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Jessica, I was a custodial stepmom too, skids lived with me 365/24/7.  If you keep trying to be the disciplinarian things will continue to go downhill.  You will get more and more miserable and your SS will get more and more agressive on his rebellion.  You can't do it.  You aren't the parent.  Unless your DH is the disciplinarian and backs you up 100% this is going to spiral out of control more and more as time goes on.  He isn't your child.  You didn't give birth to him.  You were not responsible for how he was raised for a long time.  You can't just become mom.

The problem I am seeing is that you are the one trying to enforce the rules.  The rules need to be enforced by dad, not by stepmom.  I have been doing the stepmom thing a long time and stepmoms need to take a back seat to the disciplining, chores, take away privilieges, etc.  Dad needs to be responsible for doing this.

This will not get better.  If you keep engaging and pushing he will engage and push back. 

My son was an independant car hauler who worked for a company who's contract was with GM.  That should tell you how much his paychecks were, they were all negative for over two months.  He wasn't able to pay his CS.  Thankfully, his ex didnt hound him but I honestly believe she did do some research that if she went to DHS, all he would have to do is produce all his negative paychecks and she would probably have to pay him CS!

My suggestion is to contact a lawyer and get a free consult, most attornies offer a free consult.

Mom of two had some excellent advice and points.  Thank you!

The biggest thing with any custody situation is DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT.  Get a journal and write down every single thing that happens with your ex, make sure to include date time and any kind of documentable information.  Try to get the situation out of a he said/she said scenario and have documentation regarding her behavior. 

None of us are here to paint a bleak picture, we are here just to share our stories, knowledge and thoughts.  Waylon is an advocate of fathers rights, as well as I am.  You are doing the right thing by gaining as much knowledge about child custody laws as you can.

Good luck and have a great new year!

You should contact an attorney in the jurisdiction where the court order is written and ask.  IMHO unless there is docoumented abuse or neglect then a 13yo doesn't get to decide where they want to live.  My SS was 16 when he was of an age he could talk to the judge.

I understood correctly when you said you will be on the birth certificate.  However, if you are not married then you do not have equal rights to that child.  I am not saying I agree with this, I am just saying how I have seen it done (and no I am not an attorney).  If you take the baby and leave the state you will probably end up with a bad situation and you could be charged with kidnapping. 

Since you are not married to this woman, then you have basically zero rights as the father.  When parents are not married, the mother automatically gets sole custody of the child (unless there is a court order stating differently).  If you take the child and leave you will be guilty of kidnapping and could be arrested and charged accordingly.

You have zero rights.  About the best thing you can do is after the child is born is to hire a lawyer.  A paternity test will be ordered.  After paternity has been established you will need to file for probably joint custody.  It is highly unlikely you will be awarded sole custody.  Also a child support order will be entered for you to pay her.  If you plan on moving 800 miles away from the child you will have 18 long years of fighting to have your visitation rights enforced.  If you really want a relatinoship with this child you need to stay where you are.-

I have a set of twins that are 5. I lost custody of them two years ago to my ex, for not completely following my court order for visitation. (I didn't understand it all)
You did not follow the court order, my guess is that you were withholding visitation or making it difficult for your ex to see the kids. A judge will not reverse custody based upon one incident, there had to be a pattern of contempt of court for a judge to reverse custody.
In July the judge ordered that I have four, four hour weekend supervised visits, One overnight unsupervised visit up there, and then come to my home for two weeks. I am responsible for half of the supervisor fees
Why were you given supervised visitation?  It seems that there is something missing that you are not telling us.  Had a judge reversed custody you would have been given standard vistation not supervised.  Is there more to this story?  The best way for us to give you helpful advice is for you to tell us everything, not just bits and pieces.
They all live in another state, and my income isn't the best.
Since your income already isn't the best and based upon the ages of the kids, I would pack up and move to the same city that my kids live in, and do whatever I could money wise and take back control of seeing my kids.

I dont know what to do anymore. I haven't seen them in 9 months, and its causing me great depression. I was finally able to afford an attorney, but she keeps telling me that we just need to keep letting him screw up, and after enough times, we will take it back to court. How many is enough?!
In order to take this back to court, there has to be a documented history of him breaking the court order.  Your attorney is right.
Here's the worst part. He still lives with his mom, and she is the one that takes care of him and the children.
Since you have supervised visitation, I am assuming he has sole custody.  Him living with his mom has absolutely nothing to do with this.

He has made it clear via myspace and a letter to the judge when they were born that he didnt want them.
This was 5 years ago. 

His mom takes them to school, helps them, takes them to appointments, and all that stuff. She even buys everything they need and want.
Grandma is doting on her children.

I dont get why the judge doesnt see all this, everybody else does.
You haven't been to court, so the judge hasn't seen your evidence yet.
What are the terms of your custody order.  Do you have supervised visits forever or is there a phasing plan where after supervised you get them on a certain basis.  Are you paying child support?