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« on: Jan 02, 2013, 09:41:42 PM »
Looking for advice, and a friendly ear..I have posted several times in the past about my situation. Long story involving LOTS of Parental Alienation.
2 years ago DH got custody of his oldest of 2 boys, after the boy was struck by mom's live-in. He is now 16 1/2. It has been a very long two years. He came to us at almost 15 and still in the 8th grade. We were able to get him to pass the 8th grade, just barely. He has struggled in high school, falling far behind even with extra support from teachers, school counselor, a personal counselor we signed him up with shortly after he moved in, as well as our help and support. According to DH he has always posed a behavior problem in school and done poorly academically. He has also had on and off problems with drug and alcohol. He admitted to us he began smoking marijuana in 7th grade, and was caught with it in 8th grade before coming to live with us. He has been labeled as having ADD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Sensory Integration Issues, and other things. Mostly by his mother, as an excuse for his bad behavior and acting out. I don't believe a doctor has ever directly diagnosed him with any of these things. He has also been acting out sexually with different girls since he moved with us. Most recently, he was caught shoplifting, and let go after I went to pick him up.
Mom is seeking to regain custody, either for herself or for her mother. She filed a few months back after an incident in which my SS was harassing a girl over the phone and DH took his phone. SS charged at DH and DH broke the phone. SS ran away to moms house, and both BM and DH filed ex parte. Her for custody, and DH for his son to be returned. Judge ordered SS to return home until the hearing in Jan/Feb. BM called the boy at school and told him to run away, which he did. We reported him as a runaway and got him back 2 days later after he magically appeared at the grandmothers house. Police had to drag him kicking and screaming. After a few days, BM's brainwashing wore off and things went back to normal. However, SS has been playing all sides to get what he wants. He lies to us and to his mom about each other. BM, who is crazy in her own right is making up fantastic stories about us regarding child abuse, drug dealing and the like. Also my younger SS was acting out terribly towards us since this started, I'm assuming because the alienation is in full effect. At one point he wanted to go to a party and we had plans so he tried to run away (like his brother had done and got rewarded by mom). When DH stopped him from leaving, he called his mom who told him to call 911 and say he was being abused. My husband was handcuffed and put in the back of the police car before they figured out what was really going on. In the last few weeks things had settled down some with BM and she has been civil for the most part.
So, after the shoplifting incident 12/27, SS was very defiant and lied about everything. He called his mom and made up a story that was the opposite of what DH later told her. He basically downplayed it to where he did nothing wrong and we were all liars. DH, frustrated told mom to come get him for her time a few days early, and told him he couldn't live here if he was going to keep lying and doing bad things. He asked mom to back him up and punish him for stealing. Unfortunately, BM used this as another opportunity to get control. She did not punish him, but started telling him lies about how DH was going to send him away, and how he can have everything he wants if he lives with her. Now SS is refusing to come home unless he isn't in trouble anymore and we let him do what he wants. So, at this point we are very frustrated and just wondering what you guys would do in this situation?? Mediation is at the end of Jan. and court is 2/2 I believe. Should we force him home and fight for him to stay here? I feel like we are wasting our time because he just doesnt seem to care. I know he will not do better with mom or grandma. They are both very controlling women who treat him way younger than his years. They have always made excuses and never forced him to own up to his mistakes. That is a big part of the problem we have been dealing with. I am also worried what will happen when'if she has all the power again. Before he lived here we never saw them on DH's parenting time, she would just disappear. We got nowhere with police or the court about that. She has already started doing it again with the younger one, overscheduling activities during DH's time.
Sorry for such a long post/rant.. any thoughts?