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Hello and thank you in advance. I am a father in GA struggling with an NPD mother. As you are well aware, narcisstic personalities often do not reveal themselves until after the relationship develops problems. In this case, the mother was very happy to have me as a father, and it was very convenient to her for me to be so eager to care for our child after we split up. However, mother wants to be rid of me now, so she's refusing to allow me to see our child.

Although not married, we cohabited for years together, and, at the time of our child's birth, fully established our parental rights (legalizing me as the father) through our child's birthstate's administrative program. The acknowledge signed by both of us, according to state law, has "the effect of a judgment".

We now live in GA. Mother claims that withholding our child is solely at her discretion according to GA law, and that according to GA law our child is no longer legitimate and that I am not a legal father whatsoever. She claims the out-of-state documents (administrative judgment) are now worthless.

The basis for all of this is a GA law that states: "A child born out of wedlock is defined as the child of parents who are not married when the child is born." This definition determines not only the legal relationship between unwed fathers and their children in GA, but there's numerous laws thereafter saying the child can't inherit, mother's have sole custody, etc. So really, it's the basis for everything.

1 - Is an administrative judgment establishing the legal status of a father (yes, I understand that this is NOT the same thing as "custodial" status) really rendered worthless just by crossing state lines? What about full faith and credit?

2 - The signed papers consistent of written and witnessed acknowledgments of paternity, administrated by the Dept of Social Services, and, through statute, given the effect of a judgment.Would it be possible to domesticate a foreign administrative judgment?

3 - Regardless of the validity of the out-of-state papers, the GA law seems only to apply to births occuring in the state of GA, subsequently affecting only parental relationships between parents and their children who are born in the state of GA. The present-tense "ARE not married WHEN the child is born" suggests that the law is only meant to be applied in the present-tense at a very specifc time (when the child is born). Since no state, obviously, can pass a law which affects citizens OUTSIDE ITS JURIDICTION, then this law would not have been applicable at the time of our child's birth. And, due to the present-tense restraint, it does not appear to operate retroactively. (That is, it does not say "parents WERE not married".) In other words, this law seems 1) to be applicable to parents-children born in the state of GA only, 2) does not provide, correctly, for any jurisdictional crossing, either at the time of a child's birth OR after the fact.  

Does this seem like a proper legal interpretation?

4 - There has never been a court order affecting legal rights or custody issues here in GA. If my legal rights as a father are indeed intact, and I have consistently demanded for my child to be returned to me, then would not the absence of a court order or statute to protect the mother's withholding of our child open the possibility of civil liability (on her part) for parental interference?

Thank you for your assistance. I know that some sort of litigation is necessary, as I have taken the situation with this NCP as far as it can go otherwise for the sake of amicability. Those who also must co-parent with a narcisstic parent understand that court doesn't always provide relief from them, either

Thanks for the help.

If the courts act in the best interest of the children, then why are so many children suffering at the hands of the courts? I predomiinantly see courts carrying out the wishes of the mothers and calling that "the best interests of the children". And even if the court claims to act in the best interest of the children, the seldom ever actually meet the children in question about whose lives thay are forever altering, and I have YET to meet a "family court" judge who has training, education, experience, licensing, or certification in family or child psychology.

Not a question here, just a rant. Because I can virtually guarantee you that, no matter what the law says, if the mother opposes an action which will at least let me begin on equal footing by recognzing my parental rights, the court will do as she asks and I'll actually be starting at LESS than zero, for in GA, unwed fathers have no rights whatsoever, even after the establishment of paternity. They must ASK the courts for their rights, and then, if they wish to have custody of any kind of their children, they must prove a substantial change in circumstances; ie, prove the mother grossly unfit. In other words, I have to totally trash my child's mother just to see my child on weekends. GA is a lost cause.

Thanks again!

MUCH thanks, Socrateaser. Yes, that seems to make sense, especially since this would be an "equitable petition". That just leaves me with this:

1 - Here in GA, Superior Courts handle declatory judgments. Since this is an "equitable petition", which county has jurisdiction if the petitioner and respondant are in different counties? Can it not be my own?

Strangely, the mother will probably NOT agree to anything due to some rather severe narcisitic personality disorder characteristics. (This was one reason I was hoping to "register" the judgment rather than create an "adversarial" situation.)  Given courts' frequent bias against fathers, I am concerned that any oposition to my petition from the mother will simply render my request futile.

2 - What recourse might I have if the judge fails to recognzie the FULL legal weight and effect of my foriegn administrative judgment? Again, I realize that a judge may validly issue different orders in a separate petition involving matters contained within the judgment; ie, a change of custody request by either party. But here, as I am ONLY requesting a declatory judgment, would not any order that amends or changes the effect of the original order be OUTSIDE THE COURT'S JURISDICTION?  

Thank you again!

