiality)

Soc,

Okay, my supplemental declaration was served today.

Child had third meeting with psych today.  While in the waiting room, I could hear child mimicking in a loud voice the brief debate biomom and I had when biomom ignored orders, "EVERY MONDAY, EVERY OTHER MONDAY, ETC"

Psych pulled me in at the end to say that child wanted psych to discuss things with biomom and I, but child didn't want to be present.  Psych said she'll arrange a conference call with us (which I imagine will be a fiasco because two prior co-parenting therapists couldn't keep biomom calm long enough to have any resolution-focused discussion).

I asked psych if she's had any contact with GAL.  She said no.  I asked if she wouldn't mind writing a summary and fax to all parties, given that June 6 is the review.  She said okay, but first wants the conference call with parents.

Child volunteered in car ride home that she told psych about the "fight" between her mom and I (i.e., neither one of us had raised voices, but we argued for 30 seconds).  I validated that it must have been upsetting to her (we had previously discussed it, and I never assigned blame).

Child said that psych told her that biomom was right.  Child asked me who I told.  All I could do was tell her that biomom and psych are wrong.  I told her the school now knows the right "rule" about Mondays, and they'll remind whichever parent makes a mistake, so she doesn't have to worry about it happening again.

I left psych a voicemail, saying what child claimed psych said, wanting to discuss; because if true, it debilitates child's ability to trust what I say.  And I want her suggestion on how to resolve child's confusion.

I sent her a fax a few minutes ago, showing letter from the school stating intent to enforce the orders (contradictory to mom), showing OC's own draft of these orders (contradictory to mom), and page from hearing transcript (contradictory to mom).

Psych left voicemail back, saying that while she validating child's feelings of despair about the arguing, she never told child that either parent was right.


1.  It's now Wednesday.  Hearing is on Tuesday.  GAL hasn't spoken to psych, hasn't talked with me.  I sent him a fax on Monday, advising that child's last psych appt is today (Wed) and that I'm still available to meet, per his initial thoughts.  Anything else I can do?

2.  How to fight a continuance on Tuesday, if it's raised?

Soc,

Biomom still debates that judge issued temp orders (pending outcome of 30 day review hearing) in my care "Every Monday, every Wednesday.  Dad picks up child from school, mom picks up child at 7pm at Dad's house."

This is straight out of the transcript, and it's what the proposed orders from OC stated.  Biomom argues that previous orders for "alternating Mondays" prevail (but she of course complies with the rest of the new temporary orders that benefit her).

Per my suggestion, OC decided to reimburse me the cost of the transcript so she could get the original from me and review it with biomom.

Biomom did a clean contempt on Monday, May 8 - showing up at school and removing child from class as I was entering (and telling me she disagrees with orders).  Transcript shows that she was present in the courtroom when orders were made.  She even spoke (in transcript) right before judge summarized these orders above.

Upon seeing how clean the orders are in the transcript, I also requested that we do make-up time this weekend from May 8 contempt.  Attorney's paralegal called me this week and said she's broaching it with biomom, but doesn't look promising.

There's no school on Memorial Day.  This hasn't ever been a "holiday" in our previous orders (i.e., it was just a regular Monday in the parenting schedule).  But new temporary orders state that I pick up child "from school."  There is nothing in the new orders qualifying what happens if school isn't in session.

9 days ago, I proposed to OC that I pick up child on May 29 (Memorial Day) from biomom's home at time of normal school dismissal.  Judge said, "EVERY MONDAY, EVERY WEDNESDAY" (straight from transcript).  Judge also said "DAD PICKS UP FROM SCHOOL.  MOM PICKS UP AT 7PM".

I didn't hear back from OC on that.  I emailed biomom a very nice email to clarify the Monday exchange... whether she'll bring child to the closed school at time of exchange or whether I should pick up at her home... and if school dismissal time is what she perceives as correct.  She didn't respond.

She hasn't answered her phone all week, typical when she's mad at me, to prohibit me from reaching child by phone.

She typically claims ignorance after-the-fact to avoid responding; claiming her phone was mistakenly disconnected and she couldn't check voicemail or that her computer was down (and she couldn't check email).

Today, I recorded myself leaving a time/dated message on her home voicemail, telling her to check her email else call me to explain what's in the email about make-up time and the May 29 exchange.

Still recording, I then called her cell phone from a phone number she wouldn't recognized on caller ID.  She picked up (i.e., 1 minute after home phone wasn't answered) and immediately handed phone to daughter, cut me off telling her to check email.  Daughter said she was watching cartoons (i.e., at home, showing biomom intentionally didn't answer the home phone).

