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I feel we have finally conquered the system...well, for now anyway. DS is only 4. This could change at any time and we honestly expect it to.

In the beginning we wanted 50/50 visitation and no child support and dad to carry insurance. We were fought at every corner, even the insurance because she knew she would have to pay co-pays and split anything not covered. Child is also on state insurance and that won't end.

We just filed a modification of child support because after our last hearing the support went up and then a week later the state made him add the insurance., which was a big chunk of change. Also, a week after the last mod the BM went from a min wage part time job to a factory job of 60 hours a week. She did that on purpose.

So we went to modification. Now we have what we asked for in the beginning....50/50 visitation and no child support and dad has insurance. We even got a small check back from the state on overpayment.

Just wanted to share our good news. Sometimes the good guy really does win. 

Been a while since I've posted. Thought I would update a bit and get ideas. We got all the visitation worked out and child support figured. Things were good. Dad's work got papers that he was going to have to get insurance on DS. I saw this coming, but dad didn't think he would. Anyway, he called BM to tell her she better get ready to start paying co-pays now and that her child support would be going down because they would take the amount he pays insurance and adjust the support. Well, Bm is panicking now. See, while we were waiting for child support to get figured, she worked at a part time job making minimum wage. Judge signed papers and within 3 days she got her old job back and is working 60 hours a week. She offered to pay him half the insurance if he would leave it alone.

Now...my question....what will happen if we ask to modify the child support now that he is paying insurance? Will they take everyone's income into consideration again, or just adjust due to the insurance amount? Can we suggest it if they don't? How does this work? We just got the new assignment in November. Do we need to go through attorney's for this or can child support office just do it?

I would laugh my butt off if her income came back in to play and they took his support down even lower than it was originally. She is playing the system so badly but there is no proof. We can't PROVE that she quit her job and took a part time JUST to get higher support but in our hearts, we KNOW she did. Ya know?

Wow. I was hoping this was going to be over but it isn't. Guess what looks simple, usually isn't huh? Anyway, dad and BM both signed a paper agreeing on modifying visitation and  child support. Dad faxed it to his attorney in front of BM. Our attorney sends us the same letter she sent the BM's attorney. All of a sudden her attorney doesn't want her to sign the "formal" papers because she thinks the child support is too low. Our attorney figured the child support by using both wages and the state calculator. How could it be too low? Geesh. We were under the impression that if dad and BM both signed a paper that our attorney could just admit the papers to the judge and be done with it. So dad just told BM that we may as well go on through court then because he doesn't know what else to do.
Anyone know anything about this?

A friend of mine lives in Ohio. She has been split from her live in boyfriend for 3 years now. Never married, his name is on the birth certificates. He gets them occasionally and gives money occasionally, depending on his mood (you all know how that is). He is threatening her life, has written numerous letters about what he is going to do to her. There was physical violence in the relationship but nothing documented. He repeatedly raped her and beat her. She finally got the courage to leave. She is afraid for her life. In the last 3 years he hasn't been around much and has been fairly calm, although still threatening her. Suddenly he is telling her he is going to "beat her head in to the ground" and other horrible things. She has restraining orders against him and has been to court several times but it seems to be a joke. She can't get any protection. The police were at her house this past weekend and told her to have weapons and use them if necessary, but not to shoot him in the back or it would be murder. @@ A small single woman out in the boonies with two small children (about 8 and 6 I think). The police should protect her, but it seems they aren't. Could she just up and move with them? There is nothing anywhere about visitation or anything. She never filed anything. It's not so much that she wants to keep the boys from him, she lets them go because she trusts he won't hurt them. It's her he wants dead. Now he is talking about doing whatever he can to make her proven unfit so she never sees them again. I know a lot of this is standard bullshit that the other parent pulls alot but she is beginning to make notes for the police. She has sent messages to certain friends telling them where to look if she comes up missing, where he could hide the body. I am seriously afraid for her life and would like to get some info for her. Please advise if you can. She has no job and no way to get an attorney.

Been a while since I posted. Not a lot really happening. But I read often. Anyway, thought I would update. SS will be 3 in October. We started this journey when he was 3 months old. At that time we thought that BM would agree to what we typed up since she actually told us she would. After she read it, she backed out. So began our court battles.