My child was born out of wedlock in Virginia. Her mother and I resided together and filed papers at birth establishing me as her fully legal father. Virginia law says that, under such circumstances, we, as parents, would each enjoy "equal legal powers and equal legal rights in regards to guardianship of the child", and that our sworn acknowledgment of paternity, filed with the Va Dept of Human Resources - Vital Records, enjoys the "effect of a judgment".

We now live in Ga, where I need to be able to ask the state to enforce my parental rights. Ga domestic law varies GREATLY from Va law; had my child been born here, the sworn acknowledgment would not be filed with the vital records dept. and I would enjoy no rights to my child until I petition the state for a CHANGE of custody (which would, of course, require I prove a substantial change in circumstances). Thankfully, federal law (1993 Federal Omnibus Budget Reconcilation Act) is very specific in requiring all states to "recognize with full faith and credit judgments of paternity from all other states, whether administrative or judicial, with the full legal weight and effect as given in their original state, as if it were entered in that state". (Obviously, the intent and spirit of the law is to be consistent with the full faith and credit afforded to custody judgments via the Uniforum Child Custody Jurisidiction Act.)

1 - How can I have GA recognize and enforce my parental rights as established through administrative judgment in the state of VA?

2 - It would seem that even an administrative judgment could be registered, but GA has no administrative procedure for this. If the matter goes before a judge, what type of judge? Magistrate? Superior Court? Superior Courts handle domestic disputes, but this is not a dispute over the custody, but rather simply a matter of registration.

3 - If the matter must go before a judge, what can I do to help insure that the judge provides my administrative judgment with the full faith and credit it is due?

4 - If a judge fails to recognize the full legal weight and effect of my adminstrative judgment, would he not be acting OUTSIDE of his jurisdiction? In a domestic dispute, he might choose to change custody, for example. But in the matter of simply registering the document, would not any change in the original legal weight and effect of the document constitute acting outside his juridiction, as the legal weight and effect was determined by another jurisdiction altogether?

5 - Provided the above questions represent a valid course of thought in this matter, which county would have jurisdiction over the registration of this administrative judgment, and how would such a request be worded? Again, since it the specific issue is NOT a domestic dispute, it makes no sense to petition the court and list any other private party (such as the mother) as a "defendant". In fact, it seems that NOTHING is being argued. Again, it is simply a matter of requesting that the state recognize the status already previously given to me. If a dispute DOES arise, then the appropriate parties can certainly request a CHANGE.

6 - Finally, I know that this MIGHT be solved by obtaining a DECLARATORY JUDGMENT from the original state, VA. Frankly, I have consulted a couple of attorneys in VA about this possibility, but they seem a bit clueless (and demeaning) about this since it is difficult to determine WHO exactly the defendant might be... the state (what are they defending and where is the conflict?) or the mother (she does NOT dispute the document). Any thoughts here?

Much thanks on this unusual set of circumstances!!

Thank you for your assistance. Your recommendation to petition the original state for a decree is consistent with what I thought might be required. Just a couple of other quick questions:

1 - Since I am no longer a resident of the original state from whence the administrative judgment (an acknowledgment of paternity given the "effect of a judgment") was entered, does it matter which COUNTY I file the petition for a decree?

2 - Does there have to be a "defendant" or "respondant" named? If so, who?

3 - Because the administrative document is an acknowledgment of paternity, it includes the name and notarized signature of the child's mother. She also no longer resides in the original state. Is she named anywhere in the petition? Seems odd that she would be a defendant. And how would the jurisdiction issue be handled if she is? The whole point is to get a decree from the original state, and she no longer lives there.

Much thanks!

This is an odd question...

Legal relationship (vs. mere bio relationship) is established between unmarried father and child through administrative judgment. (That is to say, the state does not require a court hearing, but rather an administrative process in conjunction with BM in which the document is given "the effect of a judgment".)

Family (still unmarried) moves to second state, where "legitimation" requires a court order.

1 - Does the father need to do anything in order to have his parental rights recognized?

2 - If so, and father goes through "legitimation" process, can documents from original state be used as evidence to make the legitimation process "retroactive" from the time they first moved to forum state?

OR

2b - Can father file for a domestication of foreign administrative judgment? (Yep, that's a mouthful.)

3 - With either a petition to legitimate or a petition to domesticate, would the mother be named as a defendent?

Seems like the connundrum is how an acknowledgment of paternity from the original state, which has "the effect of a judgment" should be given full faith and credit in the second state, in which the same document only serves as evidence for biological paternity. Certainly a child who is legitimate in one state wouldn't become "illegitimate" in another state just for crossing over a border, especially when both states recognize legalized unwed father-child relationships, but simply in through different means.

Thanks!

First, thank you, Soc, on behalf of everyone else and myself for your continued aid.