After three attempts of asking daughter to hand phone back to mama for a sec (i.e., she'd immediately cut me off and then hand phone back to child), she was recorded saying, "no make-up time this weekend" and she refused to talk at all about Monday.  She said she'll respond by email.

FURTHER, phone contact has been an on-off issue.  In past 2 months, I've gotten through on 20 days, and I've not gotten through on 18 days (but I left messages, never returned).

Since Nov 2005, I've gotten through on 66 days, and couldn't get through on 42 days (some months were very bad, some not bad).  I've got it all well-documented via audio recording of messages left, plus I send myself an email after each failed attempt with no returned call (i.e., each one is date-stamped and includes note of actual time voicemail was left, for my reference).

Finally, recall I advised OC on May 9 (and cc'd GAL) that I'd file for contempt if we have any further trouble over the Mondays.

GAL still hasn't made contact with me.  June 6 is hearing date.

If biomom refuses May 29, child will go a week without being in my home.

1.  How would you interpret the court's orders for May 29?  If OC and biomom both refuse to respond/discuss, how can one resolve any confusion?  Note, GAL has been cc'd on my correspondence to OC asking to come to resolution to avoid the conflict about the orders... and this whole situation is indicative of how it's been for 5 years trying to come to resolution with biomom (i.e., she interprets what she wants and refuses to discuss it, so at times I'm left guessing where/when an exchange is).

2.  Presuming biomom is going to refuse May 29 exchange; would you advise I should file for contempt on May 30 (i.e., May 29 isn't a clean contempt, but May 8 is) to get it on calendar?  Our review hearing is June 6.

3.  If filing for contempt is advisable, should I toss in the phone contact problems again (and how far back?)?  Prior judge felt that "No restrictions on phone access" was too vague for contempt and dismissed it, telling me we needed to clean up the orders.  My subsequent OSC to clarify orders was denied by same judge.  We now have a new judge.

4.  Else, how best to use this situation to my advantage?  

Soc,

Quick question on most reasonable way to convey this:

I picked up child 9am on Sunday.

Child typically prides herself on being an early riser.

Yesterday, child described (within a couple minutes of picking her up) that when she woke up that morning, mama had already left the bed.  They sleep together, btw.

She described that she usually sleeps on mama's hip, but when she woke up, there was only a pillow there.  And so whenever mama gets up first (i.e., as yesterday) child said she gets "really scared" and starts screaming for mama.

After listening, I commented that I've never noticed that about her when she sleeps in our home (i.e., as she'd done for 4 years until 2 weeks ago).  Child has own bedroom/bed in my home.

Child said, "Well, in your home when I wake up first, and I know that you and (Stepmom) are right in your room, so I just start playing (in her room) and I'm not scared."

I don't want to come across as whining/reporting every little thing to the psychologist and/or GAL.

This seems to me to be A) a direct contradiction to biomom's claim (i.e., as to child's comfort sleeping in each home); and B) a statement of where child is more securely and safely attached.

1.  Would you advise that this conversation (not recorded) is worth mentioning to psych and/or GAL?

Hi Soc,

We have a 30 day review hearing in two weeks.

I've sent GAL copies of recent pleadings, orders and other stuff.

I had one phone conversation with him two weeks ago, when he said he'd want to interview the parents, child with each parent, and child alone.  He asked me to send him stuff (which I did within a couple days) and that he'd call me.

Child has started with a psychologist that GAL recommended to me.  Psychologist met individually with each parent and once with child so far, and she has already insinuated to me that she doesn't believe child is in crisis.  Beautifully, when psychologist asked child about previous therapy (with an inexperienced, biased LMFT who our 730 evaluator dismissed as lacking credibility), child told psychologist that when she met with the therapist, she mostly just sat there while mama did the talking.  I was only in the room for the first couple minutes, and psychologist was able to pull out some other good stuff too (i.e., child's answers suggested feeling lack of freedom to express self around mama; which is what our 730 evaluator hypothesized about the then four-year-old).

Psychologist said that she had left a message for GAL but hadn't yet heard back.

GAL has been cc'd on correspondence re biomom's delay in agreeing to a psychologist, re biomom's refusal to follow latest orders on exchanges, and re biomom's false claim via email that her attorney told her to follow her own parenting plan version (i.e., her attorney's office left me a voicemail message emphasizing that they told her no such thing).  Hearing transcript just arrived, and of course biomom is wrong.

GAL has written no correspondence and hasn't called me.  I left a message for him this morning, asking when it'd be convenient for him to meet, per what he originally outlined.

1.  Am I overreacting about seeing 2 weeks go by with no seeming action by GAL to start investigating?

2.  If not, how can I get this "show on the road" to make sure we don't have a continuance in two weeks?

Thanks,
DD