So, in the end, we are now getting split custody which is what we wanted in the beginning. The only thing we aren't getting is claiming him every other year on taxes. She refused to budge on any of the money issues. So dad sucked it up and just let her have it. It wasn't about the money. He just gets ticked off that he has him the same exact amount of time, provides everything for him when he's here, pays child support, keeps insurance, yet SHE gets the financial benefit. Oh well.  We are kind of ticked that it cost us all this money to get what could have cost us 500.00 in the beginning. Would have been so much easier. Plus we get to hear her tell people that we are the "bad guys" and how we refuse to play nice. We have bent over backwards to try to keep this out of court and get it done with. We just want to move forward with our lives.
So, we are finally able to get things in order and move forward. I truly expect this to be the end of the court battles, unless she keeps dragging us through child support modifications. That's easy. Plug in the numbers and pay up. Not a problem. BUT I also know that we have a long road ahead of us. School will be a big one. We are going to have to be in the same room as her at times and it gets awkward. We can do it though. She's just so two faced. She wants to be all friendly and cut up and laugh but we can't forget the past 3 years and how she has treated us and talked about us. We are friendly at pick up and drop off but that's it. We'll never be hanging out with her. It's all good until she breaks up with her boyfriend of has a bad day, then we become the bad guys again, even though we have little/no contact with her. Only contact is when it is initiated by her and he only responds if it is about the baby.

So there is hope out there people. We are glad our journey seems to be in a stable place. Good luck everyone.

Is there somewhere I can go find what "standard" visitation is in TN? I am curious mostly about what is standard for summer visitations and such. One week? Two? Just trying to find some things to throw in the attorney's face tomorrow.

Well, court was rescheduled again. We don't have a date yet though. Something fishy is going on. Our attorney set the court date for today for modification of visitation. She sent a copy to us, the court clerk, and the judge. We hadn't heard a thing from the other attorney until she came to our work Tuesday for the pay stubs. So today we all get to court and find out that what is set for today is for the child support and does not even mention the visitation. So our attorney's tell the judge what happened and he says to reschedule because he doesn't want to hear it twice. I seriously think her attorney went to the clerk and had them change the papers to reflect the child support. We sure didn't get a notice to be in court from her, nor did our attorney. Her attorney is buddy buddy with all the court house officials.
Anyway, we are to be rescheduled and we are pissed and uncomfortable with what we heard today. Our attorney told the judge we were asking for two more nights and he asked if the mother was agreeing. The attorney said no and he said that what was court ordered was a bare minimum and that she could give him extra but the dad needed to "Ante up". So pretty much he is saying she has the power to give us extra time but the dad needs to just pay her money and accept it.

We also know that even with 50/50 we will still be paying the same amount of child support PLUS insurance. SHE gets to claim him every year on taxes. So what the heck is the incentive for the mother to get a good job when she knows he will have to support her for 16 more years, or longer? This is what our attorney is telling us. It's like she doesn't even want to fight for what we want, she is just laying down and taking it like a dog being kicked. A dog would put up more of a fight. IT is like we are being punished for making more money, for wanting more time with DS. She is being rewarded for being a witch. It makes me so sick.

We are just so frustrated with the unfairness of the situation. I am really wanting to start writing some legislators or someone. Does anyone have any names or advice? I may be one person but if I can make any effort it will be worthwhile. I want to get active in the fight for equal rights for fathers but I have no idea where to start.

Our attorney told us that it is TN state law that if you make more than the cp and pay child support that the cp gets to claim every year on taxes? Does anyone know if this is really true or if it is okay for the judge to order it split? We are asking for the every other year tax claim. If we get split 50/50 then why shouldn't he be able to claim too?
I tell ya, it seems like in the system, the less you make, the better off you are. If this is true, no wonder mom's stay on welfare and get minimum wage jobs.

We go to court Thursday. Haven't heard a peep from BM or anything, which has been great. Usually it's a screaming and crying fest. A few months ago her attorney asked our for proof of income on DH for the cs modification. She sent it. He is on salary, so his income doesn't change. Well, today the attorney came in to the front office at work and had a letter from the county clerk signed, asking for more proof of income. DH told her that she got it a few months ago and she had the balls to tell him in front of the front office staff and his father (Family owned business) that she thought he was "Low balling" her. Wow. DH was beyond upset and told her that when she saw the paperwork she owed him an apology. Well, he didn't get one. The papers showed exactly what the last one did. Same income.

Now we feel like they have something up their sleeve for court. There is nothing they can use or say that isn't going to be a lie but still, now we have that uneasiness.

Hurry up Thursday.

i have a question. We live in TN. Mom isn't working and when she does it's minimum wage jobs, which makes SS eligible for Tenncare insurance indefinitely. DH is debating on asking the judge to order him put on his work insurance when we go back to court. IF he gets put on his insurance can she still get Tenncare and use it before she uses the paid insurance?

I am just wondering what the point of him paying an extra 50.00 a week for it if she can just use the state insurance first. If she can, she would never need the paid insurance, which means DH is wasting money. Mom is adamant that dad not put him on his insurance because she knows it means she pays all co pays and they split evenly anything not covered.

Anyone know anything about this?

Also, I was wondering how far fetched it would be to ask that if either parent is unemployed and can't file income tax that the working parent gets to claim the child regardless of who's year it is. (We are going to be asking for every other year when we go back). She hasn't worked most of this year and I am not sure if she intends to or not. However, if she loses the cs I can't imagine how she can't work.

We go back to court in a couple of weeks and we are hopeful....