Sick and tired of being sick and tired

[fight4him]

Well, court was rescheduled again. We don't have a date yet though. Something fishy is going on. Our attorney set the court date for today for modification of visitation. She sent a copy to us, the court clerk, and the judge. We hadn't heard a thing from the other attorney until she came to our work Tuesday for the pay stubs. So today we all get to court and find out that what is set for today is for the child support and does not even mention the visitation. So our attorney's tell the judge what happened and he says to reschedule because he doesn't want to hear it twice. I seriously think her attorney went to the clerk and had them change the papers to reflect the child support. We sure didn't get a notice to be in court from her, nor did our attorney. Her attorney is buddy buddy with all the court house officials.
Anyway, we are to be rescheduled and we are pissed and uncomfortable with what we heard today. Our attorney told the judge we were asking for two more nights and he asked if the mother was agreeing. The attorney said no and he said that what was court ordered was a bare minimum and that she could give him extra but the dad needed to "Ante up". So pretty much he is saying she has the power to give us extra time but the dad needs to just pay her money and accept it.

We also know that even with 50/50 we will still be paying the same amount of child support PLUS insurance. SHE gets to claim him every year on taxes. So what the heck is the incentive for the mother to get a good job when she knows he will have to support her for 16 more years, or longer? This is what our attorney is telling us. It's like she doesn't even want to fight for what we want, she is just laying down and taking it like a dog being kicked. A dog would put up more of a fight. IT is like we are being punished for making more money, for wanting more time with DS. She is being rewarded for being a witch. It makes me so sick.

We are just so frustrated with the unfairness of the situation. I am really wanting to start writing some legislators or someone. Does anyone have any names or advice? I may be one person but if I can make any effort it will be worthwhile. I want to get active in the fight for equal rights for fathers but I have no idea where to start.

[fight4him]

I tell ya guys, sometimes we all need words of encouragement or just a short note saying someone understands. Is the board really this quiet and slow or does no one have a response? I'm being petty, I know but I was hoping for something more than nothing.

[tigger]

I not sure which it is but I got no response to a family crisis I posted about yesterday as well.

I didn't respond to yours because the last paragraph said something about wanting to write legislators and asking for information regarding that.  I have no information. 

I will tell you to hang in there (though I'm sure you're tired of being told that).  Hopefully the judge will see through the crap and grant more time.

[ocean]

I really do not like your lawyer. He can go in there and fight tooth and nail for the tax credit every other year if you are up to date with your child support.

What is going on with the child support? Are you behind? Is she asking for more? When the judge said that your lawyer should of said "my client is up to date and paying according to state guidelines while the other party is harassing him at work"

I get THIS judge may not give certain things but he can fight it out...sounds like he is telling you to settle...

[fight4him]

I really do not like your lawyer. He can go in there and fight tooth and nail for the tax credit every other year if you are up to date with your child support.

What is going on with the child support? Are you behind? Is she asking for more? When the judge said that your lawyer should of said "my client is up to date and paying according to state guidelines while the other party is harassing him at work"

I get THIS judge may not give certain things but he can fight it out...sounds like he is telling you to settle...

Our attorney is a woman and I do agree that she is telling us to settle. It just seems like she is laying down and giving up this go around. We are going Monday to sign some papers. We aren't sure what they are, we have never had to go sign papers ever since we've done this. I am seriously thinking of telling her that I feel she is not fighting.

Thanks for replying.

[MixedBag]

been out of town.

let us know what happens today, k?

[fight4him]

Left work in time to get to the attorney's office. Thought maybe we should call first, even though they don't close at five and we had plenty of time. No answer. Go figure. We turned around and went home. Tomorrow morning we will call and make an appointment I guess.

I get more disgusted as each day goes on. How do you keep the frustration from taking control?

[grammy2]

If you search "fathers rights" you will get a long list of websites that focus on fathers rights...many are looking for others to join their cause.

[grammy2]

Well, court was rescheduled again. We don't have a date yet though. Something fishy is going on. Our attorney set the court date for today for modification of visitation. She sent a copy to us, the court clerk, and the judge. We hadn't heard a thing from the other attorney until she came to our work Tuesday for the pay stubs. So today we all get to court and find out that what is set for today is for the child support and does not even mention the visitation. So our attorney's tell the judge what happened and he says to reschedule because he doesn't want to hear it twice. I seriously think her attorney went to the clerk and had them change the papers to reflect the child support. We sure didn't get a notice to be in court from her, nor did our attorney. Her attorney is buddy buddy with all the court house officials.
Anyway, we are to be rescheduled and we are pissed and uncomfortable with what we heard today. Our attorney told the judge we were asking for two more nights and he asked if the mother was agreeing. The attorney said no and he said that what was court ordered was a bare minimum and that she could give him extra but the dad needed to "Ante up". So pretty much he is saying she has the power to give us extra time but the dad needs to just pay her money and accept it.

We also know that even with 50/50 we will still be paying the same amount of child support PLUS insurance. SHE gets to claim him every year on taxes. So what the heck is the incentive for the mother to get a good job when she knows he will have to support her for 16 more years, or longer? This is what our attorney is telling us. It's like she doesn't even want to fight for what we want, she is just laying down and taking it like a dog being kicked. A dog would put up more of a fight. IT is like we are being punished for making more money, for wanting more time with DS. She is being rewarded for being a witch. It makes me so sick.

We are just so frustrated with the unfairness of the situation. I am really wanting to start writing some legislators or someone. Does anyone have any names or advice? I may be one person but if I can make any effort it will be worthwhile. I want to get active in the fight for equal rights for fathers but I have no idea where to start.

You have an attorney that does what most attorney's do, they take the route with the least conflict.  Your only choice is to get another attorney or accept the fact that you will most likely not get the outcome you are looking for.

As for support, 50/50 is supposed to change the amount you pay for support, although it WILL NOT eliminate it...gotta accept that.  The insurance is also something you won't be able to get out of.  The support system, in my view, is so unfair and as you said, it does nothing to motivate the other parent to go to work to help support the child...but again, that is reality and we have to deal with that too.  Gotta put that resentment about support out of your head and don't use it in court either, the judge will think that is your motivation.  You, or your attorney, should be able to request to have the tax exemptions as part of your support order, however, when your court system is inflexible you will most likely not be awarded the tax benefit either. 

If you want to talk to a legislature, start with your state representative...usually somewhere within your county or one of the surrounding counties to you. Calling your local court house will usually get you to someone who can tell you who and where that representative is...

And most of all, this is the cost of having a child with someone who turns out to be the wrong one...you have to get used to it, because this conflict will not end until the child is out of high school or turns 18, whichever comes last.  Get yourself ready...find ways to vent your anger away from the court room and any party to the case...it all comes back to bite you if you don't.  I don't recall you mentioning how old your child is, but sometimes things change and she may loosen the rope around your neck, and then you can try to get change, but don't count on anything until she so chooses.  Unfortunately you either have to kill her with kindness, or deal with it!  That is your reality...sorry if this disappoints you...but there are thousands of men in your shoes. 

Just don't give up on the child, it's not the childs fault!  Reality does go full circle and one day he/she will see all sides and your reward will come when he/she recognizes you were there in every way possible and against all the odds...

[lovemybabies]

Hate to tell you but I know from experience the legislators and other government entities don't care. They put your letter aside. We need to come together and demand reform and justice.