State of GA
I'm the father, NCP, and pay $350/mo for one child since May 03

During the summer, Mom asked for a support modification. Georgia law says that each parent can seek a mod once each two years. Mom THOUGHT that I had a great deal of "hidden" money. (It ended up being a banking mistake.) In private chambers, judge tended to believe my evidence. Opposing attorney was told to write the final order, and I requested a copy to be sent to me before going to the judge.

Opposing attorney did NOT send a copy. Signed order dated 20 November 04 stated that while no modification would be made, the issue would remain open "pending further investigation".

1 - Sounds to me like her attorney didn't like losing on the issue. Isn't this just a way to keep a modfication request open-ended indefinately, rather than simply losing and having to wait another two years?

2 - I have recently learned of a significant change in the financial status of mom. Since this is HER request for mod, can I still request basic financial discovery, like tax, banking, credit card, and real estate information?

Thank you

State of Georgia. No court order of custody yet (not even temporary), but I am under a court order to pay child support.

In December of last year, the BM filed a for contempt just one day following the due date of child support. Prior to court, I paid the full amount. (I've never been more than 30 days behind.) However, she still let the issue go before court, asking for attorney fees for the cost of contempt charge.

At the hearing, the judge found that I had been in contempt, but acknowledged that the amount had indeed since been paid. However, he ordered me incarcerated until attorney fees of $1000 "for the current litigation" be paid in full.  I was indeed arrested on the spot and was not released until the full amount was paid. (Thank god for good friends,) All of this is, by the way, articulated very clearly in the judge's printed and signed order.

1 - While I am aware of the imfamous California court case in which it was determined that child support does not qualify as a "debt", aren't attorney fees civil debts?

2 - If attorney fees are civil debts, is it unConstitutional to imprison someone for non-payment of that debt?

3 - Because I was incarcerated, and because the amount had to be paid in full in order to be freed, this isn't exactly a "decision" which can be appealed. And judges are immune from lawsuit when acting in a judicial capacity, even if doing so maliciously. If I was incarcerated un-Constitutionally, what is my remedy for the injustice?

Remember... domestic issues are almost entirely handled by the states exclusively, so what may be legal in one state may not be legal in another. Every state posts their statutes online, so consider finding the exact statute for your particular state.

Her friend needs to shut up about things she doesn't know about. I overhear so many people talking about "signing away" their parental rights as if they know for a fact that it's even an option. The very concept is repugnant, and demonstrates an entirely self-motivated attitude rather than caring for their children.

Children are NOT PROPERTY. They cannot be bought and sold. A parent cannot simply "sign away" their parental rights. What if, for example, BOTH parents simply decided to "sign away" their rights? Who would care for the child? The state. Well, states don't want to be parents, and it's not their job.

The procedure by which a parent's rights are terminated AND they are relieved of supporting that child is ADOPTION. There MUST be someone else willing to take on the responsibility of caring for that child in the terminated parent's place. Short of that, a parent MAY have their parental rights terminated, but they are STILL responsible for financially providing for their child.

With this mind, your friend has two options:

1 - She gets remarried and the two men agree to the adoption of the children by the new father.

2 - Learn to get along with her ex rather than fight with him. (Yes, it would take an effort on both their parts.) Agree to joint physical custody and no child support and encourage the relationship between her children and their father. If she is wanting him to "sign away' his rights, then there is obviously a lack of respect for him as a father by her, and his efforts towards alienation are an attempt to regain his own status at her expense.  The labeling of one parent as "non-custodial" is very demeening for many. Legally, he has been reduced in importance in the life of his children. So the NCP then tries to compensation by bringing the other parent down in the eyes of those children. Yes, it's wrong, and I won't defend it, but I will explain it and suggest that NCPs frequently feel that they have been wronged themselves, especially if they have not been deemed legally "unfit".

At some point, these two people are going to have to learn to get along or there will be fighting, resentment, alienation, and court battles for years to come, and the children will end up being hurt even more. Someone has to start being "big" here and make things better rather than trying to outsmart, outwit, and outsurvive the other.

Many of us complain about the family courts. Whle it's true that they leave MUCH to be desired, the people who put our families in the courts in the first place are our legislatures.... well-intentioned but uncreative laws dealing with complex issues. The way to make change is NOT in the courts, but with our laws. Sounds impossible? Absolutely not! That is what our legislatures are for!

I am in a position of being able to influence potential legislation aimed at preventing/punishing acts of parental alienation. PLEASE share your story with me via email. The more true life examples I have, the more influential I can be.

I no longer have the email account used to get set up in this forum. So, Please send a BRIEF outline of your situation as an alienated parent to:

[email protected]

Again, keep it brief (three short paragraphs) for now. I will respond if more information is needed. Please include what STATE you live in.

This is a chance for EVERYONE who is a victim of parental alienation to truly help out and do something. Please do not let this opportunity pass you by. You never know when YOUR story is the one which will push this effort over the edge.